Royal Opposites

by Crawford, Lori

  Of course they were. She’d never seen such big problems.

  The two oldest darted in and out of the aisles almost mowing down customers, while the youngest had just stopped crying at the top of her lungs a few moments ago. Joan didn’t envy him at all in his role of single father. Still, that hadn’t stopped her from refusing to hold the toddler while he completed his transactions. Her students needed to learn how to do this on their own. She didn’t even point out mistakes they made in the store. She let them go home and analyze their receipts before the next week’s class. She expected them to have figured it out on their own by then. If they didn’t she walked the entire class through the transactions and let them figure it out as a group. Using this method, they were less prone to make the same mistake again, and everyone else could learn from it, too.

  The cashier sent a glare in Joan’s direction when George unloaded yet another tube of toothpaste and some Kool-‐-Aid they’d found on clearance from his cart. Judging by the pile of receipts, he was getting close to twenty transactions. She’d tried to talk him out of so many for his first time out, but like he had with the kids, he’d insisted he could handle that many and still keep everything straight. By her count, he’d failed to roll a register reward at least six times. Each one was costing him quite a bit in his out of pocket expense. Not to mention the goodwill of the cashier.

  Joan sent the woman a serene smile and tried not to let too much glee slip in. The last time she’d shopped here, the woman had gone out of her way to embarrass her. She’d even gone as far as to accuse her of coupon fraud in front of a line of other customers. Joan called corporate to report the woman’s behavior and had been assured the problem had been taken care of. She’d done a test run by herself and found the cashier to be gruff but silent throughout her transactions, and it suited Joan just fine. She personally didn’t shop that store much anymore, but she brought problem students, like George, there on purpose.

  The child began to whimper again. George turned his attention to the child so he missed that his last register reward didn’t print. He went to put his next transaction on the counter, but Joan put a hand on his arm stopping him.

  “Let’s call it a day,” she suggested.

  “But I have more items to buy.” He frowned at the few remaining products in his cart. Items he’d already purchased at least ten each of.

  Joan nodded to the Catalina machine. “See the red light that just went on?” He checked out the machine and his frown deepened.

  “Yeah. Wasn’t it on the whole time?”

  Joan shook her head. “It’s either out of paper or ink. You won’t get any more rewards from this register.”

  The man leaned forward to look around the register and see the Catalina machine. He brushed against her in the process. Joan stepped back and almost tripped over the man’s son who’d managed to sneak up behind her.

  “I see. It’s a good time to call it a day.” He gave her a smile and ignored his son who was wiping something blue off his hands onto Joan’s skirt. She snatched her clothes from the boy’s grasp and nodded at George.

  “I know I’m ready to call it day.”

  George gathered up his bags. He tried to hand her some to carry, but she stepped away again. He had to learn how to do this all on his own. In reality, the man kinda gave her the heebie jeebies.

  Since he’d enrolled in her class, she’d gotten the feeling he was less interested in learning how to coupon than in finding a wife to take care of his kids while providing a luxurious lifestyle at a reasonable price. Needless to say, she was nowhere near interested in that kind of responsibility.

  Truth be told, she was happy with her lack of responsibility.

  After the depths of the bank fraud had come to light, the money she’d paid them over the last few years had been returned plus some. Even without a job, she could afford to live in relative comfort for quite some time. Then there was the matter of the $800,000 check she had tucked away in one of her file cabinets.

  She’d filed it with the rebates because it kinda was, in a way.

  Except this was one check she had no intention of cashing.

  She knew it was stupid and more than a little pathetic, but it was something that still connected her to Tom. Despite how much his abrupt withdrawal had hurt, she still yearned for even the teeniest of contact with him. Sooner or later she’d be ready to let him go; but for the time being, she’d settle for looking at the check every now and again.

  “Make sure you go over your receipts and compare them to the spreadsheet you prepared before going in,” Joan said while George loaded kids and packages into his minivan. Given the increase in kid chatter, she couldn’t be sure he heard her. “See you in class next week.”

  Joan waved and began to head out of the parking lot. At first, she’d picked this store to be her favorite because it was within walking distance of her apartment. Once the cashier started being disrespectful, she’d tried the store she passed on her way to and from her previous job.

  “Why don’t I give you a ride?” George called after her. “If you don’t mind, we could stop and feed the heathen on the way.”

  Joan cringed. She took a moment to rearrange her expression into a smile. She glanced in the van which was now shaking with kids bouncing to and fro instead of sitting in their seats. Yeah, she wanted to prolong her time with them. When pigs flew.

  “Thanks, but no thanks. I left my dinner in the oven before meeting you. I don’t want to burn it up,” Joan lied with smile.

  “At least let me see you home,” he insisted. Did he never give up? A shriek came from the van followed by loud sobs. He probably couldn’t afford to. He needed someone to share his misery if nothing else.

  “Thanks, but no. I have one quick stop to make on the way.”

  She gave him another smile. “See you in class.”

