Satisfying Lonergan's Honor

by Maureen Child

  “Yeah,” he said, peeling back the brightly colored wrap and taking a bite of chocolate. “Grandma took me out for a burger.” While he talked, he glanced through the stack of returned movies that hadn’t been returned to the shelves yet. “Cool,” he shouted, holding up a copy of what looked like some bloodthirsty slasher movie. “Can I take this home?”

  “A world of no,” she said, coming up close enough to snatch the movie from his grip, and then take a bite of his candy bar. “Rated ‘R,’ bud,” she said, then grimaced at the bloody picture.

  “What good does it do me to have access to all these movies if you won’t let me watch the ones I want to?” he asked, already moving into the horror section.

  “It’s a hard, hard life,” Donna said, smiling as she watched her son stoop to check out the bottom shelf.

  There were a lot of things in her life that she might regret, she thought, but Eric would never be one of them. He was her heart. Her reason. The one part of her world that always made sense to her.

  He looked at her and gave her a grin. “That’s what I keep saying. But does anybody listen?”

  “Funny.” Shaking her head, she turned again when the front door opened and this time, she didn’t smile. This time, her breath caught in her chest and her heartbeat stuttered wildly. “Jake.”

  He seemed to take up the whole doorway. His shoulders were broad, his waist narrow and his legs looked about three miles long. He wore a white T-shirt, black jeans and scuffed up, square toed boots. He still wore his black hair long and pulled into a low ponytail at the back of his neck. Sunglasses hid his eyes from her, and maybe that was just as well.

  But as soon as she thought that, he pulled the glasses off and hooked them in the neck of his shirt. Those dark eyes fixed on her and a rush of heat swept through her body. A curl of something delicious unwound in the pit of her stomach, and a little farther south, her body started tingling.

  “Donna. You look good.”

  “I feel good,” she said, swallowing hard.

  “Yeah,” he countered with a slow smile. “I remember.”

  Three

  Donna’s blue eyes went wide and a hot rush of color filled her cheeks. Her breath caught in her lungs and Jake watched as she bit down hard on her bottom lip. A light tugging sensation developing deep inside him.

  “Don’t,” she whispered, shaking her head and taking a slow step back for good measure.

  “Donna…” Even the air-conditioning in the store, turned up to just below freezing, couldn’t put out the fire engulfing him. Every cell in his body hummed and he could almost feel electricity arcing out around the two of them.

  Damn.

  He’d had no idea that just seeing her again would hit him this hard. Should’ve known, though. Should’ve remembered what she’d been able to do to him fifteen years ago with a simple look.

  Back then, she’d haunted every one of his dreams and tormented him every day. He hadn’t been able to avoid her, even if he’d wanted to—because she’d been Mac’s girlfriend.

  So he’d suffered in silence, hungering for her as only a seventeen-year-old boy could hunger. She was every thought, every desire, every need. And she’d been unattainable.

  Until one night that last summer.

  She’d only been a kid, then. Fifteen and the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Now, she was a woman and she took his breath away.

  “Jake, you shouldn’t have come here.”

  “I just want to talk, Donna,” he said, stepping closer to the counter she kept between them like a shield. That was a lie, he thought. He wanted to do way more than just talk. His mind filled with images of everything he wanted to do—with her and to her. His body tightened until he nearly groaned aloud.

  Then watching as her eyes flashed with worry, he snapped, “Relax, okay? I won’t bite.” The tension in her shoulders eased up until he added, “Unless you want me to.”

  “Cut it out.” She glanced over her shoulder and Jake followed her look.

  He spotted the boy instantly. A teenager, crouched down to inspect the movies lined up on the bottom shelf. As he grabbed one and straightened up, Jake took the kid’s measure. Tall and lean, the boy had black hair, dark eyes and a curious expression on his face.

  Jake felt a blow to his solar plexus. The boy looked just like Mac had that last summer. God, it was like stepping back in time. The ache he’d felt for Donna faded into an ache of regret.

