The Knowledge of Love

by D. S. Williams

  The men wore suits in somber colors and in keeping with the previous funerals, we showed our respect with an envoy from each group. My father was representing the humans and I was deeply affected by Ben's presence as the vampire delegate – taking Lucas's place. I caught movement from down the street and Gabrielle appeared, dressed exquisitely in a ruby coat with a fur lapel. “I'd like to stand for the witches.”

  I nodded, offering her a watery smile. “I'd like that.”

  Conal met me at the bottom of the stairs, linking my arm through his. “You look like an angel, Sugar,” he announced huskily. “Just beautiful.”

  I smiled up at him as Matt spoke. “Conal's right, baby. You're gorgeous.”

  “Thanks, Matt.”

  “How's Epi doing?” I asked nervously. I hadn't seen him since the altercation on the ramparts and his anger was still uppermost in my mind.

  Ben tried to be reassuring. “He's calming down.”

  I didn't feel particularly reassured, but pushed it to the back of my mind. Along with many other things, I'd worry about it later.

  The funerals began shortly after noon, conducted back-to-back in the open area outside the gates. I kept in contact with the spirits in case of trouble as we listened to the monotone voice of the makeshift chaplain. Extra protection was in place for the mourners, with werewolves and shifters patrolling the perimeter and men on the ramparts monitoring the horizon with binoculars.

  Darkness had fallen by the time the funerals concluded and Conal escorted me home. “I'm going to hit the shower. I'll pick you up in half an hour and take you to the mess.”

  “I'm not really hungry” I protested tiredly.

  “You have to eat, Charlotte. You haven't had anything all day.” He looked down at me with determination in his eyes. “It's not good for the baby. Or you.”

  I huffed out a sigh. “Okay.”

  Conal brushed a kiss across my forehead. “See you soon.”

  He strode away and I trudged up the stairs. Exhaustion seemed to be a perpetual condition lately.

  Rowena greeted me when I came in, her eyes mirroring her concern. “Sit down, I'm going to run a bath,” she ordered, disappearing before I had a chance to speak. I pulled off the coat, laying it across the back of the couch, then toed off the boots. My feet throbbed, my back ached and all I wanted to do was fall into bed, but Conal was right, I needed to eat.

  The bath was a healing balm to a difficult day. Slumping back against the tub, I inhaled the aromatic scent of the bath oil. The water soothed the aches and I studied my flat belly, thinking about the baby. Was it a boy or a girl? Would it look like Lucas, or me? It was too early for physical signs of the pregnancy and I tried to imagine how I would look with a rounded belly.

  Enjoying the tranquility, I soaked in silence until Rowena tapped gently at the door. “Conal is here, but says not to rush. He's making a coffee.”

  “Thank you.” Conal had been wonderful today, providing support through the funerals. I'd gotten so lucky, managing to meet two men who were so loving and considerate. Some people didn't meet one in a lifetime.

  Without a need to rush, I lay my head back against the side of the tub and did something I'd been considering all day.

  “Nememiah?”

  His response was immediate. “Yes, Child.”

  “I wanted to thank you – for repairing the city and providing contact with the outside world. I appreciate it.”

  “You're welcome.”

  I paused, contemplating another question. “You told me we had to fix the mess ourselves. What made you change your mind?”

  “I told you once before that you were never destined to fight a war. You have been placed in a position that wasn't part of your destiny.” He lapsed into silence for a minute before continuing. “Your efforts have been more than I expected from one so young. It is for this reason that I helped you.”

  “Is it Kazuki's destiny? To fight?” Matt and Misaki were desperately worried about Kazuki and I hoped Nememiah would help to allay their fears.

  “That cannot be foretold, Child. It was not your destiny, yet you have been thrust into a conflict I didn't foresee. I cannot tell you the future of your brother.”

  It was silent for a long while as I digested his words and speculated uneasily on what the future held for my half-brother.

  “Child.”

  “Yes?”

  “Why did you not mention the infant you carry in your womb?”

  I screwed up my nose. “I'm still getting used to it. I didn't think it had any bearing on what we've talked about.”

