Wrecked

by Harmon, AJ

  “Or are you ready to go and get something to eat?” Ethan suggested.

  Bess looked off past Ethan towards the window and smiled.

  “Bess?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Are you with me?” Ethan was concerned.

  “Yes.”

  “So?”

  “So what?” Bess asked innocently.

  As a medical doctor, he was immediately worried about her mental state. The past few months had been nothing short of traumatic for Bess and the day’s events would leave most people in some sort of mental and emotional distress. It appeared to him that Bess was indeed suffering from something.

  “Would you like to go to dinner or do you want to talk about the conversation with your… Stacy?” he repeated.

  “Um, I guess I would prefer to stay here, if that’s okay.”

  “Sure it’s okay. I’ll order in. Any preferences?”

  “Surprise me,” she smiled.

  He nodded and left her alone in the bedroom and went back downstairs to order dinner to be delivered. As soon as his foot hit the first of the stairs, he heard her talking again.

  “I know he is.”

  Ethan shook his head with worry and decided that his first call would be to Eric. Ethan needed Dr. Ryder to help him figure out what was going on inside Bess’s head.

  *****

  “Did I miss an appointment?” Bess teased as she looked up from her computer.

  “No,” Eric grinned. “I had a patient here so I wanted to stop by and say hello.”

  “Well, hello,” Bess smiled brightly.

  “It’s almost lunchtime,” Eric noted as he glanced at the wall clock above Bess’s head. “How about doing me a favor and joining me for lunch?”

  “I can’t leave for another ten minutes. If you don’t mind waiting?”

  “I will happily wait for a beautiful lunch date,” Eric laughed. “I’ll just pop in and say hello to Ethan. Is he busy?”

  “It’s been pretty quiet so far today, knock on wood.” And she did just that, not that she was superstitious, but because it’s tradition and she wasn’t going to mess with that.

  Dr. Ryder told Bess he’d be back to escort her to the cafeteria for lunch and then walked into the Emergency Department looking for Ethan.

  Just as Bess had said, it was pretty quiet in the ER as Eric walked down the hall peering at the empty beds. He found Ethan chewing on the end of a pen, standing at the nurse’s station reviewing a chart.

  “Please tell me that’s your pen,” he grimaced.

  “Huh?” Ethan looked up. “Ah,” he nodded taking the classic Bic pen from his teeth and throwing it into the trash can under the desk. “I tend to chew on things when I’m stressed.”

  “And this is really stressing you out?”

  “Shouldn’t it? I mean, is her behavior normal?”

  “What’s normal for one person may not be for another. The question that we need to answer will be whether or not it’s normal for her.”

  Ethan sighed. “I will do whatever you tell me.”

  “So,” Eric raised his eyebrows, “this is more than just a doctor and patient relationship.” It wasn’t a question.

  “I plan on asking her to marry me.”

  Eric’s eyes flew wide open and his jaw dropped. “I had no idea it was that serious.”

  “It is.” Ethan didn’t need to expound. He was in it for the long haul and Bess was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He dreamed about them being together… about the life they would live… the family they would have… the joy they would share. But he was concerned for Bess and with Eric’s help, he hoped that there would be nothing majorly wrong with Bess. His biggest worry was the side effects of the drug she was taking in Eric’s trial.

  “What?” Eric asked as he saw Ethan’s forehead wrinkled in deep thought.

  “Nothing. Just let me know what you think after you have lunch, will ya?”

  Eric nodded and glanced up at the clock. With a pat on the back, he said goodbye to Ethan and went to meet his lunch date.

  *****

  “Ethan told me about your mother showing up out of the blue.”

  With her fork stuffed with lettuce and balsamic dressing just millimeters from her lips, Bess’s arm stopped moving. “Yeah. Not one of those pleasant surprises.”

  “How are you doing?” Eric asked between bites of his turkey club sandwich.

  “Actually, much better than I thought I would be.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Why am I doing better?” Bess looked up at Eric, not sure of the question.

  “You made an assumption that the experience was going to be worse than it actually was.”

