Royal Opposites

by Crawford, Lori

  He gave her a smile and shook his head. The conductor was closing in. Tom tucked the tickets in her hand and said, “Just follow my lead.”

  The conductor stopped at their row and gave them a welcoming smile. “Tickets and ID’s please.”

  Joan handed over the tickets and looked at Tom. The conductor accepted them, but waited for them to produce their identification. With a great flourish, Tom reached in his back pocket and pulled out some folded documents.

  “I lost our licenses, but I have our passports right here”. Tom announced with a big, triumphant smile. He made a move to hand the packet to the conductor, but fumbled it. Joan watched in surprise when everything went flying.

  The conductor tried to catch it, but grabbed a handful of air.

  Tom grappled for the stuff, too. Joan felt her jaw gape at his uncharacteristic clumsiness. Then she got it. His plan.

  The papers hit the floor and slid all over the place. Tom dove out of the seat after an envelope. “Don’t worry, honey. I’m not going to lose these.”

  Joan stood and gripped the back of the seat while she and the conductor watched Tom chase the envelope toward the back of the car. He almost got it several times, but somehow manage to miss and it would skitter away just out of reach again. If Joan didn’t know better, she’d completely buy his act.

  “Maybe I should help him,” Joan told the conductor and slid out of the seats into the aisle. Several other passengers were watching Tom’s show with more than a little amusement. She herself was having trouble keeping a straight face. He was on all fours chasing this envelope like his life depended on it. Come to think of it, it kinda did.

  She laid a hand on his shoulder. He waved her off. “No. I got this. It’s just a slippery little devil is all.” He lunged for the envelope again at the same time another passenger opened the door between the trains to step through. The woman recoiled in shock to see Tom and Joan at her feet. With a quick flick of a finger, Tom sent the envelope sailing through the open door. The draft caught it and whipped it off the train.

  Joan stared after the envelope for a stunned moment. Tom sat back on his haunches and frowned up at the woman. “Your timing is impeccable. Simply impeccable.”

  She cast a confused look around the car. “I’m sorry? That lavatory is occupied.”

  Tom stumbled to his feet and offered a hand to Joan. He almost fell over again while helping her up. His shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry, darling. I tried.”

  “I know you did. And it was a valiant effort.” Joan couldn’t resist giving him a hug, he looked so dejected. Even she almost forgot this was all an act.

  “I’m sorry I got mad at you for sending duplicates ahead to the hotel. It looks like we’re going to need them after all.” He broke the embrace to look in her eyes. “I’m sorry about wrecking the car so we had to walk all the way to the train station. I’m sorry we’re going to have to walk again ‘cause they’re gonna kick us off of here. I’m glad you haven’t left me yet, but I understand if you do.

  It’s been the best three years of my life, but it probably felt like an eternity to you.”

  Joan’s heart beat a mile a minute in her chest. He was looking at her with such sincerity she had trouble believing he was making this nonsense up on the spot. And asking her to play along.

  She needed to rise to the occasion. There was no one in the train car who wasn’t staring at them.

  She smiled. “You think you can get rid of me as easily as that stupid envelope.” Okay. Probably the wrong thing to say. She needed to clean this up. “I have the passport office on speed dial.

  They’ll send us another. They’re used to it by now.”

  Tom grinned at her and pulled her into a bear hug. “Does this mean you’re finally going to tell me where you’ve hidden our wedding rings?”

  Wedding rings? They were married in this little scenario?

  “Not a chance. You lost the first two sets, and I really like these last ones.”

  Tom heaved a very convincing sigh like his one concern on the planet was getting his wife to trust him with the location of their wedding rings. Joan rolled her eyes and gave him a playful swat. “Focus. We have a much bigger problem at the moment.”

  She returned her attention to the conductor. “What do we do now?”

  The man checked their tickets, then glared at them. “Follow me.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  The conductor’s tone of voice brooked no nonsense. Great.

