Broken

by Willow Rose

  Later Nadine called us in for lunch and we shared a delightful meal with lots of laughter and joyful talk. Halona kept smiling at me while her glass and silverware floated in the air in front of her.

  "She is very pleased to see you again," Wyanet said with a light laughter. "She has always been very fond of you.”

  After lunch we played our instruments again while the sisters danced with fluttering skirts. I enjoyed watching them but as the afternoon approached I had to go home to William. I said my goodbyes with a heavy heart not knowing when I would ever see those lovely creatures again. Wyanet walked me out.

  "Take care, Howahkan," she said. "And take good care of Aiyana."

  I stared into her eyes as she said it and detected a sadness so very unknown to them. A melancholy sprung from the knowledge of her daughter being in a troubled relationship and not being able to do anything about it, not knowing if she would ever see her again.

  I exhaled deeply. I didn't know when I was going to see her either. If I was ever going to see her again.

  Chapter 30

  I didn't know what I had expected but to my great disappointment Aiyana didn't show up in the swamps that night either. It wasn't just that one night that she didn't come. The fear was growing inside of me, the fear that she wasn't going to come anymore. I hunted alone that night, throwing myself at my prey with huge anger and ripping the flesh from their bones viciously. I killed anything I could spot in the darkness, hear or smell. No one was spared. No life was saved. I was on a killing-spree.

  As sunrise approached, I left the remains of my prey to rot on the ground or be eaten by other animals and ran towards my house. I was full of despair and sorrow. I was still far from my house but could see it in the distance when I noticed someone standing in the driveway looking in my direction. It was a woman in a dress. She knew I was coming, she was expecting me. I sensed that I shouldn't be afraid to let her see me, to show myself to her as the savage beast. She was calling for me in my thoughts; she had penetrated my mind and was speaking to me in a gentle and subtle voice. The voice was unfamiliar yet I understood I knew this woman.

  It was Halona.

  I slowed down. I did not want to scare her but as I came closer I noticed that she was unafraid. She knew perfectly well who I was. I went up to her and stood in front of her. She was wearing a white nightgown that fluttered in the gusts coming off the water. She kneeled in front of me and grabbed my face between her hands. She stroked my fur gently and touched my ears with astonishment in her deep brown melancholic eyes. Then she laughed without making a sound. She became deadly serious. She stared into my eyes trying to find me. Then she focused and I could hear her in my mind again. At first the words were incoherent, then she added images. Like a puzzle I needed to put the pieces into the right order. I sensed her voice as a mere humming before actual words appeared. The hum of the voice became thin. Suddenly I managed to decipher what she was saying. My heart stopped. I understood what she was trying to tell me.

  Aiyana was in trouble. In my mind’s eye I saw devastating images of her in a small room. Locked up in a cage so small she could hardly move, trying desperately to get out, and roaring, yelling, calling for me to help her. Calling for Luyu. The cage was surrounded with barbed wire and she was bleeding where it had ripped her skin. Her screams cut through me like a knife.

  I stepped backwards and tried to escape the images but I couldn't. They kept coming at me and I felt Aiyana's pain.

  Stop, stop, stop, I thought and hoped Halona would hear me. I can't take it. It's enough.

  Save her Howahkan, she whispered in my thoughts. She needs you.

  I barely made it inside before the change came. As soon as I regained my strength from the transformation I ran upstairs. I took a quick shower and dressed. I woke William up and went downstairs where Sarah had just started making coffee and William's breakfast.

  "You're both up mighty early," she said with a cheerful voice.

  William still hadn't quite opened his eyes yet. He groaned and sat by the breakfast counter.

  "Well I have a lot to do today," I said and swallowed my coffee in quick gulps. "Eat your breakfast, William." My heart was racing as I watched him eat his cereal. The caffeine certainly didn't make it better. The pictures of Aiyana trapped kept appearing in my head. I had seen her there; I had seen the cage that was way too small for her when she was the jaguar so she couldn't even stand up, not without touching the wires. And as soon as I saw them I knew exactly where she was.

