‘I—I see.’ She was suddenly so tense it was all she could say.
‘Eventually it will be up to Joey to decide whether he wants to live in Manhattan or to be a man of two worlds. He might even want to come and live here and be a cattleman, and he’d be welcome. It’s his birthright.’
‘I understand that, Luke. That’s fine.’ Erin waited for him to continue and, when he didn’t, she smiled grimly. ‘Where Joey lives when he’s an adult is still in the future. It’s a long way off. We also need to think about now.’
With both hands she smoothed her jeans over her thighs all the way to her knees.
Luke’s eyes followed the movement of her hands. ‘What about now?’
She lifted her hands back to the arms of the chair. Took a deep breath. ‘I’m worried about the end of this vacation. Joey’s so mad about this place he might not want to come home with me.’
She waited for Luke to say something reassuring, but he didn’t. Instead, he stood and walked to the window and looked out. From somewhere out there she could hear the thwack of a ball being hit by a bat and the excited shouts from the boys.
‘Joey’s going to miss everything about this place,’ she said. ‘I can’t see how he’s ever going to settle when he gets back home. But I didn’t bring him out here to confuse him.’
Luke kept his gaze on something happening outside. ‘Maybe you’re worrying unnecessarily. There must be plenty of things Joey loves about Manhattan.’
‘Well…yes.’
‘Lots of kids these days have cousins and families spread all over the world.’ He turned back to her and smiled sadly. ‘We’re all one global village, aren’t we?’
‘I guess.’ She sighed, feeling suddenly exhausted and drained.
‘I could come to New York to visit Joey,’ Luke suggested quietly.
‘Would you?’
‘Sure. I have managers on all three of my properties. I don’t need to be here all the time any more.’
‘I wish I’d known that. I would have asked you to come before this.’
Luke’s mouth tilted in a lopsided guilty smile. ‘I should have offered.’
He looked as if he was about to say something more but the phone rang, startling them both.
Crossing quickly to his desk, he answered it. ‘John? How are you? Yes, I’ve been waiting to hear from you. We need to talk about that bull. Just a minute.’ He shot Erin a questioning glance as he covered the mouthpiece with his hand. ‘Have we just about covered everything?’
No, she wanted to say, but he stood holding the telephone receiver with an air of impatience that suggested that he was eager to be free of her.
Annoyed by the sudden change in him she jumped to her feet. ‘I guess we’ve covered the important things.’ She began to walk to the door. ‘Thanks for your time.’
‘Catch me later this evening if there’s anything else.’ His eyes softened and he smiled in a way that made her remember again the way he’d kissed her last night.
‘Sure.’ She sent him a quick, stiff little wave goodbye.
CHAPTER TEN
HER PLAN HADN’T worked.
The peace she’d hoped for hadn’t arrived. Erin walked away from Luke’s office feeling more edgy than ever, which was just plain crazy considering that Luke had gone out of his way to help her to feel less guilty about their marriage breakdown. And he’d helped to allay her concerns about Joey too. So why didn’t she feel better?
From the veranda she scanned the garden, looking for the boys and the puppies, but they’d vanished, leaving their cricket bat lying in the middle of the lawn. No doubt they were having afternoon tea, tucking into the brownies she’d baked this morning. She couldn’t face the thought of food.
Turning away from the homestead, she began to walk across the long stretch of pale grassy paddocks that led down to the creek. She walked with her hands sunk deep in the pockets of her jeans and she stared at the ground, her mind too preoccupied to take in the wider landscape.
When I asked you to marry me, I wanted to be the perfect husband.
Did Luke have any idea how she’d felt when he’d said that, now, after all this time?
Once again her eyes and throat began to sting. No, she wasn’t going to cry. Not again.
She closed her eyes and drew a deep breath. She’d had unrealistic expectations today—hoping for too much. It wasn’t possible to heal five years of pain in one hour’s conversation. Now she had to hope that her beach holiday would provide the magic balm she longed for.