  Joan retreated. When George’s van headed the same direction on the street she was walking, Joan slowed her brisk pace so he had no choice but speed up to keep from blocking traffic. She waved when he rolled past. Joan turned up the street before hers hoping to further throw him off the trail. The last thing she needed was him showing up at her door. Joan liked the boring pattern her life had settled into. She could do without any further upheavals in her life. When she arrived on her street, the first thing Joan noticed was the limousine parked at the end of the block. Joan smiled.

  Prom season was upon them. Images of frilly dresses and magical evenings were still dancing through her mind when she walked up her driveway.

  Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of a man sitting on the top step of her building. She couldn’t make out his features in the sparse evening light, but reassured herself he had to be waiting for her neighbors. They seemed to always be entertaining company of some type.

  He stood when she approached. Close enough now to recognize him, she stopped breathing altogether. Tom. What was he doing here? Why had he come? Was everything okay?

  “Hello, Joan.” He smiled that gorgeous smile of his and she almost melted on the spot. Angry at her reaction, she straightened her spine and gave him a nod.

  “Tom.” Joan forced her trembling legs up the stairs past him and shoved her key in the lock. She so hoped she’d hidden how shaken she was from his sudden appearance. Joan deposited her bag inside and stood in the doorway. Her instincts were screaming that it would be a mistake to let him in. It was bad enough he’d contaminated her heart. She wasn’t about to let the same thing happen to her home.

  He had to take an abrupt step back when she blocked the door with her body. He gave her a puzzled look, then threw her off even further.

  “You haven’t cashed the check.”

  The check? He’d flown halfway around the world to see about a check? Didn’t he have some assistant who could’ve done the job? Or even a phone call would’ve sufficed.

  “Riding the coattails of your celebrity got me a job pretty fast so I don’t need to. Not to mention the fact th
at the money the bank swindled me out of was returned. With interest.” She smiled. “I guess being royalty has its perks.”

  “Actually, that’s what I’d like to discuss with you. May I come in?”

  Joan stared at him. That was so not a good idea. “It’s a nice evening. Let’s talk out here.”

  “We need privacy, Joan.” When he lowered his voice like that a shiver ran up and down her spine. Further confirming how bad of an idea it was for her to let him inside.

  Of course, that’s why she stepped aside to admit him to her home. This time would be different, she vowed. She would be the one who remained in control. She wouldn’t wait for him to pull away, leaving her dazed and confused.

  She took a breath and followed him inside. At the same moment, there was a thump and muffled yelp. She remembered too late she’d been packing up goods for the homeless shelter she’d adopted.

  Chapter Twenty-‐-Two

  “Stop moving!” Joan commanded.

  But it was too late. Tom stumbled over a large pile of soap bars. In the low light, she watched him tumble back and land hard on his rump. There was a squirt and the air was filled with minty freshness. Careful not to step on him, Joan reached for the lamp and flicked on the light. She pressed her hand to her mouth trying to contain her laugh when she saw him sitting in her pile of toothpaste. The tube in the box that had taken the brunt of his weight had exploded and coated the leg of his trousers in a red, green, and white swirl.

  Tom looked around him dazed. She could just imagine what he thought of the towering piles of lotions, shampoos, conditioners, styling products, more toothpaste, soap, body wash, and other assorted toiletries.

  “Are you alright? I should’ve warned you. I forgot this was out here.”

  He wiped at his toothpaste-‐-covered leg in vain then stared up at her. “How does one ‘forget’ they have the inventory of a medium-‐-sized store in one’s living room?”

  She shrugged. Her hackles didn’t rise because of the admiration she detected in his tone. But there was something else, too. It reminded her of when they’d been on the run and some brilliant thought had dawned on him. She smiled and squeezed through the remaining piles to the hallway. “I don’t know. I don’t see it anymore, I suppose.” She returned and handed him a roll of paper towels. “Or I could just blame you for showing up here out of the blue.”

  She knelt next to him and together, they tried to wipe the toothpaste from his pants, but it wasn’t working. “That seems to be going around these days.”

  She frowned and met his gaze. Joan immediately wished she hadn’t. Their faces were so close. Their lips; a mere breath apart.

  She was reminded of the kiss she’d been regretting not giving him.

  It had kept her up nights wondering what if. She had the opportunity to put an end to her misery. If she just leaned in the tiniest bit…

  “I’m getting married in less than two weeks.”

  And just like that, the spell was broken. Joan rocked back on her heels like he’d put his hands on her and shoved. Getting married? To whom? Some two-‐-bit princess, she bet. She had to shut down that line of thinking. She was in no position to be jealous.

  Hadn’t he already proved his disregard for her when he’d shut her out at the airport?

  Joan found a smile. “Congratulations.” She stood and squeezed through the bottles of shampoo to chuck the used towels in the trash can. Joan waited just out of his sight and tried to get herself together. Maybe he still considered them friends and would like her to come to the wedding. Could she handle that? Could she watch another woman marry the man who’d stolen her heart? No.

  That was asking way too much. She rehearsed the ‘no’ in her mind.

  Joan had yet to come up with a good excuse to go along with the

  ‘no’, but it would have to do for now.

  She returned to the living room to find he’d carefully stood up, but was still dabbing at his ruined pants.

