Michael Jared cried pitifully.
“Honey, I’m so sorry. Please don’t cry.”
Michael Jared’s crying wilted Tandi’s resolve to stay strong. She felt like crying herself. This was one time she wished she had only herself to worry about. She had no right to separate Michael Jared from his father, not like this.
“Honey, you can stay with your father tonight, if you like.”
Michael Jared stopped crying instantly. “I can?”
She nodded.
Michael Jared dried his face with the sleeve of his jacket. “Mommy, what about you?”
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine,” she lied. Losing him was tearing her heart out.
“You gonna stay in that house?”
“Yep.”
“But it stinks. It smells old.”
“How do you know what old smells like?”
“From that time we went to visit Dad’s Aunt Lucie in Virginia before she died. Granddad’s house smells like her house.”
Tandi had to think about that for a minute. Was Michael Jared saying that Sporty’s house smelled like death? At least that’s what Aunt Lucie’s house smelled like. Sporty’s house didn’t have the smell of medicine and death. It had the smell of closeness, staleness.
“Mommy, I don’t wanna leave you.”
“You won’t be leaving me. I’ll see you first thing in the morning.”
“You’ll be okay?”
She glimpsed his worried expression. “I’ll be fine.”
“You won’t be scared?”
“No, honey, I won’t be scared. I’ll be fine.” Tandi patted Michael Jared on the thigh. She understood his fear. It wasn’t just about the house, it was about Sporty and his nastiness. To tell the truth, she was afraid, but that she would only admit to herself. She was afraid of things that might be said between her and Sporty. Fighting with him was the last thing she needed. That was enough to make her want to cry. To keep from crying, she concentrated on the road ahead. She didn’t want to be apart from Michael Jared but if being at home with Jared made him feel better, then that’s where he belonged. Not in Sporty’s house where no children ever laughed or played. Neither she nor Glynn ever did. Perhaps Michael Jared sensed that. The house always had a sad, dreary feeling about it. At one time the house was painted white throughout, but even the white paint had faded to a dull gray. There were no bright colors anywhere. Michael Jared had been calling the house a haunted house ever since he was six years old when the lights suddenly went out, bathing them in blackness, scaring him to tears. For years, he swore a ghost had turned out the lights. It turned out to be a blown fuse, but it never made a difference to Michael Jared. Lights didn’t go out by themselves.
“Mommy,” Michael Jared said in a wee little voice.
“Yes, honey.”
“I’ll stay with you tonight.”
Tandi glanced quickly at Michael Jared then into the rearview mirror. Seeing that she was in the clear, she pulled over to the curb and put the car in park. “Honey, it’s all right with me if you’d like to stay with your father.”
“But you’ll be by yourself.”
“I’ll be okay,” she said, stroking his cheek with the back of her hand. “Thank you anyway.”
“I’ll stay with you, but I wanna talk to Dad.”
“Will you be satisfied with just speaking to him?”
He nodded.
“Are you sure?”
He nodded again.
“Okay. You can call him when he gets home, but please don’t tell him just yet where we are.”
“How come?”
“Because we won’t be there long. Tomorrow I’m going out to look for an apartment, then—”
“Mommy!”
“Okay. Why don’t we do this one day at a time?”
Michael Jared’s bottom lip shot out.
“Honey, please. Just give me a little time.”
His lip was still out.
“Please.”
Begrudgingly Michael Jared gave in. He pulled in his lip.
“I love you,” she said, again stroking his cheek.
He didn’t respond to the sentiment.
“I love you more than chocolate nut clusters,” she said, trying to get a smile out of him.
It was tiny, but Michael Jared did smile. “I love you more than chocolate chip ice cream.”
She tagged him lightly on the arm. “You’re sweeter than chocolate chip ice cream.”
His smile slowly vanished. “Mommy, I’m sorry for fighting Sean. He’s my friend. I don’t know why I pushed him.”
“It’s called transference. You were upset with me for leaving your father and transferred your anger with me to Sean.”
“I’m not angry at you.”
“Well, I don’t want you to be, but I understand if you are. Okay?”
