Distant Lover

by Gloria Mallette

  Jared sat resting his chin on his fist.

  “Come on, Jared. Take a memory pill. I remember when you wanted to start your own practice a year out of law school because you didn’t like being an associate. You said associates were underpaid research flunkies for the partners of that Wall Street law firm you worked for. You went out on a limb and started a practice in a storefront on Hillside Avenue the size of a closet. Jared, you forged ahead against all odds of pulling in clients, most of whom were older than you were. That Jared? I admired his tenacity. What in the world happened to him?”

  Sitting back, letting his body go limp, Jared returned Daina’s questioning gaze. Maybe she was right. Somewhere in all this mess he had lost himself.

  “Look at you, Jared. You look like a wet washcloth. Since when do you give up on something you want? Oh, but maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it isn’t Tandi you want.”

  That was never a question in his mind, but there was a truth to be faced. “Daina, I deal with tangibles. Tandi hasn’t given me any tangible signs that she will ever forgive me.”

  “You see, that’s part of your problem. You’ve been a wuss ever since you cheated on Tandi the first time.”

  “What did you say? A wooze?”

  “Did I stutter? I said wuss or would you prefer punk? Jared, you had so much guilt from that affair, you tiptoed around Tandi, afraid to even sneeze in her direction. Personally, I think that’s why you had a problem getting it up for her.”

  The nape of Jared’s neck warmed. “Damn. Who didn’t Tandi tell?”

  “Obviously, just you. So when are you gonna do something about that problem?”

  Jared felt like two cents. Of course Daina would know everything about he and Tandi’s marriage, but he wasn’t about to talk to her about his inadequacy.

  “I’m not discussing that.” He got up from his chair.

  “I don’t see why not. That’s part of the problem. Jared, you did what you did, get over it and give Tandi a reason to get over it.”

  “How can I? She won’t talk to me, remember? And she is planning to divorce me.”

  Daina leaped to her feet and rushed at Jared, punching him hard in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. He fell back down in his chair.

  Bent over, Jared clutched his stomach. “Damn, Daina! Why are you so angry with me?”

  “Because you’re making me sick!” Daina began to pace. “Jared, I don’t like seeing you like this. I don’t blame Tandi; I wouldn’t want your wussy ass back either.”

  Jared sat up. “Can you make me feel any better about myself?”

  “I’m not trying to make you feel better about yourself. Personally . . .”

  “Here we go.”

  “. . . I wanna set a cherry bomb off under your ass.”

  “Why are you putting this all off on me?”

  “Because you dropped the ball. I told you that three years ago. But did you listen to me? No, you didn’t. Jared, my brother, you know I love you. I stood by you when you did Tandi wrong the first time.”

  “That’s not what I recall. You stopped speaking to me for about two months.”

  “Let’s not split hairs. Of course I was pissed with you, but I stood by both you and Tandi. While I wasn’t speaking to you, I was pleading your case to Tandi even though I wanted to kick your ass. If you’re gonna screw around, you should make it your business to not get caught.”

  “Humph, humph, humph,” Jared said, shaking his head. “You have some nerve to beat up on me when you have such a warped sense of fidelity.”

  “Excuse me, but I’m no hypocrite—I know whereof I speak. Yes, Herb is my husband, but Herb, as you know, has problems that Viagra can’t fix, and I’m far from closing up shop.”

  “But how can you look Herb in the face after you’ve been with someone else?”

  “Because I’m not throwing what I do in his face. I love Herb, Jared. He’s a great person and we’re fabulous together. Why should I divorce Herb because he can’t do anything for me sexually? If sex was what our marriage was based on, then it would have ended after his surgery for testicular cancer. Herb never recovered from that surgery or the radiation treatments. His doctors said that he should have, but he didn’t. It was bad enough that we would never be able to have children together, but it was even worse when his desire to have sex was prematurely cut off with his balls. And since I didn’t hold Herb’s balls in my hands at the altar, I wasn’t about to desert the man. Therefore, I know how to be discreet. I respect Herb by making sure he never knows if or when I do anything extracurricular.”

  “And that makes it right?”

  “It makes it respectable, but I’m not the one on the hot seat, you are. Tandi forgave you your indiscretion because you made her believe you were sorry and that she was the most important person in the world to you.”

  “And it was the truth, except Tandi didn’t really forgive me. That indiscretion, as you call it, is what she holds over my head.”

  “That’s because you wounded that part of her that made her believe in you. Wounds like that are hard to heal, Jared, and usually never close completely. There is always a scab. And when the one who caused that scab in the first place picks at it, it bleeds all over again.”

  “I don’t see where I did anything wrong after that affair. When Tandi left me, I hadn’t done anything. Hell, Evonne hadn’t even happened yet.”

  “Don’t even mention that skank’s name with her messy self. What you did wrong, Jared, was that you stopped paying Tandi, the woman, any attention. And I guarantee you, she associated that with your cheating on her.”

  Jared’s hand dropped from his stomach. “How many times was I supposed to tell Tandi I was working, trying to make a good living for her? Why can’t she understand that?”

  “Jared, Tandi’s not stupid. She understood that,” Daina said, moseying over to her chair and sitting down. “What she probably couldn’t understand is why you let your work form a wedge between you two. On some level, she sees your work, your career, as a mistress that you see every day, which means you’re cheating her out of the love and affection you promised when you married her.”

  “Oh, that’s bull.”

  “Okay, Mr. Stubborn, Mr. Hardhead. Don’t tell me later that I didn’t explain this to you, but we can stop talking about this. The problem you have to deal with now is saving your marriage.”

  “I don’t think it’s salvageable.”

  “Geez, Jared, do try to grab onto an ounce of optimism, please.”

  Dropping his head back, Jared chuckled. It was all too funny. Maybe that was it. He hadn’t allowed himself the luxury of being optimistic. At this point, he was enjoying being with MJ and for the moment, that was all he could handle.

  “I’ll admit that I do want Tandi back, but . . .”

  “But?”

  “. . . but I’m no longer up to scraping my knees raw to get her to give me the time of day.”

  “Jared, you don’t have to crawl. In fact, Tandi wouldn’t want you to crawl. Hell, she’s like me. She likes strong men, men who take charge, men who are decision makers, men who know what they want. You are one of those men, Jared—that is when you’re yourself. Look at you, you look like you’re about to cry.”

  Jared closed his eyes. He could hear MJ pounding away on his drum. At least he was enjoying himself, while the pounding was beginning to give him a headache. Daina was wrong. He wasn’t even close to crying. He was all cried out. Of course he wouldn’t dare tell Daina that he had already cried, more than once. She’d have a fit. Yes, he wanted Tandi back so badly that it hurt to even think about it at times. More importantly, their breakup was hurting his practice. And wasn’t that ironic? One of the issues that had come between them, he had lost interest in. He worked the cases that demanded his attention, but most afternoons he left the office in Raoul’s and Marci’s capable hands while he went off with MJ. He would check in before closing just to make sure that everything was all right, but if he didn’t g
et it together soon, his practice would suffer.

  “Jared, if you want Tandi back, you’re going to have to pull yourself out of this deep funk.”

  “Actually,” he said, settling back, “I’ve gotten to be quite comfortable in this funk. It feels like a big old easy chair cradling me in the midst of the mess I’ve made.”

  “That frog on the lily pad again,” Daina said. “Damn, Jared, you might be a lost cause.”

  MJ’s pounding was beginning to sound more rhythmic, but Jared wished he’d put it away for the night an hour ago. It was getting to be nine-thirty.

  “Where’s your sense of humor, Daina? I’m no more comfortable in this funk than I am sitting here listening to you harangue me.”

  “Thank God. Because you don’t have time for self-pity, brother. You scared me. I was worried about you.”

  “So what do you propose I do?”

  “First of all, I propose that I go see Tandi.”

  That got Jared’s attention. “When?”

  “Tonight, tomorrow, as soon as I speak to her. I’m gonna get on her behind for not doing what I told her to do.”

  “And what was that?”

  Daina smiled devilishly.

  “What?” Jared asked.

  “Now, don’t be mad, but I told Tandi—mind you this was three years ago when you cheated on her—to go out and get herself a man packing one the size of a horse and ride his ass to death.”

  Forgetting that his stomach was sore, Jared jumped right out of his chair. “How could you tell her that? You’re supposed to be my friend.”

  “I’m Tandi’s friend, too.”

  “That’s what Evonne said just before she betrayed her.”

  “Boy, don’t make me come over there and show you what I learned in that self-defense class,” Daina warned seriously. “For your information, I told Tandi that to keep her from leaving you.”

  “Was that advice supposed to make her stay? I’m glad you’re not a lawyer.”

  “Hey, if getting laid by another man would have kept your ‘happy’ home intact, I was all for it. You weren’t taking care of Tandi, Jared. Tandi was love deprived and sexually frustrated. An affair might’ve put a smile on her face and some excitement in her life.”

  “Daina, does your brain know what’s coming out of your mouth? I’m in this mess in the first place because of an affair.”

  “And that’s because you got caught, stupid.”

  “That’s it. I’m through talking to you.” Jared went to the liquor cabinet. “I don’t think I ever realized how warped your thinking was.” He poured himself a glass of warm sparkling seltzer water.

  “My thinking might be warped to you but the French and the Italians can vouch for it. But I’m telling you, Jared. Get your ass in gear and figure out what you really want, because, if I know Tandi, she isn’t sitting in her father’s house twiddling her thumbs.”

  Jared gulped down his water.

  “Yuck. At least put some ice in it.”

  “Yeah, it was nasty,” he admitted.

  “I bet it was. By the way, Michael Jared—”

  “MJ.”

  “Yeah, him,” Daina said. “He said Tandi went out tonight. I wonder with whom. Jared, aren’t you curious?”

  “No,” he lied.

  “Well, I am.”

  Jared tried to be cool. “So you’re going to try to see her tonight?”

  “You bet your ass I am. Tandi knew how to reach me and didn’t call me one time to let me know what was going on back here. And neither did you, by the way.”

  “Could it be that neither one of us wanted to spoil your vacation?”

  “How considerate of you both. Spoiling my homecoming is so much better.”

  “Daina, you’re too full of yourself. As awesome as you are, there was nothing you could have done for me or Tandi.”

  “I’m gonna make you eat your words.”

  “Okay, we’ll see.”

  MJ was pounding off beat again. Jared glanced up at the ceiling. He glanced at the wall clock. It was nine-forty. “It’s time for the drummer boy to cut it out.”

  “He just needs lessons.”

  “Daina, would you do something for me?”

  “Of course.”

  “When you see Tandi, don’t shove me down her throat.”

  “I hadn’t intended to. My goal is to find out who she’s seeing,” Daina teased. “It might be someone I can play with.”

  “Daina, you have problems.”

  “Not me, brother.” Daina stood. “You. If you get your head straight, and if Tandi is playing around, she’ll put her play toy aside like a pair of snagged panty hose.”

  “You’re not leaving, are you?”

  “Actually, I’m staying until Tandi calls. Right now, I’m going upstairs to show Michael Jared—”

  “MJ,” Jared corrected.

  “He’s serious about that MJ thing, huh?”

  “Very.”

  “Well, I am going up to show MJ how to beat on that thing.”

  “It’s late, Daina, and I don’t know if the neighbors can hear the noise or not. Besides, I have a headache, and you don’t know how to play that thing anyway.”

  “I beg your pardon. I was shown by a tribesman, personally.”

  “Where was Herb while you were getting personal instructions?”

  “Boy, get your mind out of the gutter. Herb took pictures of me getting real drumming lessons. I’ll show them to you as soon as they’re developed.”

  Jared rolled his eyes. “I can’t wait.”