  “So, what brings you back here?”

  He frowned at her. “Should this be stinging?”

  It took Joan a moment to catch up. She checked out his butt and noticed a wet spot traveling up his leg. It, too, smelled minty fresh. She searched the floor and noticed the cracked bottle of mouthwash.

  “Get out of your pants.” She reached for his belt buckle without thinking.

  He stilled her hand and his gaze softened. “Do you think this is a good idea before we talk?”

  “Your behind is about to be on serious fire in a minute. Take them off while I find you something else to wear.”

  She pulled out of his grasp and made her way to the bedroom where she had stacks of clothes. Remembering his size from their time together, she dug through the pile of men’s clothing and found him some pants and underwear. It seemed all too intimate. On the road, they’d had no choice. But this was her home.

  Tom was going to be pant-‐-less in her home. How in the world would she ever be able to forget about this? Yeah. There was no way she was going to that wedding.

  Joan got herself together and made her way back toward the living room. Keeping the mountain of toilet paper she’d stacked between them, she handed him the clothes. He gave her hand a squeeze when he took them.

  “Thank you.” She didn’t want to think about the fact he was probably naked from the waist down right then because it was way too tempting to take a peek. “What in the world did I sit in anyway?”

  “Mouthwash.”

  “You Americans must have the cleanest mouths on the planet if that’s the case.” He startled her by peeking around the toilet paper. “This is much better.”

  She ventured back into the same space with him and could barely contain giggle. He appeared so proper from the waist up.

  From the waist down, he looked ready to hit the basketball courts.

  “Yes, by all means make this more difficult.”

  “Make what more difficult?”

  “I’m on a mission, here, and I didn’t expect it to start off quite like this.” He gestured toward his ridiculous outfit.

  “Yeah, but it’s funny. You gotta admit.” To keep from looking at him, she set about salvaging the products he’d landed in.

  The mouthwash had soaked through a couple of the toothpaste boxes, but otherwise, the damage seemed minimal. She’d just keep those tubes for herself.

  “So, what’s this mission?” Joan was astounded her tone sounded so even, so calm, when her heart felt like it would burst free from her chest at any moment. She scooted a pile of deodorant to the side and gestured for him to have a seat on the couch. She crouched on an available piece of carpet and waited for him to invite her to the wedding so she could say no then shoo him back out of her life. Easy as pie.

  Tom perched on the cushion and cast a wary look at the mountain of blankets next to him. “What is all this stuff?”

  “Just the fruits of my labor. What’s this mission you’re on?”

  Tom bit his lip and returned his gaze to her. “I didn’t expect things to go quite this way.”

  Joan had had it. Things? What things? Tired of being in the dark she exploded, “Well let me make this easier for you. I’m not going to come to your wedding so don’t even bother to ask!”

  He stared at her. It was obvious her outburst had caught him off guard. He frowned. “Why not? It’s not such a farfetched idea.

  Jai thinks it’ll work. Even my mother is onboard.”

  “Your mother? What in the world, Tom? I know you think we’re friends, but that’s just asking far too much. I can’t do it.”

  “It’s because we’re friends that I know you can. We can.” He leaned forward on the couch. The abrupt motion caused the blankets to tremble. “Come on, Joan. It’s the one solution that makes sense.”

  “Makes sense? To whom? You can’t understand what you’re asking of me. If you did, you wouldn’t have come.” She sprang to her feet needing to pace. It was unfortunate that the stacks of products kept he
r hemmed in.

  He stood, too, and caught her arms. “Believe me. I do understand what I’m asking of you. No one knows better than I the depth of this responsibility. After what we’ve gone through together, this is the only logical step. Anything less would be a mistake.”

  “A mistake? No, a mistake would be me traveling all the way to Rafferstonia to watch you marry some other woman. The fact that you came all this way and ask me to confirms what you showed me in the airport. I’m expendable.” She poked him in the chest. “Fine. I can live with that. But it’s not fair for you to come and disrupt the life I’ve been trying to rebuild when I’m going to have to start all over again when you leave.”

  She tried to press past him to put a little space between them, but he held fast to her arms. A little smile teased his lips.

  “Wait a minute. Am I to understand you’re jealous? Of my bride to be?” “Oh come off it, Tom. Pretending you don’t know how I was starting to feel about you is quite unbecoming and beneath royalty.”

  “So you do think I’m hot.” He had the nerve to grin at her.

  “I think you’re gonna be dead or at the very least seriously injured if you don’t let go of me.” She tried to free herself from his grasp, but he muscled her closer. Joan wanted to push him away, but it felt far too good to be enveloped in such a cozy full body hug.

  “Let me get this straight? You refuse to be an honored guest at my wedding?” His arms tightened around her. “Perhaps you’d prefer concubine?”

  Joan’s jaw dropped and she redoubled her efforts to force her way out of his arms. Concubine? The man must have fallen and hit his head on something to even suggest such a thing. She couldn’t understand why he was laughing at her. She knew his laughter was at her expense, she just couldn’t figure what had triggered it. Unless he found the idea of her becoming his sex slave to be so outlandish it was amusing.