Dragging in more deep breaths of fresh air, she walked on and tried to absorb the peace and the stillness all about her—the clean sweep of sky, the silent grass, the shady belt of trees ahead.
When Joe was a baby and she’d felt so isolated she’d found the emptiness and silence of the bush menacing. But now, with four little boys and five puppies bouncing about the homestead, the space and silence provided a welcome sense of peace.
She walked on. She would go as far as the creek and then she’d come back and—
A sudden flicker in her periphery caught her attention. She froze.
There it was again. A sinister dark slither in the grass.
Oh, God, no. Not a snake.
A panicky blast of terror shot through her. It was a snake.
Every hair on her body lifted.
Erin had rarely seen a snake up close. Once or twice, when she’d lived here, a snake had crawled on to the veranda to bask in the sun, but Gracie had always been there and she’d dealt with it. Another time she’d seen a harmless carpet snake when she’d been in the bush with Luke and she’d panicked. Badly.
Now she was alone and she was forced to see this creature in horrid detail—scaly, skinny body, ghastly little reptilian head, two nasty beady eyes. Evil, flickering tongue.
And it was way too close—only a yard or two in front of her.
Her legs shook. Her heart thrashed like a frightened animal trapped in a cage. What could she do? There was no one to turn to. Oh, God. Why had she come out here on her own?
The snake raised its head. It looked menacing. Threatening. It stared at her, flicking its terrifying tongue.
She wanted to run but she couldn’t move, couldn’t feel her feet. She wanted to scream and scream and scream, but when she opened her mouth no sound emerged. Her blood pounded in her ears. She was sweating. She was going to die. Any second now the snake would strike.
And then out of nowhere she remembered something Joey had told her: Not all the snakes here are dangerous, Mommy. Brad keeps a pet snake in a tank.
Somehow, thinking of the boys helped. Joey wasn’t frightened to live at Warrapinya. She had to deal with this, had to overcome the terror.
Keeping her gaze riveted on the snake, she took a tiny, tiny step back. The snake didn’t try to follow her. She took another careful step back. This time the snake moved too.
Her heart leapt to her throat and she took three frantic, stumbling steps back before she realised that the snake wasn’t coming towards her. It was slithering away, sliding silently, swiftly through the grass.
She turned then and walked as quickly as she dared, remembering that Luke had told her once that if she ran through the grass there was a chance of stepping on another snake.
Just once she looked back over her shoulder. There was no sign of the snake now, so she knew she was safe, but she still kept going as fast as she dared. The stables were to her right and she headed for them.
At last she slumped against the timber wall, her breath coming in frightened gasps and her heart still thumping fit to burst.
She was safe, but it took a few minutes before she began to feel normal. And then she was quite light-headed with relief and she suppressed an urge to laugh hysterically. Wow! She’d confronted a snake. All by herself.
It wasn’t as if she’d been brave or anything, but somehow it felt like an achievement. She’d had a minor adventure in the Outback and she’d discovered firsthand that the experts wer
e right about snakes—they were as frightened of people as people were of them.
Wasn’t that a significant discovery for a city girl?
Leaning against the rough timber wall, she looked back at the long grassy paddock and she felt unaccountably proud of herself—just a little stronger inside. It would be nice to tell someone about this. Jenny or Gracie would understand.
She couldn’t help thinking that if she lived here now it would be different. She would be different. These days she wanted, more and more often, to face up to her fears, to take action rather than to hang back.
Luke would be different too. He had a manager to oversee Warrapinya, a plane, an apartment in Townsville. And Joey would—
‘I just need to say hello to Raven, Dad, even if I can’t ride her.’
Joey’s voice sounded so close she jumped. And then Erin heard Luke.
‘You should be fine to start riding her again tomorrow.’
Their voices were coming through the stable wall. She could hear their footsteps on the concrete floor.
‘Mommy’s leaving tomorrow,’ said Joey. ‘I wish she could stay here. Why can’t she, Dad?’
‘She doesn’t want to stay.’
‘Doesn’t she like it here?’
‘Not much.’
