Jenny directed her question to Luke as she set the dessert on the dining table. She’d gone to special trouble with dinner this evening because it was Erin’s last night. First course had been roast beef with all the trimmings and now dessert was a cherry lattice pie with cream.
‘A film script?’ Erin asked as she passed Luke a generous helping of pie. ‘Are you writing one?’
‘It’s finished,’ announced Jenny smugly. ‘Finished and on its way to becoming a box office hit.’
‘You mean you’ve actually sold a script, Luke?’ Erin struggled to disguise her surprise. ‘To Hollywood?’
Luke shook his head and frowned at Jenny. ‘My loyal cousin is an enthusiast. She likes to exaggerate. All that’s happened is an agent has expressed keen interest and he’s got a couple of producers looking at it, but who knows? Anything can happen. The movie industry’s crazy.’
‘But if you’ve got an interested agent that’s wonderful. One of my girlfriends in New York has written a film script and she always says she’d donate her fallopian tubes to science if it would help to get her work noticed.’
Luke smiled wryly. ‘I’m afraid I’m fresh out of fallopian tubes.’
Erin laughed. ‘Well, dang.’
‘What’s elopian tubes?’ asked Joey.
Erin gulped. For a moment she’d been so caught up in Luke’s news she’d forgotten the boys were listening. ‘What’s the film about?’ she asked quickly, hoping Joey wouldn’t repeat his question.
‘Yanks in North Queensland in the forties, during the war in the Pacific. There’s a romance too.’
She sat very still, staring at him. ‘It’s about your grandparents.’
‘Yeah.’ Luke looked at his plate and cut off a piece of pie with his fork. ‘It’s a very simple story really.’
That may be so, thought Erin, but it would probably have all the right ingredients—adventure and poignancy and a nice happy-ever-after Hollywood ending.
Luke had told her about his grandparents on the day they’d met. Right after she’d told him about her parents and the hopeless way their romance had ended. And, shortly after that, she and Luke had headed down exactly the same slippery marital slope.
Crash.
Erin’s spoon clattered against the side of her plate. She picked it up, stared long and hard at it. Luke’s grandparents’ story was incredibly important to him, so important he wanted to share it with the world.
From the very first, when Luke had proposed to her, she’d known that marriage was important to him.
If you come with me, Erin, I want us to be married.
Family was important to Luke.
‘Mommy, aren’t you going to eat your pie?’
Erin blinked and looked down at the triangle of golden pastry and dark cherries topped with a pure dollop of cream. A few minutes ago the pie had looked wonderfully enticing, but suddenly her throat was so choked she didn’t think she could possibly manage to eat it.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
THE NIGHT WAS perfectly still, so still it was hard to believe a rain squall had swept through Warrapinya only a few hours earlier. From the veranda Erin looked out at the black line of trees that marked the end of the silvery paddocks. She looked up at the clear, star-studded sky and saw the red eye of an aeroplane cruising high.
Tomorrow she would be flying away from here. Nails would spend half a day driving her to Cloncurry and then she would catch a commercial flight back to the coast.
In the meantime she had to tell Luke the decision she’d reached.
She sighed heavily, felt panicky—which wasn’t good enough. She’d been scared for too long, and by running scared she’d come close to ruining Joey’s life. And she’d left a terrible hole in Luke’s.
Bringing Joey back to Australia had begun the process of making amends, but now there was another more difficult—oh, so much more difficult step that she had to take.
‘Erin, can you spare a minute?’
Luke’s voice, coming from behind, startled her. She turned and saw him silhouetted against the lights of the house and she felt a leap inside her, like a flare.
Would she ever develop immunity to this man? It wasn’t right to go on feeling this way about her ex.
‘I wanted to apologise about the phone call this afternoon,’ he said. ‘It interrupted us. We didn’t get to finish our discussion, did we?’
‘We didn’t arrive at any long-term plans for sharing Joey.’ She hoped she didn’t sound nervous.
‘Actually, I was more interested in talking about us.’