  “How about this one, Mom?” the boy asked as he approached the counter. “No blood, but there’s ghosts and stuff.” He glanced at Jake. “Hi.”

  “Hi.”

  “Fine,” Donna said quickly, forcing a smile that only Jake seemed to notice was phony. “Take it on back to the house, honey. Tell Grandma I’ll pick up chicken for dinner.”

  “Cool,” he said, “but can I have five bucks? I’m supposed to meet Jason at the deli and…”

  “Sure,” she said, not even waiting for the whole explanation. She hit a key on the cash register and when the drawer slid out, she snatched up a five-dollar bill, and handed it over.

  “That was easy,” the kid said, then shot Jake a grin as he left.

  The cowbell jangled for a full minute before falling into silence. Jake was still standing there looking after the boy when Donna spoke up.

  “You’ve seen Eric now, so why don’t you go, Jake?”

  He turned his head to stare into her eyes. Eyes he’d been seeing in his sleep for fifteen years. “He looks just like him.”

  “I know.”

  Jake scraped one hand across his face. “He didn’t know who I was.”

  “Why would he?” she countered and started stacking returned movies in alphabetical order. “He’s never seen you before, Jake.”

  That stung.

  His gaze swept the interior of the store. Hadn’t changed much over the years. There were more DVDs than VHS tapes now, but the setup was the same. The walls had been painted a stark white and movie posters dotted almost every surface. Windows facing onto Main Street gleamed in the sunlight and an action adventure movie was playing on the TV at the end of the counter.

  He sighed, shifted his gaze back to Donna and said quietly, “If we’d known about him, things would have been different.”

  Her hands stilled on the movie cases and she lifted her gaze to his. “I know that. But I did what I had to do.”

  “Alone?”

  “I wasn’t alone,” she said and went back to her work. “I had my aunt Lily. She was…” Donna stopped and smiled, “wonderful.”

  Glad to hear she hadn’t been completely alone, Jake tried to imagine her as she must have been back then. Just a kid. Pregnant. Far from home. The father of her child, dead.

  Pain lanced through him like a blade, then disappeared under the onslaught of the familiar ache he’d carried with him for years.

  As if reading his thoughts, she said softly, “It was a long time ago, Jake.”

  “Yeah, sometimes it feels like another lifetime,” he admitted. “And sometimes it feels like yesterday.”

  Donna braced herself and lifted her gaze to his again. He’d surprised her before. No doubt that was the reason she’d gone so hot the instant she caught sight of him. Well, that and the sound of his voice rumbling over her, reminding her of that night when everything in her life had changed forever.

  Inhaling sharply, deeply, she picked up a stack of movies and walked out from behind the counter, moving into the widely spaced aisles. She wasn’t surprised at all to hear Jake’s heavy boot steps right behind her. Concentrate on work, she told herself. The movies. She slid a romantic comedy alphabetically into place in the sci-fi section and muttered under her breath when he plucked it off the shelf.

  “Wrong spot.”

  “I knew that.”

  He snorted. “So you were just testing me?”

  “No,” she said, grabbing the movie back from him and quickly moving around to the correct aisle. “I’m trying to work here, Jake.
So why don’t you just go?”

  “Not before we talk.”

  She stopped, slapped the movie into the correct slot, then turned to look at him. But even braced for the impact of his gaze, she felt the jolt of a nearly electrical sexual energy. Oh, boy.

  “We have talked. You’ve seen Eric. Now go.”

  “Seen him. Haven’t met him. Haven’t talked to him.” He moved in closer to her and Donna would have bet that she could actually feel his body heat rippling off of him in waves. “Not going anywhere until I do.”

  God, he took up so much room.

  She had to tip her head back to meet his gaze squarely. He was tall, taller than she remembered. And his shoulders were broader now, his chest more muscular. His hair was still thick and long, making her want to tear the leather cord off his ponytail and run her fingers through his hair. His strong jaw was shadowed with whiskers and his dark brows were drawn together as he studied her.

  He was even more tempting now than he’d been as a teenager. And back then, Donna had never been more tempted by anything than she had been by Jake Lonergan.

