Feeling a little nervous but certainly not regretful of her decision, Tandi flipped off the kitchen light switch. She had thrown down the gauntlet. It was on her to be at the ready.
5
Tandi switched the telephone to her left ear. Evonne was annoying her, but that was to be expected. She knew she would get no sympathy from Evonne, but she had to talk to someone, and Daina was in Africa, a continent away, hopefully enjoying herself. It wouldn’t be fair to lay her and Jared’s troubles at Daina’s feet. Yet, keeping what she was about to do inside had made her tense and edgy all day. She had no choice but to call Evonne.
“Tandi, I think you should think about this before you do something you’ll regret.”
“Believe me, I won’t regret this. I’ve had enough.”
“But Jared is a good man. Tandi, I know he loves you. I hope you’re not making a mistake.”
“Excuse me, Evonne, but Jared made the mistake. He didn’t seem to love me when he had that affair.”
“An affair is about sex, not about love, Tandi, so I’m sure Jared didn’t love the woman he had the affair with.”
“So that makes it okay?”
“No, but he didn’t leave you for the other woman. So—”
“Evonne, I’m not stupid. I know what Jared did and so does he. He cheated. He broke our vows. He ruined this marriage. He killed the love I had for him. I want out. I’m sick of him. I feel used, and I certainly feel unloved. It’s over.”
“Tandi, listen to me. Maybe you should be trying to do something to breathe new life into your marriage.”
“I’d need a hyperbaric chamber for that.”
“Then, hell, go get one because you can save this marriage.”
“I don’t want to, and I wish you’d stop trying to convince me to.”
“Okay, what about Michael Jared? Have you thought about how this will affect him?”
“He’ll be fine.” Feeling quite irritable, Tandi switched the telephone to her right ear. “Look, I have to get off this phone.”
“Okay, but Tandi, I’m here for you if you need—”
“Wait. I need a favor.”
“Sure, what?”
“My agency only sells houses. Would you check your listings for an apartment? A two-bedroom, preferably in Queens Village. I don’t want to have to pull Michael Jared out of his school.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“Yes.” Tandi heard the key click in the front door. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Hanging up the telephone, Tandi quickly picked up the Essence magazine from her lap and began to flip through it.
“Thanks, Dad!” she heard Michael Jared say enthusiastically from his bedroom two rooms away.
She could hear Jared talking, but she couldn’t make out what he was saying. She waited. He was taking longer than he’d ever taken in Michael Jared’s room.
She waited. After a minute Jared appeared in the doorway. The soft carpeting in the hallway had cushioned his footfalls. She saw him there, though she never lifted her eyes off the magazine. In his hand Jared held a huge bouquet of red roses. She tried not to show her surprise.
Jared carried the roses to Tandi who was sitting on the chaise longue and laid them humbly across her lap.
Tandi pretended to be seriously engrossed in her magazine—the words were a blur. She stubbornly refused to acknowledge the fragrant red roses jetting out to the left of the magazine. From what she could see, they were beautiful and plump. Her eyes misted. These were the first roses Jared had bought her in years without being reminded that it was her birthday, anniversary, or Valentine’s Day. He didn’t bring roses or even weeds after she’d found out about his affair. Unfortunately, these roses were delivered years too late.
Jared continued to stand over Tandi, his arms hanging at his sides, his mind empty of anything clever that would break the ice. “How was your day?” was all he could come up with.
Tandi made herself look up. The hardness of this morning was gone from Jared’s eyes. A sad, repentant gaze lingered there, but she wasn’t moved.
“Tandi, I’m sorry for whatever it is you think I haven’t done to make you happy.”
She pushed the roses off her lap onto the floor. “You don’t get it, do you?”
Jared watched his seventy-two dollars fall to the floor. “I guess I don’t. I can’t seem to do a damn thing to please you.”
“Oh, there was a time when you could’ve. When I asked you to go to counseling with me, when I needed you to go to counseling with me.”