  “Well, yeah. It was them! I had thought I had left them in the past.”

  “I don’t think you can leave your family in the past without some serious anxiety and stress.”

  “I would agree with that,” she said, munching on a round disc of carrot.

  “So why do you think you have handled the last couple of days better than you had imagined?”

  Bess’s expression turned serious. Eric could see that she was considering her answer carefully before speaking. “I would say one of the biggest reasons is Ethan.”

  “He is very important to you?”

  “Are you my shrink now?” Bess laughed.

  “I am your doctor in whatever capacity you need.”

  “You think I need a psychiatrist?”

  “No. But it’s always good to have someone to talk to.”

  Bess opened her mouth to reply but promptly pursed her lips together and said nothing.

  “What are you thinking?” Eric persevered. “You were about to say something.”

  “Nothing,” Bess shrugged. “I think it was necessary for me to have Ethan with me. He allowed me to lean on him and borrow his strength when I needed it. I couldn’t have faced her without him telling me… encouraging me to do it. He was right. I did need to tell her all the things I’ve wanted to say for the last seven years so that I could move on.”

  “And you’ve already moved on?” Eric asked with surprise.

  “No,” Bess admitted. “That’s gonna take some time. And I need to stop feeling guilty for not helping Jeremy.”

  “You know Ethan was absolutely correct in his assertion that you cannot and would not be a donor. I would have said the exact same thing had you asked me.”

  Bess nodded in understanding. “I understand that.”

  “Not only because of your recent health crisis, but the drug trial would preclude you from donating blood, let alone bone marrow. We still have a couple more weeks before you are free from me,” he chuckled.

  “I would hope that’s not the case,” Bess frowned. “I’d like to think of you as a friend and not just my doctor.”

  “Yes,” Eric smiled. “I feel honored to call you friend. Besides, with you and Ethan together, I am sure I will see a lot more of you in the future.” Eric noticed the immediate change in Bess’s demeanor. “Did I say something wrong?”

  Shaking her head, Bess attempted a smile but didn’t quite succeed.

  “I was under the impression that the two of you were… well…”

  “We are. I mean, it’s just that… well, he doesn’t know… there’s a lot of baggage I come with. My whole family thing and being so alone the past few years.”

  “He doesn’t care about that stuff,” Eric rebutted forcefully. “He knows all about your past right?”

  Bess nodded.

  “And you aren’t hiding anything from him?”

  Bess looked up at Eric and paused. “I am not hiding anything in my past from him. He knows it all. I never imagined being able to tell someone that I was evicted from my apartment and not have them judge me. But he didn’t. He doesn’t.”

  “Because he’s head over heels in love with you,” Eric grinned. “You could be a witch and he wouldn’t care. You’re not a witch are you?”

  “No
,” Bess laughed easily. “I am not a witch.”

  “Well I can’t imagine that there is anything that you could tell him that would make him not still be madly in love with you.”

  Bess considered Eric’s statement. She really wanted to tell him about Andrew but Andrew was not her secret to tell. If the Captain had wanted Ethan to know about him, he had ample opportunity when Ethan lived in her house… well, his house. But Andrew had not shown himself to Ethan and therefore Bess didn’t feel right in sharing the ghost’s presence or his story.

  “Come on,” Eric said as he pushed his chair back from the table with a grating sound across the floor tiles. “I’d better get you back or I’ll be in big trouble for keeping you for too long.”

  “Thank you for lunch,” Bess smiled. “And for the conversation.”

  *****

  Her feet swung back and forth as she rocked on the porch swing and watched the ocean waves crashing against the rocks, the gulls cawing overhead as they flew in circles. Bess had made a huge mistake when she’d first arrived at Ethan’s house. She’d fed them and now there seemed to be hundreds of the grey and white birds always waiting for a scrap to fight over. Instead of ignoring them, assuming they’d get the hint and leave, she continued to feed their dependence and dispose of food scraps in a very organic way by feeding them. Whenever she fed them she felt needed and it was a feeling that she very much enjoyed.

