Syren's Plaything

by Jennah Thornhill

  “Yeah… you’ve got a point. I’m not going to argue with you on that one, I know I wouldn’t win.” We both let out a gentle laugh.

  The laughter stops, and I can see the cogs in his brain working overtime. The thought of him thinking and me not knowing what about kills me, so I decide to voice my thoughts.

  “What are you thinking Johnny? I hate it when you go quiet on me, it scares me.” My voice wobbling at the end.

  Pulling me back into his arms, he places a soft kiss on the top of my head. I hear him inhale and exhale deeply, his hot breath causing my skin to break out in a shiver.

  “Princess, you should never be scared of me or what I’m thinking, when it comes to you I would rather die than let anything scare you. I was also thinking if you’re fourteen weeks and two days today… then that means the baby will be born in December. Am I right?” He’s trying to work out the math’s in his head, I can tell. Well I’ll do it for him.

  “Christmas day Johnny.” That’s all I say. Clearly, he didn’t hear me as he’s still trying to work it out.

  “Sorry what you say?” He asks, clearly confused.

  “I said our baby is due on Christmas day.” I say, whilst laughing at him.

  “Hmm… I thought that’s what you said. Shit… if this isn’t a gift from the man upstairs I don’t know what is!” I’m just about to say yes, when there’s an almighty knock on the door followed by a bang making me jump.

  “What the fuck?” Johnny pulls back from our embrace and looks at me for an answer I can’t give him.

  “I’m not expecting anyone Johnny, I don’t know who it is.” I explain, just as confused as he is.

  As I go to make my way towards the door, he stops me as I reach the bedroom door, placing his hand on my stomach, on my little bump. Sparks flutter all over my body at the touch of him. I know he felt the same thing as I did just then. I can see it in his eyes.

  He breaks eye contact with me, which breaks the hold he had over me, over my body, my heart.

  “You’re not answering the door, it could be anyone. I’ll get it, you stay here.”

  I don’t. I follow him, staying close to his side, partly because I want to feel it again, lose myself in him, where nothing and no one else exists, only me and him.

  Not letting me go any further with him, Johnny makes me stop walking with him when we get to my sofa in the living room, telling me to sit down. Again, I don’t listen, but only partially. I stay by the sofa, but I don’t sit. I want to know who’s at my door uninvited. I want to know who’s interrupting my time with Johnny.

  He goes to the door, looking through the peephole.

  “What the fuck?” I hear him say, right before he swings the front door open to what I can only describe as a very drunk Travis who falls over the threshold.

  Johnny jumps back just in time, as Travis decides to throw up right there and then on my carpet.

  I lift my eyes to Johnny, who is looking like he wants to kick his arse all over London right now. I haven’t said anything yet, I don’t know what to say. Johnny doesn’t know that Travis was the other potential father, and Travis doesn’t know I’m pregnant at all.

  Oh holy, fuckeroo.

  Johnny breaks me out of my trance when he starts talking.

  “Karina, please tell me you know who this pissed up fucknut is? Because so help me god, if you don’t I’m going to rip him a new one right now.”

  I nod my head as a way of an answer to his question, my brain still not functioning enough to form words.

  What am I supposed to do now?

  They were never supposed to meet.

  Well done Karina, you’ve well and truly fucked up now.

  “Who the fuck is this?” Johnny shouted out. I’m scared to say, the way he’s acting now will only double when I tell him it’s Travis. But I see no other choice, I’m going to have to tell him, just as I’m about to open my mouth and pluck up the courage, the drunken mess speaks.

  “Who the fuck am I? Who the fuck are you?” Travis pipes up. “I’m Travis, a friend of Karina’s. You?” Why can’t he just shut up and stop talking, he’s only making this worse.

  “Me?” Oh no here’s come a mega trampling, I can see it coming a mile away.

  It doesn’t help he’s steaming drunk, I can smell the whiskey pouring out of him.

  What the fuck is he playing at?

  I can see the steam coming out of Johnny’s ears, he’s going squash him like a pesky fly right before my eyes.

  “Travis, you need to leave. Right now.” I push.

  “I’m not going anywhere till you tell me who this is and why he’s here! I thought we had something Karina, you can’t just give me the night we had then not speak to me again.”

  Seriously!! He sounds like a pathetic little girl wanting more, well he isn’t going to get it from me, again.

  Not now, not ever.

  I look back up to Johnny and see his face drop, and his eyes go wide, he’s finally made the connection. He knows I slept with Travis without me even saying the words.

  I suddenly feel lightheaded, only moments ago I was finally close to getting what I wanted.

  A family.

  Now this arsehole has just ripped it all away from me, Johnny’s not going to let this go and forgive me for it. He’s not going to believe for one minute that this baby is his now.

  “This is the fucker that you slept with? Really Karina? I thought you had higher standards than this!” He shouts at me whilst pointing to Travis who is trying his best to get up from the floor but struggling, after three attempts he’s now on his feet, his very unsteady feet, and he’s using the wall by the door to help with his balance.