  So their ruse hadn’t worked after all. Tom and Joan exchanged a look then followed the man from the car past the woman who’d been looking for an open lavatory into the section between the cars.

  The breeze made it hard to hear so they had to lean close to the conductor when he started speaking.

  “…other passengers. Since you two have a sleeping compartment, I suggest you confine yourselves to it as much as possible. I don’t want it to get out that I allowed two unidentified people to remain onboard.” He gave Tom a wry look. “And you…Let your wife hold all important documents. Forever.”

  Tom nodded. Joan just stared at the man. Hung up on the fact he was letting them stay. She’d been stopped cold at being called Tom’s wife. It had a ring to it that wasn’t terribly unpleasant.

  Even it if was just pretend.

  Tom wrapped an arm around Joan’s shoulder and reached out to shake the conductor’s hand. “Thank you!” He gave Joan a relieved smile. “See, honey? Our anniversary getaway is starting to look up.”

  She needed to shake off the fantasy. She smiled at the men.

  “Yes, darling. It certainly is.”

  The conductor gave them a sappy grin. “I’ll walk you to your compartment.”

  It was the longest walk of Joan’s life. While they were still in the conductor’s presence, Tom had to keep up his clumsy shtick.

  Every time he stumbled, Joan would catch him or end up pressed against him in some kind of way. No matter how much she needed to keep her hands off the goods, she didn’t have a choice. Not at the risk of blowing their cover and having to walk to Dallas.

  Once they made it to their tiny room and shut the door with a wave at the conductor, Joan leaned against it and closed her eyes.

  She didn’t need to see anymore to know she’d gone from the frying pan into the fire. She had trouble imagining one person being comfortable in the tight quarters. But two?

  “I really could use a shower right about now.” Joan mused when she opened her eyes to look at Tom. She wished she hadn’t.

  “How long before we stop?”

  Tom picked a schedule that had been placed on the sink for the passengers and consulted it. “Not until tomorrow morning.

  Even then, those towns don’t have any amenities. Platforms only.

  I’m sure the one through there is fine. A bit cramped, maybe, but it’ll get the job done.”

  Joan’s eyebrows shot up. “We have a bathroom?”

  “We’re almost thirty hours away from Dallas. I figured it would let us keep a lower profile if we’re not getting off at every stop.”

  Thirty hours? Joan tried to bite back her rising panic. Joan considered the tiny space. Cozy was more than generous, Joan noted when she took in the couch and sink flanking the large window. How was she going to manage to spend the next thirty hours cooped up with Tom like this and still keep her hands to herself?

  “I know you probably think it excessive, but I did get a good deal and the room includes meals. I thought that would be handy and cheaper than a la carte.”

  Joan gave Tom a smile when she heard the uncertainty in his voice. She didn’t understand why he cared so much about what she thought. Still, it was nice he did. Up to the point that didn’t include her falling for his considerable charm and attention.

  “It’s not that. It’s just…” she trailed off and tried to come up with a plausible excuse. “It’s been a long day.”

  Tom gave her a wry smile and nod. “That it has, darling.
/>   That it has.”

  The little endearment made her insides all warm and fuzzy.

  The conductor was gone so there was no reason for him to keep up the charade. Joan knew she was in trouble. She had to get out now.

  “I think I’m going to check out the shower.”

  “It’s through here.” Tom nodded and gave her a little bow.

  He held out a hand with a courtly gesture toward the small bathroom.

  For some reason, Joan felt like she was seeing the real Saracen Tomas Whatsits. Darned if she could remember the rest of his name. She was doing good to recall the first two. The whole time they’d been together, he’d been relaxed. All of a sudden, it was like his royal upbringing was leaking out in every move he made. It was fascinating to watch. And though it should’ve reminded her how different the two of their worlds were, it just made him that much more charming. Great. Whodathunk she’d have her very own Prince Charming. And that he’d be no more attracted to her than he would be to a toad.

  She had to put a stop to this thinking. It was starting to depress her. Depressed was the last thing she should be right now.

