Sugar and Spice

by Max Hudson

  This was all so surreal, and yet, so much better than he ever could have dreamed of. Knock on every single type of wood.

  Now he just had to pray that it stayed that way.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Even though he’d never admit it to Connie, Oscar was having a lot of fun exploring Jesse’s apartment. It was strange to be surrounded by Jesse’s things in addition to his presence. Even though they were just inanimate objects, being around them still felt like getting to know a side of Jesse that he hadn’t ever seen before.

  The apartment was both similar and different from what he’d expected. For instance, the ceilings were high and the furnishings were immaculate, true to form, but the bed that he’d pictured Jesse lying on a million times was actually very small and framed in metal, not exactly the luxurious, pillowy oasis of his imagination. Still, now that he was here, he could see how Jesse fit perfectly into this space. He could envision him curled up on the tiny grey sofa with the green throw blanket draped over his body as he channel surfed late at night or hunched over in bed with a worn paperback folded over in his hands. He could feel the thought process that had gone into picking the bright pops of color and the abstract paintings on the walls. Oscar was quickly growing fond of it.

  The camera, however, took a little bit more warming up to. He definitely liked Steve, Ted, and Amal. They seemed like good people; Jesse wouldn’t work with them if they weren’t, but every time Oscar managed to relax and forget they were there, he turned his head and caught sight of their equipment and fell right back into his pit of anxiety. In theory, he supposed he didn’t really have anything to lose with them. They’d already seen him in the middle of a panic attack. What was one more, right? But that was logic. His brain didn’t want to listen to that right then. Maybe not ever. Either way, he was doing so much better than he thought that he would.

  Jesse had fixed the two of them some drinks and heralded the posse into the living room to relax. With a wave of Jesse’s hand, Ted automatically knelt down to start taking artsy shots of the beverages. Oscar’s mood improved immensely knowing that the camera was not on him. Also, the way Jesse managed to silently direct his crew without ever taking his eyes from Oscar was sort of mind boggling—and, dare he say, hot.

  Jesse kicked off his shoes and rested his feet on Oscar’s lap just like he usually did at Oscar’s place. The gesture made Oscar smile.

  “Steve,” Jesse said. “Would you go take care of the food?”

  Steve nodded eagerly and Jesse tossed him his wallet. The lighting director—who also seemed to double as an assistant/whatever Jesse needed him to be—disappeared into one of the other rooms to make a call.

  Ted lowered his camera and looked down at Oscar.

  “You good?”

  Oscar nodded.

  “I think so.”

  “Sweet,” Ted said, and then he popped his lens cap back on.

  He sat down on a small loveseat to the right of Oscar, setting his camera within arm’s reach so that he could grab it at a moment’s notice if something interesting were to happen. Amal was not nearly as careful. He dumped all his sound equipment on the floor and leaned his boom against a wall before coming to join their little party circle.

  Amal was interesting to say the least. He didn’t exactly have the temperament of someone who did behind the scenes work. His personality was much more like that of a star… a very enthusiastic star. Jesse was definitely spot on in his description; Amal was like a big puppy. Also, he was very handsome, not handsome enough to make Oscar feel insecure or jealous or anything—or at least that’s what he kept telling himself—but still. It wasn’t something that he’d registered the first time he’d seen him, probably because he was literally having a panic attack, but upon closer inspection Oscar noticed that the sound guy’s arms were jacked, and his nose was small and his eyes were wide and thoughtful—again, not that he cared.

  Ted on the other hand, was the exact opposite; a burly white guy with a huge gut and a long red beard. He looked like a fat, fancy pirate. Steve was also very pale, and despite his affinity for food, he was the skinniest of them all. Oscar had to admit, the five of them together made quite the motley crew.

  Soon enough Steve returned, proclaiming that food was on the way. The misfit reality crew cheered and Jesse took a sip of his drink before passing it around the room for everyone else to try. Oscar kept his own firmly grasped in his hand.

  “So, Oscar,” Amal began.

