by Tonya Brooks
“No,” she admitted in a choked voice and refused to look at him. Harley was fighting the tears that threatened to overflow and was terrified that she would lose control of her emotions. She'd be dammed if she'd cry in front of him. Especially not now.
“What's wrong?” Matt asked in concern as he studied her beautiful face in the soft glow of the moon. Her expression looked pained he realized in surprise. “Did I hurt you?” He asked a bit anxiously. He'd been a little wild there for a while. A little? Hell, he'd been completely out of control.
“Just my pride,” she managed to say as she fought to hang on to some semblance of dignity. Pride, hell. She'd lost that a long time ago. And after this she didn't even have any self respect left. Harley had always known there was nothing she wouldn't do for her son and she was repulsed by how far she had been willing to go. How far he had forced her to go. She had thought that marrying Donald was the ultimate sacrifice, but she'd been wrong. She had agreed to have sex with Matthew and completely debased herself just to give Jed a full time father. After everything she'd been through, if Donald didn't treat her son right, she'd probably kill him.
Since she'd finally admitted that she wanted him, he didn't doubt that for a minute. Relief washed over him and he laughed softly. “That was incredible.” Matt said in awe as he rolled them onto their sides, loathe to release her even for an instant as he basked in the sense of oneness that he'd only ever felt with Harley. “Even better than the first time.”
Harley shuddered in response and asked quietly, “Can we go now?”
“Why?” He asked in bewilderment.
“You got what you wanted, Matthew,” she said flatly and pressed her hands against his chest to push him away. “Just sign the damn papers and take me home.”
Matt was shocked at her reaction and wasn't sure how to respond. There was no way in hell he could admit he'd lied, but he damn sure wasn't signing those papers either. “Alright,” he agreed in disappointment and released her. He just couldn't figure her out. They had shared something so perfect that it was absolutely indescribable and she was acting as if she couldn't wait to get away from him. Just like she had the first time.
Harley slid up to the front seat and pulled the dress over her head. She was still trembling so bad it was all she could do to tie the halter into place. She reached down and picked up her engagement ring out of the foot and slid it back on her finger.
She was just sitting there staring sightlessly out the window when he joined her in the front and lifted the back of the seat into position. Matt wasn't sure how to deal with her in this mood. He'd never seen Harley so quiet and withdrawn before and he didn't like it. Hell, dealing with her temper would be preferable. When she held the unsigned document out to him without a word, he tried to stall by asking, “Do you mind if I let Luke look them over first?”
Since Luke was a lawyer, it was a reasonable request and she just wasn't up to arguing with him about it. “Fine,” she agreed tonelessly and dropped the papers on the seat between them.
Matt drove her home in silence as he tried to figure out the change in her. Harley had wanted him; there was no doubt about that. It was also obvious that she regretted it. For the life of him, he couldn't understand why. What they had shared was too precious and rare to just dismiss as if it were nothing.
The only conclusion that made any sense was that she felt guilty for making love to him while engaged to whats-his-name. He tried to think of something to say to make her talk to him. Or at least piss her off so she'd yell at him. Hell, anything was better than the silent treatment. “There's no reason for you to feel guilty, Harley.” Matt said as he pulled into her mother's driveway. “If you have to blame someone, blame me.”
“Oh, I do, Matthew,” she assured him vehemently as she opened the car door. “You promised you'd treat me like a lady and this is the second time you've used me like a whore. But you can damn well believe it'll be the last!”
Matt was too incredulous to react as she slammed the door and walked into the house. Used her like a whore, he thought in disbelief. How the hell could she possibly think he'd used her? My God, he'd given her everything he had to give and then some. Used her? Was she crazy? And that reference to her being a whore rankled as well. Harley couldn't really believe that. Could she? If she did, she was freakin' nuts.
Jesus H. Christ, he'd never wanted anything like he wanted her. Never known anything to compare with making love to her. And she thought he'd used her like a whore? The damn screwy woman hadn't changed a bit, he realized irritably. Nothing she said or did made sense. He drove home frustrated and confused by her behavior and went upstairs to his room still trying to figure out what she'd meant.
Matt undressed in the dark and stretched out on his bed as the evening replayed itself over in his mind. He knew he hadn't imagined the revulsion he'd seen in her eyes, but she'd been more than willing once they began making love. Hell, she'd even been the aggressor for a while.
A smile lifted the corner of his mouth as he remembered Harley telling him once that she was aggressive in bed. From the way his chest and arms were stinging, he had the claw marks to prove her passionate nature. Maybe he should have let her stay on top.
Closing his eyes, he relived every second of their lovemaking, right down to the last time she had screamed his name. The smile reappeared. Harley had warned him once that she was a screamer and she hadn't been kidding. She had screamed the first time as well, he recalled. Not the actual words since he'd been too damn drunk to remember then, but tonight she had been pleading with him.
Matt bolted upright in bed, a horrified expression on his handsome face as he realized exactly what she had been saying. Sweet Jesus! Harley had been pleading with him to stop! He'd been so caught up in his own desire that he'd been deaf to her pleas and hadn't understood what she was saying. On the heels of that revelation, a horrible thought occurred to him. Had she done the same thing the first time, he wondered franticly and was appalled at the possibility. Could that be the reason for the revulsion? Was that why she had refused to go out with him again or sleep with him while they were married?