  Stalling for time to think, Donna turned around abruptly and walked to the drama aisle. There she slid four movies into the proper slots before continuing on to the children’s section. Jake stayed just a step or two behind her.

  She felt him watching her. Felt his gaze on her until her spine twitched and her blood pumped. Something deep inside her flickered wildly into life and a part of her welcomed it even as she tried to ignore it.

  “So you’re running the shop now, huh?”

  Donna tossed him a quick glance over her shoulder. “Don’t miss much, do you Jake?”

  “Cute.” He ran the tip of one finger along the top of the shelf as he walked. “But I figured you’d be a teacher by now.”

  “What?” She stopped at the classic movie aisle and turned to look at him again.

  “Teaching? You?” He smiled and Donna’s insides went on a roller-coaster ride. “You used to talk about being a teacher.”

  “You remember that?”

  “I remember everything,” Jake said softly.

  She closed her eyes, figuring it was safer than maintaining eye contact with Jake. Unfortunately, while she wasn’t looking, he moved in even closer. The instant he dropped his hands onto her shoulders, her eyes flew open and she swayed unsteadily toward him. A half smile on his face gave her the strength to lock her knees and straighten up.

  She stepped out from under his grasp and shook her head clear of the sensations sparking in her brain. “You have to stop saying things like that.”

  “Why?”

  “Because we’re not kids anymore, Jake. Times have changed. I’ve changed.”

  He shoved his hands into his jeans pockets. “So have I.”

  Donna laughed shortly and gave him a slow look up and down. “No, you haven’t,” she said. “You’re still danger man.”

  “What?”

  “Oh, please. Look at you, Jake. The long hair, the scruffy whiskers, the battered boots and faded jeans—not to mention the motorcycle that’s no doubt parked outside. You’re the poster boy for danger.”

  “Yeah?” His smile grew a little broader and a pleased gleam shone in his eyes.

  “That wasn’t a compliment.” But of course it was. God, even though she’d been crazy about Mac as a kid, Jake had fueled way too many of her dreams. Even then, he’d been able to get to her like no one else ever had.

  And apparently, that hadn’t changed any with the passing of the years.

  “So I worry you?” he prodded.

  “On an elemental level,” she admitted, “yes.”

  “Good to know.”

  “Figures you’d like hearing that.”

  “What man wouldn’t?”

  “Mac,” she said, and instantly, the humor in his eyes drained away and tension erupted between them.

  “Fine.” Jake nodded abruptly. “You want to talk about Mac? Let’s do it. After Mac died—” he swallowed hard as if even the words themselves tasted bitter “—when you found out you were pregnant, why didn’t you tell me at least?”

  “I couldn’t.”

  “We were friends.” He paused. “More than friends.”

  Heat flooded her system, sweeping up from the soles of her feet right up and through the top of her head. Memories were suddenly so thick she could hardly breathe. She remembered it all, too, as clearly as Jake did.

  “That’s why I couldn’t tell you.”

  “Damn it, Donna,” he said, reaching for her, grabbing her upper arms and pulling her close so quickly, she dropped the movies she still held and they clattered to the floor at their feet. “You shouldn’t have cut me out.”

  She yanked free of his grip, bent down, snatched up the fallen movies and clutched them to her chest. “I didn’t owe you anything, Jake. Not any of you guys. Eric wasn’t your son, he was Mac’s. The only one I owed was Mac and he was gone.”

  Oh, God. Tears blurred her vision, making her furious. She didn’t want to cry in front of him. Didn’t want to cry again at all. She’d spilled enough tears that summer to last her a lifetime.

  “I could have helped.”

  “You were seventeen.”

  “I—”

  “Jake, be realistic,” she said, tired now, “you’d already enlisted in the Marine Corps. You were on your way to boot camp. I had a baby to think of. To plan for.”

  He blew out an impatient breath but she could see that he wasn’t willing to let go of this. He was still caught in the decisions made that long-ago summer. But then, wasn’t she? She had a living, breathing reminder with her every day of her life.