  And it wasn’t just the seagulls. The more she talked with Andrew, the more she felt needed by him. Bess had no clue what it felt like to be dead and trapped in a world full of the living. She assumed it was extremely lonely for him and his sorrowful story had her heart aching even more for him. Repeatedly she’d wondered what she could possibly do to help him and, so far, she’d come up with absolutely nothing.

  As Andrew sat down next to her on the swing, she jumped right off the bench.

  “Good grief! You scared the shit out of me!” she exclaimed as she placed her hand over her pounding heart.

  “Sorry,” he grinned. “I can have that effect.”

  “Ha ha,” Bess smirked but then laughed and sat back down beside the Captain. “How did you know I was thinking about you?”

  “I must have magical powers,” he joked.

  “Yeah, that must be it.”

  “Or maybe you have magical powers and forced me to appear.”

  “Like I’m a witch?” Bess laughed uncontrollably. “That’s funny!”

  “You are a beautiful young woman, Elizabeth, but I do worry for you.”

  “It’s just something someone said to me earlier today,” Bess explained. “I’m not a witch.”

  “I know,” whispered Andrew. “I’ll keep your secret.”

  “Speaking of secrets,” Bess changed the subject, “there’s something I need to ask you.”

  “What is that, my dear?”

  “I feel a little… uncomfortable… guilty… keeping our friendship from Ethan. I’d like to tell him about you.” Bess was so focused on her conversation with Andrew that she didn’t see Ethan waving to her as he walked through to the tall coastal grass. She didn’t hear him calling out to her. And she didn’t know that he was close enough that he could hear her.

  She looked… crazy.

  “Why does he have to know about me?” Andrew replied. “I see no reason that he should be aware of my existence. We inhabited the same house for quite a while and never had the occasion to run into each other.”

  Bess stood up and placed her hands on her hips as she stood in front of the Captain. “I don’t want to keep secrets from him. He is someone I would like to keep around and if I’m lying to him then I don’t see how we will be able to build a relationship on trust.” Her voice was raised and the wind carried her melodic voice right to Ethan’s ears.

  “You aren’t lying to him. You just aren’t including him in our friendship. I don’t see the problem, Elizabeth.”

  “Please, Andrew?”

  “Who is Andrew?”

  “Ethan!”

  22.

  “Who is Andrew?” Ethan repeated. His feet crunched on the gravel as he walked up to the porch where Bess was standing, hands still on her hips. He saw the fear in her eyes and it almost caused him to lose his resolve to discover what was going on. Eric had told him that he saw no signs of anything out of the ordinary when he’d had lunch with her and that he wasn’t too concerned. He did add, however, that if Ethan was still worried in a few days that perhaps he should encourage Bess to go and see him in his office. It had relieved Ethan to hear that his anxiety was unfounded, but that peace just instantly went up in smoke.

  “Bess, please? Talk to me.”

  “If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me, so it’s best that we just forget about it.”

  “Oh no,” Ethan chuckled as Bess attempted to step around him and go into the house. “You aren’t getting out of this, Bess.”

  “Please Ethan,” she begged. “Not now. It’s been a trying couple of days and I don’t have the energy to argue with you.”

  “Argue?” Ethan reacted sharply. “Who said anything about arguing?” His voice was raised. “I’ve asked you a simple question and I’d like an answer.”

  “And I’ve told you that I can’t give you an answer right now. I am physically and emotionally exhausted and I can’t deal with this now.”

  Ethan ran his fingers through his hair in obvious frustration. “You are out here talking to… to… nobody and calling this nobody Andrew. It’s not normal Bess, and I’m worried about you.” He watched her eyes dart back and forth from him to the porch swing and back again. He witnessed the panic setting in and instantly regretted pushing her. “It has been a difficult few days,” he added calmly. “Let me make you a cup of tea, okay?” Ethan reached for the door handle and pushed it open, allowing Bess to enter the house first. She managed a slight nod and then entered the house, Ethan right behind her.

