Synergy

by Georgia Payne

  “He will, he loves me”

  “Trey loved me once upon a time”

  “This is different”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know, it just is”

  As if to fill the silence, Tushaun piped up about how nice his Mac and cheese was, and the girls laughed at the spontaneity of the comment. It broke the tension in the air for them, and the girls smiled at each other. Despite the disappointment and the bad timing, Dee loved her sister, and she’d be there for her, family was everything. She watched Tushaun eating for a second before making her way over to sit next to him at the table. She wanted to talk to him about his weekend, find out if he was okay, find out if he even knew his dad hadn’t turned up to see him, or whether it wasn’t mentioned at all. Monique had a habit of running her mouth without thinking first, meaning she often said things in front of him Dee wasn’t happy with. Dee had a lot of the same traits as Monique, and everybody could tell she was her daughter. She had picked up the ability to fly off the handle without warning, as well as speaking before her brain engaged, though she tried to have a filter when it came to Tushaun. She thought there were things he shouldn’t have to hear, and while she had some choice words about Trey, she didn’t want to influence his decision about his dad. She knew he would probably love him despite everything, and if he later wanted to make a different decision about his father, that would be his to make, not because he’d been brainwashed by her.

  Dee couldn’t help but keep looking over at Kiki as she washed the dishes at the sink. Dee stared at her stomach, trying to see if there was even an inkling of a pregnant stomach, but she couldn’t really see one. She was probably going to be one of the lucky ones that hardly showed, a neat little bump even when it was labour time. In saying that, Dee hadn’t grown as big during this pregnancy as she had in her first. Tushaun wasn’t particularly a big baby, but by the sounds of the doctor’s comments at her last check-up, this baby was even smaller. She was starting to worry a little, but she had another check-up due soon that she could express her concerns at. During her first pregnancy, she’d only had the one check-up, her first scan, after that, she didn’t go back. She knew she was supposed to have blood tests and further scans and tests, but the medical bill was too expensive and she decided people had had babies for centuries without the need for scans and check-ups. This time around, Jason was footing the bill for everything, and he made sure he’d booked her in for everything she needed.

  While she knew she may need a hospital if something went wrong, Dee had decided early on that she would have Tushaun at home. Again, she knew this had been a reality for women for a long time, and unless she needed medical attention, she didn’t see why she needed a hospital, other than for the obvious, drugs. However, as her pregnancy and start of the labour had gone well, Dee, Trey and their families decided she would give birth at home, with the help of Monique and a local old lady that lived close to them who used to be a midwife before she was fired due to her drug addiction. It was the worst pain of her life, and while she would have appreciated some drugs to take the edge off, Dee finally delivered Tushaun at home healthily. This time around, she’d already decided she wanted every drug she could get her hands on in hospital, because she was already dreading the pain that made her feel as though she were dying.

  Dee felt excited to give Tushaun a little brother or sister, and as she thought about Kiki’s pregnancy, she imagined having another niece or nephew for her own, as well as a little cousin for Tushaun. Jarell already had Shontelle, but as she was already four, it would be nice to give the new baby a cousin the same age as them. Dee realised her and Kiki would give birth only months apart, and she looked forward to having two new babies in the family. She knew it would be a challenge but she thought they could handle it.

  “Hey, have you told Jarell?” Dee asked her sister from across the room, as she remembered her brother in prison.

  “Not yet. I thought I’d tell him in person on visit day.”

  “Yeah, that’d be better.”

  “It’s only a week away so it can wait I guess”

  “You know he’s gonna kick your ass” Dee told her sister, and Kiki agreed. Jarell could be protective of his sisters, and he’d always given their boyfriends the ‘hurt my sister, and I’ll kill you’ speech, so his 16-year old sister being pregnant was probably not going to go down too well. Dee still hoped that Jarell didn’t bump into Trey on the street, which to be honest was going to be a lucky escape in such a small neighbourhood, but she knew there would be trouble if it happened. The pair had already got into a fist fight just after Dee and Trey split, and it took several men to tear them apart. Jarell didn’t appreciate hearing the reason they split was because Trey had got into drugs and disrespected his sister by cheating on her. As far as he was concerned, nobody disrespected his family like that.

