Sugar and Spice

by Max Hudson

  Jesse opened his mouth to tell her that he loved her too, but she held up a finger, signaling that she wasn’t done yet.

  “I know I don’t say that enough,” she continued, “but it’s true. And I want you to know that I’m sorry for hurting you and not listening to you and not taking your feelings into account. I want so badly for all of you to be successful that I forget sometimes that you each have the power to make that happen all on your own. Tonight was a great reminder of that.” She took another breath. “I’ve been greatly underestimating you and your ideas, Jesse. I know that now, and I promise to never do it again. I want to be better in the future. I want to do right by my son.”

  She dabbed lightly under her eyes with the tips of her fingers in a feeble attempt to keep her makeup intact.

  “I should have brought a damn tissue box,” she concluded.

  Jesse looked at her, really looked at her, almost as if for the first time. I love you. I’m proud of you. I’m sorry. He hadn’t realized how much he had needed to hear those words from his mother until just now.

  “Okay,” he said finally. “That sounds nice. It can be the new family motto. We can all try and do right by each other.”

  He opened his arms for an embrace and his mom fell into them gratefully. She gave him a wry chuckle and light pat on the back.

  “Who taught you to be so smart?” she asked. “Because it sure as hell wasn’t me.”

  “My therapist,” Jesse said, taking a page out of Oscar’s book.

  “Remind me to send her a thank you card.”

  Jesse laughed and squeezed her tighter. It was a perfect ending to a perfect night.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Oscar blotted his forehead with the underside of his sleeve. He’d already had to be retouched five times since, try as he might, he just couldn’t stop sweating off all of his makeup. It was bright and early on Monday morning and in approximately ten minutes, he and Jesse would be going live on the Wake Up with Ben and Kathy Show. Oscar had yet to stop squeezing Jesse’s hand since they got there. Connie was also standing by in the green room in case he needed her. It was a small comfort, but at least it was there.

  Initially, it had just been Jesse scheduled to go on, but after the successful premiere Saturday night, Jesse’s agent and the talk show producers had worked out a deal to get Oscar on with him as well. It would be his first official public appearance since coming out of hiding, and he was scared out of his mind. At least with Jesse’s crew, he always had control over how he was filmed and what he did and didn’t talk about. Now he was completely at the mercy of the hosts. Two random strangers who probably didn’t care about his triggers; they only wanted to cash in on the story of the decade.

  Oscar had vague memories of being interviewed in this building a couple of times as a child, but back then the hosts were different and the show was called something else. The green room and dressing rooms had been completely gutted and redone since then. Really the only thing that had remained the same was the long hallway that cut straight across the building and went directly behind the stage so you could easily transport things back and forth from one side of the stage to the other. Oscar had always been fond of this architectural feature because it reminded him so much of the crossover at his local community theater back in El Paso.

  Oscar held his breath as he and Jesse were guided through this passage over to stage left, AKA the guests’ entrance. There, they were given one final pat down by the hair and wardrobe people before finally being deemed good to go. A producer reached into their back pockets and turned their mics on just seconds before they were called out onto the stage.

  “And now here to talk to us about their new show, I’m Coming Out, which had its record breaking premiere over the weekend, here are Jesse Sugar and Oscar Hernandez!”

  Jesse gave Oscar’s hand one final squeeze and then released it. Oscar took a deep breath and mechanically started putting one foot in front of the other. He squinted as he emerged onto the stage. He’d forgotten how blinding the stage lights could be. It didn’t matter that it was only seven in the morning, the small crowd still roared like they were at a rock concert. The hum of their applause settled in Oscar’s chest. Even though it had been a long time, this was a feeling that his body remembered well.

  Before him were Ben Graham and Kathy Washington, smiling brightly and beckoning them over. Oscar was immediately struck by how great the two of them looked together. Kathy was small and slim with dark hair and skin, while Ben was pale, broad shouldered, and blond. They were like a human representation of a yin yang symbol. They both seemed comfortable and relaxed, feeding off of each other’s energy. It was easy to see how they’d been paired to host a TV show together.