  MJ’s pounding escalated.

  “MJ!” Jared shouted up the stairs. “That’s enough! Put it away.”

  MJ shouted back, “Five more minutes, okay?”

  “No! Not one more second. Put it away or I’ll take it away. It’s time for bed anyway.”

  “Aw, Dad. And Mommy didn’t call yet.”

  “Aw, Dad,” Daina mimicked, sticking out her lower lip.

  “Don’t start, Daina. I’m tired of you, too.”

  “Yes, but you can’t do anything to me. In fact, you need me.” She playfully punched Jared in the arm.

  “Unfortunately.”

  “Hey, show some gratitude. I’m about to single-handedly save your marriage. How do you like me now, brother man? Don’t you just love me?”

  “Not as much as you love yourself.”

  “Oh, but you will. Now, what do you have to drink around here besides hot seltzer water?”

  “Ginger ale, fruit punch, orange juice.”

  Daina reclined on the sofa. She reached for the remote control. “Nothing for adults, huh?”

  “I thought you weren’t drinking anything stronger than ginger ale since Herb stopped drinking.”

  “Remember, I don’t drink around him—don’t wanna tempt the boy—but I do have a taste when he’s not around, and tonight, he’s not around.”

  “It’s getting late. Shouldn’t you call him?”

  “He knows I’m here. He told me to tell you he’ll stop by tomorrow.”

  “Tell him to bring his best chess game. I’ve been practicing.”

  Daina chuckled softly. “Like that’ll make a difference.”

  “Thanks a lot.” Jared stood at the bottom of the basement stairs. “When does Herb go back to work?”

  “Monday.”

  “What about you? Are you done traveling for a while?”

  “Until August. After I turn in my article, I’m taking a break. I’m tired of traveling.”

  “As a senior travel editor, Daina, I don’t know how you can say that.”

  “Easy. I’m tired of lugging suitcases and sleeping in everybody else’s bed but my own. And believe me, I’m beginning to hate fancy hotel food.”

  “So are you gonna eventually stop traveling?”

  “I’m thinking about it. I mean really, where haven’t I been?”

  “What will you do?”

  Daina shrugged. “Try my hand at my first love.”
>
  “Ahh.” Jared smiled. He nodded. “I think you should. You’d be a great writer.”

  Daina took the compliment with a smile. “Imagine the tales I could create using all the exotic places I’ve been to as backdrops.”

  “I can imagine them banning your titles from public schools.”

  “Oh, they wouldn’t do that. I’m a good girl,” Daina said coyly, fluttering her lashes.

  “Yeah, right—good and nasty. I’m going out to get you your Remy Martin,” Jared said, stretching, “before I change my mind.” He was tired but he could use the fresh air.

  Feeling weary from her flight, Daina yawned and stretched also. “Is anything open this late around here?”

  “There’s a liquor store down on Hillside near Francis Lewis Boulevard that’s usually open. I’ll be back in a few.

  Jared took his time driving down to Hillside Avenue. Daina had given him a lot to think about. He’d never tell Daina—her head was big enough—but he felt infinitely better now that she was back. If anyone in the world could get Tandi to talk to him again, it would be Daina. At least he prayed that she could.

  41

  The magic was gone. Brent had made love to Tandi, and she hadn’t felt a thing beyond the assault on her body. She didn’t throb, her skin didn’t tingle, no beads of sweat rolled down between her breasts, and the orgasmic release that she had counted on to sustain her sanity hadn’t been achieved. Brent had worked hard on top of her, yet it wasn’t the magic he had performed so many times before, satisfying her, making her feel, at least for a little while, that she was loved. She had selfishly turned a blind eye to his drug use because he was taking care of the bothersome itch that had to be satisfied, but it seemed of late she wasn’t itching anymore. Maybe hating Brent’s drug use was putting a damper on enjoying sex with him as well as being with him. Even now she watched as he went off into the bathroom, knowing full well that he was cloistering himself away in there to smoke. That was his routine—before they made love and after they made love.