‘Why?’
‘It’s just the way things are, Joey. Your mommy likes the bright lights. She’s a city woman. Some people are country folk and some are city folk.’
She felt bad to be eavesdropping—especially on this conversation. She wasn’t sure if she should try to sneak away or let Luke and Joey know she was there.
‘I wish Mommy was country folk, don’t you, Dad?’
Oh, man. She did not want to hear the answer to that question. She opened her mouth, about to call out to them, but then she heard Luke’s voice and she couldn’t help herself. She had to hear what he said.
‘No point in wishing, Joey. You can’t make people change. I’m afraid there are lots of things in life you can’t change.’
‘Like what?’
‘Joey!’ Erin called loudly. She couldn’t let them continue. She hurried around to the big double doors. ‘Hey, Joey, are you in there?’
She blinked as she stepped out of the sunshine into the stables. Joey was standing just outside Raven’s stall and Luke was inside it, checking the pony’s hoof.
‘Hey, Mommy.’ Joey waved and looked pleased to see her. ‘You missed afternoon tea.’
Luke lowered the horse’s hoof, straightened and watched as she made her way towards them.
‘I went for a walk,’ she said and then she couldn’t resist adding, ‘I’ve just had a close encounter with a snake.’
Luke’s eyes narrowed with concern. He opened the gate to the stall and stepped out. ‘Are you all right, Erin?’
‘Yes, I’m fine,’ she said breezily.
Luke was watching her with an unnerving intensity. ‘What kind of snake was it? What colour?’
‘Brown. I’m hoping it wasn’t one of the deadly ones.’
‘Plain brown or patterned?’
‘No pattern that I noticed. Why?’
A worried light flashed in his eyes. He lifted his hand and touched her cheek—ever so softly. ‘I hope you gave it a wide berth.’
‘I did.’ She couldn’t help adding, ‘But I didn’t run.’
‘Good girl.’
The tender way he said this and the look in his eyes made her want to curl into him, to feel his arms wrap around her. Not because she was scared any more, but simply because it would feel so good, so right. She was awfully afraid that Luke’s arms were the only arms that would ever make her feel that way.
Their gazes held. Luke touched her cheek again. His fingertips brushed her skin with tiny feather-soft caresses and he looked deep into her eyes. Her heart beat a drum roll. Her bones turned to liquid as a wave of hot desire rolled upwards from the pit of her stomach. She wanted Luke’s fingertips to keep going, to trace every part of her.
Every inch of her skin.
And then his lips could follow where his fingers had been.
‘Mommy?’
Oh, good grief. She jerked her gaze from Luke to Joey and realised he was watching them with wide-eyed curiosity.
Luke lowered his hand and one of the stable doors slammed suddenly. Pieces of dry straw lying near the doorway were swept up and whisked away by a gust of wind.
Tilting his head, Luke sniffed the air. ‘I’d say there’s rain coming.’
Erin knew rain was always a big deal in the Outback. The three of them went to the doorway to look out to the horizon. A long line of dark purple and grey clouds was rolling in a perfect line across the landscape, moving swiftly towards them like an invading army. Her nostrils caught the unmistakable metallic smell of distant rain on dry earth and she rubbed at her arms as another wind gust swept over them and plucked at her hair.
‘Looks like a line squall,’ said Luke.
‘What’s a line squall?’ asked Joey.
‘You’ll soon see.’
‘Will we make it to the house or should we stay here?’ asked Erin.
Luke grinned at her, his eyes shining with sudden boyish mischief. ‘Why don’t we sit it out?’
Her stomach did a tumble turn. She knew that look. It was a flash of the old fun-loving Luke of her past, and she knew what he was planning.
‘I’ll show you,’ Luke said, grabbing Joey’s hand and urging the boy out into the open. ‘Come on, Erin,’ he called, but she couldn’t follow.
Shaking her head, she watched from the doorway as Luke sat on the dry earth and pulled Joey down beside him. She knew what would happen next and her heart quickened as she watched the huge line of rolling clouds and rain sweeping closer.