  “It is important, child. Your child is the first of a new generation. It must be protected. The father is the deceased vampire?”

  “Yes. His name was Lucas.” I squeezed my eyes shut, a sharp ache in my heart.

  “You feel his loss greatly.”

  “Yes.”

  “The vampire will do everything in his power to help and protect you.”

  I smiled weakly, placing a hand over my stomach. “I know.”

  “I must remain impartial in this war. However, I will do what I can to ensure the child's safety.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Goodnight, Child.”

  “Goodnight.”

  I release the plug from the bath, calmer and more relaxed than I had been. Pulling on jeans and a sweater, I found Conal in deep discussion with Rowena and Ben in the living room. He wore faded jeans and a black sweater, and when I approached he smiled, putting down the coffee mug. “Ready to go?”

  I nodded and he stood up. Saying goodbye, Conal helped me on with my coat and we stepped out into the bitter cold.

  The mess was crowded when we arrived, mourners who'd attended funerals were crowded around a makeshift bar. “Find a seat and I'll get some food,” Conal suggested.

  I located an empty table and Conal appeared seconds later, carrying two plates. “Pork chops or roast beef?” he questioned.

  “Pork chops.”

  Conal put the plate in front of me and slipped into his chair. “Nonny's gonna bring drinks.” The smell of the food started my stomach rumbling and Conal chuckled. “Knew you had to be hungry.”

  We were quiet as we ate and I demolished a pork chop before I broke the silence. “Conal, how well do you know Rachel?”

  Conal scrutinized me for a second before he answered. “Why do you ask?”

  “Something I heard. Have you been seeing her long?”

  He rolled his eyes. “Charlotte, you're not jealous are you?” I shook my head and Conal sighed, his disbelief obvious. “I've dated her for a couple of weeks. That's all.” He slumped back in the chair, putting down his cutlery. “What's this about?”

  I popped a piece of broccoli in my mouth, chewing thoughtfully before I responded. “I think she thinks your relationship is serious.”

  Nonny stopped by our table, elated to see us together. She placed coffee in front of Conal and hot chocolate in front of me, then kissed my cheek. “I've got blueberry crumble out back. Want some after you've finished your dinner?”

  I grinned and nodded. “Nonny, I adore you.”

  “Hey, what about me?” Conal protested. “Remember me? Your grandson?”

  Nonny hooted with laughter. “I'll bring you some too,” she promised, patting his shoulder soothingly before setting off towards the kitchen.

  “She loves you,” Conal stated with a mock scowl. “Probably more than me.”

  “I think she's wonderful,” I agreed. “Though she works too hard.”

  Conal shook his head. “You'll never stop her, she's a werewolf dynamo.” He sipped his coffee and grew serious. “Now getting back to Rachel. What's this about?”

  In between mouthfuls, I told Conal about the love potion Rachel had tried to acquire from Gabrielle. “So I think she's serious about you,” I concluded. I was holding my jealousy in check, but only by a thread. Conal hadn't said anything about breaking up with her and I wasn't sure he'd even seen her since yesterd
ay. It was an uncomfortable position to be in - even though I didn't know Rachel and instinctively disliked her because of Conal - I didn't want to be the other woman.

  Conal was frowning and he tapped his fork against the plate. “Those love potions are powerful.”

  “So I've heard. Gabrielle refused to give her one.”

  “How did Rachel take that?”

  “I don't know. But it's obvious she's serious about you and will go to drastic measures to keep you.”

  “I need to talk to Rachel,” he said, putting the knife and fork down. He tucked his finger under my chin and raised my head until he could see my eyes. “And she can't keep me, Sugar. She never really had me in the first place.”

  “You haven't told her about… this? Us?” The last thing I wanted to discuss was Rachel and her involvement with Conal, especially when the kiss I'd seen them share was still emblazoned in technicolor on my memory.

  Conal kept his gaze on mine. “No, I haven't found the time yet.”

  “Oh.” A rush of insecurity accompanied the response.

  “I know this is difficult for you. I kissed her. That's all that ever happened.” A flash of annoyance crossed his face. “We weren't dating exclusively, hell, I hadn't even considered it. We hadn't been seeing each other for long enough.”