  “You have to let this go, Jake. Just go back to your life and—”

  “And what? Forget about Eric now that I know about him?” He shook his head. “Not gonna happen.”

  “No, I guess it’s not,” she said, sighing. “But if you and the others want to get to know Eric, it’s going to be on my terms. He’s my son and I have to do what I think is best for him.”

  “Agreed,” he said quickly.

  “To quote my son,” she said warily, “that was easy.”

  “Relax,” he told her. “I’m not planning anything. I just want to make this as easy as possible on all of us.”

  “And all of a sudden, you’re Mr. Reasonable?”

  “Maybe he’ll worry you less than Mr. Danger.”

  Donna gave him a reluctant smile. Jake had always been able to talk his way around a problem. “Wouldn’t count on that. At least with Mr. Danger I know where I stand.”

  “Where’s that?” he asked, bending in closer, leaning his head down until they were nearly eye to eye.

  “On the edge of a very steep cliff,” she said, meeting his gaze and not backing down.

  “Is that why you ran that night?”

  She didn’t have to ask him which night he meant. Over the years, that one particular memory had haunted her. She’d often wondered what might have happened, what might have been different if she hadn’t run from Jake in a blind panic.

  He ran one hand along her arm and tingles of awareness, expectation, shot off in her bloodstream like fireworks. Donna sucked in a gulp of air and held it, as if half afraid she’d never be able to draw another.

  “Did I really scare you off?” he asked, his voice soft, intimate. “I would never have hurt you, Donna.”

  She lifted one hand to cover his, still on her arm. “I know that, Jake. I knew that then, too.”

  “Then why?” he asked, voice now raw with a need she recognized. “If you weren’t scared of me…why did you run away that night?”

  “I wasn’t afraid of you, Jake,” Donna admitted, looking up into his eyes, losing herself in the dark depths swirling with emotions they shouldn’t have reawakened. “I ran that night because I was afraid of me. Of what you made me feel.”

  Sunlight glanced in through the wide windows overlooking Main Street and nearly blinded her. Her eyes teared and sh
e wasn’t sure why. Was it the memories? Jake’s touch? Or just the searing sunlight?

  “So what we felt when we kissed,” he whispered, “the passion, the desire…you ran from all of that—left me alone and went straight to Mac.”

  “Yes,” she said tightly.

  “Did you sleep with him that night?” The question came out in a snarl, but Donna heard the hurt beneath the temper and responded to that.

  “Yeah, Jake. I did.” She met his gaze, lifted her chin and told him what she’d never told anyone else before. “I found passion with you, but ran to Mac. And that night, we made Eric.”

  Four

  In an instant, Jake was there again, that hot, summer night fifteen years ago.

  The scent of her filled him. Her heat washed over him and made his seventeen-year-old heart pound with a fierce drumbeat in his chest. Moonlight danced in her eyes as her teeth tugged at her bottom lip.

  Jake’s cousins were off at the lake, swimming. It was just he and Donna now, standing on the side of the road beside her father’s car. He’d left the house later than the other guys, wanting some time alone. When he spotted the car broken down on the side of the road, he’d recognized both it and the driver.

  He told himself that Donna was Mac’s girl, but it didn’t seem to help. All he could think of was how much he wanted her. How much he cared for her.

  Fighting back the urge to reach out and grab her, he instead walked to the front of the car and opened the hood. Donna came and stood beside him and her perfume wrapped itself around him like a heavy cloak.

  “Can you fix it?” she asked, her voice soft.

  “Yeah,” he muttered, spotting the problem right away. “Distributor wire’s come loose.”

  He didn’t want to fix it. Didn’t want to help her get in the car and drive off to meet Mac. He wanted her here. With him. Gritting his teeth, Jake leaned in, grabbed hold of the wire and adjusted the connection. He fiddled around a few extra, precious seconds, checking other wires needlessly, anything to keep her here beside him.

  Donna moved up closer and tripped, falling against his side. In a reflex action, Jake grabbed her, steadied her, then instead of letting her go, wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer.