by J. M. Paul
Bax took my hand in his and led me—on unsteady legs—toward the cashier.
When I received my money, I turned toward Bax and beamed.
“What do you want to do now?” Bax asked.
“Tonight’s a great night, and I want to celebrate.” I rocked back on my heels.
“What do you have in mind?” He cocked his head at me.
I knew what I wanted to do, and for once, I was going to be bold and brave, not think, and go with what my heart, mind, and body wanted. And what they wanted was standing right in front of me with a sloppy grin, an adorable dimple, and bedroom eyes.
“You.” I had hoped to say it in a seductive voice, but for some reason, it felt wrong. It could be that I had absolutely no experience in trying to seduce a guy.
Bax’s pupils dilated, and he took a deep breath. “Libby…” he warned.
“I’m not joking, Bax. We decided to be together, and now, I want everything that comes along with a serious relationship.” I stepped closer to him, so the people circling around us couldn’t hear what I was about to say. “I’m not sure how far we can go because I’m afraid I’ll freeze up or freak out, but I’m ready to experiment with you…sexually.”
He gently kissed me on the lips and then rested his cheek against my forehead. “Libby…” he said again.
I heard the want and trepidation in his voice. I was curious as to which would win.
“Let’s just try, Bax. Please. I know I’m asking a lot of you, and I know it’ll be hard. It will, but I trust you more than I trust anyone, and I want to move forward with you. I don’t think I’d be able to try with anyone else, and I don’t want to live the rest of my life scared of intimacy.”
He moved, so his forehead rested on mine. I looked up at him. His eyes were closed, and his jaw was twitching. Before he could try to talk me out of giving us both what we wanted, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him like I had never kissed him before.
Groaning, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tight against him. As his tongue slid against mine, our lips moved to a beat only our bodies could hear. Hands trailed, hearts begged, and we struggled to get closer, but it was never close enough.
“Get a room.” Someone bumped into us and broke Bax’s lips from mine.
Even though I still had my arms wrapped around his neck, I felt lonely, needy, and unsatisfied. For the first time in probably forever, I needed more from the man standing in front of me. I felt like I would burst wide open if he didn’t satisfy my building hunger.
“Are you sure about this, Libby?” Bax looked at me with heavily lidded eyes.
If I didn’t know any better, I would say he was just as desperate as I was.
“Yes.” It was almost immediate.
“You hesitated.”
“And you’re impatient.” I laughed.
I was surprised I could smile with all the newly sparked adrenaline coursing through me.
Touching his face with my hands, I gazed deeply into his eyes. “I want this, Bax. I wouldn’t ask for you to do this if I wasn’t sure.”
Around us, people screamed out in delight, slot machines dinged with gusto, slews of people ambled around, and music was thumping from somewhere behind us, but none of it mattered as we watched each other. It all faded into nothingness as I got lost in the hazel eyes I had grown to respect, cherish, and admire.
“You need to have a drink.” He suddenly stepped away from me and started leading me over to a bar.
“I’m not thirsty.” My brows furrowed in confusion.
When he stopped abruptly and turned toward me, I ran into him, stumbling forward. He caught me, and when I was settled, he twisted me toward him.
“I don’t mean water or soda. You need alcohol.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but he placed two fingers on my lips to prevent me from speaking.
“I know you don’t drink, and I know you’re scared to possibly lose control like that, but I’m only suggesting one.” He brushed his hands back through my hair. “I won’t take advantage of you, Ad Lib—of that, you can be assured—but it’ll loosen you up slightly. Hopefully, it’ll make it so that it’s not so difficult for you to be touched in the way I want to touch you.” Sweeping his lips over mine, he said, “I promise, it’ll help. Just one drink, Libby.”
Clenching my eyes closed, I fought against the lost girl that lived inside me. The one that constantly tried to be the daughter my parents had raised me to be, the woman who did what they would have more than likely wanted me to do. But, as the days went on, I started to realize that I was my own person now. My parents had died over five years ago, and I was still scrambling to be the sixteen-year-old they had known and loved, but it was time to discover who I was now. It hurt in the worst possible way, but it was an inevitable aspect of growing up.
“Just one,” I agreed.
Bax nodded and then led me to the bar. When we sat, he handed me a cocktail menu.
“You’ll probably need something sweet, so it’ll mask the taste of alcohol.” He nudged his chin toward the menu. “Anything sound good?”
I browsed the menu but had no clue what to order. “I…don’t know.” Shoving it in Bax’s hands, I said, “You order something for me.”
He studied me for a second and then nodded his head. “I have an idea.” He closed the menu without studying it and pushed it forward, so the bartender knew we were ready to order.
“What can I getcha?” The girl leaned over the bar top in front of Bax, making sure he got a front-row view of her ample cleavage.
He didn’t even spare it a glance.
“A tall watermelon vodka, Malibu Rum, and cranberry juice with a lot of ice, please.” He placed his credit card on the surface and pushed it toward her.
She picked up the plastic card. “Anything else, honey?” Her term of endearment set my skin on fire—in a not so good way.
“A water.” He turned and kissed me on the lips, efficiently deflating the bartender’s hope.
