Merryll Manning Is Dead Lucky

by Johm Howard Reid

  Number five, Ex-Professor Carmichael Dune-Harrigan, whom I’d displaced from table one. During his brief intro with Sedge Cornbeck, Dune-Harrigan described himself as “an archaeologist who lived to dig!” He homed in on Thebes, of course, the capital of Ancient Egypt.

  Doctor Zaraka Konstanos, a marriage counselor working mainly with the Greek community, completed our fascinating line-up. Her port of call was Delphi – unsolved riddles. Oh, boy! What I knew about riddles – solved or unsolved – I could write on the cuticle of my little toe.

  “You all know the rules,” smirked Sedge. “First to ring his or her buzzer answers the question. Get it right, win one point. Guess wrong, lose two points. Are all buzzers in order?

  “The first fifteen questions have to do with Bruce Brunsdon’s category, Avignon – Medieval history. So what exactly is Avignon? Is it – ”

  I pressed my buzzer so fast, Sedge didn’t get a chance to finish the question. “Avignon is a town in France where the Popes were forced to take temporary residence in the fourteenth century.”

  The good Christian Brothers at Saint Pat’s used to force a boy to earn no less than 45 credits for religious studies. There’s always got to be a first time when such esoteric knowledge comes in handy!

  “That is correct!”

  The spectators were cheering like mad! “Merryll Manning, one point up!”

  Old Dune-Harrigan glanced around at me. If looks could kill, I’d be lying dead on the floor! He wasn’t going to be caught napping again, that’s for sure! But he needn’t have worried. I didn’t have any other answers, and neither did anyone else except Bruce Brunsdon. He knew them all. The TV monitor read: BRUNSDON, 14… MANNING, 1.

  I was beginning to feel sick.

  On to Chicago – Famous crimes and criminals. “Chicago…” began Sedge.

  I buzzed, “Al Capone.”

  “That is correct.” More cheers! Once again I’d successfully guessed the question. A calculated risk, but that was the only way to beat Dune-Harrigan, the only way I could win!

  Sedge smacked his lips. “The murder of Hollywood film director William Desmond Taylor in 1922 has never been officially solved. But a recent book accuses…”

  “Mary Miles Minter’s mother!” I buzzed.

  “Correct!”

  The crowd was really going wild now. They needed no coaching. And I bet Dune-Harrigan was cursing. He hated movies. Always derided them as a piffling entertainment for idiots.

  “The Taylor case occurred right in the middle of what other famous…”

  Two buzzers rang at the same time. I think mine had a slight edge.

  “…Hollywood scandal? I’ll give the question to Denis Arnett. I think his buzzer was slightly ahead there.”

  A few boos from the crowd. They knew I was first.

  “Fatty Arbuckle.”

  “That is correct. And what name did Arbuckle…”

  I pressed my buzzer like mad. “Will B. Good.” No mine geologist from Illinois was going to do me out of any jackpot. When it came to anything relating to classic movies – be they famous crimes, scandals or divorces – I was the man with the answers. The Results Board was beginning to look really great. I could count that $8,000 already.

  “… use later on in his career, when he was forced to turn from acting to directing? Will B. Good is correct.”

  Again the crowd went wild: BRUNSDON, 14… MANNING, 4… ARNETT, 1.

  “Turning now to the strange case of Michael Malloy…”

  I’d never heard of Michael Malloy. But Arnett had. In fact, the next eight questions were complete mysteries to me. But Arnett answered every one of them. And the crowd was cheering him now, though a score of nine was hardly anything to get excited about.

  But I was about to change all that.

  I sweated through a brace of commercials.

  “On to Hollywood now, with Merryll Manning and the movies. What was Humphrey Bogart’s last feature film?”

  “The Harder They Fall.”

  “Correct.”

  I was in luck. Another three Bogart questions, for which I took my time buzzing the answers. I figured no-one could beat me on Bogie. I was right. An easy query on Mae West evoked no competition either. I basked in the cheers, but even more so in the seeming security of the scoreboard: BRUNSDON, 14… MANNING, 9… ARNETT, 9.

  “On now to another Hollywood superstar, Marilyn Monroe. What was her real – ”

  Buzz! But it wasn’t me! I stared at my own buzzer in dismay. Some thief had got in ahead of me!

  “Norma Jean Baker.” Arnett!

