Satisfying Lonergan's Honor

by Maureen Child

  He laughed again. “Who’s interested in playing fair?”

  “Damn it, Jake…” She twisted her hips, rocking into his touch, biting down on her bottom lip and shivering. “This doesn’t solve anything.”

  “Maybe it doesn’t have to,” he said, moving his hands to her hips again. He eased her up, then guided her down onto his length.

  She took him inside her, one slow inch at a time, driving them both insane with want, extending the pleasure until it was a raging force rising up between them. Finally he was embedded fully within her and she gulped for air as she swiveled her hips.

  “Donna…” His fingers dug into her hips. He looked up at her and through the passion glazing his eyes, he watched her stretch her hands high over her head.

  He reached up, covering her breasts with his palms and his breath strangled in his throat as she covered his hands with her own, holding him to her. She moved on him, throwing her head back, riding him with abandon, giving herself over to the sensations coursing through them.

  Jake couldn’t take his gaze from her. His body reacted, rocking into hers, moving into the rhythm that already felt familiar between them. Moonlight spilled over her, gilding her in a pale wash of light that made her look like a dream.

  But as she took him to the edge, then flew over the precipice with him, he knew she was all too real. And that if he allowed himself, he could love her.

  Then losing her again would kill him.

  Eight

  “What’re you doing here?” Jake asked three days later as Eric strolled slowly into the Lonergan barn.

  The tall boy shrugged and it looked as if his whole body moved with the motion. “Nothing,” he said, his gaze shifting over the workbench, landing on the tools neatly laid out atop it. “Just rode over to say hi.”

  “Does your mom know?”

  “I left her a note.”

  Jake nodded. “A note she won’t find till she gets home from work.”

  “Well, yeah.” Eric gave him a half smile that was so much his father it stole Jake’s breath. “She doesn’t want me hanging around you,” the boy admitted, now walking up to the motorcycle, gleaming in a splash of sunlight.

  He ran one finger across the black and chrome gas tank. “She’s worried that you’re a bad influence.”

  “She said that?” Jake’s teeth clenched. Damn it, it was one thing for her to voice her worries to his face. It was something else for her to turn Mac’s son against him.

  Eric swung his hair back out of his eyes. “I heard her tell my grandma.”

  Perfect.

  A bad influence.

  Seems nothing had been settled between them after all. Three days since he and Donna had had their long-promised night in the grove. Three days and not a damn word from her. He’d called her house, left messages, spoken to her mother, and nothing.

  It was as if the woman he’d been with that night had disappeared into his memory as surely as she had fifteen years ago.

  Watching his young cousin, Jake tried to hold on to the cold knot of disappointment lodged in his chest. But it wasn’t easy. Hell, he could understand what Donna was thinking. If he had a son, he wouldn’t want the kid emulating his lifestyle, either.

  But then Jake had never had a reason to take a different path in his life. Except for his grandfather and his cousins, he had no family. No ties. No one depending on him for anything. Why the hell shouldn’t he go out and enter races? Why shouldn’t he take chances that men with families refused to?

  Frowning to himself, he shoved those and other thoughts aside and focused on the kid now squatting for a closer look at the bike. “You like working on engines?”

  Eric glanced up at him and grinned again. It was going to take a while to get used to seeing Mac’s smile on this kid’s face.

  “Yeah, but I don’t know enough to really do anything much.”

  “I could teach you,” he blurted, then inwardly winced, knowing already what Donna would have to say about that.

  “Really?” The kid lit up like a lightbulb. “That would be great.” Then he frowned. “Mom probably won’t let me, though.”

  “I’ll fix it with your mom.” Brave words, he thought, already mentally planning for the confrontation with Donna.

  “Cool.”

  Jake nodded and leaned back against the workbench, the edge of the wood biting into the small of his back. Folding his arms across his chest, he said, “But first, go into the house, call the video store and tell your mom where you are.”

  Eric stood up and shoved both hands into his jeans pockets, nearly pulling the baggy pants right off his narrow hips. “She’ll tell me to go home.”