  They were safe, in one piece, and heading off to meet someone who’d not only believed their story, but could also help them out of this jam. Their ordeal was almost over. Instead of making her feeling better, it just made Joan sadder.

  “I think we’ve already missed dinner, but I can go see what I can scrounge up.”

  Joan spotted the tired lines around his eyes and shook her head. Her palms itched to smooth them away, but that would be crossing a line she didn’t dare approach.

  “If you’re hungry.”

  He shook his head. “Not so much.” She smiled, noticing he’d picked up on one of her favorite phrases. “I’ll turn down the bunks while you clean up.”

  Unable to speak around the lump that formed in her throat, Joan nodded. Bunks. At least there were two. She cast another look around the tiny space. She couldn’t imagine how, but surely he wouldn’t have used the plural if it wasn’t true. Joan sucked in a calming breath and took the bag she’d grabbed from the sheriff’s SUV into the small bathroom with her and hoped there were still enough clothes in there for the two of them.

  ****

  Tom turned down the top bunk then considered the bottom one. He checked out his dirt-‐-streaked clothes and sighed. He didn’t want to get the bed all dirty. He compromised and sat on the floor under the window. What kind of day it had been. Heck. The last few days had been unbelievable. But now he was facing his most difficult task. He had to share this tiny cabin with Joan and not touch her.

  Now that they were on their way to safety, his libido was coming back in full effect. Yeah, he was tired, but he knew just how he wanted to relax. He couldn’t do that to her. He also had obligations to his country, but they seemed to be taking more and more of a backseat when it came to Joan. He had to stop thinking about her. Stop thinking about how amazing she was. How much her couponing amused him. How sexy she was when she focused those big brown eyes on him.

  With a groan, he pulled up his knees and rested his head on his forearm. He must’ve been more tired than he imagined because the next thing he was aware of was Joan’s frantic voice and an urgent hand shaking him.

  “Wha…What’s wrong?” Tom asked blinking at her. She was kneeling beside him freshly scrubbed and good smelling, looking at him with tender concern. Just when he thought things couldn’t get worse. “Are you all right? Why are you on the floor?” Joan asked.

  Tom took a moment to regain his thoughts. Sometime between his last thought and her return, he’d stretched out. The floor. Right. “I didn’t want to get the bunk dirty.” He gestured to his clothes. “I’m still a bit of a mess.”

  Joan’s eyes narrowed a bit and she rolled back on her heels away from him. “I thought—never mind.”

  Tom sat up. “You thought what?”

  “It’s nothing. You should shower. I left you some soap and hot water.” Holding the hem of the last t-‐-shirt he’d bought tight around her thighs, she rose and sat on the couch. He tried not to stare at her legs, but he realized this was the first he’d seen them.

  He couldn’t understand why she tried to hide them all the time.

  They were gorgeous and…

  “Tom?” Her voice startled him from his train of thought just in time. “Shower.”

  “I should turn down the bunk first. I”—”

  “It’s all right. I got it.” She smiled at him, but it appeared she wanted him gone. He took the hint. She wasn’t interested in him.

  That was for the best. If she showed the slightest interest, he might seduce her right there on the floor where he’d been sleeping. Of course, then she’d have to marry him and become queen of a small nation. Something he couldn’t imagine her liking all that much if it were forced on her before she could think it through. On that thought, he stepped into the bathroom and closed the door before he could act on his desires, which would change both their lives forever.

  Tom stood and contemplated the shower. Cold might be a pretty good choice. Although his muscles were feeling quite sore and he could use the heat to relax them.

  “Do you want the top or the bottom?” Joan’s voice seeped through the door and interrupted the life or death decision he was trying to make. Her question took on a whole new meaning in his mind and the only answer he could think to give her was,” Both, please”. He rubbed his temples.

  “Tom? Which bunk do you prefer?”