  “That is correct. Her last movie wasn’t completed…”

  Arnett couldn’t best me on that one. “Something’s Got To Give.”

  “Correct.” BRUNSDON, 14… MANNING, 10… ARNETT, 10.

  “Robert Mitchum’s first movie was…?”

  No-one answered. Sedge looked at me appealingly. Silence is anything but golden on TV!

  “Do you want the first film Mitch made?” I asked. “Or the first one that was released?”

  Sedge glanced down at his notes. Of course, they didn’t come anywhere near answering the question. But Sedge wasn’t fazed. He was an experienced presenter – hadn’t been on TV for ten years simply because the viewers liked his face. Keep the show moving was the motto of the game. No silence at any cost! “Suppose you tell us?” he asked.

  “Mitchum’s first movie was Border Patrol, but it was actually released second. Hoppy Serves a Writ was the first to be shown.”

  “I’ll buy that.”

  The crowd cheered.

  MANNING, 11.

  “Till the Clouds Roll By was the life story of…?”

  “Jerome Kern.”

  “Correct. Other American songwriters have had their life stories filmed too. Numerous movies have homed in on Stephen Foster, while Cole Porter had his Night and Day, DeSylva, Brown and Henderson, their Best Things In Life Are Free, Bert Kalmar and Harry Ruby, their Three Little Words, Sigmund Romberg, his posthumous Deep In My Heart, Gus Kahn: I’ll See You In My Dreams. Aside from Stephen Foster and Cole Porter, these are hardly household names. Yet one life story, Hollywood has never filmed. He’s probably the most enduringly popular songwriter of all time.”

  “Irving Berlin.”

  “Correct!”

  The audience was going wild. MANNING, 13. Just one more point and I’d tie with Brunsdon, and the game – except for a challenge from Dune-Harrigan – was in the bag!

  “We all know the Greek film star, Melina Mercouri, and her smash hit, Never On Sunday. What was her first film?”

  Not fair! Who knows the ins and outs of Greek film stars – even if they did make occasional American successes? My home town was Hollywood, not Athens! While I was pondering whether to object or simply make a wild guess, someone pressed the buzzer ahead of me.

  “Yes, Doctor Konstanos?”

  “Stella.”

  “That is absolutely correct, doctor!”

  The crowd cheered. No need to make such a song and dance about it. She was Greek. Of course she’d know. A lucky fluke. That board was still looking good, and that was all that really mattered: BRUNSDON, 14… MANNING, 13… ARNETT, 10… KONSTANOS, 1.

  “Stella was directed by Michael Cacoyannis and starred the very popular Greek actor…?”

  “Georges Foundas.”

  “Absolutely correct, doctor!”

  The crowd went wild. You’d think she’d won the grand prize. It wasn’t fair. Hollywood – that’s where the questions were supposed to be about! I was being robbed blind! My temper rising, my face burning hot, I had to grip hard to the sides of my tatty table to keep control.

  “Director Michael Cacoyannis made a very famous film, a huge international success?”

  I hadn’t the faintest. I’d never heard of the garlic eater.

  “Zorba, the Greek.”

  I kicked myself. That was one I did know. Anthony Quinn played Zorba. And now I was really boiling mad!

/>   “Worth two points: Robert de Niro has won Hollywood’s most prestigious acting awards for what two movies?”

  I slammed my thumb into the buzzer. “Taxi Driver and Raging Bull.”

  “Wrong! It was The Godfather and Raging Bull. You gain one point for Raging Bull, but lose two points for Taxi Driver, Down, one point. What famous movie star refused his 1970 award for Best Actor?”

  I pressed the buzzer like mad.

  “You didn’t let me finish. I want both the title of the film and the name of the actor. Worth two points.”

  “Marlon Brando for The Godfather.”

  “Wrong! That happened at the 1972 awards. At the 1970 awards, the actor was George C. Scott and the film was Patton. You lose four points.”

  I stood up. “You’re wrong!” I screamed. “If De Niro won for The Godfather, how could Brando also win for The Godfather? My previous answer was right. De Niro won for Taxi Driver!”

  Sedge scurried through his notes. I could see this segment being edited out when the show was broadcast tonight.

  With a bit of luck, Sedge would be forced to replay the whole two questions.