  A rush of relief had me relaxing and embarrassed simultaneously. I lowered my gaze and stared hard at my plate, knowing I had no right to feel this way. I'd been sleeping with Lucas and had no right to question his choices. My cheeks heated and Conal leaned over, again lifting my face to meet his. “Charlotte, I'm okay with knowing you slept with Lucas,” he stated evenly. “Don't try and hide from me, please?”

  I managed a faint smile and Conal picked up the cutlery to continue his meal. “This all feels strange,” I admitted.

  Conal smiled his agreement. “It'll feel strange for a while. The more time that passes, the more you'll relax and begin to feel comfortable with me. I promise.”

  “What will you do about Rachel?”

  Conal sipped his coffee. “Drop you off at Ben's, then I need to sit down with her and talk.”

  I pushed down another surge of jealousy with extreme difficulty and finished my dinner in silence. After a plate of Nonny's delicious crumble, served with a healthy dollop of whipped cream, Conal took the plates to the kitchen and kissed his grandmother before meeting me at the door.

  I yawned tiredly as we walked out and Conal glanced down at me. “Ready for bed?”

  I nodded and smiled up at him. “I seem to be perpetually tired nowadays.”

  We strolled through the streets at a leisurely pace, but Conal made no move to hold my hand or touch me. It sent a shiver of disquiet through me, but I pushed it away. He was going to see Rachel and I hoped the situation would be resolved easily, but a niggling worry continued to persist in the back of my mind. She'd tried to purchase a love potion, which seemed drastic for what Conal insisted was a casual relationship.

  We stopped outside Ben and Rowena's cottage, where a soft glow illuminated the windows. Conal inhaled heavily. “I'd better go.”

  “All right. I'll see you tomorrow?”

  He leaned forward, pressing a quick kiss against my forehead. “Of course.” He drew back and must have seen something in my expression, because he caught my hands in his. “Don't worry, Sugar. I'll sort this thing out with Rachel. I love you.”

  I nodded. “I know.”

  With another brief press of his lips to my cheek, he walked away and I shuffled up the steps. Despite my desperate tiredness, I had a feeling sleep wouldn't come easily tonight.

  Chapter 22: Proof

  I was right about having trouble sleeping. After a couple of hours of tossing and turning, I flicked on the bedside lamp and picked up my sketchbook. Settling against the headboard, I drew up my knees and began work on a fresh sketch, hoping the concentration required would soothe me into sleeping. Thinking about Conal certainly wasn't.

  With quick strokes of the pencil, I began to fashion the snowy scene I'd wanted to capture, the day I'd seen Conal kissing Rachel. I frowned deeply and pushed the thought aside. No more thinking about Conal and Rachel, or I'd never sleep tonight. I settled in more comfortably, absently picking up a cracker to nibble on as I worked.

  “Can't sleep?” Rowena sat on the edge of the bed, looking over the sketch with interest.

  “Nope.” I added a few more structural lines to the drawing, stopping to eye it critically. I was out of practice.

  “Want to talk about what's bothering you?” She placed a gentle hand against my wrist. “I don't need to touch you, to know how unsettled you are.”

  “Conal's meeting with Rachel.”

  Rowena released my wrist and settled back on the bed. “And you think something is wrong?”

  I shrugged. I didn't know what to think. Here I was, supposedly leading a thousand people in a war for their survival, and I was lying in bed seething with jealousy over what might be happening somewhere in the city.

  “Rachel is young and impetuous, but she's not stupid. When she realizes how important you are to Conal, I'm sure she'll understand.”

  I glanced up. “You know her?”

  “Of course. She and her brother Rudy are on my training schedule. Their parents were killed during the first attack on the Tremaines'. Rudy is the eldest, he looks after Rachel and their younger brother.”

  “They're pure-blooded aren't they?”

  “Yes, they are. Didn't you know?”

  I lifted the pencil from the paper and tapped the end on my leg. “I assumed; but Rachel isn't a werewolf name.”

  “No it isn't, but Rachel hates her real name.”