Michael Jared nodded.
“I want you to apologize to Sean tomorrow.”
He nodded.
“That’s my good boy,” she said, again stroking his cheek with the back of her hand. “Everything is gonna be all right. I promise. Okay?”
Again he nodded.
Glancing into her sideview mirror, Tandi pulled the car back onto the road. She hoped she hadn’t just lied to Michael Jared. She hoped Sporty’s surliness and the cold, drab atmosphere she was taking Michael Jared into would not prove to be her worst nightmare come true.
13
The instant Jared stuck his key into the second lock of the front door, he sensed the emptiness that awaited him on the other side. Tandi never locked the second lock until after he was home or if she herself was out. Opening the door, he stepped into a stillness that he had known only once before when Tandi was in the hospital after having MJ. She was gone five days, and each and every one of those days he missed her being home. It was just as it was at the moment, no “hey, babe,” no music, and no voices from the television in the living room. Back then he knew she was coming back, and he was happy she was bringing him a son. This time, it was different. Tandi might never come back, and he was afraid she’d take from him the son she had so lovingly put in his arms minutes after he was born.
Jared didn’t bother to go into the kitchen. There was no hot meal waiting for him there. He wasn’t hungry anyway. He took his time going up the stairs to the bedroom. Right away, the open closet door confirmed his worst fear—Tandi had been there and had taken more clothes.
“Damnit!” He slammed the door shut. He sat down heavily on the side of the bed. Damnit, he didn’t work as hard as he did to end up without his family.
Riiing!
Jared lunged for the telephone on the nightstand, snatching it off the hook.
“Hello.”
“Hi.”
Jared’s heart pulsed. “Tandi.”
“No, it’s me, Evonne.”
Jared dropped the telephone away from his ear onto his right thigh. He felt like a kid who didn’t get what he wanted most for Christmas—highly disappointed. He pushed his breath out through his mouth as he brought the receiver back up to his ear.
“You there, Jared?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you all right?”
“Have you heard from Tandi?”
“Well . . . no, not yet. How’re you doing, Jared?”
Jared leaned forward, resting his left elbow on his thigh. As he began to slowly massage his forehead, he wondered why, if Evonne hadn’t heard from Tandi, was she calling. There wasn’t anything she could tell him. “What’s up, Evonne?”
“Nothing really. I was concerned about you. I called to see if you were all right.”
“Hey, I’m as solid as a rock.”
“Jared, you don’t have to pretend with me. I saw you this morning. I saw how upset you were. I know how much you love Tandi.”
“Yeah, well, how come she doesn’t know that?”
“She knows. I just think Tandi needs a little time to remind herself that she does.”
“So what am I suppos
ed to do while she’s reminding herself?”
“Wait her out. She’ll come back.”
“No sweat.”
“Jared, I’m not saying it’s gonna be easy. In fact, I was thinking . . . Jared, you might need some time to yourself to re-evaluate your relationship with Tandi.”
“What for? I know what I want.”
“Well, you might need to see if what you and Tandi have together is all that it could be, or even if it’s what you want anymore. People do change, you know.”
Jared pulled the telephone from his ear again, but this time he peered at it perplexedly. That’s why he never liked talking relationship stuff with women. They talked crap that he needed a psychology degree to understand. If what he and Tandi had together wasn’t what he wanted, he wouldn’t want her back. It was as simple as that. He drew the telephone back to his ear.
“Evonne, I don’t need any time to myself. I already know I want Tandi back, and at one time, I liked what we had together just fine. I just have to get us back to that time.”
“Jared, there isn’t anything you can do to get Tandi back if she doesn’t want to come back. You can’t make her fall in love with you again, especially if she doesn’t trust you.”
That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “Evonne, let me talk to you tomorrow.”
“Jared, wait. Have you eaten dinner? I was planning on eating out, maybe we—”
“Thanks, but I’m not up for going out tonight.”
“We don’t have to go out. I could pick up something and bring it over.”
“Frankly, Evonne, I don’t have much of an appetite. Thanks anyway.”
