By the time Tandi picked Michael Jared up from school, she was surer than ever that she was on her way to getting her life together. Of course, staying another week or two under Sporty’s roof didn’t set too well with her, but she could stomach it knowing that the end was only a week or two away. Michael Jared, however, would think a week or two an eternity. As it was, this morning he started counting the hours until he would see Jared. He even promised to do his homework in the office until Jared was ready to leave. Tandi reminded him of that minutes before she pulled up in front of Jared’s office. Thankfully, Jared was nowhere to be seen.
“I’ll pick you up at the house at eight-thirty. If your homework isn’t done, you’ll see your father only on the weekend.”
“It’ll be done.” He closed the car door.
“No kiss good-bye?”
Quickly looking around at the few men moving along the sideway, Michael Jared looked uncertainly at Tandi. He frowned.
“Honey, I’ve got news for you. Any one of these men, unless they have an alternative preference, would be glad to have a woman kiss him in front of the others.”
“Yeah, but not their own mothers.”
He had her there. “Go on,” she said, shooing him away from the car. “Go see if your father’s inside, and don’t come home without your hat.”
Michael Jared rolled his eyes comically. “Bye, Mommy.”
“Bye, yourself,” she said softly, feeling somewhat bruised. Michael Jared was her all and he was growing up, growing away from her. Soon she’d have to let him go off alone with his friends; and not too long after that, he’d have a girlfriend who’d be the all-important woman in his life, and then he’d go off to college, leaving her alone with warm memories of the little boy who would forever be her baby in her heart. One day she’d blink and he’d be married, no longer her little boy but someone’s husband. She was sure that Michael Jared would love her as his mother no less, but he would need her no more.
“I see him!” Michael Jared yelled from the doorway. “He’s in the back!”
With a quick wave, Tandi hurriedly pulled away. She didn’t want Jared to see her or her him. Besides, she had to get back to the house. She still had work to do on Glynn’s old room.
17
Michael Jared begged to see Jared every day and every day he did. It was the only way Tandi could ease her guilt about spiriting Michael Jared away from his home, from his father, who, though he hadn’t been around on the occasion of his every little scraped knee, or for a single spelling bee or for his karate demonstrations or the bestowing of his belts, was still a father Michael Jared loved. There was no doubt that being with Jared was good for him. He finally had the father he deserved and was by birth his right to have. Of course, Jared wasn’t exactly Mr. Mom. Michael Jared said Jared usually took him to Burger King for dinner. That would not have been Tandi’s choice, but she said nothing because it was safer that they ate out. It seemed that on the second night Jared tried to fry chicken at home, and he burnt the poor bird to a crispy critter and the frying pan to a crusty black greasy relic. The house had filled with smoke and the strong smell of burnt grease. Jared was so disgusted, he threw out the frying pan with the burnt chicken and grease still in it. From then on, they either went for takeout or ate out, which Michael Jared loved. He was smiling again, content to be with his father in the afternoons and his mother in the evenings.
Ironically, Michael Jared was better off now that she and Jared were apart. He spent all day Saturday and most of the day Sunday with Jared, hanging out like Tandi always dreamed they would. When Michael Jared was a baby, they, all three of them, hung out as a family. She couldn’t take enough pictures of the two of them. Her favorites being Michael Jared asleep atop Jared’s chest, both breathing in unison, just as she and Jared had lain so many times after making love. A part of her longed for those idyllic days again, but the reality was, they were gone. Michael Jared was no longer a baby and could never be as close to Jared in that way again, while Jared had forgotten that she had ever been that close to him. It was one more thing to be angry with him about, another reason to not want to see him.
Of course, after more than a week, Tandi knew she could not continue dropping Michael Jared off at the office or picking him up at the house and getting away clean without having spoken to Jared. She wasn’t surprised when she pulled up to the office and found Jared waiting outside. He came to her side of the car, squatting down outside of her raised window. His closeness unnerved her. She refused to look at him. He tapped on the glass.