'You promised you'd treat me like a lady and this is the second time you've used me like a whore.' Her bizarre accusation made sense now. 'You might look like Mark, but you damn sure don't make love like him.' Now he finally understood what she had meant. His brother had treated her like a lady, and in spite of his promise, he hadn't. Dear God. What had he done? Matt got out of bed and in his agitation, began to pace the floor in the semi-darkness.
Had he hurt her, he wondered wildly? Was that why she had wanted him to stop? For such a tall woman, Harley was delicately built and he'd been less than gentle on both occasions. Gentle? Who was he trying to kid? He'd been completely out of control. Hell, yeah, he'd been half out of his mind both times he'd made love to her, but that was no excuse. He should have been able to control himself, dammit.
Is she alright, he wondered anxiously and reached for his phone to call her. A glance at the alarm clock assured him that she wouldn't appreciate him calling at this hour. Matt dropped the phone back on the nightstand and walked over to the French doors to stare sightlessly outside. Hell, he hadn't meant to hurt her. Just the thought of it sickened him. He had to find some way to apologize and make her understand that he hadn't realized what she was saying.
That wasn't all he needed to apologize for, Matt acknowledged in contrition. Like the shameful way he had treated her when she told him that she was pregnant. Not to mention all the hell he'd put her through after they were married. He'd done everything that he could to hurt her back then and he'd lost both Harley and their son because of it.
How did a man atone for his sins, he wondered in anguish. How could he even attempt to apologize for all of the stupid things that he had done? And how the hell could have been so foolish to treat her like that in the first place? Jesus, all he'd ever wanted to do was love her, but the only thing he'd ever done was hurt her. 'But we do hurt
each other, don't we, Matthew?'
His troubled gaze settled on the flower garden that she had planted and he had tended to all these years since she’d left. It was the only physical evidence that Harley had ever lived here. She had tried to make a place for herself in his life and he'd done nothing but push her away. Harley had been the daughter that his father had never had. She had been a sister to his brothers and a mother to his son, but she had never been a wife to him.
Because she believed he had used her like a whore.
Used her? My God, he had never needed anything as much as he needed her. The first time they had made love had been the most incredible experience of his life and it had tormented him because he had known he would never feel anything like it again. Tonight had assured him of that. The woman had the ability to make him lose all semblance of control and nothing could ever compare with that. How could she not understand the effect she had on him?
Matt had been convinced that the reason she had refused to sleep with him was because she wanted Mark and not him. He'd been so jealous his only goal had been to punish her, so he had slept around and made damn sure she knew about it. Hell, he'd even been with another woman when Jed was born. If only he'd known the truth, he could have had the chance to make things right between them.
He could have kept Harley and their son with him. They could have been a family. He was sick with grief and self loathing over all that he had lost and all the wasted years spent apart. There had to be something he could do to make her understand. But how could he ask her to forgive him when he knew his behavior had been unforgivable?
Matt turned on the lamp and walked over to the closet to remove a box from the top shelf. He sat down on the bed and removed a framed photograph from its place at the bottom and just stared at it as he had done countless times over the years. It had been made the night of her graduation party and Alan had presented it to him a few days later as if it were a trophy. It was one of his most prized possessions.
It showed Harley astride his lap, their faces almost touching as they stared into each other’s eyes. Their desire was plainly visible for anyone to see and was almost painful in its intensity. She had wanted him, he knew that without a doubt, and she had expected him to treat her like a lady as he had promised to do.
But Matt had been so desperate for her that he had taken her like a rutting stag instead of making love to her. Dammit, she should have known what to expect when she tore her clothes off and climbed on top of him. Hell, she'd had her shirt off before he parked the car. Harley hadn't been inexperienced. She should have known what she was doing to him, shouldn't she?
And tonight she had been just as eager. He had wanted to take his time and make love to her slowly, deliberately, but she'd pleaded with him not to wait, and fool that he was, he hadn't. He sighed regretfully and placed the picture on the nightstand before putting the box back in the closet. There had to be some way he could make her understand. If she'd give him the chance.
Knowing Harley, she'd probably refuse to see him or even talk to him after this. Then again, she would want to get her hands on those divorce papers that he was supposed to sign. Matt's mind began to work in overdrive as he turned out the light and went back to stare out the French doors again. He'd get her to talk with him on the pretext of discussing the divorce. They could have a nice romantic dinner, he'd apologize and if he was lucky...
Luck, hell. At this point Matt wasn't willing to leave anything to chance. He had too much at stake to make another mistake. The setting would have to be perfect and somehow he was going to have to soften her up before she got there. The flower garden gave him an idea. Harley loved flowers so he'd send her some. He frowned because he'd never done that before. Not even when Jed had been born. As far as he was concerned, that was just one more strike against him, but he was determined to make up for the lack.
Chapter Nine
Saturday, May 25, 2013
After a restless night, Matt went down to the kitchen where his family was having breakfast and poured himself a cup of coffee. “Morning,” he greeted the room at large.