  “I’m sorry. De Niro won for The Godfather Part Two. I’m sorry I didn’t make that plain.”

  A few boos from the crowd. At least I had a couple of supporters out there.

  “Your answer threw me out. Part Two was made in 1974. I couldn’t possibly have confused The Godfather with Patton. Your wrong answer threw me.”

  Sedge smiled. “I actually did you a favor. You should have realized that if The Godfather was the answer to the first question, it couldn’t possibly also be the answer to the second. You lose four points.”

  BRUNSDON, 14… ARNETT, 10… MANNING, 8… KONSTANOS, 3.

  It was easier to lose points than gain them. That results board was not looking at all encouraging. And only three certain Hollywood questions left to go…

  “Although they were both big stars at Warner Brothers for over twenty years, Edward G, Robinson and James Cagney made only one film together. What was it?”

  I didn’t know. My brain was burning up. I couldn’t think straight.

  “Nobody know? Smart Money. What was the trademark song of Frances Gumm?”

  “Frances Gumm is Judy Garland,” I answered.

  “I want the name of her song.”

  “Over the Rainbow,” I said smartly.

  “Correct. Now our last question in this Hollywood segment: What is – or rather, was – Larry Parks’s most famous role?”

  I jammed my thumb into the buzzer. “Jolson. He played Jolson in The Jolson Story and Jolson Sings Again.”

  “Correct.”

  During the commercial break, I studied the board hard. It wasn’t very encouraging. BRUNSDON, 14… ARNETT, 10… MANNING, 10 … KONSTANOS, 3.

  From any angle, there was no way I could make the figures come out with Manning on top. Dune-Harrigan, who hadn’t made his move yet, was a moral to win. I’d done my best to forget everything I ever knew about Ancient Egypt. And I’d lost five easy points. I should now be leading. How was I going to pick up five points from crazy subjects like English Literature and Delphic Riddles?

  Sure enough, English Literature was right off my planet. I fumed through cosmic riddles on Wordsworth’s poetry and the whereabouts of Childe Harold’s pilgrimage – thirteen of these idiot questions and Sally Wilmot, the expert ex-missionary didn’t miss even one! I’d even relaxed my thumb, when Sedge suddenly asked, “In the movie version of Pride and Prejudice, who played Darcy?”

  “Laurence Olivier.”

  MANNING, 11.

  “What famous English novelist write the screenplay?”

  This time, Sally Wilmot was too quick: “Jane Austen.”

  “I asked who wrote the screenplay, not the original novel.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know.”

  “I’m sorry too. You lose two points. And you were going so well too!”

  “I can answer the question.” I butted in. “Aldous Huxley.”

  “That’s right. But as you didn’t ring your buzzer first…”

  Another commercial break for Tunning’s Totally Tempting Travel Tour Tickets. Another chance to study the score: BRUNSDON, 14. He hadn’t spoken a word since his first go. Why should he? He doubtless saw himself as sitting on top, just waiting for the rest of us to be mad enough to lose points. He didn’t know Ex-Professor Carmichael Dune-Harrigan, and what he didn’t know wasn’t worrying him.

  MANNING, 11. There was still a hope, but I would have to take chances.

  ARNETT, 10. He was out of it. Too cautious. He’d stay on ten till the end.

  WILMOT, 11. No hope for her either,

  KONSTANOS, 3. She was a definite danger. She was last in the pecking order, but if she correctly answered all her own riddles – or rather all of Sedge’s riddles – she’d end up with 18.

  But before Konstanos took her turn, Ancient Egypt, of course, changed everything. The old pirate archaeologist sailed through every one of his fifteen questions. The rest of us didn’t have a prayer. The board read “DUNE-HARRIGAN, 15” even before we had the next round with Doctor Zara Konstanos and her unsolved riddles.

  Would you believe, Zara missed every single one of her questions – not that I blame her. She obviously expected Greek riddles but what she got had a decidedly American slant such as “An aircraft carrying what famous band leader went missing in a flight over Europe in WW2?” I was pretty sure Sedge meant Glenn Miller, but I didn’t want to chance losing another two points. The rest of us were not game either.

  Sedge then began shooting questions from any category:

  “What famous king consulted the Delphic oracle in 550 BC?”

  “Croesus,” answered Arnett, quick as a flash.

  “Correct.” A few perfunctory claps. The spectators were tiring, and, despite his sudden entry into the fray, Arnett was not all that popular with the crowd.