  The bunks. She was talking sleeping arrangements. He sighed. The arrangements he wanted to talk about didn’t have a whole lot to do with sleeping. “You decide,” he called back and flipped on the cold water.

  He didn’t have to stand beneath the stinging spray for long before his libido cooled and various aches and pains took over his attention. Tom adjusted the temperature to the hottest he could stand and twisted so the water could massage his protesting muscles. When it started to cool without his touching anything, he twisted off the water knob and stepped from the shower.

  He rooted through the clothes he’d purchased and found clean underwear and one pair of sweat pants left. Joan must be wearing his last shirt. He groaned. He’d have to hop back in the shower if he dwelled on that thought for too much longer. Instead, he focused on brushing his teeth. He hesitated when he reached to open the door.

  He had to go out there sometime. It would’ve been much easier if he’d been able to afford two cabins, but the remains of their funds didn’t allow such luxury. Still, there were two separate beds and they were adults. They could behave like adults. He rubbed his temple at the thought. Wasn’t that what he was afraid of? That they’d behave like adults? Tom hitched up his courage and pulled the door open.

  The first thing he noticed was the solitary light in the room came from the bathroom where he stood. His eyes hadn’t adjusted enough to see where she was and he was at a distinct disadvantage standing there backlit the way he was. His hand found the switch and plunged the cabin into darkness. While he waited for his eyes to adjust, he began to think it was for the best that he couldn’t see her.

  “I hope you don’t mind the top.” Joan’s voice found him in the darkness in an audible caress that swept over him from head to toe. And what had she just asked him? Did he want the top? Heck yeah! And bottom and everything in between.

  “Since you’re taller than me, I figured you could use the extra head room. But I’ll switch bunks if you want.”

  Bunks. Crap. “No, no. Top is fine.” Tom’s eyes had adjusted enough for him to make out Joan snuggled beneath the covers on the bottom bunk. He couldn’t see much more than that, but judging by the direction of her voice, she was looking right at him. He was so thankful he’d flipped off the bathroom light.

  He crept across the small space and climbed up onto the top bunk. His muscles relaxed into the bed that felt a whole lot better than it should have. “Ahhh.”

  “Nice, huh?”

&nbs
p; “Oh my.” He pulled the covers over his tired body. “I didn’t think it was possible to be this exhausted.”

  “It has been an exhausting few days,” Joan agreed. “But it’ll be over soon enough.”

  He couldn’t explain the sadness that settled over him at the thought they were nearing the end of their forced flight together.

  Why wasn’t he happier that he could soon sleep in his own bed and wear his own clothes which had been tailor-‐-made for him and clean? The minute he got back to Rafferstonia he was going to order up a feast of all his favorite meals and stuff himself to the gills. “What are you going to do when you get home?” Tom asked, curious to learn Joan’s plans for when this fiasco was over.

  “You mean besides the longest bubble bath in the history of man accompanied by a large pizza with all meat toppings?

  Simultaneously.”

  Tom had to smile. “Yes.”

  “I don’t know.” He heard the covers below him rustle when she rolled over. “I guess the first order of business is to find a job.”

  Tom’s smile faded when he considered the reality that must be her life. His own life would get right back on track with very little prodding from him. He expected a bit of a media circus at first, but soon enough the furor would die down and he could get on with his new kingly duties. Joan’s life, however, would never be quite the same again.

  It was on the tip of his tongue to offer her a job, but that would mean she’d have to further uproot her life and move to a foreign country.

  “Hopefully, it won’t take long to clear this bank robbery off my record. I can’t imagine any employer willing to hire someone with that type of criminal background.”

  Yet another thing he hadn’t considered. Their lives were so different. “It’s not like you’ll ever have to worry about money.

  Once I pay off our bet, I have no doubt that you could stretch it far enough to live off for the rest of your life. You and your coupons.”

  He heard Joan laugh. “I do believe I made a convert.”

  “Yes. You’ve made a convert.” Tom’s chuckle joined hers.

  Oh how good it felt to lie here talking with her like this. No danger.