Michael Jared nudged Tandi. “Dad wants to talk to you.”
Although she was looking straight ahead, she knew both Michael Jared and Jared were staring at her, waiting for her to roll down her window. She wasn’t ready to be face-to-face with Jared.
“Mommy.”
Exhaling loudly, Tandi pressed hard on the button, lowering her window.
“Hey, Dad,” Michael Jared said. He leaped from the car and raced around to stand next to Jared on the sidewalk. “Mommy, I’m going inside. I’ll see you later.”
“Michael Jared—” she said, turning her head to look at Michael Jared and found herself looking into Jared’s soulfully sad eyes. Her heart thumped. She forgot what she had been about to say. She quickly turned away. She could feel her hands begin to shake so she clutched the steering wheel tighter.
Jared rested his folded arms on top of the door.
“I know,” Michael Jared said. “Don’t forget my homework, and get my black high-tops.”
“And eat some vegetables, please.”
“O-kay.” Michael Jared backed away from the car but he kept his eyes on Tandi, even after he went inside the storefront.
“I miss you,” Jared said.
“I . . . I have to go.” She wanted him to get off the door.
“Did you read my letter?”
No, she had not read the letter he had Michael Jared bring to her the first night. It was still sealed inside the envelope, tucked away in the side of her suitcase. Long after Michael Jared had gone to bed in his spankingly clean room, she had sat on the side of her bed holding the letter, turning it over and over in her hand, not wanting to read it, yet curious about what Jared could possibly have to say to her. If he had made promises, she was not interested as he was not going to be able to live up to them. She had ripped the unopened envelope and letter in half, gone downstairs to the kitchen and thrown it into the garbage container. Minutes later, back in her room, she thought, Suppose one day I wonder about what he has written? She had gone back for the letter, which had a dab of grease on one corner of the envelope. Cleaning it off as best she could, she wrapped it, grease stained, inside a paper towel and put it in her suitcase.
“Tandi, I meant everything I said. If you’ll give me the chance, I’ll—”
“I haven’t read your letter. I haven’t had time.”
That, Jared knew wasn’t true. Tandi read all of her mail, including junk mail. Not reading his letter meant she didn’t want to talk to him, which was why she wouldn’t look at him, but that was all right. It gave him the chance to look at her. He always liked her nose—it was small and slightly rounded. It was a little nose, perfect for a pretty woman, perfect for Tandi.
“I love you, Tandi. I want you to always remember that.”
Her hands were hurting from gripping the steering wheel. “Jared, I have to go.”
He heard the strain in her voice. “Just listen to me for a minute.”
“Oh, you have a minute? When I wanted you to listen to me, you didn’t have the time.”
“Tandi, I’m trying. Let me try.”
Tandi turned her head slightly and glimpsed Michael Jared out of the corner of her eye. As she suspected, his nose was pressed against the glass door. The hope in his eyes was crystal clear, but that same hope was foreign to her.
“In the last three years, Jared, I don’t think you ever heard a word I said.”
“I’m not gonna lie
to you, Tandi. I didn’t take everything you expressed concern about to heart. I didn’t think—”
“That’s just it,” she said, looking at him. “You didn’t think there was any merit in anything I tried to talk to you about. Nor did you think I mattered.”
“That’s not true.”
Tandi put the car in drive. “I have to go.”
“Wait.” He stood and held on to the car door as if he could hold the car back from moving. “We need to talk more, Tandi. Can we go out to dinner? Can we—”
“Jared, I can’t do this right now.”
“Then, let’s—”
“Michael Jared is watching us. I don’t want him to see me pull off with you still hanging on to the car.”
Glancing over his shoulder, Jared saw the worry in MJ’s face. “Will you at least think about meeting me for dinner next week?”
Again looking straight ahead, Tandi wouldn’t commit herself.
“Okay,” Jared said, “just think about it.” He stepped back from the car.