  “I’ll talk to her after you.”

  “Okay.”

  “That’s two dollars for a five-day rental,” Donna said, taking the money from her customer and sliding the DVD into a rental case.

  As the woman left with her movie, the phone rang and Donna snatched it up, keeping her eye on a couple of teenagers in the horror section. “Hello, Movie Time.”

  “Hi, Mom,” Eric said and kept talking, words tumbling into each other, “just wanted to let you know I’m at Grandpa’s and Jake’s letting me help him work on his bike.”

  Her stomach dropped. “Eric…”

  “Jake wants to talk to you, bye, Mom,” her son said, quickly handing off the phone.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi.” She closed her eyes, temporarily forgetting about possible shoplifters in the horror section. Jake’s deep voice reverberated inside her, setting up a series of earthquakelike jolts that had her reaching for the nearby stool. Dropping onto it, Donna opened her eyes again and focused on the teenagers even while her brain was doing a happy dance back to the events of three days ago.

  Three whole days and her body was still alive and humming. She couldn’t even remember how many times they’d come together over the few hours they’d spent in the grove. But she could remember every buzz of excitement, every burning need, every questing touch and taste.

  The vivid memories had kept her from sleeping for the last couple of nights. And she didn’t know how much more of it she could take. But she’d done what she thought best. She’d kept her distance from Jake, realizing that being alone with him again would only make his inevitable leaving that much harder to take.

  She didn’t have a future with Jake.

  Didn’t want a future with Jake.

  He was everything she’d spent most of her life avoiding. Life on the edge. No commitments. No rules. No obligations.

  Even as a girl, she’d known what she wanted. Family. A home.

  And Jake was not the man to be interested in those things.

  So what good would it do her to let herself care? To let herself enjoy being in his arms? To come to count on his kiss?

  Oh, boy, she really missed his kisses.

  “Donna?” he said, deep voice low, concerned. “You there?”

  “Yes, Jake,” she said, frowning as she noticed one of the teenage boys slipping a movie under his shirt. “But I can’t talk now.”

  “Fine. Eric’s going to be here for a few hours. Why don’t you come over after work?”

  The boys were headed for the front door now and Donna was already standing up to head them off. “Fine. Okay. But we’re going to be talking about this. Goodbye, Jake.”

  She slammed the phone down, stepped out from behind the counter and stood directly in front of the boys. They wouldn’t meet her gaze. Holding out one hand, she said softly, “Let’s have it.”

  Grumbling guiltily, the taller boy pulled the movie out from under his shirt and cringed a little. “You gonna call the cops?”

  “Nope,” she said, taking both their arms and leading them toward the counter. “I’m going to call your mothers.”

  “Oh, man…”

  “You idiot,” his friend said, reaching across Donna to punch his pal in the arm. “I told you not to take it.”

  Donna shook her head. They were
a little younger than Eric, so she didn’t want to call the police. No doubt they were good kids just trying to get away with something. Now they’d learn that everything had consequences. Something she’d learned the hard way, at fifteen.

  Guiding them to the phone, she picked up the receiver and handed it to the first boy. “Dial,” she said and tried not to smile as the kid groaned and punched in a number.

  When she arrived at the Lonergan ranch two hours later, the afternoon sun was casting long shadows across the yard and a light was burning in the barn. She stepped out of her car and was instantly greeted by the sound of male laughter.

  Donna sighed. How could she ever hope to keep Eric away from his cousins? His family? He so clearly needed to be around these guys. So obviously enjoyed being a part of a bigger family.

  As she walked toward the barn, she asked herself some hard questions and tried to answer herself honestly. Was she trying to keep Eric from the Lonergans for his sake, or for her own? Was she really worried about Jake and the others influencing Eric? Or did she simply not trust herself around Jake?

  Was she being protective of her son?

  Or was this more about protecting herself?

  Maybe, she acknowledged, it was a little of both. Maybe if she simply accepted the fact that the Lonergans were now going to be a permanent part of Eric’s life, she would be able to find a way to deal with it. To deal with seeing Jake and the others.