  “Who is – or was – Gerard Croiset?”

  “A psychic detective.” Arnett again!

  “What is Judge Joseph Crater noted for?”

  “He disappeared in 1930 and no trace of him has ever been found.” Arnett yet again!

  “Correct!” The crowd was now cheering with a bit more enthusiasm. The outsider was getting up and making a late dash. He could win! ARNETT, 13 was now nudging BRUNSDON, 14 and DUNE-HARRIGAN, 15!

  With only 11 points, I was way down the list. Sally Wilmot also had 11 points but I couldn’t see her winning somehow. After all, the only way I could win would be to take some desperate chances – and why not? Like Arnett, I now had nothing to lose!

  “Lionel Crabb was a Royal Navy frogman who disappeared in Portsmouth Harbor in 1956. No trace of him has ever been found. What was his nickname?”

  I’d never heard of Lionel Crabb, but I pressed the buzzer like crazy. There was only one nickname possible! “Buster!” I yelled.

  “That is correct. Buster Crabb, after the famous film star.”

  “He starred in the serial, Flash Gordon,” I observed.

  The crowd cheered.

  Without waiting for the cheers to die down, Sedge pressed ahead with the next question. The show was running out of time. “Who or what is Qwerty?”

  “The first letters on the second line of a typewriter keyboard and sometimes used as the name for a standard typewriter.” You don’t get any promotions on the police force until you type up a few thousand reports with two fingers.

  “Who is John Mullins?”

  No-one knew.

  We all missed the next two questions as well. Only seven to go! The crowd was getting excited. Sedge’s voice took on a racetrack close-finish timbre. “What is an ankh?”

  I pressed my buzzer like crazy, but Dune-Harrigan got in before me. “Best described as T-shaped cross with a loop at the top. It’s the Egyptian symbol of life.”

  “Absolutely correct!”

  “Raising the dead to life has been the subject of many books and m
ovies. For instance, Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein. Who played Frankenstein in the 1931 movie?”

  Brunsdon got in ahead of me. With Dune-Harrigan leading at 16, he was now 2 points down. “Boris Karloff.”

  “I’m afraid you’re wrong. You lose two points. Karloff played the monster. Colin Clive was Frankenstein. UFO’s have been the subject of many books and films. One of the most famous films was directed by Steven – ”

  I took a desperate chance. “Close Encounters of the Third Kind.”

  “Absolutely correct!”

  The crowd was going wild.

  DUNE-HARRIGAN, 16… MANNING, 14… BRUNSDON, 12 … ARNETT, 12… WILMOT, 11… KONSTANOS, 4.

  Just three questions to go. I would have to get every one of them to win! My scalp was sticky with sweat, yet I was shivering with cold. I wiped my thumb on my pants and poised it over the buzzer.

  “The jungles of South America hold many secrets, none more legendary than the never discovered – ”

  My thumb jammed into the buzzer. “El Dorado.”

  “… city of gold. El Dorado is correct.”

  The crowd went really wild.

  MANNING, 15. Two questions to go.

  “Heinrich Schliemann – ”

  Dune-Harrigan pressed his buzzer. “He was an archaeologist who set out to discover Troy.”

  “Troy is correct.”

  The audience cheered their heads off. That was it. DUNE-HARRIGAN, 17… MANNING, 15… And only one question to go! Hopeless! Still, I’d given it a college try. And maybe I could get a job… I realized with a guilty start that I’d forgotten all about the threatening 2x3’s.

  “Our last question to-night. Are you all on your toes? Ready with those buzzers? For the last time!” Although Sedge was desperately trying to stir up a bit of last-minute excitement, Dune-Harrigan was a certain winner. The crowd knew it. Sedge knew it. All us contestants knew it. Maybe the cozy viewers at home hadn’t quite cottoned on?

  “The pyramids of the Egyptian pharaohs – ”

  Dune-Harrigan pressed his buzzer. Was he crazy? No, not him. Egypt was his home ground. He couldn’t resist an easy question like this. Off he rolled: “The pyramids were made of stone, topped with gold. The first pyramid, known as the Step Pyramid…

  “… are well known but not by any means unique. Pyramids built by other ancient civilizations are found elsewhere. In fact, the world’s largest Pyramid is located – where?”