Finally able to pull away without causing a scene, Tandi had driven a block before the tears came. She was angry Jared had cornered her like that, but being that close to him confused her. She wanted to slap him, she wanted to kiss him, she wanted to be with him. That wasn’t the way she was supposed to be feeling. And later that evening when Michael Jared handed her a second letter, she immediately put it way. She didn’t want to know how Jared was feeling or how sorry he was. She didn’t want anything he had to say to seep in and make her doubt herself any more than she already did. Her future was ahead of her, not behind her. In a few weeks she would be in her new apartment, well on her way to a new life.
Three days later she saw Jared again, but this time, she had to speak to him. “If it’s not a problem, tomorrow morning I would like to go to the house and inventory the furniture and other household things that I bought with my own money. I need them for my apartment.”
That knot was back, tighter than ever. “Don’t do this.”
Tandi fixed her eyes on the center of the steering column. “We don’t have to fight over custody of Michael Jared. You can see him as often as you wish. As for money, I need at least two hundred dollars a week for him. I don’t need anything for myself, but Michael Jared has expenses that I won’t be able to cover right away. He—”
“Tandi, we can work this out. Please—”
“No,” she said, shaking her head, “we can’t.”
“Just tell me what you want me to do. What will make this right?”
She shook her head again. “Nothing.”
“But—”
“Jared, I am so angry with you for so many reasons. If I came back and if we didn’t resolve our problems, I would only end up hating myself, and you, and I do not want to hate either one of us like that. We have a child to raise.”
“So we should talk, and talk and talk until we find a way to work through our problems.”
“Jared,” she said, no longer afraid to face him, “I’m all talked out. The juncture at which you and I stand is now destined to take us onto different paths. It’s been coming for a long time. I need to be away from you in order to go forward. Can’t you understand that?”
The lump in Jared’s throat was as big as the pain in his heart. Hell no he didn’t understand that. He didn’t understand when the sadness in her eyes said that she still loved him. It wasn’t anger he saw there. When tears beaded up on the rim of her eyelids he knew that he was right. Maybe Evonne was right. Maybe he had to stop pushing.
“Tandi, I haven’t been fair to you. I hurt you, you didn’t hurt me. You’re the one who needs time to sort out your feelings. I’m giving you your space. In the end, if you find there’s a chance we can try again, I’m here.” Jared tapped the car door once and stood back, freeing Tandi to leave.
Thank God. “I won’t be late picking up Michael Jared.”
“Good. By the way, don’t worry about furniture. I’ll buy you new furniture.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Just tell me how much you need. As for Michael Jared, you have your own checkbook, take what you need. Just keep records.”
“Thank you.” For whatever reason he stopped pressuring her, she was grateful. She watched as Jared went off into the storefront. At the door he put his arm around Michael Jared and took him to the back. She had never said Jared wasn’t a good man, only that he had cheated on her and that he no longer loved her. In the time since she left him, she had seen more emotional potential in him than she’d seen in a long time. And he proved to be more of a father to Michael Jared than he’d ever been. If she went back to him, Michael Jared stood to lose the father he had gained and for that alone, leaving Jared was worth it.
18
Tandi could not wait to get started on her new life, which was why she was not about to sit back and wait for a new life to find her. She was going after what she wanted her new life to be, and possibly, whom she wanted to be a big part of that life—Brent Rodgers. That possibility was very intriguing to say the least, and for the first time in a very long while, she was excited. Kathy gladly gave her Brent’s number—it was his job number at a marketing firm. Tandi dialed it right away.
“Brent Rodgers.”
Her heart leaped. His voice was deeper, but it was him. “Hi, Brent Rodgers.”
“Who is this?”
“Tandi Craw . . . Tandi Belson.”
“Tandi Belson. Baby, it’s good to hear your voice. How are you?”
“I’m fine, Brent. How are you?”
“Real good, now that you’ve called. I was hoping Kathy would bump into you.”
