The Last Adventure of Constance Verity
Page 27
She smiled mysteriously, and damned if Connie could determine if Bonita was lying or not.
The elevator dinged. Its doors opened and several other people boarded.
“Looks like this is my floor.” Bonita exited. “Regardless of what you may or may not think, Connie, your life hasn’t worked out so bad, has it?”
After the doors closed, Connie allowed herself a smile.
Connie met Tia for lunch in the Safe Zone, the break room at Tia’s insurance agency job, the one place nothing interesting ever happened. They performed a hasty exorcism, turning out the lights and surrounding Thelma’s haunted pen with candles and sage. Connie was a decent exorcist, but it was easy when the spirit had no unfinished business and wanted to leave.
“You’re free to stick around,” said Connie. She sort of meant it, though it wasn’t because she cared for the ghost.
Thelma said, “Thanks, but I’m ready. I only stayed because I thought I’d be witnessing the end of everything.”
“Sorry to disappoint you.”
“Life, and apparently death, is full of surprises,” said Thelma.
“So, what is on the Other Side?” asked Tia.
“You aren’t ready.”
“She’s seen plenty of unknowable mysteries,” said Connie. “She pushed the button that might have saved and/or destroyed the universe.”
Tia shook her head. “Don’t put this on me. It was your plan. I’m only the scrappy sidekick.”
Thelma said, “The Great Engine was just one of many mysteries in this universe and beyond. Nobody knows them all. Not even the dead. Now, can we do this? I’ve got uncharted metaphysical realms to explore, and I can’t do it from this pen.”
Connie and Tia joined hands. They chanted “We release you” three times, and a glob of ectoplasm with Thelma’s face rose from the pen.
“Any last-minute words of wisdom?” asked Connie.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
The fairy’s ghost dissolved with a mischievous grin. The scent of roses lingered with the herbs used in the ritual.
A middle manager stepped into the darkened break room.
“Don’t mind us,” said Tia. “Just finishing up.”
They turned on the lights and swept the mess into the wastebasket. Connie kept the pen. It was a good pen. The manager said nothing as he microwaved a burrito, poured himself a cup of coffee, and walked out without looking directly at them.
“Normal people, huh?” said Tia with a grin.
They chuckled.
“I still hope we did the right thing,” said Tia. “What if the Engine was right? What if there is some greater potential out there, and we stopped it from happening?”
Connie said, “The Engine’s view of perfection wasn’t any more perfect than what we have. Yeah, it’s a messy world, but who says order is all that great? That sort of paradise makes sense if you’re a mad computer, but it’s not how things work. I think even if it would’ve succeeded, it would’ve failed eventually. There’s always going to be something you can’t see coming. Life is nothing but complications. Eliminating them shouldn’t be the goal. It’s how we deal with them that matters.
“And even if the Engine was the force holding everything together, it’ll probably be hundreds of thousands of years, millions, before the cosmos unravels. By then, it’ll be someone else’s problem.”
“Just kick the can down the road, then,” said Tia. “Let someone else deal with it.”
“There are no permanent fixes. Just fires to put out. Take it from me. I’ve fought in three separate Ragnaroks, twice with the gods, once against them. And I’ve saved the Loch Ness Monster four times.”
“Saved it from what?”
“You don’t want to know. The Engine wanted everything to be perfect, but it never will be.”
“It’s a good thing you’re around, then,” said Tia.
“Maybe it is,” agreed Connie.
“What do you think happened to the caretaker spell?” asked Tia.
“Probably destroyed when the Engine was destroyed,” said Connie.
“Probably. But if it’s out there, it could be dangerous if it falls into the wrong hands.”
“Everything’s dangerous,” said Connie. “We live on the edge of disaster, ninja assassins and almost-exploding planets. And that’s just the easy stuff. The small things, the little tragedies and calamities we defuse on a daily basis, often without realizing it, that’s what we really need to keep an eye on. Most of us never realize it. Speaking of ninjas, how are things with you and Hiro?”
“Good. Except he wants to move in with me.”
“That’s fast.”
Tia poked at her yogurt. “I know. I only started dating the guy because I was convinced he’d vanish in the night at some point. I wasn’t looking for anything serious.”
“The stuff that gets you is the stuff you don’t see,” said Connie. “I say go for it.”