“We don’t have to eat. Maybe I could just come by and we can talk. I’m a good listener.”
Jared didn’t trust himself to be around anyone. His emotions were too raw, and he wasn’t about to cry on Evonne’s shoulder. “I’m a little beat tonight, Evonne. I think I’ll turn in early.”
“Will you call me if you need to talk?”
“Sure. You’ll call me if you hear from Tandi, right?”
“Of course.”
“Don’t forget to ask her to go out to dinner with me.”
“I won’t.”
“Thanks. Later.” Hanging up, Jared glimpsed the clock. He lay back on the bed. It was only nine o’clock. At work he often wished time would stop so he could get more done. Today, of all days, it felt like the clock stopped altogether. He was exhausted from his work day and from a long sleepless night filled with worry about Tandi and MJ. He wasn’t used to worrying about either one of them, mainly because Tandi always had a handle on everything. She took care of MJ, the house, him, their lives. Other than his practice, he never had to concern himself with their day-to-day life. By this hour, he would have had dinner and would be drifting off to sleep while MJ thought of new ways to stay up past his bedtime until Tandi was at her wits’ end.
Tandi would threaten, “Boy, if I have to tell you one more time to go to bed, I’m going to come in there and tie you to the bed by your fingers and toes.”
MJ always thought that was funny until Tandi got mad enough one night to make good on her threat. She tied one of his wrists to the bed and was trying hard to do likewise to the other when MJ started screaming for him to help him. He went to the doorway and stood with his arms folded, watching MJ kicking out wildly while Tandi tried to grab his free arm.
“I’ll go to bed!” MJ cried.
Watching them, he had gotten a good laugh out of it, but as Tandi stormed past him, she said, “Thanks a hell of a lot! You could help me with your son and make my life a hell of a lot easier.”
He hadn’t thought anything about what she’d said at the time or any time after that, but thinking about it now, she was right. He could have been more involved and given her a break. Maybe if MJ had seen that they both meant business, he might not have given Tandi such a hard time every night. Yeah, he should have done more, but he always had an excuse—he was tired, he had real problems to deal with.
Riiing!
Sitting up quickly, Jared again snatched up the telephone. “Hello!”
“Hi, Dad.”
“MJ? Hey, son,” he said, relieved, happy, and close to tearing. “Where are you?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Why not?” Jared looked at the caller ID box. Unavailable. The number was blocked. Damn, Tandi never had the all call blocking feature added to the phone so all callers could be seen on the caller I.D.
“Because Mommy said so.”
“I won’t come where you are,” he said, feeling his throat tighten. “I just wanna know that you’re safe where you are.”
“I don’t feel safe here ’cause—”
“Michael Jared!” Tandi shouted in the background. “Don’t say that. You know you’re safe here.”
Jared’s heart started racing. “MJ, let me speak to your mother.”
“Mommy, Dad wants to talk to you.”
Jared didn’t hear Tandi say anything. He hoped she was coming to the telephone. He waited.
“Mommy, here,” MJ could be heard saying.
Jared pressed the telephone to his ear, trying to listen for any sounds of Tandi coming to the telephone. What he heard in his ear was the thumping of his own heart.
“Mommy, please talk to him.”
The silence was deafening. Jared had to tell himself to not shout out Tandi’s name. “MJ,” he said softly.
“Mommy, please.”
“MJ,” Jared said again, though louder.
“Huh?”
“MJ, tell your mother I’m sorry. Tell her I want her to come home.”
“She’s not here.”
“Weren’t you just talking to her?”
“She went out the room.”
Jared closed his eyes briefly. Go slow, he told himself. “MJ, I miss you and your mother.”
“I miss you, too. Dad?”
Jared’s throat tightened again.
“Dad, I wanna come home.”
Jared’s nose began to sting. He rubbed his eyes, smearing long overdue tears onto the sides of his face.
“Dad,” MJ whispered, “we’re at Granddad’s.”
“Oh, God.” Jared felt sick. “MJ, I’m sorry, man.” He knew how desperate Tandi had to be to end up at her father’s.