‘Us?’
His face was in shadow but she caught a flash in his eyes that looked suspiciously like amusement. ‘What was it you said this morning? Something about dangling?’
‘Oh, yes—well—’
‘I was wondering if you feel less dangling now.’
Erin swallowed. ‘I certainly found it helpful to talk to you about—what went wrong—with us.’ She turned back to the railing. It was so much easier to talk about this when she wasn’t actually looking at Luke. ‘I hope we can keep the channels of communication open now,’ she told him over her shoulder. ‘It would be nice if we could stay friends.’
‘Nice?’ He made it sound like a swear word.
‘It—it would be helpful for Joey if we were friendly, wouldn’t it?’
Luke’s answer was to move closer. His hands touched her shoulders and she blushed as she felt the warm pressure through her blouse.
‘What about you, Erin? Is that what you want? My friendship?’
Her poor heart thumped. She remembered the way he’d kissed her last night. So much more than friendly. ‘I certainly don’t want to be your enemy.’
‘Are those our only alternatives?’ He dipped his mouth close to her ear. ‘To be friends or enemies?’
She was so super-aware of Luke, of his touch and the longing building inside her, that she couldn’t think. ‘I—I don’t know.’
‘Wrong answer,’ he said and she heard a teasing smile in his voice. ‘Now you’re going to have to ask me a question.’
‘What kind of question?’
Somewhere out in the silent darkness beyond the veranda a lone bird called mournfully.
Luke’s hand touched her chin, tilting it gently so that he turned her to face him. She saw a depth of emotion in his eyes that stole her breath. ‘Why don’t you ask me how I feel about seeing you again? Ask me what it’s like to be losing myself again in the most beautiful blue eyes in the known universe.’
She began to tremble. ‘Don’t flirt, Luke. It’s not fair.’
‘I can’t help it. You’re still an incredibly desirable woman, Erin.’ He lowered his hands to the railing on either side of her, so that no part of him was touching her but he was there, all around her. She felt light-headed to have him so close. If she moved a fraction of an inch they would be touching and any minute now she’d give in. To resist Luke was asking the impossible.
He dipped his head and let the rough skin of his jaw graze her cheek. ‘I’ve been going crazy just being near you. You’ve no idea how much I want you.’
Oh, but she did! She was on exactly the same page. Melting hot! Weak-kneed with longing. Already her mind was racing ahead, imagining the two of them naked and passionate in bed together. A whole night of—
Oh, help. She mustn’t give in to Luke tonight, mustn’t lose her head. It was not the way out of their dilemma. She would only be setting herself up for more pain. She was leaving in the morning. At the end of her vacation she was going back to New York.
She had to talk her way out of this. And fast.
‘Sex is not going to solve our problems, Luke.’
‘I’m damn sure it would solve the problem I have right now.’
‘Don’t even joke about it.’
Just minutes ago, she’d been gathering up the courage to tell him something serious and important. How had she moved from that to being seduced?
‘We tried to solve our p
roblems with sex when we were married,’ she said, not quite steadily. ‘It didn’t work then.’
‘A lot of things worked, Erin. And we were sensational in bed.’
She closed her eyes, but it didn’t help. She was picturing Luke making love to her and she was ablaze with wanting him.
‘We were Olympic-standard lovers,’ he murmured.
In spite of her tension she couldn’t help smiling. ‘The duck’s pyjamas,’ she said, remembering a long-ago conversation.
‘No doubt about it.’ His lips brushed her ear. ‘I’ve never wanted another woman the way I want you.’
Help! Oh, help! How could a girl withstand such temptation? Why should she? Right now all Erin could think was that she wanted Luke to kiss her, to hold her, to make sweet, beautiful love to her.
But we’re divorced.
She grabbed at that thought the way a drowning swimmer grabbed at a lifebelt. ‘A one-night stand is only going to complicate things,’ she said.
‘Then stay as many nights as you like.’
Oh, God. She was so tempted.