Tandi felt like she was dreaming. “Yes, I saw Kathy.”
“You sound real good, Tandi. You’ve been on my mind for quite some time. I’d love to see you.”
Tandi smiled like she had won the grand lottery prize.
“Baby, please tell me you’re not married.”
“Well, I am married, but let’s just say my marriage is recently over. I do have a beautiful son, however. And you, Brent? I hear you’re twice divorced.”
“Guilty.”
“Any children?”
“Two girls and a boy. They live with their mothers in California. So, does ‘recently over’ mean that I can see you?”
Tandi covered her mouth to stifle her excitement.
“Tandi?”
Uncovering her mouth she answered subtly, “Yes to your question.”
“How about dinner tonight?”
“Yes . . . no! Not tonight,” she said, not wanting to come across as too eager. “How about Friday night?”
“I’ve been wanting to see you for years. Friday is a very distant two days away.”
Oh, she could not have dreamed this any better. “For me, too.”
“I wish today was Friday,” Brent said, his voice low, throaty, seductive.
Tandi felt like dancing. “Me, too.”
“Then let’s pretend that it is.”
She could do that. “Okay.”
“Where can I pick you up?”
Her eyes darted around Sporty’s living room. Not here, for sure. “I’ll come to you.”
“I like that,” he said softly. “I have an apartment on Hillside Avenue at One hundred eighty-sixth Street.”
Small world. The apartment she hoped to get was just blocks away. “Why don’t we meet at a restaurant?”
“That’ll do. Let’s meet at Franco’s on Queens Boulevard. Do you know where it is?”
“Yes.”
“Let’s make it an early dinner. I was planning on leaving work in another ten minutes or so anyway. If you can get away, let’s meet at five-thirty.”
She didn’t have to pick up Michael Jared until eight-thirty. “Five-thirty is fine.”
Tandi barely hung up the telephone before she started giggling uncontrollably. She felt like the young girl of long ago waiting to be held by Brent. She had no doubt that being in his arms ag
ain would ease the dull ache in her heart. It was time she lived her fantasy.
19
Over dinner Brent spoke of old times, old feelings, and old dreams. Tandi had eaten very little and couldn’t remember what it was she had eaten very little of. Though she did remember, clearly, being held tightly against Brent’s hard body and being kissed passionately on the lips when they first met outside the restaurant. She remembered his eyes caressing her face and his hand holding hers ever so gently long after the table had been cleared. Brent ordered another glass of white wine so that they could stay and talk a little while longer. Tandi heard all about his ex-wives and his three children, all of whom he left behind in California; all about his travels; and all about the jobs he’d held over the years in and out of the military. About herself, Tandi spoke extensively only of her pride and joy—Michael Jared—and about her work in real estate. About Jared, she said nothing other than it was hard to talk about all that went wrong, only that it was over.
With nothing else to bring each other up to date on, Brent suggested they leave but Tandi was afraid. The restaurant was safe. Feeling as she did—horny as hell for Brent—she knew once she stepped outside the restaurant, she would meekly follow Brent wherever he led. In her fantasy, that would be into a passionate, no-holds-barred lovemaking fest. Every nerve in her body was afire with anticipation. She would be surprised if Brent wasn’t feeling the heat coming off her. Shamelessly, she wanted Brent, and as far as she was concerned, she was free to want him, though she didn’t want him to know how badly she wanted him. If she nose-dived into Brent’s bed without even a hint of trying to restrain herself, he would surely think her too easy. More importantly, she didn’t want her hunger for him to scare him away.
With his arm around Tandi’s waist, Brent walked her to her car parked a block away on a dark side street. It was while Brent’s arm was around her waist that Tandi became aware that her waist wasn’t as small or as firm as it was when she was seventeen. Goodness. What if she and Brent were to become intimate? What if he barfed at the softness around her waist or at the sight of her sagging breasts? What if he got past her body but found making love to her boring?
Distant Lover Page 12