  Jesse shifted in Oscar’s lap and gave Amal a warning look. The kind of look people in movies gave their best friends when they knew they were about to embarrass the crap out of them.

  “I’d ask how you two met each other, but like, I was kind of there.”

  “Yeah,” Oscar said with a nervous laugh. His drink sloshed dangerously close to the rim of his glass. He took a sip to reduce the risk of spilling. He had no idea what was in it, but it went down smooth and tasted like cotton candy.

  “So, like, what do you guys do for fun?”

  Oscar racked his brain for a PG answer.

  “We make food together and watch a lot of movies, but mostly just sit around and talk.”

  Amal nodded.

  “Sounds about right. Don’t believe what you see on TV. Jesse’s actually an old man at heart.”

  “Amal…” Jesse warned again.

  “It reminds me of this one time…”

  Amal proceeded to lighten the mood by offering up a bevy of funny anecdotes about Jesse being the “mom friend” of their friend group and taking everything way too seriously. It was teasing, but it was all good natured and fun. By the time the pizza finally arrived, even Jesse was laughing at himself. Oscar was so caught up in the stories that he ate four and a half slices without even thinking about it. He felt almost at ease.

  Then of course Ted had to ruin it by asking him if he’d be willing to step into one of the spare bedrooms without Jesse to give some honest one-on-one camera testimonials. Oscar’s heart was back up to the speed of an electronic dance track, but he nodded his head nevertheless.

  This particular room was even more barren than the rest of the apartment. The walls were blindingly white and the only distinguishing feature was the bed, which Ted carefully positioned Oscar on. Amal fitted him with a wireless lavalier mic and fiddled with his phone to adjust the levels. Steve quickly popped up three umbrella lights and positioned them behind Ted’s tripod. Then the three of them stood back and admired their work.

  “Ready?” Amal asked.

  “As I’ll ever be.”

  Ted pressed record. Oscar’s eyes automatically found that perfect sweet spot to the top right of the camera. He knew that that was the best way to connect with the audience without making it seem like you were trying too hard. It was the way he’d delivered many an important monologue back on Garrett’s Guide.

  “Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?” Amal asked.

  Oscar took in a deep breath.

  “My name is Oscar Hernandez. I’m twenty-nine years old, and I used to be an actor on the show Garrett’s Guide to Life.”

  “And can you explain what you’ve been doing for the last twelve years?”

  A beat went by.

  “I’ve been hiding in my apartment, suffering from agoraphobia and severe PTSD.”

  “Can you tell us a little bit about that, and what you’re looking to accomplish by being on this show?”

  Oscar looked down at his lap. He pressed his tongue into the side of his cheek and took a moment to consider what he was going to say.

  “Well, I had a really hard childhood. Much harder than any fan of my work could ever possibly have known. My years spent filming Garrett’s Guide were simultaneously some of the best and some of the worst years of my life. After the show was done, it was really hard for me to find motivation and a reason to get out of bed again. Not because I couldn’t get more work, but because I was very physically and mentally unwell.” Oscar paused and dug his finge
rs into the soft brown duvet cover.

  “Before I met Jesse, I hadn’t left my house in twelve years. It’s because of his love and support that I’m able to be sitting here today. And I don’t mean to say that my relationship fixed me or anything like that. Jesse and I have struggled and fought to get to this point. Most of the reason I’m getting better at all is because he encouraged me to get therapy.” Oscar stopped and gave a deep sigh. “But everything’s still a work in progress.”

  When he looked back up, all three members of Team Jesse had matching heartfelt smiles on their faces.

  “Anything else?” Oscar asked.

  “No,” said Amal. “I think that’s good for now.”

  When they returned to the living room Jesse had out an assortment of board games. He looked at Oscar with a challenging glint in his eye.

  “You ready to get smoked?”

  Oscar smiled competitively.

  “Not likely.”

  They kept the camera rolling as they made their way through three rounds of Rabble. Amal, Jesse, and Oscar had each won once. Steve and Ted had been disqualified from round four so that they could effectively break the tie. The honor inevitably went to Jesse.