His kiss set my skin on fire—in a very good way.
“You’re not getting a real drink?” I questioned when he pulled back.
“No, I’m already buzzed, and I wish I weren’t. I need to do this right with you, Ad Lib.” His fingers wove back into my hair, and he massaged the base of my neck.
I closed my eyes and hummed at the sensation of his fingers on me. Without warning, he quickly pulled them away. My eyes popped open and met his. He gave me a look that said, if he kept touching me and I kept making those noises, I wouldn’t get my drink before he carted me up to his room, caveman-style.
My stomach flipped at the thought, and I wondered what it would be like if Bax ever lost an inkling of control. To my surprise, the thought was appealing.
“Here you go.” The bartender set the drinks on the counter and pushed the paper bill toward Bax.
He signed, turned the bill over, and pushed it to the edge.
Bax slid the drink in front of me. “Give it a taste.”
I wrapped my lips around the straw and cautiously drew the liquid into my mouth. It was cold, heavier than water on my tongue, and tasted exactly like a watermelon Jolly Rancher.
“What do you think?” Bax asked after I swallowed and took another sip.
“It’s good.” I nodded my head and took yet another drink. “I see why people like to drink if this is what it tastes like.”
Bax laughed quietly and nodded. “I think it’s more the effect it has on them than the taste, but both are good.”
As I raised the straw to my lips again, my attention wandered around the bar. A few groups of people around our age were sitting at tables. Drinking diligently, they were all laughing and were partly obnoxious, but I guessed that was what Las Vegas was for—to be and act like something you were not.
I pulled through the straw again, and when it slurped, I lifted my drink and stared, dumbfounded, at the empty glass.
“How did that happen?” I smiled at Bax.
>
Out of nowhere, my body started to get warm, I felt light, and the room started to become muted. My smile grew and it felt sloppy.
“Looks like it’s working.” Bax took the glass from my hand and set it on the bar.
“Mmhmm.” I leaned forward and planted my mouth against Bax’s, but I ended up kissing the corner of his lips. I tried to say, “Can I have another?” but my tongue felt numb, like I had no control over it.
“I think one is enough for tonight. I want you relaxed, not incoherent.”
His perfectly white teeth flashed at me, and I thought about how pretty they were for teeth.
Maybe I should photograph just his mouth for my portfolio.
Bax’s hand landed on my knee and slowly moved up to the middle of my thigh. That brought my focus from his perfectly succulent lips to the heat radiating out from his hand. I was warm from the alcohol, but now, I felt like I was an inferno.
“Are you ready?” Bax whispered as his mouth worked its way up my neck.
“Yes!” I said too enthusiastically.
Bax chuckled.
He helped me off my stool and through the casino because my legs didn’t want to work. He wrapped his arm around my waist as we waited for the elevator.
I anxiously wrung my hands together and swayed in place. Bax tightened his hold on me and kissed the top of my head.
“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Libby.”
“Oh, I want to do many somethings.” I nodded. “What’s taking this elevator so long?”
Laughing once, he led me into the enclosed space when it arrived and stabbed the number five for our floor. If three other people weren’t in the space with us, I thought I probably would have taken advantage of Bax right then and there.
Alcohol is a very bad, bad but good thing.
The indicator dinged, and we stepped out into the hallway. We made it to room 511, and Bax hesitated before placing his key card into the slot, unlocking the door.
Bax swung the hotel room door open, placed the Do Not Disturb sign on the handle, and turned back to me in the hallway.
“We don’t have to do this…” It was said so softly that I could tell he was tentative as well, but he extended his hand toward me.
Looking beyond him at the empty room and then back at him, I felt nervous but also curious and excited. He smiled, and it was so full of tenderness that it started to ignite me in ways I wanted to further explore.
I placed my hand in his and slowly stepped past him.
I was in Bax’s room with sin on my mind.
Thank you, Las Vegas.
For a moment, I wondered what my parents would think about what I was potentially going to do, but before I let that thought get too far, I shook my head and let the fuzziness of the alcohol take over again.
No thinking, just doing.
It was the only way I would get through what was about to happen. Not that I didn’t want it to happen—because the thought almost had me salivating—but I wasn’t sure how I would react. I didn’t want to completely go off the wall and scare Bax to the point that he would never touch me again.
“Do you want anything?” Bax’s voice interrupted my thoughts.
I turned to see him still standing at the door, looking unsure.
I thought I was supposed to be the one who was scared.
“No, I’m good.”
Surveying the room, I noticed it was exactly like ours but a mirrored reflection. There were two queen-size beds, a bathroom, a dresser with a flat screen television, and a large window.
I walked to the window, drew back the curtain, and looked down at the pool. It was empty at this late hour, but it glowed a bright blue in the lights. It was a beautiful but lonely sight.
I felt Bax come up to stand behind me more than I heard him. My body was so attuned to his right now that I knew every move he made without having to see him. It seemed that not only our minds spoke the same language, but also our bodies. What they whispered to each other almost made me blush.
“You’re so beautiful, Libby.”
Bax brushed my hair over one shoulder and kissed the skin where my neck met my shoulder. It sent shivers through me.