“Dad, can you be nice to Mommy so she’ll wanna come home?”
“MJ, I’ll be super nice. I promise. Tell your mother that I would like to take her out to dinner tomorrow so we can talk.”
“Okay.”
“And, MJ, tell her I wanna see you. Ask her if I can come by tonight to see you.”
“Okay. And, Dad, when you come by, can you bring my computer?”
“I will if I have to, but I hope you and your mother will come back home.”
“Me, too.”
“Go ask her if I can come by to see you.”
“Okay.”
Jared heard the receiver being put down on a hard surface. It clanked in his ear, but he didn’t dare pull the receiver away. He didn’t want to miss a sound. He knew he was hoping against hope, so he began to pray. Please, God. Please let her talk to me. All I need is a chance. Like a kid, Jared waited with his fingers crossed.
“Aww, Mommy! Please.”
“Michael Jared, did you tell your father where we’re staying?”
Jared wished he was there for his son.
“But I want him to—” Michael Jared said softly.
“Boy! Say good night. It’s time to get ready for bed.”
“But I still wanna talk to my dad.”
“Michael Jared, what did I say?”
“Aww, man.”
The receiver was bumped on a hard surface. It rattled in Jared’s ear. “MJ.”
“Dad, I don’t wanna sleep here. I hate it here.”
The anguish in MJ’s voice tore at Jared. He started massaging his head.
“Hang up the phone!” Tandi ordered.
“But, Mommy, Dad wants us to
come home. He said he’s sorry.”
“Michael Jared, for the last time, hang up the darn phone.”
“Dad, can’t I talk to you a little while longer?”
God, how Jared wanted to defy Tandi. He wanted to tell MJ he could stay on the telephone as long as he wanted and was about to when, thankfully, his better sense kicked in. Wasn’t that what Tandi had been talking about—him not backing her up?
“MJ, do like your mother said. Go on, get ready for bed.”
“But, Dad, I wanna talk to you.”
“MJ, don’t give your mother a hard time. I want you to call me tomorrow, okay?”
“But Dad—”
“MJ, if you go to bed now, maybe tomorrow I’ll see you.”
MJ whined, “But I wanna see you tonight, I don’t like it here.”
Jared’s throat was so tight he had to force himself to swallow to wet it. “MJ, please. For me, please go to bed.”
“Okay, but I don’t wanna.”
“I love you, son.”
“I love you, too, Dad.”
Tears brimmed. “Tell your mother I love her, too.”
“You do love her, don’t you, Dad?”
Jared’s tears spilled over. “MJ, don’t ever think that I don’t love you or your mother. I love her very much, and I want her to come home. Will you tell her that for me?”
“Yes.”
“Go to bed now, okay.”
“Okay.”
“Don’t forget to call me tomorrow,” he said, wiping at his face.
“I won’t.”
Long after Jared hung up, he continued to look at the telephone. He couldn’t believe Tandi had taken his son to live in Sporty’s house, the very place she herself had vowed to never live again. God. Jared was still hearing MJ’s hurt little voice in his head. MJ was a little boy caught in between a mother who had always been there for him and a father who had not. He had been treating MJ like he was all grown up and didn’t need to be coddled by his daddy, but he was wrong. MJ was just a kid, a kid who wanted what all kids wanted—their parents together.
Untying his shoes, Jared took them off and tossed them across the room. Fully clothed still, he lay back on the bed with his hands clasped on top of his stomach. An overwhelming feeling of loneliness covered him like a heavy quilt. He wasn’t a stranger to that feeling. He had felt that sad and lonely once before—the day his older brother died. Melvin had died of a drug overdose when he was two weeks shy of turning twenty-two and one day after getting his degree in political science. Melvin was going to be somebody, the whole family knew that. Celebrating with his friends, Melvin had been partying hard that Friday night and set no limits on what he drank, what he popped in his mouth, or on what he inhaled into his lungs. News of his death devastated the family, especially Jared. He had looked up to his big brother and had planned on being just like him.
Distant Lover Page 9