  Once Tushaun had finished his dinner, Dee took him upstairs to put him in the bath and read him a story in bed. She cherished moments like these because at night, when it was just the two of them, she didn’t have to worry about Monique saying anything out of turn, or rushing around to get him ready in the morning, she could just take her time with him and enjoy his company. She loved his questions, and the way he knew the stories off by heart. Even though he couldn’t read yet, he’d know if she missed out part of the story, and make her read the page again. He always knew when it was the last page, and when Dee finished the last sentence, he would say ‘The End’ before lying down under the covers. Once she’d given him a kiss goodnight, she hovered in the doorway for a minute, just looking at him, cherishing him. She smiled as she shut the door over.

  There was only one person that was on her mind that night after her crazy weekend. She was exhausted and glad to be home, but she couldn’t stop thinking about Kiki’s news, and her own plans for her and the baby. She thought about her brother sitting in his jail cell and wished he was home. She thought about her mother having to live with another of her grandchildren when Kiki’s baby came along and she felt almost guilty for it. As Dee processed everything that had happened over the weekend, she stared at the text screen on her phone and sent a simple message,

  ‘Kiki’s pregnant’

  Chapter 29 – Birthday Plans

  Dee must have been more tired than she’d thought because when her phone rang half an hour later, she didn’t hear the vibrating next to her; instead, her dreams were filled with cameras and flashing lights, and angry paparazzi. The next morning, she realised that Jason had tried to call her after her text message about Kiki. He’d left her a text too, to tell her he’d try calling her again tomorrow afternoon. Until then, Dee had adult shit to get done. It was Monday, and as usual, Monique would be working at the Laundromat till late afternoon. Since she was a kid, Dee had taken her washing to the Laundromat when her mother was on duty, that way; she got to use the machines for free when the boss wasn’t there. It was a good way to save money, and while she didn’t think the boss knew, she didn’t really think she’d be bothered; after all, Monique was a loyal worker despite everything.

  Before the afternoon was over, Dee had taken her laundry to get washed and seen her mom in the process, cleaned her house top to bottom and she was now heading over to her mom’s house to see Tushaun. It was now September, and Dee was 28 weeks pregnant. Her energy levels were starting to dip the more pregnant she got, and by the end of the afternoon, she was exhausted. She’d made the mistake of sitting down at home before she set off for her moms, and found it hard to get back up again. On top of that, she was starving, and in desperate need of food, since she’d only managed a bowl of cereal that morning before the cleaning process started.

  On her way to her moms, she text her sister, knowing she’d be at home. The day before, Kiki had told her sister she’d be off school the next day due to teacher training, so she would look after Tushaun for as long as she needed. It gave Dee a chance to get back on top of the housework, and she appreciated her little sister so much for help
ing out. As she walked, Dee text Kiki asking if she’d eaten, and told her how hungry she was. She hoped there was something there to eat.

  It was a exactly a week today till Tushaun’s birthday, and Dee knew she had her work cut out for her to organise a kid’s party. The time had been getting away with her and though she’d mentioned it in passing to the kid’s mothers from pre-school, she still needed to send out invitations and buy a cake, food and decorations. She didn’t have anything fancy planned, Lord knows she couldn’t afford it while she wasn’t working, but she still wanted her son to have a good day with his friends. She knew Kiki would be on hand to help her organise so she’d taken the blank invitations with her.

  When Dee walked in her mom’s house, she saw Tushaun sat at the TV, engrossed in his favourite show. He greeted her without even looking up from the screen, and she carefully placed a kiss on his forehead as not to disturb him too much and let him watch his show. On one sofa, Kiki and her boyfriend J were sat side by side, Kiki with her legs strewn across his lap. They both greeted Dee happily, and Dee wasted no time in telling Kiki about the invites while Tushaun was distracted. Talking quietly, she asked the pair what they thought about a cake and decorations.