  “Told you I’d win,” he smirked.

  “Word puzzles aren’t a transferrable skill, old man,” Amal mumbled under his breath.

  Oscar leaned over and gave him a congratulatory kiss on the forehead.

  “I went easy on you because I love you,” he lied.

  Jesse gave him a playful smack on the shoulder. Oscar giggled and when he looked back at Steve, Ted, and Amal, they all seemed to be thinking the same thing. Ted was the one who said it out loud.

  “Time for us to leave.”

  Jesse and Oscar said their goodbyes and as soon as the other men disappeared from sight, Oscar noticed some of the tension leave not only his body, but Jesse’s as well.

  “You did so good!” he cooed, pulling Oscar close and giving him a nice, slow, proper kiss.

  “I did okay,” Oscar deflected.

  Jesse took a step back and held him by the shoulders. He shook his head slowly.

  “No. None of that modesty. You’re a natural. The camera loves you.”

  Oscar quirked a brow.

  “Just the camera, huh?”

  Jesse poked him in the chest.

  “No changing the subject. You know what I mean.”

  Oscar leaned in and rested his head on top of Jesse’s.

  “Blame it on muscle memory,” he said.

  Jesse shook his head once more.

  “No. It’s more than that. You’re so open on camera. Like you, but a more expressive version of you.”

  Oscar considered that for a moment before speaking.

  “Some of the first things you learn to let go of as an actor are your shame and embarrassment,” he said.

  Oscar suddenly realized how much that mentality still applied to him. He felt a lot of negative things about himself sometimes, but he wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed, especially not of his past. It was extremely sad and unbearable to think about, but it had made him stronger, and all those years of isolation had gotten him to the place he was at today.

  “How are you feeling?” Jesse asked, sliding his fingers up his boyfriend’s waist.

  “Good,” Oscar answered honestly. “Really good.”

  Jesse pulled away and smiled. His pupils were blown wide. Oscar didn’t know whether it was arousal or admiration. Probably both. Then Jesse was biting his lip and beckoning him into his bedroom.

  Arousal then, Oscar decided. He allowed himself to be tugged along and pressed into Jesse’s thin mattress. Jesse climbed on top of him and started kissing him vigorously.

  “You need. A better mattress,” Oscar got out between kisses.

  “Okay,” Jesse agreed. “But only if you pick it out for me.”

  “Give me a good fuck and I’ll consider it.”

  Jesse laughed and carded his fingers through Oscar’s hair. It was getting unreasonably long now. He was definitely in need of a chop.

  “As you wish,” Jesse whispered sultrily.

  Oscar shivered and licked his lips. He could already feel Jesse’s dick getting hard against his thigh. The different environment was making everything feel heightened and new.

  Jesse took his time undressing him and kissing every inch of his skin. There wasn’t a single part of Oscar’s body that didn’t feel electric and invincible underneath Jesse’s rough touch. He had to physically nudge Jesse off of him, so that he too could be undressed. Once they were on an even playing field, Oscar stood up while Jesse remained kneeling on top of the bed. Oscar crouched down slightly and started sucking his boyfriend off.

  Jesse’s head fell back and Oscar hummed around his cock. Jesse bucked up into his mouth involuntarily and let out a hungry, greedy moan. Oscar looked up and tried to catch his eye through his fluttering lashes, but Jesse had his eyes closed and his lips pressed tight in pleasure.

  Oscar pulled off with a lewd pop and licked his lips.

  “You ready to make good on your promise?” he asked, voice smoky and low.

  Jesse sucked in a breath and nodded. Oscar loved looking at him like this, skin flushed and nipples hard, eyes alive with a want too strong for words.

  Jesse hopped off the bed and moved to the nightstand where he pulled out an unopened bottle of lube. This stuff looked a lot fresher than whatever Oscar had sitting under his bathroom sink at home. Jesse peeled off the protective seal and tossed it aside, then he urged Oscar back down onto the bed by pressing two fingers into the hollow beneath his collar bone. Oscar laid down on his back and spread his legs wide. Jesse threw one over each shoulder and got to work fingering his hole.