Huffing, Jared shook his head. Was she never going to let him live that one down? The fact that he had not gone into counseling with Tandi was always a sore spot with her. The first meeting he had tried to make, but he couldn’t get away from work. After Tandi bitched at him for missing the session, he stubbornly refused to go at all while she continued alone. In hindsight, maybe he was wrong, but hell, how was he to know that then?
“Tell me, Jared, when was the last time you took me out to dinner, to a movie, or to a play?”
He didn’t try to guess because he didn’t know. “When have I had time?”
“That’s my point exactly. You should have made the time. Can you tell me when was the last time you kissed me or even brought me a single rose just because you loved me?”
Jared couldn’t ignore the spray of red roses wrapped in lavender-and-white wrapping paper laying on the floor like cast-off garbage. He bought them because he didn’t know how else to say he was sorry for not being more attentive, more loving. Apparently, that’s not the message Tandi got. He swiped the roses up off the floor and lay them on the brass-trimmed trunk at the foot of the bed.
“Okay, Tandi, let’s talk,” he said. “First off, I don’t want this marriage to end. What do I—”
“You’re late. The end of this marriage didn’t happen overnight. It’s been a long time coming. You’ve just been too busy to see it.”
Jared sat on the trunk next to the thorny roses, unknowingly sitting on two of them. He leaped up and began rubbing his pricked behind.
“Damnit, Tandi. I’m sick of this. I tell you what. You want me to cut my hours? I’ll cut my hours. I’ll work part-time. Will that make you happy?”
“Go ahead, Jared, be a smart ass. You’re just giving me more to be pissed off about.”
“Lately, when haven’t you been pissed off about something?”
“If you,” she lowered her voice, “had fucked me once in a while, maybe I wouldn’t’ve had anything to be pissed off about.”
Those words were as prickly as the thorns he’d sat on. “I’m forty-three years old. I work hard. I don’t have the sexual energy of a pimply-faced, pussy-begging teenage boy.”
“Then you need to buy yourself some Viagra.”
Jared felt his face drop. Tandi had hit him right where it hurt. In truth, since he’d had the affair with Jackie, he hadn’t had any desire to have sex—except when he thought about that first time with Jackie. That day was branded on his brain and was a part of his sexual fantasy. The downside was that he’d feel guilty every time he thought about it and that’s when he had a problem getting it up for Tandi. He had been telling himself he was tired and he had a lot on his mind, but if he had to admit anything to himself, he probably had some sort of psychological impotence that Viagra wouldn’t have any effect on.
Tandi was pleased with herself. It was obvious by the devastated look on Jared’s face that her words hit the mark as intended. “This morning you called me Tandida. Damnit, Jared, that’s what my father calls me, and I’ve always known that he didn’t love me.”
Jared rushed to the partially opened bedroom door. He stuck his head out into the hallway and looked down toward MJ’s room. He could hear the play by play of the pro basketball game he’d bought for MJ to play on his PlayStation. MJ was into his game so, hopefully, he hadn’t heard any part of their discussion. Jared shoved the door closed.
Tandi was glad Jared closed the
door, but she resolved to keep her voice low anyway. She didn’t want Michael Jared to hear what they were talking about any more than Jared did. It was going to be upsetting to him as it was when she moved him away from Jared. No need to turn his life upside down before then.
“Now you’re questioning whether I ever loved you?” Jared asked, going back to the trunk. This time, he stood and planted one foot on top of the plush, royal-blue velveteen cushion laying on top.
“Get your foot off my cushion.”
“You need to grow up.”
“Fuck you.”
“See, that’s what I mean. We’re not kids, Tandi. We—at least I do—have adult responsibilities that don’t permit me to lay around on my ass all damn day.”
“You’re dirtying my cushion.”
Defiantly, Jared ground his shoe into the velveteen.
“Who needs to grow up?” She rolled her eyes away from Jared over to the clock on the nightstand. It was nine o’clock. “That’s it. I’m done.”
But Jared wasn’t done. “Doesn’t anything I’ve done in thirteen years count for anything?”