But then she remembered exactly why his wonderful suggestion was a very bad idea. ‘If we become lovers again we would really confuse Joey, wouldn’t we?’
Luke went still. He didn’t speak. After a tiny beat he wrapped his arms around her and drew her against him, sending an electric tremble through every pulse point. She heard him sigh deeply and felt the rise and fall of his chest.
For a breathless stretch of time she stayed there, basking in the warmth of Luke’s embrace, wishing she could go on being held by the man she loved.
If only… Oh, dear heaven, if only…
Gently, sadly, with the kind of unfurling move a dancer makes, she eased herself out from his embrace.
‘Erin.’ His voice was rough with need as he tried to reach for her again but she took a quick step back.
‘No,’ she said. ‘No, Luke. We mustn’t delude ourselves. I couldn’t bear to rush in and make the same mistakes as last time. It can’t lead anywhere.’ Before he could interrupt, she rushed on. ‘I’m going away in the morning. Maybe—’ She shrugged. ‘Maybe after I’ve had my break at Byron Bay. After you’ve had more time with Joey and we’ve both had some space to think. But not now.’
She still hadn’t got to the other thing she’d planned to tell Luke tonight, but she was suddenly afraid that if she didn’t leave now she might weaken and throw herself at him. ‘Goodnight,’ she said quickly.
He didn’t answer. He just looked at her with a mixture of anger and sadness that ripped at her heart.
She turned and hurried away.
The rest of what she had to tell him would have to wait till morning. Talking to Luke was always safer in daylight.
Long after Erin left, Luke stayed on the veranda staring out into the black bush and the sky. The stars were so bright they looked cheeky tonight. Cheeky and winking at him, winking at his foolishness.
Stay as many nights as you like.
Oh, that was great. That was really smart.
Surely he could have done better than that? Given the fullness in his own heart, the feelings clamouring to be set free, he should have burst into poetry this evening. But he’d been so damn nervous. And maybe a little crazed by desire. Okay, more than a little crazed by desire.
It had seemed to make sense this afternoon in the aftermath of the storm. That was when he’d decided that the best way to win Erin back was to try to seduce her. Once she was in his bed, once he’d spent a whole night making beautiful, impassioned, hotter-than-hot love to her, she’d change her mind about leaving.
And she’d be ready to hear the truth—that he loved her. Still. Always.
He wanted her back in his life.
But instead of seduction, amazingly sensuous romance and confessions of true love, tonight had been a major stuff-up.
Erin had said she wanted space to think and he hadn’t said a word. Not a damn word.
Erin paced her room.
It was four a.m. and she couldn’t sleep so she’d finished her packing and now she was ready to leave. Packed and ready to leave—and still in love with Luke.
Oh, God. There it was. She’d allowed herself to think the unthinkable. She was still in love with the man she had married—and divorced.
It wasn’t just a physical thing. She loved everything about Luke Manning. She loved watching him every chance she could, loved watching the way he interacted with Joey. And with Jenny and the boys. The grimness that had hung over him like a cloud when she’d first arrived in Sydney had almost vanished now. Once again he was the easygoing, fun-loving Luke. Prince Charming in blue jeans.
But what could she do with her love?
With a wail of despair she threw herself down on the bed, rolled on to her back and stared up at the slowly rotating ceiling fan.
She’d made the right decision tonight, she was sure of that. If she’d slept with Luke she would have begun the whole catastrophe all over again.
Would it have been different if Luke had said he loved me? If he’d asked me to marry him again?
Erin blinked and pressed her knuckles to her eyes before the tears could start. What was the point of asking those questions? Luke hadn’t said anything about love. He’d been interested in sex, not re-marriage.
She’d known when she left New York that this journey to Australia was not about mending her relationship with Luke. She’d come because Joey needed to meet his father.
And now, the kindest thing, the best way to demonstrate her love, was to get out of Luke’s life so he could concentrate on Joey.
If only there was another answer.
* * *
Breakfast was a hurried affair. Erin and Nails had half a day’s drive ahead of them before they reached the airport at Cloncurry.