  I called Julie from the car after having dropped William off. I told her I wasn't coming in. She became quiet and I could almost hear her shake her head in disbelief.

  "You can't keep doing this, Dr. Langaa,” she said. "What do you want me to tell those poor people whose appointments you keep cancelling?"

  "You know what? Tell them if they are willing to wait then their operation will be on me. I'll pay for all of them."

  Julie went quiet. "Okay. I could do that. But ... I know it's none of my business but what's going on with you?"

  "I don't have time to explain, Julie. It's a huge emergency. That's all I can say for now."

  "Is Heather ... I mean I know that Mrs. Langaa ... is sick. Has something happened to her? Cause I would perfectly understand if ...”

  I exhaled. "It's not Heather. Yes she is sick but it's not about her. Not this time."

  "It's not William is it? Oh my God, has something happened to William?"

  "No. William is in school and is perfectly fine. Listen. This is very private. There is no need for the rest of the clinic to know about it. I need you to keep this as quiet as possible, okay? Just tell everybody that I am not coming in today and I will be back tomorrow. There is nothing for you to worry about except keeping this to yourself and making sure that the patients get the message. Alright?"

  "If you say so, doctor, then alright."

  I hung up the car-phone just as I drove into Aiyana's neighborhood. I parked the car at a local CVS nearby - in order to not draw too much attention to myself, and walked - halfway ran - the rest of the way to her house. Nothing about it seemed different. The small yellow house was calm and quiet on the street. A dog barked at me from the neighbors' house across the street. A few distrusting eyes were staring at me from porches nearby. I rang the bell to her house. I don't know what I had expected, but my plan was to just burst in as soon as he opened the door and then find her. I brought my gun and had it in my jacket. Now I placed my hand on the handle. I was shaking all over in rage, shivering despite the intense heat. Michael had put her in those dog cages and put barbed wire on them to deliberately hurt her and keep her from escaping. What kind of sick bastard would do such a thing?

  I heard no sounds coming from inside the house and I rang the bell again. Still nothing. My grip on the gun-handle became tighter, my breathing heavier. Then I opened the screened door and pounded on the front door.

  "Open up!" I yelled. "I know she’s in there, you bastard!"

  Still quiet as the grave. A sudden fear came upon me that he might have moved her so I wouldn't find her again. My heart was pumping fast now and I could hear the blood rushing through my veins. In the middle of it I suddenly heard a small still voice inside of me. It was hers. What a relief to finally hear her again! She was still alive.

  In the back, she whispered, her voice weak and worn out. The room in the back. Come to the window.

  The room in the back. Of course. It was there I had seen the two cages when I had been in the house. The cages meant for dogs, much smaller than a jaguar.

  I ran around the house and looked carefully in through a window. All I saw was a bedroom I assumed was Aiyana and Michael's. I felt the rage build up inside of me combined with a desperation and helplessness that I couldn't overcome. It filled me, it enraged me. In there they had made love, they had been a married couple. They had a child together. And now this? I hurried past it and looked in another window. What I saw there struck me hard. Even if I was prepa
red, even if I had already seen the horror in my vision, in my mind, it was still unbearable, excruciating, like a burning in my heart. There she was. Aiyana was in a cage on the floor unable to get up, unable to even sit upright without bending her head. She was bleeding from several wounds on her face and back. She was naked, exposed and powerless. Her skin was ripped from the barbed wire all over her body, her arms, legs and back. Her hair was tangled and stuck to the wire on the front. Oh the cruelty of it. She couldn't move. If she did she would hurt herself. She was curled up completely still on the bottom of the cage. I started crying, powerless to stop those tears running down my cheeks. I put the palm of my hand on the window to let her know I was there. My body was throbbing, the pain, the agonizing pain inside of me. She didn't even try to turn her head and look at me. She sent me thoughts.