“My son, Michael Jared, counts for something. He’s the best thing to come out of this marriage.”
“And I’ve taken care of both of you.”
“Oh, sure. You’ve been a good provider—financially. Emotionally? You flunk. We could have been gerbils and you wouldn’t’ve noticed.”
Jared’s foot hit the floor with a sudden thump. “What the hell does that mean?”
“It means there is nothing more that matters between us, and I’m tired of talking.” Tandi picked up her magazine again and opened it.
Jared snatched the magazine out of Tandi’s hand and flung it across the room. It landed with a clatter on Tandi’s dresser, knocking over her perfume bottles.
“That was smart.” She swung her legs over the side of the chaise longue although she continued to sit.
Jared didn’t care about the mess he’d made. He didn’t care—his money probably bought everything on the dresser anyway. “I don’t get this. If I were running the streets, gambling away my money, beating up on you, or cheating on you, I could understand this.”
“Then you do understand. You cheated on me.”
“Goddamnit! That wasn’t yesterday. What are you gonna do? Beat me over the head with that for the rest of my life?”
She quickly stood. “Don’t yell at me! If you don’t like it being brought up, then you shouldn’t’ve done it. I—”
“How many times do I have to tell you that I’m sorry?”
“Never again because I don’t give a damn anymore.” Tandi went to the dresser and snatched the magazine off her perfume. “What you don’t understand, Jared, is that there are other reasons for a marriage to end. If you cared about something other than your practice and yourself, you might know that.” She set her bottles upright.
“Damnit, Tandi! You’re not making a damn bit of sense.”
She smirked. “Not to you.”
“Not to anybody. I’ve put just as much into this marriage as you have. And, damn right, I’ve been a good provider,” he said, again pacing angrily between the trunk and the door. “You don’t even have to spend the chump change you earn.”
Tandi felt her cheeks warm. “Well, that chump change keeps me from spending your money on lipstick and tampons, but since you’re talking dollars and cents, Jared, what I do for you isn’t measured in dollars and cents, and that’s the problem. You don’t think what I do is just as valuable as what you do to earn the dollars that you put into this house.”
“Goddamnit, Tandi! I’m tired of you saying I don’t appreciate you. No, I don’t grovel at your feet and kiss your ass every day, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate what you do around here.”
Tandi’s pulse was racing. “Let me shock you, Jared. I don’t need you to kiss my ass. You wouldn’t know how anyway.”
“That’s not what you used to say.”
“Oh? How long ago was that? Three years? By the way, Jared, whose ass are you kissing these days?”
“Stop it, goddamnit! I’m not seeing anyone.”
“And I’m supposed to believe that?”
“Believe what you want, Tandi, but think about this: Maybe if you didn’t bitch so much about what I’m not doing and stop trying to control everything, I might want to fuck you once in a while.”
“Go to hell! You couldn’t fu—”
Suddenly the door was pushed open and Michael Jared stood in the doorway. With worried eyes he looked from Tandi to Jared.
Jared glared at him. “Boy! What did I tell you about knocking when that damn door is closed?”
“Don’t you yell at him!” Tandi rushed to Michael Jared. She put her arms around him protectively.
“What y’all fighting about?”
“Go to your room!” Jared ordered.
“Don’t you yell at my son!”
Michael Jared’s eyes welled as he stared at Jared.
“I said, go to your room—now!”
Turning abruptly, Michael Jared raced down the hall to his room, slamming his bedroom door.
Tandi wanted to go after her son, but turned on Jared instead. “You’ve gone too far!”
“And don’t be slamming my damn door!” Jared yelled, rushing past Tandi to the door. He slammed it shut and abruptly turned back on Tandi, startling her.
Jared’s eyes were ablaze. He was too close. Tandi backed up. She had never feared being hit by Jared before, but she did now. The question was, what was she prepared to do if he did?
“This is between you and me, Jared. Don’t you dare take it out on my son.”
Jared quipped, “Our son, babe.”