  Oscar shook Ben’s hand and gave Kathy a kiss on the cheek. Jesse, who was following a few steps behind him, did the same. As Oscar sat down on the small metal chair provided for him, he couldn’t help but cast his gaze around wildly, taking in every last detail from the scuffed black floors beneath them to the complex rigging up above. The hosts immediately picked up on it.

  “Welcome you guys,” Ben said. “Now first things first; Oscar, from what I understand, this is your first live televised interview in nearly thirteen years. How are you holding up?”

  Oscar brought his gaze back down to eye level and worked on steadying his racing heart.

  “Okay, I think,” he answered slowly.

  His voice was thinner than he wanted it to be. He was out of practice with projecting. He cleared his throat before continuing.

  “It’s a very surreal experience. I think the last time I was on this stage was when I was sixteen.”

  Ben and Kathy’s eyes went wide.

  “No way,” Kathy said. “Really?”

  Oscar nodded his head.

  “Yes. I remember there used to be a huge desk over there and a velvet blue couch. I think Francis Martin was the host back then.”

  Oscar could practically see the twinkle in Ben’s eye.

  “Wow. It’s incredible that you can remember all that. I don’t even remember what I had for dinner last night.”

  The audience gave him a courtesy laugh. Kathy set her sights on Jesse.

  “So Jesse, you’ve had an incredibly big year. How does it feel to have your show and your relationship finally out in the open?”

  Jesse let out a grin that was almost as bright as the lights dangling above them.

  “It feels amazing,” he said. “I can’t express how grateful I am that people are watching the show and connecting with it after only one episode. It’s actually still sinking in just how many people have watched or downloaded it. All I can say is that it only gets better from here.”

  Jesse turned the full strength of his smile on Oscar who couldn’t help but return it before looking away shyly.

  “Ugh. You two are just the cutest!” Kathy exclaimed.

  Ben patted her arm calmly and gave Oscar an apologetic look.

  “Now, spoiler alert if you haven’t already seen the episode,” he said, “but you two are currently dating, correct?”

  “Yes, we are,” Jesse said. “Have been for almost a year now.”

  Oscar nodded his head in agreement.

  “So you were the guy in the movie theater photo?” Kathy asked.

  Oscar nodded again.

  “Yes. I’m the hoodie guy.”

  The crowd laughed again, though Oscar didn’t get what was so funny. It was just the truth. Maybe listening to Ben talk all morning had set their bar for comedy very low.

  “Well I can see why you wanted to keep his identity a secret,” Ben mused. “You boys really dropped a bombshell on all of us. How did you manage to pull that off?”

  Jesse opened his mouth to answer, but Oscar cut in with a shaky laugh.

  “Well it’s easy to keep your relationship a secret when you never leave your house.”

  The joke produced another, much louder, bout of laughter from the audience. It filled Oscar w
ith a secret sense of pride. He’d forgotten how good it felt to do that, to make everyone crack up using nothing more than his words.

  “All right,” Kathy said, getting her own giggles under control. “We’ve got to go to a commercial break, but when we come back, we’re going to be discussing the legacy of Garrett’s Guide to Life and answering even more of your burning questions. Don’t go anywhere.”

  Music started blaring from speakers that Oscar could not find for the life of him. Kathy dropped her overly enthusiastic smile and swapped if for a more natural one.

  “You’re doing great,” she told him, while Ben chatted with Jesse like they were old friends.

  Oscar smiled shakily. He still felt a little off kilter, but not trapped or in danger. Kathy and Ben were doing a great job of making him feel in control and at ease. Plus, having Jesse at his side always helped. The music cut off suddenly and someone called for quiet on the set. The four people on set plastered on smiles as one of the production assistants counted them down.

  “And we’re back with Jesse Sugar and Oscar Hernandez,” Ben said with an easy smile. “Now I do apologize, Jesse, but this next set of questions is mostly for Oscar.”