  Oscar sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and craned his head down so he could see Jesse’s fingers pressing in and out, fucking him. Heat pooled in his lower abdomen. He was starting to feel that itching prickly sensation that came over him when he’d had enough prepping and was ready for the real thing.

  “Today please, babe,” he grunted.

  Jesse pulled back and rolled his eyes.

  “I just want you to be comfortable.”

  Oscar rolled his eyes right back.

  “And I just want your dick…” he gasped as Jesse suddenly gave him exactly what he wanted.

  “Inside me,” he finished lamely.

  Jesse smirked and jerked his hips upward, stimulating his prostate and making Oscar let loose an obscene moan. Oscar reached forward and grabbed hold of his own cock, trying to time his strokes perfectly with Jesse’s quick thrusts.

  Jesse was whispering encouragements at him, silly nonsense words that Oscar’s sex-crazed brain couldn’t even understand. He just liked the ragged lilt to his boyfriend’s voice. It wasn’t long at all before he was shouting Jesse’s name and spilling all over his own stomach. Jesse pulled out and started furiously jerking himself off until he was able to do the same.

  Oscar flopped backwards onto the bed and the metal frame gave a loud lurch. Oscar took a moment to get control of his breath before turning to Jesse and saying, “So about that mattress…”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  When the crew showed back up the next morning, the first thing Amal did was congratulate them both on their freshly fucked glow. Jesse felt his cheeks burning and he couldn’t look his friend in the eye. He was glad that Amal was supportive and all, but maybe he was a tad bit too supportive. This was definitely worse than being called out for liking “old man” things like pocket squares and golf.

  “Let’s go make breakfast,” Jesse said to Oscar, changing the subject.

  The two of them had opted to remain pajama clad and bed-rumpled, not only for the sake of looking cute on camera, but also because they were both so comfortable and last night was perfect, and they really didn’t want it to end.

  Jesse couldn’t keep his hands away from Oscar as they stood side by side making fried egg sandwiches. It wasn’t even a sexual thing. Ju
st a tap of the knuckle here and a kiss of the eyebrow there. It had felt so nice waking up with Oscar at his side and Jesse wanted to savor this small bit of domesticity while he still had it. He was also marveling at the fact that they might eventually get to a point where they could wake up and do this every day if they wanted to. That was the dream, anyway.

  It didn’t matter that Ted was planted in the corner of the kitchen, crashing their special moment. It didn’t matter that they were going to hopefully share said moment with the whole world. Right now, Jesse was content with just existing, and judging by the way Oscar effortlessly cracked his eggs into tiny ramekins before frying them, so was he.

  After breakfast, came the awful, but inevitable time when Oscar had to go home. Jesse would have gladly let him stay, but he had business things to take care of later today and he didn’t want Oscar to be left alone in unfamiliar territory just in case he had a panic attack. If that was going to happen, he’d much rather Oscar face his demons in his own home where he felt most comfortable.

  Jesse opted to leave the crew at his apartment for the time being. He wanted to get in one last private moment with Oscar without their little peanut gallery watching. Besides, they already had shots of Oscar in the car. There was no need to retread.

  Jesse went to shower and get ready first, allowing Oscar plenty of time to say his goodbyes. He was careful in picking out his outfit for the day. Well, he was always careful about that, but today more so than ever. He was doing something very scary and very exciting and he wanted to look good while he was doing it.

  Finally, once he was impeccably dressed in white chinos and a yellow polo shirt and completely satisfied with his hair, he headed back downstairs where evidently Oscar and Steve were having an arm wrestling tournament. From the looks of it, Oscar was not faring well.

  Jesse came up behind him, making sure his steps were sure and loud so that Oscar wouldn’t get startled, and kissed the back of his neck. At this, the remaining fight went out of him and Oscar allowed his arm to be smashed against the table in defeat. Steve cracked his knuckles as if it were no big deal.