  “Can’t you just bake a cake yourself?” J asked, which had the sisters bursting into surprise laughter.

  “Do I look like I bake?” Dee asked J sarcastically, and he shrugged before suggesting something even more ridiculous to them.

  “What about Monique?”

  The girls laughed even harder this time.

  “Mom baking?” Kiki mused. “I don’t think she ever did that in her life.”

  “Ain’t women supposed to know how to cook?” J asked, and Kiki slapped her boyfriend playfully.

  “Ey, sexist. Why don’t you bake a cake?”

  “Yeah right”

  Dee watched the interaction between the couple and smiled. She’d always liked J, from the minute she met him. Sure, he was a typical moody teenage boy at times, and he’d had his fair share of trouble, but he had a good heart. Looking at where he came from, Dee was surprised he wasn’t dead, in jail or at least in care by now. His mother had to be considered the worst mother she knew, and that was saying something. She made her own mother look like Mother Theresa. Jon Banks, aka J to his friends had grown up with a single mother, Debbie. Debbie had him when she was fourteen after she was raped by a family member, and she never wanted a baby at her age. J’s grandmother looked after him for the first two years of his life until she became ill and Debbie had to have him back, much to her displeasure.

  Debbie had never been a good mother to J, not physically or emotionally. As a child, he learnt very quickly to look after himself, whether that meant bathing himself, feeding himself or dressing and taking himself to school. He did such a good job of it that social services never got in touch with the family. J learnt to hustle as a child, whether it was for money or for food. If he knew there was no food in the house, he’d invite himself to other children’s homes for dinner, and the parents knowing what type of mother Debbie was, they’d never oblige.

  Debbie struggled with a drug addiction which made her mood swings out of control. If she’d been unable to get hold of her drugs, she’d take it out on her son, making him feel unloved and vulnerable. However, if she’d had a good day and managed to get her hands on drugs, she’d go on a high, and try to spoil him, buying him all the candy and junk food he could ever want, which didn’t always work out well either. As a child, J had no limits or knowledge of what was enough, so as long as Debbie was allowing him to eat it, he did, after all, it was a rarity. This resulted on several occasions of him throwing up everything he’d eaten that day, then being shouted at for being ungrateful. Debbie threw around emotional abuse as if it was going out of fashion, and for sixteen years, J had carried that around. Luckily, J was popular and he did his best to stay out of his own house whenever he could. As he got a little older, he found solace in friend’s homes and public libraries where he could study for school and use the computers. Despite everything, J wasn’t doing badly in school; in fact, he was pretty much on track with everybody else.

  Dee had known about Debbie Banks just as everyone else in the area had. J had always gone to school with Kiki and though the two weren’t friends as kids, Dee was aware of whose son he was and what a tough life he must have had. When Kiki brought him home as her boyfriend at fifteen, her family all fell in love with him. Through stories and rumours, they expected him to be a trouble kid, a thug, but he was nothing like that. It was a natural progression that J spent a lot of time at Kiki’s. At first, they were a little worried about them spending so much time together, but it turned out they were a positive influence on each other. In a way, they grew up together, and though they were dating, they were like best friends too. J would come over for dinner most nights and they’d study together, making sure neither of them slipped off the radar in school.

  Dee handed a pen to J and Kiki, a stack of blank invitations in front of them. They all decided it would be cheaper to bake a cake rather than buy one, and if they could get somebody to make food too, even better, though they all decided they didn’t really know anybody that was that way inclined. While Monique could cook a wholesome meal, Dee wasn’t sure she could bake. She’d sure as hell never seen her bake anything before, besides getting herself baked.

  “What about party games?” Kiki asked as they filled out invitations.

  “What party games you have for a three year old?” J asked, looking up from his pile.