  Jesse laughed it off.

  “No problem at all. I get it. He’s definitely more interesting than I am anyway. More handsome too.”

  Oscar placed a hand over Jesse’s knee and squeezed. Then he pointed his chin in the direction of the camera.

  “Babe, don’t be sappy. There are lots of people at home eating breakfast right now. You’re going to make them throw up in their cereal bowls.”

  Jesse mimed zipping his lips and throwing away the key. Oscar nodded, satisfied.

  “So what have you got for me?”

  Kathy and Ben shared a look. They seemed to be having a mental conversation about who should start. Kathy shuffled through the information cards in her lap before settling on the exact one she wanted.

  “I was wondering what, other than your relationship with Jesse of course, made you want to come out of hiding.”

  The first thing that popped into Oscar’s head was Connie. He wondered for a second whether that was something he should be talking about, but then he realized that he really didn’t care. He wasn’t ashamed to be in therapy and if people wanted to judge him for it, so be it. That wasn’t really his problem. Besides, if they continued watching Jesse’s show, it was something that they’d find out soon enough.

  “My therapist was actually the one who encouraged me to do it,” Oscar admitted. “Jesse didn’t care either way. He just wanted me to get over my fear of leaving the house and get my panic attacks under control. My therapist told me that the show might be good for me, so I listened. That’s really all there is to it.”

  “Your therapist, huh?” Ben asked. “Is that the nice lady we met backstage?”

  Oscar nodded.

  “Yep. That’s Connie.”

  “Let’s give her a round of applause,” said Ben.

  The crowd obliged.

  “Now moving on, I’d like to talk a little bit about your time on Garrett’s Guide if you don’t mind.”

  Oscar nodded his acquiescence and urged Ben to continue.

  “Now it’s clear that that show had a massive impact on people, myself included. It played a huge role in teaching us about diversity and accepting people's differences, but it’s long been speculated that part of your disappearance had to do with misconduct that happened on the set. Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you to confirm or deny those rumors, but I would like to know your thoughts on improving the working conditions for child actors, and maybe any advice you have for kids who are in a similar situation to that which you were in.”

  Oscar chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully. It was not what he had been expecting to talk about today at all. Weren’t morning shows usually supposed to be light and fluffy?

  “I uh, I haven’t been on a set in a long time obviously, but from what I’ve read, I think we’ve come a long way in terms of not physically overworking child actors, which is good, but I do think there are still a lot of predatory adults in the industry who need to be dealt with. I guess my advice to child actors would be to speak up for yourself. Don’t let people get away with hurting or mistreating you just because you’re scared of losing your job.”

  The crowd cheered loudly at that. Oscar’s adrenaline levels were through the roof. Jesse silently reached over and laced his fingers through his.

  “Well said. Now just a few more questions,” Kathy assured. “Do you think you’ll ever try acting again?”

  Oscar considered it.

  “Not on-screen no, but I think I’d like to do plays. Maybe something on Broadway if I can. That sounds like a lot of fun.”

  “We know about Jesse’s coming out story, of course, but what was yours like. You are gay as well, correct?”

  Oscar nodded.

  “Yes. I’m gay. I didn’t really ever have an official coming out moment or anything though. I’ve always known I liked guys, but there just weren’t many people around for me to confess it to.”

  Ben nodded as if he understood this completely.

  “Well, either way, I think you both being out and open about your relationship is going to help a lot of people,” he said.

  “I know for certain that they already have,” Kathy interjected. “In fact, we’re going to close out the show by showing some moving fan reactions to I’m Coming Out, but first, one more question. I’ll open it up to either one of you. Whoever wants to answer. What do you have to say to people who think this is all some big publicity stunt?”

  “Get a life,” Jesse said coldly.

  “I’m not as good of an actor as you seem to think I am,” Oscar added.

  And that was pretty much it for the interview. True to Kathy’s word, they spent the last ten minutes of the hour watching reaction videos and reading sweet social media posts about them.