  You have to leave, she said. I am glad you came but you have to get away from me now. You’re being here is dangerous.

  No! I will never leave you in there, I replied. I could never leave you in that ... in that thing, that instrument of torture. I need to get you out now! I will get you out!

  Her voice in my mind was calm and sweet. I admired her way of remaining peaceful even in a situation like this. There is no way, Christian. I brought this upon myself. It's my own fault.

  A fear, a feeling rose inside of me. Was this all my fault? Did he do this to you because of me? Was it because you spent the day with me in the swamps? It was. Wasn't it? Because you never made it home? Oh my God, the agonizing pain. Had I really caused this to happen to her? I am so sorry. I will make this right again, I cried. I will help you get out of there and away from him.

  Christian. You can't. There is nothing anyone can do.

  Of course there is. I’m going to come in there now and get you out. Break the window if I have to. Then I am going to call the police on him. Make him pay for what he has done.

  No! You can't Christian. You mustn't. You have to stay out of this. For me. For my sake. Please listen to me.

  I was crying hard now, breathing heavily almost hyperventilating. Why did she keep telling me to stay out of this? Why couldn't I help her? Why Aiyana? I don't understand!

  Because he has Luyu. He says he will never let me see her again if I escape. If I leave him. He has her somewhere. He is hiding her from me. As long as I stay in here she will be fine. He says he will not harm her.

  Crying hard, desperately, I leaned my face and both hands on the window. I wanted to touch her, to hold her in my arms, rescue her from this inhuman pain. The fact that I couldn't save her tormented me.

  There is nothing you can do Christian. You have to go. At night I become the jaguar and that's when I hurt myself. I don't want you to see it. I cannot restrain myself when I am the jaguar. The animal cannot bear to be locked up. So she fights in vain. I spend all day trying to heal my wounds. Dreading the change, fearing the sunset and the transformation.

  Maybe I will be able to find her? I cried.

  No! You can't do anything, Christian. I will not risk her life for mine. If he sees you anywhere near me or her he will kill her. He is crazy, Christian. You cannot reason with craziness like his. All I can do is to play along and hope for him to some day be merciful enough to let me out.

  I put my back against the wall and slid down in the grass. I hid my face in my hands while I cried. My entire body was trembling.

  I am not going to leave you here. I will not leave you here alone, I argued.

  You must go now Christian. If anyone sees you here...

  I got up on my feet and wiped the tears off with the back of my hand. Then I turned and stared at my beloved in her cage of pain. I took in a deep breath.

  This is not the end of it, I said, clenching my teeth.

  Go Christian. Just go.

  Then I ran. Sobbing, sniveling, crying hard, almost screaming at times - I escaped to my car.

  Chapter 31

  Once I was able to think straight I grabbed my car-phone and called my lawyer.

  I asked him if he knew a good private investigator. He recommended a man by the name Morgan and said he was the best money could buy. I asked my lawyer to contact the private investigator and let him call me as soon as humanly possible. Money was no object.

  Then I hung up. Two can play this game, I thought to myself. I had promised Aiyana not to put Luyu in further danger. But I certainly wasn't going to just sit still and wait for Michael's mercy. I was getting Aiyana out of that cage.

  Then I picked up the phone and called Sarah. Told her I had to work and probably wouldn't be home until the next day so I needed her to take care of William and to let him know that I would be home as soon as possible. She thanked me for warning her in advance this time.

  I put the phone down. No more than two minutes went by before I had the investigator on the phone. I told him I needed to find someone.

  "A young girl only five years old. The father has kidnapped her. But you'll have to be very discreet. If he suspects we are on to him in any way he has threatened to kill the child. Discretion is of the utmost importance. You'll probably have to follow him when he picks her up from school. Now I don't know which school she goes to, but that should be easy to figure out. Just find out where he is hiding her and report back to me. Then I'll have to decide how we proceed from there. Money is absolutely no problem. I will pay whatever it takes to get this girl back to her mother."