  “I see. Sounds like you've become good friends,” I sniped, returning to the sketch. I was annoyed at Rowena's acquaintance with Rachel and worse, that she seemed to like her. I knew it was a ridiculous reaction and could have kicked myself.

  “Charlotte, you're being unreasonable,” Rowena said, echoing my thoughts.

  “I know,” I admitted miserably. I tossed the sketchpad onto the bed. “I'm sorry. I can't help thinking Conal will decide Rachel is the easier option.”

  Rowena rolled her eyes. “I'd forgotten how insecure humans can be when they're young.” She wriggled closer and held out her arms, wrapping me in an embrace. “He loves you, Charlotte. I don't know how to get you to believe it.”

  “Why would he love me? I'm pregnant, I'm moody and I'm unreasonable! I slept with another man, even though I knew how Conal felt about me and I'm not a werewolf. Why would he want me?”

  “I want you because you're the most precious thing in the world to me. I love you. Nothing else matters.” Conal was standing in the doorway when I glanced up, leaning his shoulder against the frame.

  “Is everything okay?” Rowena asked.

  Conal nodded, his eyes never leaving mine. “Not sleeping, Sugar?” He eyed me critically and shook his head. “Come on, let's go for a walk. I'll meet you downstairs.”

  I looked at Rowena and she smiled reassuringly. “See? Everything will be fine.” She stood up, smoothing her trousers. “I'll see you when you get home.”

  An icy wind was blowing when I met Conal outside and I pulled the collar of my jacket up to protect my neck against the cold. Conal linked our fingers together and we walked in silence down the street. I bit back the need to ask what had happened with Rachel, thinking it preferable for him to speak when he was ready. By the tension lines bracketing his mouth, it hadn't gone well.

  The sky was clear, hundreds of stars twinkling brightly in the sky overhead. The wind was whirling through the street, strong enough to blow the recently fallen snow into drifts against buildings and I tightened the scarf around my neck.

  “It's over,” Conal finally announced. He was wearing a heavy jacket, one hand shoved deep into his pocket. He squeezed my fingers reassuringly with his other hand. “You were right about Rachel; she was more invested in the relationship than I'd realized.”


  “I'm sorry.”

  Conal stopped walking and drew me into his arms. “Don't apologize. It was a mistake to date her when I wasn't committed to the idea.” He grimaced. “She's pissed off and I can't blame her. I was lonely, fighting with you and I wanted companionship. I never meant to hurt anyone.”

  I reached on tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “I can't help feeling guilty. If I hadn't made such a mess of things…”

  “Don't, Charlotte. You couldn't help your feelings any more than Rachel can. There's no point in beating yourself up about it.”

  “How angry is she?”

  Conal scowled and shook his head. “Pretty damned angry.” He drew me towards the mess and we sheltered in the entranceway as the wind howled all around us. “She's calling you all sorts of names and I copped a fair beating as well. After she tore me a new one, she calmed down a little bit and we talked. I think I finally got through to her that I'd only been looking for a casual thing and that I didn't mean to give her the wrong idea.”

  “I hope she'll be okay.” To my surprise, I was feeling sorry for Rachel after being so jealous of her until now. While I doubted we'd ever be close friends after this fiasco, I couldn't help thinking how I'd feel if I were in her shoes.

  “I think she'll be fine. Her brother Rudy is my best friend - I just hope he'll be as understanding. I'm sure he knew it was just a casual thing, God knows he's listened to me crying into my whisky often enough over you.” I stared at him, stunned by his comment and Conal smirked. “What? I accepted it, but you surely didn't think you sleeping with Lucas wouldn't affect me?” He tightened his grip on my waist as I tried to pull away and pressed a kiss against the top of my head. “Uh uh. I'm not letting go of you, not now, not when we've found one another again.”

  “I didn't know how badly it was affecting you,” I admitted, keeping my face hidden against his chest. “I don't know how you can still want to be with me, after what I've done to you.”

  Conal released his grip and took my hand. “C'mon. I've got something to show you.” He led me across the courtyard to the meeting hall and pulled the door open, heading inside. I wondered what we were doing and my curiosity grew as we went upstairs.