  “@TheRealJesseSugar, I just wanted to say that I’ve never cried so hard in my life as I did while watching your show. It’s so good to see a positive and real representation of gay love on primetime TV. You’ve earned yourself a fan for life.”

  “Remember when y’all jerks were calling me problematic for liking Jesse Sugar? Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

  “Oh, my gosh wait. Are we going to get to find out who the hoodie guy is? Ahh! It’s him. Oh no. Why is he crying...wait. WAIT. Is that actually him? Oh my God. I can’t believe this is happening. Oscar fxxking Hernandez! This is the best day of my life...”

  “Jesse Sugar’s show is the most important thing I’ve ever seen. Not only is it overwhelmingly touching, but it also doesn’t pull any of its punches. It touches on important issues like privacy, privilege, and mental health while still providing you an honest and sweet relationship between two men. Honestly, what more could you ask for?”

  “Oscar Hernandez is alive, gay, AND dating Jesse Sugar? Lord this is like homo Christmas.”

  “Hi guys, it’s Monica. As you know, I’ve been having a lot of trouble with my mental health lately, and I just want to take a moment to say thanks to Oscar Hernandez for opening up and sharing his struggles with us. He inspired me as a kid, and he inspires me today. Keep up the good work man.”

  “Congrats Jesse Sugar for dating an actual meme. You’re serving your community well, my friend.”

  “Oscar Hernandez was my hero for many, many years. I never would have guessed that he was going through so much. Best wishes to him on his recovery, and thanks for sharing your journey with us. We’ve missed you old friend.”

  “Jesse Sugar has the biggest, gayest heart, and I’m so here for it.”

  And that was just the tip of the iceberg, Kathy assured them. Evidently hundreds of thousands of people this weekend had posted messages across their various social media platforms saying, “Face it kid, you’re in love.” The hashtag was trending worldwide.

  All of this love and support was making Oscar feel bold and invincib
le, like he could take a bullet right to the head and still live to tell the tale… not that he wanted to test the theory. By the time the cameras shut off and Kathy and Ben were thanking them for coming on, Oscar felt ready to burst from joy. He couldn’t believe that just by showing himself on TV for less than thirty minutes, he’d impacted so many people.

  They exited the stage in a blur and allowed themselves to be de-miked. From that point on, they were pretty much free to go. Jesse followed Oscar into his dressing room where he pulled him into a nice and tight hug.

  “So what do you think?” he asked against his boyfriend’s chest.

  Oscar breathed in the scent of Jesse’s shampoo and sighed happily.

  “I think,” he said slowly, “that I should have done this years ago.”

  Chapter Thirty

  “I’m gonna need you to put this on.”

  Jesse held up a thick yellow blindfold. He had come over to Oscar’s place with the intention of whisking him away for a very exciting surprise. Oscar was, as he expected, not a fan of the idea.

  “Can I please just have a hint?” he begged.

  Jesse held up a finger.

  “No. I don’t want you to ruin the surprise.”

  “Jesse, you know I don’t like surprises.” Oscar’s face scrunched up in an adorable little pout.

  “It’s nothing scary, I swear,” Jesse assured, grabbing Oscar’s right hand and kissing it. “It’s private. No fans. No cameras. There won’t be anyone there but you and me.”

  Oscar looked like he still wanted to argue.

  “Please?” Jesse tacked on. “For me?”

  Oscar slumped in defeat. Jesse knew that Oscar could never say no to him when he pulled the shameless pleading card. In fact, it was something he’d grown to count on.

  “Fine,” Oscar sighed. “I trust you.”

  Jesse grinned and gave a soothing kiss to Oscar’s temple before all but yanking him out the door. Once they got in the car, Jesse tied the blindfold around Oscar’s face, searching carefully for any outward signs of discomfort. There didn’t seem to be any. If anything, the blindfold actually seemed to be helping his car anxiety. Jesse tucked this bit of information away for later.