“But given his history—”
“The Hiro I knew would’ve been gone by now. Maybe he has changed. And it’s obvious you’re crazy about him.”
“I don’t know. He’s so full of himself. Sure, he’s cool, handsome. Suave, if you like that corny winking assurance that belongs to a James Bond character and not a person in real life.”
Connie smiled, said nothing.
Tia blushed. “All right, so maybe I like him. But he’s always disappearing when the dishes need to be done. It’s annoying. Are you sure it’s cool with you? Because if it’s not, just say the word.”
“It’s cool. It’s more than cool. If Hiro is genuinely trying to change, he shouldn’t be with me. We were good together, but we weren’t good together.”
“What if I’m too boring for him?”
“You pushed the button that either saved or destroyed the universe, and you’re dating a ninja. I don’t think boring is a word to describe you.”
“You know what I mean. I’m not special. Not like him. Not like you.”
“With me, it was all about the thrills. Winging across the world, stealing precious treasures, passionate sex in exotic locales, betrayal, betrayal sex in other exotic locales. With you, it’s about you.”
Tia shook her head. “Basically, I’m boring enough that the only reason anyone would be with me was because they like me.”
“Not what I meant, and you know it. I’ve seen the way Hiro looks at you. He never looked at me like that. It probably won’t work out in the end, but enjoy it while it lasts. There are worse guys to have a fling with.”
Tia nodded, smiling at images of Hiro winking at her.
“You’ve got it bad,” said Connie.
“How are things with Byron?” asked Tia, changing the subject.
“Good. He’s the right guy. He’s steady, but he also understands that I need to go off and have adventures now and then. Usually at the last minute. We make it work so far.”
“That’s all any of us do, I suppose.”
A bearded man in a thobe flung open the door and stumbled into the break room. Connie’s reflexes kicked in. She caught him before he fell over. Three daggers were stuck in his back.
“Take it easy,” Connie said.
Tia was already calling for an ambulance.
The Bedouin pressed a large ruby into her hand. “You must return this to the Cave of Thieves or many innocent people will die.”
Dinner with Byron would have to be rescheduled. Too bad. She’d been eager to try his “world-famous” burgers, but she had time to catch him before he started grilling.
“Sure, sure,” said Connie. “Just stay with me.”
But the Bedouin was already dead. She laid him down and checked for any attackers. The coast was clear.
“Poor guy,” said Tia. “What are you going to do?”
A quick search of the Bedouin turned up a map of northern Africa with a big red X over the Hoggar Mountains. Nothing else of interest.
“Looks like I’m headed to Algeria,�
� said Connie. “Want to come along?”
“I have this meeting at two,” said Tia, “and there’s a pile of paperwork I have to get to. Guess you’ll have to pick up a scrappy sidekick somewhere else. Are we still on for Friday movie night?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.” Connie tucked the gem and map into her pocket.
“Call me if something comes up,” said Tia.
“I’ll be there.”
“Just the same . . .”
“Tia, come ninjas or dinosaurs or robot attack, I’ll be there. I’ll find a way.”
Connie smiled, already making travel arrangements there and back in her head.
“It’s what I do.”
A. LEE MARTINEZ is the author of ten fantasy novels. Martinez’s first published novel, Gil’s All Fright Diner, was awarded an Alex Award by the American Library Association. His books have been translated into five languages. Born in El Paso, Texas, he currently resides outside of Austin, Texas, where he enjoys video games, juggling, origami, skulking, and time travel.
He can be found at aleemartinez.com and on Twitter: @aleemartinez.
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ALSO BY A. LEE MARTINEZ
Gil’s All Fright Diner
In the Company of Ogres
A Nameless Witch
The Automatic Detective
Too Many Curses
Monster
Chasing the Moon
Divine Misfortune
Emperor Mollusk Versus the Sinister Brain
Helen & Troy’s Epic Road Quest
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www.SimonandSchuster.com • This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. • Text copyright © 2016 by Alex Martinez • Jacket illustration copyright © 2016 by John Picacio • All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. • SAGA PRESS and colophon are trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc. For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or business@simonandschuster.com. • The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event, contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com. • Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available from the Library of Congress. • ISBN 978-1-4814-4351-7 (hardcover) • ISBN 978-1-4814-4353-1 (eBook)