Everyone assembled on the front veranda to say goodbye to her. Jenny was there and the boys, and Joey, of course, watching her with his sad puppy look and Gracie, looking worried.
Luke hadn’t appeared this morning and Erin tried not to mind. Perhaps he’d seen her bags sitting on the veranda at the top of the front steps and decided that they were too ghastly a reminder of the last time she’d left.
Reaching into her pocket, she handed Jenny and Gracie slim packages wrapped in tissue paper. ‘They’re necklaces I made,’ she told them. ‘I hope you like them.’
Gracie’s eyes brimmed with tears and Erin had to look away. Which was when she saw Luke striding down the veranda.
Her heart trembled in her chest. He looked dreadful, as haggard and sleep-deprived as she was.
Her stomach twisted in knots. This was it. Her only chance to tell him her decision. Aware that everyone was watching her, she hurried along the veranda to meet him halfway.
‘Luke, before I leave there’s something I wanted to tell you.’
He drew a sharp breath. ‘Yes? What is it?’
She pressed her palms together in a prayer-like gesture. ‘As you know, I’ve insisted all along that Joey has to come back with me to Manhattan at the end of this vacation. But I—I’ve changed my mind.’
‘How? What do you mean? You’re taking him sooner?’
‘I mean—’ She looked back down the veranda to the cluster of people waiting to say goodbye to her. ‘If Joey really wants to stay here with you, I think he should.’
She heard the sharp hiss of Luke’s indrawn breath.
‘I haven’t said anything to Joey, of course. I think we should just wait and see how the next few weeks pan out, but—I’ve realised I’d be selfish to drag him back to live in Manhattan if he really wanted to be here.’
Erin held her breath.
‘That’s—very generous,’ Luke said gruffly and then he cleared his throat. ‘But—but what about you?’
Her mouth turned square.
I mustn’t cry. I am not going to cry.
‘I—I would still want to see him, of course.’
‘Erin, I know this must—’
&
nbsp; ‘We can work out details at the end of the vacation,’ she said, briskly cutting him off. ‘If the need arises. I might be jumping the gun. Joey might be quite happy to go back home. I—I just wanted you to know I’m not so black and white on this issue any more.’
‘Mommy,’ called Joey. ‘Nails is coming.’
It was almost a relief to be able to say, ‘I have to go.’
The kiss she gave Luke was so quick and frantic she actually missed his cheek and hit his nose. She turned quickly and almost scurried back to the others and the next few moments were a blur as she hurried through the farewells.
‘See you in Sydney,’ she said, hugging Joey tight.
And then she was down the steps and in the ute and the door was shut. Her tears began to fall as the engine started up.
Nails looked at her with dismay.
‘Not again,’ he muttered as the ute rolled forward.
‘It’s different this time,’ she blubbered.
‘You reckon?’
* * *
Nails drove very fast over the bumpy dirt track that cut across Warrapinya to the main road. Probably, thought Erin, because the poor man was desperate to get this over and done with. Sitting beside him in the passenger seat, she couldn’t hold back the tears, had no choice but to let them stream silently down her cheeks. She was leaving the two people in the world she loved most.
She had to keep reminding herself that she was leaving for all the right reasons. That was the only thing that stopped her from begging Nails to turn the ute around and take her back.
They climbed a rocky ridge and in front of them the countryside stretched flat and wide all the way to the horizon. The road was a dirt track—a straight red streak cutting across the land and flanked on either side by pale champagne-coloured grass.
Erin dug for a tissue in her pocket, wiped her eyes and blew her nose. ‘This is all Warrapinya land, isn’t it?’ she said.
‘Yep. The boundary gate is an hour away.’
Joey’s inheritance, she thought, biting her lip. Such a contrast to the crowded streets of New York and her tiny Upper West Side apartment. She thought, for a deeply nostalgic moment, of home. For the first time ever memories of Manhattan didn’t pull on her heartstrings the way they always had in the past.
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