  He busied himself in the kitchen, giving Bess some time to compose herself. Her fidgeting fingers eventually stilled in her lap and the deep crease in her forehead slowly disappeared. As he handed her a cup of hot lemon tea, her favorite, she even managed to smile at him as she thanked him. He took that as progress.

  They sat in silence for several minutes, both sipping their beverage slowly. Ethan wanted so badly to make her talk to him but knew her well enough to know that pressuring her would only push her away. Bess trusted him. He knew that without a doubt, but her life experience so far had only made it that much harder for her to let him truly in. It was a work in progress and Ethan was not prepared to take any steps backwards.

  *****

  In her adult years, Bess could count the number of real friends she had on one hand, and Andrew was included in that short list. Ethan was waiting for an answer. How could she betray one friend to keep another? Life could certainly be cruel.

  “Ethan.”

  “Yes?” he shot back.

  “Do you think that there are forces in this world that are beyond the human mind’s normal comprehension?”

  “Huh?”

  Bess sighed.

  “What do you mean?” Ethan asked.

  “You know, like, there’s that Oregon vortex that no one can explain, and San Francisco’s gravity hill. Stuff that you know is real but… just… unexplainable.”

  “Okay,” Ethan replied.

  “So can we just agree that some things are not explainable?”

  “It’s not that easy for me,” Ethan frowned. “I am a doctor therefore everything must be explainable. It’s how I treat my patients. I can’t just throw my hands up and say, Oh well. I have no clue what’s wrong with you so we’ll just chalk it up to being unexplainable! Can you see that?”

  Bess knew his point was valid. In fact, if it wasn’t for him and his persistence in getting to the bottom of things, he would have never found her tumor. No. He wasn’t going to accept anything but the truth.

  “Hold on,” Bess said and rose to her feet. “I’ll
be back in a minute.” She placed her cup on a coaster on the coffee table and left Ethan alone in the family room.

  Bess ran up the stairs and down the hall to Andrew’s room. She didn’t see him. She waited.

  “Andrew!” she whispered loudly and then shut the door. “I need to talk to you.”

  Still nothing so she called his name once more. When he didn’t immediately present himself, Bess figured he wouldn’t, but then, as she slumped onto the bed, a movement to the right caught her attention.

  “I thought you were ignoring me.”

  “I was,” the Captain admitted freely.

  “Andrew, this is important. Ethan… well, I’m in love with him and…”

  “I know,” he cut her off. “I see it in your eyes when you talk about him. I see it in your expression when you look at him. Sometimes it’s quite painful because there are times… at certain angles… that you look much like my Lizzie and it rips my heart out all over again. Or at least it would if I still had a heart that beat here.” He placed his hand on his chest as if to look for the thumping that would signal life. But alas, there was nothing to be found.

  “I’m sorry,” Bess murmured. “I don’t mean to cause you anguish.”

  “You don’t cause me pain,” Andrew admitted. “I caused my own pain. Had I been a real man, I would have told Lizzie’s father that I would marry her even if he was against it. I would have defied him and taken her as my wife and never gone off to sea. If I’d done that my life, and hers, would have been very, very different. I look back with such deep regret. That is what causes my pain, Elizabeth, not you. Never you,” he smiled and ran the back of his fingers across her cheek.

  Bess flinched at his touch. She didn’t understand it – none of it. Six months ago, nobody would have been able to convince her that ghosts existed, yet here she was sharing such an intimate moment with a man she loved dearly.

  “I beg you. Please don’t put me in this impossible position. Ethan thinks I’m crazy and the only way I can convince him otherwise… prove him wrong… that I am indeed sane, is for you to prove it for me.”

  “What you ask of me is a lot.”

  “I know. Please?”

  *****

  Ethan sat in the oversized armchair staring out of the window as the waves began to disappear into the evening darkness. He’d been sitting for much longer than a minute as he waited for Bess to return. He dismissed the idea that she’d left the house, never to return. He’d heard her run upstairs. He waited to hear her footsteps to retrace her steps as she came back down. And still he waited.