  “I beg your fucking pardon? I’ll have you know that my standards were fucking sky high till you came along.” I don’t know why I’ve just said that, Johnny is the best I’ve ever had, and he’s now ruined me for anybody else. No one could ever match him, especially in the bedroom department. But with his comment, well he’s made me mad at him.

  “You know nothing Johnny, you don’t know my reasons, you have no fucking clue. So, don’t stand there with your high standard bollocks, I mean have you seen some of the women you’ve been with? You have no right to judge me or my choices!”

  “Hello… I’m still here you know!” Travis pipes up.

  “Unfortunately. So why are you here?” Johnny asks, and it’s a very good question. One I want to know just as much as Johnny.

  “Well, to put it bluntly, I was hoping I’d get a repeat performance of last time Karina, but I see that isn’t going to happen as you already have company… unless he wants to be involved in it too?”

  Before I know what’s happening, Johnny launches across the room, pinning Travis to the wall by his throat.

  “You ever say shit like that again and I will end you, are we clear?”

  I can’t move, everything is now happening in slow motion, Johnny rears his arm back and plants a punch to Travis’s jaw. making him slump back to the floor.

  Johnny grabs him by the collar of his shirt at the same time he pulls the door open and tosses him out, slamming the door after Travis has been put through it.

  “Johnny I... I…”

  “Just don’t K, I’ve heard enough. You have no idea what you’re doing to me do you? You’re killing me, very fucking slowly!” He sounds like he’s in physical pain.

  What does he mean by that? I haven’t done anything wrong, and it certainly wasn’t my fault that Travis turned up here unannounced. It’s not like I planned it, and his timing couldn’t have been any bloody worse. Well done Travis, and the Oscar goes to… The dickhead outside my door.

  “I can’t talk to you right now K, I have to go. My heads a mess, I don’t know what to think anymore.”

  “And what’s that supposed to mean Johnny? Are you thinking that this baby isn’t yours now? Because if you are and you walk away then you’re about to make the biggest mistake of your life, you don’t want me I get that,
but don’t turn your back on someone who’s innocent in all of this.”

  He doesn’t answer me, he just turns and walks out the door, the door he threw Travis out off only minutes ago.

  And once again, another person walks out on me.

  Johnny

  I’m ruined.

  There’s no other way of putting it.

  I had to get out of there, I’ve always known I loved that woman, but she’s killing me. I’m in my own personal hell right now.

  Why would she think I wouldn’t want her? I’ve done nothing but chase after her for months, with the way I’ve publicly lived my life for the last ten years who can blame her really. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want her, or our baby for that matter. That would never happen. But when I opened her door and saw that fucker standing there, well trying to stand there, all high and fucking mighty asking me why I was there, like I had no fucking right, I just lost it. I wanted to do so much more to him than just punch him in the face. She’s worth so much more than a quick fumble, I made the mistake of treating her like one of the bands groupies once and I couldn’t be sorrier for it. That tosser looked like he enjoyed treating her like some slut.

  Jumping in my car once I leave her building, I take my temper out on the pedal and put my foot down, going at a speed that will get me arrested if a copper was to pull me over.

  Before I know it I’m back where I started, the only place I know I can go and not be judged.

  Connors.

  Letting myself into his house I call out.

  “Hey twat, where you at?”.

  With that Allie pops her head around the lounge doorway, her blonde hair covering half of her face.

  “He’s in the studio John, go on down to him. I’m not the best company right now.”

  Fabulous, another hormonal woman to contend with.

  “Sure, will do.” I reply.

  Letting myself out of the patio doors that are in their giant kitchen, I trudge along the grass to the studio Connor had built onto the property when they moved into this place. We’ve written some of our best work in this studio.

  I don’t bother knocking when I get there, I just yank the handle down and open the door, plonking my butt on the leather chair in the corner.

  “What’s up with your face?” Connor asks, as he removes his headphones from his ears when he sees me sitting in the chair opposite him.

  “You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you mate.” I say sounding deflated.

  “One word… Karina, I’m guessing”

  “Is it that obvious? She’s getting good at pissing me off without even trying. And I don’t even think she’s aware she’s doing it anymore.”

  “What is it this time? Have you fucked her again and now she hates your guts even more?”

  I wish it was that simple.

  “She’s pregnant!” I blurt out.

  The idiot chokes on what I’m presuming is gum that he has in his mouth, he’s always chewing the stuff, apparently it helps with his addictions.

  “She’s what?” He asks. His face showing he’s clearly as shocked as I was when I found out.

  “She’s pregnant? How?”

  I swear sometimes he’s as stupid as he looks.

  “Well you see fuck face, when a man inserts his penis into a woman’s vagina these things happen you know.”

  “Ha fucking ha dickhead, I know how babies are made. What I mean is how is she pregnant with what I’m presuming is your baby, or else you wouldn’t be here looking like you’ve just been given a death sentence.”

  “She slept with someone else dude, she’s fourteen plus weeks so it has to be mine, but I didn’t stick around long enough to ask all the questions I wanted or needed too. The douche who she slept with rocked up pissed as a fart demanding a repeat performance and I lost it. I punched him in the face then threw him out the door.”