“Mornin', Dad,” Jed said sleepily before his eyes opened wide and his jaw dropped. “Holy sh... crap! What happened to your arms?”
Matt looked down at the tell tale claw marks and admitted, “I had an itch that needed scratching,” as Luke and John laughed at the barely veiled innuendo.
“Must have been a powerful itch,” the boy said innocently and even his grandfather burst into laughter.
“It was.” Matt assured him with a wicked grin. His father and brothers all knew that Harley clawed like a wild thing, so the scratches assured them that Matt had indeed scratched an itch. “I've gotta run an errand so I'll be back to pick you up after breakfast.”
“Okay, Dad,” the boy agreed.
“Where you runnin’ off to without breakfast?” Jedidiah demanded curiously.
“To see a woman about some flowers,” he said as he walked out of the room and then he came back to ask, “Jed, what's your mom's favorite flower?”
The boy looked at him as if he were goofy. “Donald sends her calla... calla...”
“Lilies,” his grandfather supplied helpfully.
“Yeah, he sends them every week, but they make her sneeze.” Jed explained as he thought about the question. “I don't think mom has a favorite.”
“Thanks,” he said with a frown and walked out of the room as the three men present stared after him in amusement.
So Donald sent her flowers every week. Dammit. Why the hell had it taken him this long to think about doing it? It shouldn't have. Matt knew that ladies liked flowers and presents, but he'd never considered giving them to anyone, much less Harley. Hell, Donald had bought her a Jag and he'd never even given her a Christmas present. The guilt just kept piling up deeper and deeper as he drove over to the flower shop and paced impatiently outside until Eileen arrived and eyed him curiously.
“Good Morning, Matt,” she said as she unlocked the door.
“Morning.”
“Is there something I can help you with?” She knew it couldn't be flowers. Matt Baker had never even set foot in her shop before, much less sent anyone a single flower.
“I need some flowers,” he said as he followed her inside.
Her eyebrows rose in surprise. It seemed the gossip grapevine had gotten the story right for a change. Maybe there was something to the rumors that he was trying to get his wife back. After the way he'd cheated on Harley, it was gonna take a hell of a lot more than a poesy to get her to forgive him, she was sure. “What kind?”
“What kind you got?” He asked because he had no idea.
She laughed at that. “I've got a little bit of everything.”
“No calla lilies,” he instructed. “They make her sneeze.”
“Well, that helps.” Eileen agreed as she led him to the cooler and opened the door so he could choose.
Matt looked inside at the multitude of flowers in every shape, size and color imaginable and knew he was gonna screw up. “Can't you just put them all together and send a variety?” He asked hopefully.
Her eyebrows climbed even higher. “How much you lookin' to spend, Matt?”
“Whatever it takes,” Matt assured her. “I want the biggest, prettiest bunch of flowers you've ever seen.”
Eileen's eyebrows disappeared from sight as she stared at him in complete disbelief.
~~~~
“So, how was dinner?” Claire asked curiously when her youngest joined her in the kitchen.
“It was dinner,” she said blandly as she took a glass out of the cabinet. “Jed seemed to enjoy it.”
“Oh, I don't doubt that,” her mother agreed with a smile. Her grandson would love nothing better than to have his parents back together. “You were out late.”
Harley poured a glass of juice and put the pitcher back in the refrigerator. “John invited me to the bar to listen to his band.”
“I've heard they're good.”<
br />
“They are,” she agreed as she sat down at the breakfast bar. “It would have been fun if Charlie Simms hadn't been there.”
“What did he do?”
“He wouldn't leave me alone, so I hit him.”
“You didn't!” Claire exclaimed in horrified amusement that she had done such a thing. Lord only knew Harley had gotten into more than a few fights while she was growing up, but she found it hard to believe that she had resorted to violence at this stage of her life.
“I did,” she agreed in disgust. “Then Matthew stepped in and the next thing you know, a full scale brawl erupted. It was awful, Mom.”
“Oh, lord. Was anyone hurt?”
“I have no idea. John pulled me up on the stage before he jumped in the middle of it,” she explained and shook her head regretfully. “Matthew was alright, but I doubt Charlie fared as well.”
There was no doubt about that. Matt was as much of a badass as his father, and that was saying a lot. “You certainly have managed to liven things up around here.”
“I wish I'd never come back.” Harley sighed wearily and decided to change the subject before her mother could ask any more questions that she didn't want to answer. “Enough about me. When are you going to tell me about him?”
“Who?”
“The man you're seeing.”
“What?” Claire was taken aback by the question and it showed.
“Come on, Mom. I've seen the way you smile for no good reason.” Harley pointed out. “Only a man could make you smile like that.”
“I don't know what you're talking about,” she protested.
“Alright. You don't have to tell me.” Harley relented. “But it’s about time you started seeing someone. God knows if anyone deserves happiness, it’s you.”
“Thank you.” Claire said with a nervous smile and admitted, “And you're right. I have been seeing someone.”
“I knew it!” Her daughter exclaimed happily. “Why didn't you tell me?”