  “Pass the parcel, pin the tail...Oh, a piñata!” Dee remembered, writing down another note on her ‘to do’ list. “That’s gon’ be another thing I gotta buy”

  “Can’t you make your own Piñata?” Kiki asked.

  “Yeah man, Paper Mache and shit, I could do dat” J said, looking pleased with himself.

  “Would you?” Dee asked, happy she could cross something else off the buy list.

  “Yeah man, what lil dude like?”

  “I don’t know, spiderman, or animals or something, he loves tigers and monkeys”

  “He sits and watches animal planet” Kiki laughed, and at that, Tushaun heard the word and looked up from the TV.

  “Aminal channel!” he shouted. Though he got the letters mixed up, Dee knew that was his way of asking for an animal show to be put on.

  “Ya never know, he might end up like a vet or some shit, lil dude clever” J said.

  “I know” Dee beamed. “My lil’ brain box aren’t you baby?” she asked Tushaun rhetorically, getting up to use the remote and see if there was anything on for him to watch. She couldn’t believe he’d be three in a week’s time.

  For the rest of the afternoon, the trio worked on ideas for Tushaun’s party. They finished up the invitations, thought about food and drink to buy, and J decided on what Piñata to make, and decided on what tools he’d need to make it. He said he’d do it just a few days before to keep it nice but also in case it didn’t work out. By the time Monique came back from work, almost everything was organised for the party, and Dee put Tushaun to bed while her mom cooked dinner. The four of them sat round the table to eat together, which was mostly nice, despite the odd comment from Monique aimed at Kiki. She’d accept it eventually, but right now, it was new.

  After dinner, Dee’s phone began to ring in her pocket, and as she viewed the caller ID, she saw it was Jason.

  “Thought you was calling me this afternoon” she answered, and Jason was taken aback by her greeting.

  “I’m sorry; I ended up being real busy. Are you mad?” he questioned, guessing by the greeting she was.

  Dee scoffed. “Nah, I ain’t mad. Was just saying”

  “Oh, Ok, that’s good”

  Dee saw her family looking at her as she spoke on the phone and started to feel watched, so she stood up and left the room as she continued with the phonecall. At first, she wandered into the back garden and started to search her pocket for something to smoke unt
il she realised she couldn’t, and instead, settled for a garden chair.

  “I called you last night actually, but you must have been asleep already”

  “Yeah, I didn’t hear it at all, only saw the call this morning”

  “You must have been beat”

  “Yeah. I feel pregnant now”

  “Only a couple of months to go.”

  “Tell me about it. Just been organising Tushaun’s birthday party”

  “It’s his birthday?”

  “Yeah, next week. The 24th.”

  “Is he three?”

  “Yeah”

  “Wow, you gotta be excited”

  “I’m kinda sad too, my baby growing up”

  Jason smiled, though Dee couldn’t see it. “Am I invited?”

  “What, to his party?”

  “Yeah”

  “If screaming kids if your idea of fun, sure”

  Jason chuckled. “Not really, but, I just wanna be involved, you know?”

  “Okay”

  “Do you need help with anything?”

  “Not unless you can bake”

  “I definitely can’t do that. I know a couple women who can though”

  “You’re not asking your mom or your nan. How they gon’ get it over here?”

  “You’re talking about a cake, right?”

  “Yeah”

  “I’m sure I can arrange something”

  “Don’t be going to no trouble”

  “Don’t worry”

  “So how you feeling about your sister?” Jason asked, waiting to gage her reaction before he said anything of what he was thinking.

  “It’s crazy. I’m kinda mad ‘cuz she’s too smart to do that but, it’s done now.”

  “You think they’ll be good parents?”

  “Kiki will. I hope J do the right thing and stick by her, you just never know”

  There was a pause on the other end before Jason spoke.

  “Dee. I didn’t know whether to bring this up or not, but now I’m thinking it’s better to say something rather than it coming out years later or something...”