  “You did what? Why the fuck would you just leave her after she’s just told you that she’s carrying your child. Are you insane? She’s probably sitting there all alone with god knows what running around in her head. Thinking the worst. Shit Johnny you have so much to learn about women when they’re pregnant. Their hormones are all over the fucking place and it makes them do stupid shit, or just cry for no fucking reason. You need to go back there and talk to her man. Why do you think I’m sat out here and Allies in there with a face like a yard of tripe? We love each other desperately, but at the minute she’s fucking evil to live with.”

  Speak of the devil, in walks Allie.

  “Why do I get the feeling I’ve just walked in on something I shouldn’t have? You both look like your mums just walked in on you and caught you having your first wank.” She’s just standing there with her hands on her hips.

  “Well thanks for that Angel, I really didn’t need that vision in my head.”

  I smirk at the conversation between these two, he’s right I shouldn’t have left her, but I had to. This right here is what I needed to get my head back on my shoulders, and out of my arse. Then like a tornado hitting the coast of Florida, it hits me.

  Allie knows. She’s always known and never told me. All their whispering, their disappearing acts. It all makes sense now.

  “You knew?” I whisper.

  Instantly Allie pales, confirming what I already knew.

  “Oh god…. She’s told you. I didn’t think she would have done it, not this quick anyway. How is she? How…how are you?” She’s stumbling over her own words. I can’t say I’m happy she knew before me, but I get it. She was scared, and Allie is her best friend, I’d be the same if I was her. In fact, I have done the exact same thing, the shit the fan and the first place I go running to is Connors. He maybe a thick shit sometimes, but he’s still my best friend. She only has Allie, I have Connor, Liam and Max. Without those three I wouldn’t be where I am today. My path was always going to lead me to where I am now, but not without the help of them.

  “Yeah, she told me. Right before that Travis guy turned up. Did you know about him?”

  “I did, but I swear to you Johnny she’s been a complete mess over the entire thing. She’s even lucky to still be pregnant after what she went through the other month, and not only that, she wasn’t one hundred percent sure if she was going to keep it at all. I think what we went through was a wake up call for her and at the same time it’s possible that’s what made her mind up in the end.”

  My stomach plummets through the floor when I realise what Allies just said, Karina was going to abort my baby and not even tell me about it. I look at Connor who’s looking at me with sympathy written all over his face, and for once not saying a word. I look back over to Allie, her eyes are bulging out her head and her hand flies up to her mouth, she was obviously trying to stop herself from talking, only it was too late.

  “Oh shit, I shouldn’t have said that. I was wrong. What I meant was that she wasn’t sure if she would even still be pregnant after what happened… and.”

  I stop her rambling when I stand from the chair.

  “Don’t Allie, I know you’re her best friend and you love her, but please for the love of god don’t try and cover for her. It is what it is, she was going to have an abortion and not even tell me. If it wasn’t for that crazy bitch Jodie, I would be none the wiser.”

  With that I walk out of the studio and out their front door, rage like never before is running through my veins.

  I don’t know how I made it to her apartment without a scratch on my car, because in all honesty I wasn’t watching the road, or looking out for other cars. I got in my car with only one thing on my mind.

  Karina was going to have an abortion. Abort my baby without even telling me. I’d have never known I was going to be a dad and I would never get to know what it would feel like to hold my baby for the first time, or hear them say daddy for the first time, or see them take their first steps, never get to see them grow up.

  She was going to take that right away from me.

  The silent tears a
re just slipping from my eyes and falling down my face, making it impossible for me to see anything. I feel broken in a whole new way.

  I march up the stairs with more determination than ever before to get the answers I need. She needs to explain what the fuck she was thinking. Taking my choices away from me, never giving me a chance to fight for her or the baby.

  I’m angry, murderous even and extremely pissed off, which is not a good frame of mind for me to be in. I would never hurt her, not physically anyway. And I’d try my best to never hurt her mentally either but that is near impossible on so many levels especially with everything I’ve found out today.

  This shit would test the patience of a saint.

  I make it to her door in record time, taking in a deep breath, I'm trying my best to keep my temper under control the best I can.

  When I think I’m calm enough I knock gently, not wanting to make her jump or not want to answer the door to me. I wait a couple of seconds… nothing.

  Why is she not answering?

  I knock again, only this time with more force.

  “Karina, answer the door will you princess. We need to talk.” I shout through the wooden door, and yet I still get no response.

  What the fuck is she playing at? She isn’t this childish that she would play these games. Having me shout and her just ignoring me.

  My anger is now turning to worry and panic, what if that wanker came back and hurt her? It would all be my fault. I’m the one who punched him, I’m the one who bruised his pride and his ego. It should be me he takes it out on not her.

  I lean against the door and slide to the cold floor, landing with a thud but I don’t care, I’m not moving till I know where she is or answers the door.

  I hear the door to the left creak open and an elderly lady pokes her head out, my banging that she no doubt was heard causing her to see what’s going on.

  “What’s all the noise and banging for? You there.” She points a wrinkly finger in my direction. “She’s clearly not in, hence why she’s not answered the door.” She shouts at me. “What’s an old lady got to do around here to get some peace and quiet?” She turns and makes her way back into her apartment, which gets me back into gear.