  She kicked a pebble across the driveway, her sneaker shooting a mini cloud of dust up into the air. Her son’s laughter rolled out of the open barn doors to greet her and she smiled, despite the turmoil within. No matter what else she was feeling about Jake and the rest of the Lonergans, they’d accepted Eric wholeheartedly and she knew how much that meant to her son.

  Cooper was telling a story when she stepped into the barn and she paused in the doorway so she wouldn’t interrupt him.

  “So, Jake,” Cooper said to Eric with a grin, “he decides that Grandma’s washing machine is running too slow. He tells your dad that while Grandma and Jeremiah are out to dinner, they should ‘fix it.’”

  “Don’t listen to him, Eric,” Jake said, giving Cooper a friendly shove. “He’s all talk.”

  “Believe every word,” Sam said, tossing Jake a beer.

  “So what happened?” Eric asked, gaze fixed on Cooper.

  “Your dad and Jake tore that old machine apart and had it put back together again by the time Grandma and Jeremiah got back.”

  “So they did it?” Eric asked. “They fixed the washing machine?”

  “Oh, yeah, they fixed it all right,” Sam said, laughing.

  “It was Mac’s fault,” Jake piped up, taking a long drink of his beer. “I told him he had the gears greased too much.”

  “Uh-huh,” Cooper said with a sneer. Then turning back to Eric, he said, “Next morning, Grandma does a load of wash…”

  Sam snorted a laugh and shook his head.

  “The washing machine runs so fast, it jerks away from the wall, dances halfway across the kitchen, tears the hose out from the wall and water’s shooting up like an upside down waterfall.”

  Eric laughed, looking from Cooper to Jake to Sam and back again.

  “Grandma’s screaming, Jeremiah’s shouting, water’s pouring all over the floor and the dog’s trying to swim into the living room.” Cooper, laughing now, added, “Me and Sam were watching the show, but Jake and your dad were halfway to the lake, trying to stay out of range.”

  “Did they get in trouble?” Eric asked.

  Donna, grinning in memory, spoke up as she joined them. “Jake and your dad had to clean the whole house, top to bottom. Then they had to help Jeremiah install the new washing machine that was delivered the next day.” She walked up to her son, kissed his forehead and took his can of soda for a drink. “The two of them were in charge of laundry duty the rest of that summer.”

  “Hi, Donna,” Sam said, walking up to give her a hug.

  “Donna,” Cooper told her, giving her a welcome kiss, “you just get prettier all the damn time.”

  “Uh-huh,” she said, smiling at both of the men before turning a wary eye on Jake.

  He nodded at her and Donna had to force herself not to go to him. Not an easy task.

  Inhaling sharply, deeply, she asked, “So what’re you guys up to?”

  “Telling tall tales while Eric helps Jake work on that bike of his,” Cooper said.

  “Just like the old days,” Sam mused. “Jake and Mac were always working on something together.”

  “My dad was good at this stuff, huh?” Eric said, his gaze darting between the three men.

  “Damn good,” Jake said. “Smart, too. He was all set to go to MIT…” His voice trailed off and the three Lonergan men all shared a moment of remembered pain.

  “He was very smart, honey,” Donna said into the strained silence. “Just like you.”

  Eric frowned. “Yeah, but I don’t want to go to college.”

  “Yeah, but you’re going,” Donna said, sliding into a familiar argument.

  “Damn right you are,” Jake said tightly.

  “Gotta go to college, kid,” Cooper added.

  “Your dad would’ve wanted you to,” Sam pointed out.

  Suddenly Eric’s features froze up and he glared at each one of them. “It’s up to me. If I don’t want to go, I don’t have to.”

  “Eric—”

  “No, Mom. I told you, I don’t have to go. I can do other stuff.”

  “Not now,” Donna said, feeling each of the Lonergans watching her, wondering.

  She’d been saving and planning for Eric’s college education since he was a baby. She didn’t have much, granted, but she planned to get loans. Do whatever she had to. Her son was going to college. She hadn’t gone—hadn’t really been able to. But Eric was going to get every chance she could give him.