“When you walked down the stairs after your photo was chosen for a spot on this trip, I thought I was seeing a dark angel coming for me. Your black hair, clothes, and makeup did nothing to hide the loveliness and brokenness in those gorgeous blue eyes of yours. I knew, right then and there, that I wanted to save you from whatever had burned you.”
His hands snaked around my waist, and he pulled my back against his chest. Resting his chin on my shoulder, he continued, “And, now that you’ve opened up to me, shown me your darkness and your light, I’m head over heels for you. There’s no turning back for me.”
Spinning me to face him, he dragged his hands up my arms and caressed my face. “I could fall so far in love with you, Libby. I think I’m already halfway—probably most of the way—there already.”
His reverent words shot straight through my heart and sliced it wide open for only him to heal. I wanted love with him, but I had promised myself I wouldn’t love anyone ever again because I only brought pain to those who had wrapped themselves around me that tightly.
“You’re broken and hurt and apprehensive, but let me heal the cracks in your heart, Libby. I want to fill all the chipped-away parts of you until you become whole again.”
He leaned down and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes, and he kissed each eyelid, my nose, my cheeks, and then my mouth. Before I could respond, he stepped back from me and pulled me into the middle of the room.
“We’ll take this as slow or as fast as you want. If I do something you don’t like, you need to tell me immediately, and I will stop, okay?” When I didn’t answer, he lifted my chin, so I would look at him. “I’ll stop, Libby.”
I nodded, my mouth too dry to speak. Everything in me believed him, knowing I would be safe in his capable hands, but it still didn’t quiet the small ball of uncertainty swirling deep in my psyche.
“Do you trust me?” Bax questioned.
“Yes, with everything in me, but it doesn’t mean I’m not nervous.” I lowered my head in embarrassment.
He wound his fingers into my hair and gently tugged until I met his gaze. “I’d be worried if you weren’t apprehensive. To be honest, I’m anxious myself. I don’t want to mess this up with you, Ad Lib, because you mean too much to me. If I did something wrong and you never trusted me again, I…I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”
“No thinking, just doing.” I ran my hands down his arms, swirling my finger along a tattoo, before I interlaced my fingers with his.
“No thinking, just doing,” he repeated. Then, he stepped away from me.
Well, that didn’t go how I had planned.
“Where are you going?” I wrapped my arms around my chest, trying to hold the rejection at bay.
He closed the curtains, stepped into the bathroom, and turned the light on. When he stepped back out, he looked at me, and he must have noticed the confused expression I wore.
“I figured you’d be a little more comfortable with muted light. If not, I can turn a couple of lamps on…” He seemed shy, and it was unexpected and endearing.
“This is fine.” I prevented myself from shifting closer to him.
He nodded and then emptied his pockets of slot machine tickets, his cell phone, and wallet. When he did so, I watched his posture and demeanor change. He became more confident and assured.
“You might have physically lost your virginity, Libby, but you’re still a virgin in every way that counts.” Bax stepped close to me, closer than I had expected him to, but instead of startling me, it excited me.
“You’ve never experienced touch that sets your blood on fire.” He raised his hand, and with only his finger, he traced the arch of my brow, the curve of my cheek, over my lips, down my neck, and then across the slight swell of my breasts beneath my shirt.
> My heart pounded, and I was certain he could feel it.
“The kind of touch where your heart starts to pound—not in fear, but in desire.”
Yep, totally giving myself away.
Bax leaned in and was only a breath away from my lips.
He was so close I could feel the slight bursts of air as he spoke seductively, “Your breathing increases and becomes sporadic, like it’s starting to do now.”
He was right, and I tried to hold my breath but was incapable.
“You feel flushed, and your body trembles with want.” One hand curved down to my hip while the other made tiny circles against my collarbone.
I licked my lips and leaned into his touch. Everywhere his body pressed against mine felt flooded with warmth, and my fingers ached to caress every part of him until I couldn’t get any closer.
“Your muscles start to loosen in expectation while other portions harden.” Trailing lower, his thumb brushed against my hardened nipple.
I gasped as a spark of lust shot between my legs. My knees grew weak, and chills broke out on my arms.
“You become light-headed and desperate, wanting me to touch you everywhere, all at once.”
He softly cupped my breast, and I couldn’t help the moan that escaped past my lips.
“Does any of that sound like what’s happening to you right now?”
I swallowed several times, trying to get my voice to work.
Bax leaned back to study me. “Answer me, Libby.”
I shivered at his demand. Raising my eyes to his, I exposed all the desire that heated me from the inside out. “Yes.” It came out on a croak, and I cleared my throat to try and speak again, “Y-yes.”
“Mmm,” he hummed as he lowered his mouth.
When his soft, moist lips touched mine, my knees went weak, and he had to wrap his arms around my waist to steady me. His mouth moved over mine for what felt like hours until his tongue pressed against the crease of my lips, asking for permission to enter. When I parted for him, his tongue entered the cavern and took control, like he never had before. It felt like he adored me from the outside in. Never had I ever felt so cherished, respected, and ravaged in the best possible way.