‘We’re going to get wet,’ squealed Joey.
‘Yeah. Take your shirt off.’
Without waiting for Joey’s reaction, Luke peeled the boy’s shirt off and then his own. Erin gulped as she saw the play of muscles in Luke’s shoulders as his strong bare arms embraced her little son. By now Joey realized what was going to happen too and he gave an excited shout then snuggled in closer to his father.
Luke turned back to Erin. ‘Come on, Erin.’
‘Come on, Mommy. This is gonna be cool.’
Luke flashed a grin at her. ‘Be a devil. For old times’ sake.’
She could only just hear him above the roar of the rain as it thundered closer. She could see the excited quiver of Joey’s skinny white shoulders as he huddled within the protective curve of Luke’s arm. She could picture herself there, with Luke’s other arm about her.
She wanted to be there, to join them in the craziness and the wildness. She could remember that other time—being dragged out of the homestead by her excited young husband, being held struggling and laughing on the front lawn as the squall swept down on them—Luke, pulling off his shirt and lifting her blouse to expose their vulnerable bare bodies to the approaching rain.
Now it was Joey’s turn. It wasn’t her place to be there with them. She didn’t belong with them now. That certainty sank inside her, dragging her spirits down and down like a concrete anchor.
‘Erin!’ Luke held out his hand. He grinned and beckoned to her. ‘Come on. Quick!’
The rain was almost upon them. She clutched at the door post, feeling miserable. She so wanted to join them but it seemed too big a step—an honour she hadn’t earned.
But then suddenly, before she could change her mind, she was running—running and squealing as the rain pelted across the dry paddock. She slid in beside Luke like a baseball player reaching home base.
She saw his wide smile, caught the delight in his eyes, heard his whoop of elation and felt his strong arm around her, drawing her in close to his bare chest. Her heart pumped madly.
Lifting his face to the sky, Luke shouted, ‘Send her down, Huey!’
‘Send her down, Duey!’ came Joey’s shrill echo.
The three of them linked arms and cheered a
nd squealed as the torrential downpour flattened the dry grass in the paddock in front of them, pressing relentlessly closer. Closer.
It was the most exquisite kind of waiting, like watching a birth or anticipating the touch of a lover.
And then they were lost inside the wall of rain, their bodies shaking with laughter. A kind of wild euphoria engulfed Erin as the cold driving water hit her warm body.
She felt Luke’s arm tighten around her and her excited screams blended with his and Joey’s as they gave in to the heady exhilaration of releasing themselves totally to the elements.
The squall lasted only fifteen or twenty seconds. It rushed over and beyond them. Soon they could hear the deafening roar of the rain pelting the homestead’s iron roof and then it was gone, rolling further inland.
The Warrapinya paddocks were bathed in sunlight once more. Above them the sky was blue.
‘Oh, boy, oh, gosh, that was so totally awesome!’ Joey was already on his feet, dancing around them with delight.
Drowned-rat wet, shirtless and spattered with mud, the boy looked nothing like the neatly groomed child she’d brought on the plane from Manhattan, but he looked happier than Erin had ever seen him. She felt a rush of love so fierce it hurt.
Her eyes met Luke’s and she realised he’d been watching her, his gaze warm and bright.
His hair was damp and plastered to his skull and his bare shoulders were wet and gleaming and he looked way too good. She wanted to touch him, but instead she squeezed water from her drenched hair and then looked down at her own clothes. Good grief. Her cotton shirt was so clinging and transparent she might as well have ripped it off for all the modesty it provided.
And of course Luke noticed. He winked at her. ‘How was that, Bright Eyes?’
‘Wet,’ she said, but she knew her face was giving away her true feelings. She’d been incredibly moved by what had just happened. She’d shared something very special with Luke and Joey—a uniquely intimate moment. A family moment.
But they weren’t a family. And she had to remind herself of that as they ran laughing together to the homestead in search of towels and dry clothes.
‘Have you told Erin about your film script?’
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