  Unfortunately Eric was all too aware of how little money there was and he’d determined just last year, that he wasn’t going to go to school. This was an ongoing argument and one she had every intention of winning. She also had no intention of bringing the Lonergans into a private battle.

  “Jake didn’t go to college and he turned out okay,” Eric argued.

  “Don’t use me as an example, kid,” Jake muttered darkly.

  “We are not talking about this now, Eric,” Donna said, giving her son the glare that usually quieted him right down and forced him to take a backup step.

  “Donna,” Sam spoke up abruptly. “Maggie’s cooking up a truckload of fried chicken. You and Eric want to stay for dinner?”

  She opened her mouth to say no, when Eric turned his big, dark eyes on her in a silent plea. He needed this, she reminded herself. And besides, if all three Lonergans stood beside her on the issue of college, maybe it was a good thing for Eric to spend extra time with them.

  But that wasn’t the real reason she wanted to stay as badly as Eric did and she knew it. Couldn’t say so out loud of course, but there was no point in trying to lie to herself. She wanted to stay because she’d missed Jake over the last few days. And since she couldn’t trust herself to be alone with him, staying for dinner with the family was as good as she was going to get.

  Stomach sinking, throat tightening, she surrendered to the inevitable. “Sure, Sam, that would be great, thanks. I’ll just call my mom and let her know.”

  Eric gave her a brief, fierce hug, then sprinted for the house. “I’ll call Grandma!”

  Jake watched Donna standing there shell-shocked and couldn’t be sorry she’d been guilted into staying for dinner. Just looking at her was almost enough to ease the ache inside him. Though touching her would be a hell of a lot better.

  But first, he had something to say to her. Something he, Sam and Cooper had already talked over. He tore his gaze from Donna and looked from one of his cousins to the other, getting their silent okays before speaking.

  “Donna, about Eric’s college…”

  She stiffened and
he could actually see her pride kick in. “Eric’s schooling is nothing for you guys to worry about. I appreciate you all taking my side in this, helping me to convince him to go to college. But as for his schooling itself, he’s my son and I’m taking care of it.”

  “He’s Mac’s son, too,” Sam said quietly and her gaze snapped to his.

  “And we figure we’re sort of representing Mac’s interests,” Cooper added, earning himself a glare from Donna.

  “Well,” she said, “you figured wrong. I make the decisions concerning my son. Me. Alone. Just like I always have.”

  Jake walked toward her and he noticed when she took a step back. He didn’t like it. “You’re not alone anymore,” he said softly.

  She sighed and scrambled for patience. “I appreciate that you guys want to be close to Eric. And I’m even willing to admit that it’s good for him. He needed men in his life. Needs to know about his father.”

  Oh, it had cost her to say that. Jake saw it in her eyes.

  “But you don’t owe Eric anything more than affection,” she said.

  “You’re wrong,” Jake said and dropped his hands onto her shoulders. Tension radiated from her, but he noted that she didn’t step out from under his touch. “He’s owed what would have been Mac’s.”

  “What do you mean?” Her gaze was locked on him and he felt the cool strength in her gather, prepared for battle. Was there anything more fierce than a mother standing in front of her cub?

  Cooper pushed away from the bench and came to stand alongside Jake. Sam took up position on the other side of him until all three Lonergans were lined up as a unit, facing Donna.

  “That last summer,” Jake said, not taking his gaze from Donna, “Mac and I came up with this…” He paused, shrugged and said, “No need for specifics—”

  “Thanks for that,” Cooper muttered, “I hate when you get specific about engine parts.”

  “Quiet,” Sam said, then gave Jake a shove to get him talking again.

  “We came up with this little gizmo for engines,” Jake said as his memory kicked in, reminding him of all the hours he and Mac had spent in this barn. “It improves performance, helps get better gas mileage. Anyway, with help from Jeremiah and our folks, we sold the idea to a major manufacturer and—”