  "Got it," Morgan said. "Just give me the girl's name and I'll find her."

  I hung up still enraged but with a tiny hope growing inside of me. If we could find Luyu and get her away from Michael, then I could get Aiyana out of that gruesome cage. All wasn't lost yet.

  It was still only past noon when I came back to Aiyana's house. She sensed my presence as I walked closer and turned into the backyard. She sent me a stream of thoughts to try and stop me from coming closer to her.

  Don't Christian. Her voice was moaning. Don't come back. Please just forget me. Forget I ever existed. It's the best for everybody.

  I didn't answer. I kept walking. Soon I was at the window again.

  Why do you keep coming? Don't you know it's too painful for me to see you?

  I took a deep breath and fought the tears that came again when I looked at her. The ghastly sight of her in that cage caused my hands to shake as I lifted up the bag I held in my hand. I took out something. A book I had bought in a small bookstore not far from her house.

  What are you doing Christian? Why are you here?

  Because I love you. I held up the book but she wasn't able to turn her head enough to look at it. I have something for you. Something I know you'll enjoy. You once told me that you used to read stacks of books as a child. That to you reading was like 'a dream that didn't stop.' Well I have come here to give that dream back to you. To ease your pain while you're waiting. To give you some release. This is my escape plan. I fought my tears hard now as I looked at the book. Moby Dick. Remember that? You told me once it was your favorite book. You told me that your dad used to read it to you when he was home from his many travels. These were the happiest moments of your childhood. Remember you told me that? I will try and bring you back to that place. I will read this to you to ease your pain. I hope I'll be able to help you escape for at least a little while. No one will ever hear us. I will read this to you in your mind. I will place images and words and make you forget where you are.

  She never answered. Through the window I heard her crying. I swallowed the lump in my throat and opened the book. A tear rolled over my cheek and landed on the first page. I wiped the rest that followed away. Then I started reading.

  'Chapter one. Call me Ishmael. Some years ago - never mind how long precisely - having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world.'

  I read that book for her for hours while she lay still in her cage. Now and then she moaned or laughed a light yet troubled laughter. I believe I
managed to give her some sort of comfort during the many hours. Soon her thoughts calmed down and were less troubled. I think I managed to make her forget just as I planned. I took her out to sea with Ishmael on his voyage to catch the big white whale on the whaleship Pequod commanded by Captain Ahab. I helped her imagination along by putting my pictures in her head and pushing them at her to make her feel like she was out there in the open sea with the wind and the waves and nothing but the wide open ocean in front of her. And I succeeded. Even if it was only for a short while.

  I continued to read even when I realized that the sun was about to set on us. Darkness soon swallowed us and I sensed the change had started. Still I kept reading as long as I could. Even when my fingers disappeared and the claws came followed by the soft paws and the glossy hairs on my arms and legs. I kept reading even if I had to undress myself while I did it to make room for the transformation. I kept reading for as long as I could until I sensed that she had also gone through the change and I could suddenly hear her roar from inside the house. That's when I knew I had to stop. As jaguars we could not speak nor share each other's thoughts. I rose to my back feet and placed my front paws on the windowsill to look inside. Aiyana was fighting the cage. I blinked, and then burst into tears. I was suddenly weary, feeling a sense of despair. I saw her struggle to get out, but just hurting herself more and deeper. She was whining and whimpering, bleeding from the wounds in her face, stripes of blood running over her eyes when I caught her glance. She was begging for me to help her. Her helpless eyes were pleading. She was beaten. She was broken.

  That was when I heard someone inside the house. Someone yelled her name. I didn't have to stay, I knew it was him. It was Michael. He had come to gloat. To show how powerful he was. He had tamed the beast; he had finally managed to make her stay at home despite her wild nature, her deep desire to hunt in the night. He had conquered her.