“Then you’d better treat him better than that, or I promise you, you’ll—”
“Are you threatening me with my son?” Jared felt his insides grow cold. He felt his chest tighten around his heart.
Tandi looked at him hard and long. That scornfully cold look from this morning was back. Yes, it was over. Turning away, she went to the trunk and looked down at the roses. Their beauty was marred by the hands that had brought them to her. She contemptuously shoved them back onto the floor.
Angrily working his jaw, Jared ached to grab Tandi and shake some sense into her. He didn’t care about the roses. They could be thrown down the sewer for all he cared. What bothered him was how angry he was. He had never been this angry with Tandi before. He wanted to grab her and shake her until not another contentious word came out of her mouth.
Tandi again folded her arms tightly across her chest as she sat on the trunk. She crossed her legs. She and Jared held each other’s scornful glare, each wanting the other to leave before cutting words made it impossible to turn back, but neither had anywhere to go. For the first time Jared felt he had truly lost Tandi, but he wasn’t about to take the blame for all that went wrong.
“I didn’t think I was a bad husband. If you’re saying because I don’t stay home and hold your hand to make you feel like you matter or jump on top of you every night like a horny dog, then I’m guilty. But the way I see it, Tandi, whatever the hell you’re bitching about doesn’t have a damn thing to do with me. That’s something in your screwed-up head.”
“Fuck you, Jared. If anyone is screwed up, it’s you.”
“That’s real intelligent, Tandi. I haven’t cursed you. Maybe you need to get yourself a real job or do more with your own life so you don’t need me up your ass day and night to make you feel fulfilled. Isn’t that what you women want these days, fulfillment?”
“Go to hell, Jared! I hate you.”
Tandi’s hate was clear in the sneer on her lips and in the glare in her eyes. “I have no great love for you either.”
“Hey, then we can end this now. I don’t have to spend another night under the same roof with you.”
He knew that she meant it, but what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t lock her up to keep her and he couldn’t talk sense to her beca
use she wasn’t listening. The more they talked, the worse things got, and he didn’t know how it got so bad.
Jared threw his hands up in resignation. “Hey, you’re calling the shots. Do what you have to, but I’m not leaving. I’ve worked my ass to the bone to get this house. I’m not moving out.”
“Screw you and this house.” She bolted across the room to the walk-in closet and pulled open the door. “I don’t want any part of it or you.”
Jared was miserable, but he wasn’t about to let Tandi get the best of him. “Fine. Then get the fuck out!”
6
Earlier in the day, while still at work, the thought of Tandi divorcing him had played like a bass drum in Jared’s head, giving him a brutal, pulsating headache. He couldn’t believe he told her to get out, but then he couldn’t really understand why she was so angry. If he was trifling, if he abused her, if he was miserly, he could understand why she’d want to leave. Admittedly, he knew he spent less than a handful of hours with her in any given week, but there was nothing he could do about that. He had other things to worry about. Besides upcoming cases, for the past few weeks, he had been interviewing young lawyers fresh out of law school as he was planning on hiring at least one to help him expand his practice. It was time. He could no longer handle his growing client list. He had also been looking to hire another secretary to relieve Marci of some of her clerical duties and an office manager would round out the support staff nicely. He hadn’t wanted to tell Tandi until everything worked out before he got her hopes up. If it worked out the way he planned, Marci could make his life a whole lot easier and the new attorney could lighten his caseload considerably. Eventually, he could leave work at a decent hour and take time off for vacations.
Until then, what he needed from Tandi was her support, not her ass to kiss. Seven years ago when he took the plunge and opened up his own storefront practice on Parsons Boulevard in Jamaica, Tandi was in his corner one hundred and ten percent. Then, she believed in him. She helped him set up his books, she helped him pull in clients, and she worked the receptionist’s desk. She didn’t mind his hours then, maybe because she spent some of them with him, often bringing him his dinner and eating with him. Now, he couldn’t drag her down to his office with a team of wild horses and the promise of a chest of diamonds. The way he saw it, she no longer shared his dream.
Distant Lover Page 4