Atone

by Wendi Wilson

  She smiles, and it’s wistful, like a beautiful memory flashing across her mind. “It was strange, at first. I started out by dating them all, individually. They all liked me and wanted me to pick one of them. But after a few dates, I realized I couldn’t decide. And they realized they didn’t want me to choose.” She pauses for a moment, her pointed gaze assessing me. “Is that how you feel about the twins?”

  “I don’t know,” I reply with all honesty. “I like them. A lot. They are both so sweet. And funny. And gorgeous.”

  “Yeah, they are,” she says. “And I’ve noticed the way they look at you.”

  “Like they’re starving and I’m the last morsel of food in the universe,” I admit, my face flushing.

  I may not have noticed it before, but I definitely read the hunger on their faces tonight. They want me. They laid it all out on the line and left the decision up to me.

  “What happened after we left the room?” she asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

  “Slade kissed me,” I admit, feeling no need to hide anything from her.

  “He did?” she squeals, clapping her hands like a five-year-old. “Well? How was it?”

  “Amazing,” I exhale with a smile. “As soon as the door closed behind you, he grabbed me. I thought my heart was going to explode.” I press my palm against my chest. “It was… exhilarating.”

  “What about Silas?” she asks, her expression telling me she’s already guessed. “What did he do?”

  “He asked me if he could kiss me, too.”

  “Well, that was polite,” she quips, smiling with satisfaction. “What did you say?”

  “I was confused and a little overwhelmed. I mean, I like them both. I do. But having a relationship with more than one person? Kissing them both, right in front of each other? It doesn’t seem natural.”

  “It’s different, sure,” she admits. “But when everyone cares about each other, equally? It’s incredible and I couldn’t imagine it being any other way.”

  “I said yes,” I whisper.

  “And?”

  I grin. I can’t help it. Silas’s kiss was just as amazing as Slade’s. She laughs, delight painting a rosy blush across her pale cheeks. She’s genuinely happy for me. And one hundred percent convinced I’ll end up with the Madsen twins in the end.

  “So, does this mean I’m forgiven?” she asks.

  My smile melts into a stern look. “On one condition.”

  “Anything,” she vows, holding up her right palm in a solemn swear.

  “Don’t ever try to kiss either of them again,” I say, trying to suppress a smile.

  She laughs, the sound echoing through the bathroom. “Deal.”

  Then she does something completely unexpected and, I imagine, totally out of character for her. She lunges forward, her arms going around me in a tight embrace. My arms tighten around her, returning her hug with no reservations.

  “Thank you for forgiving me,” she says.

  I pull back. “Well, something good came of it. The boys asked me to officially be their girlfriend.”

  She lets out her loudest squeal yet before slapping a hand across her mouth. This girl is downright excitable tonight. I don’t mind, though. Her pleasure is genuine. She’s truly happy for me, something I’ve never felt from my old friends, like Fiona. There was always, always, an undercurrent of pettiness and jealousy between us.

  This… this just feels real.

  “Sorry,” she whispers, “they most likely heard that. Did you say yes?”

  I shake head. “I told them I had to think about it.”

  “Are you going to say yes?”

  “I’m not playing games with them,” I declare. “I really do have to think about it. This is a big step in a direction I’ve never taken.” My lips turn up. “But I’m definitely leaning toward yes.”

  As I admit that to her, I realize it’s the first time I’ve admitted it to myself. I don’t want to give them up. Either of them. I want to try. Despite the risk to my heart.

  “They’re good guys and they’ll treat you like their queen,” she says.

  “I know. It’s not that,” I reply. “And it’s not that they’re Alts, either. We’re in the middle of a life-changing event. Emotions are running high and I’m scared their interest in me will lessen once things go back to normal. Also, there’s the problem of geography.”

  “You live in Georgia, they live in Connecticut.”

  I nod. “I know I left my crazy ass parents, but I didn’t plan to stay gone forever. I didn’t plan anything, really, besides warning you. I don’t have a home right now.”

  “We’ll figure it out,” she promises, hooking an arm through mine. “We should probably get back out there before the boys come in here searching for us. Or eat all our food.”

  “You’re probably right,” I say, laughing.

  She pauses with her hand on the door handle. “Thank you for forgiving me.”

  I shake my head at her. “There was never any question. I just wanted to make you sweat, a little.”

  “Jackwagon,” she retorts, laughing.

  “Seriously, though. You forgave me for much, much worse. You accepted me into your group, made me feel wanted and needed. You didn’t hold my past against me and you introduced me to the Madsen brothers. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”

  “Ditto,” she says, her voice cracking a bit with emotion.

  We leave the restroom, our eyes shining and our arms linked together. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know it won’t be boring or predictable.

  I just have to hold on for the ride.

  26

  The ride back to the motel is much more enjoyable than the ride to the restaurant had been. After my talk with Savanna, we sat down at a table full of laughing, easy-going people who joked about what took us so long. Wyatt made a big show of checking Savanna for bruises and I threw a handful of fries at him. Everyone chuckled and I felt more at ease than ever. Even Mr. and Mrs. James enjoyed the meal.

  I climb into the van with all the kids, and Silas and Slade take their seats on either side of me in the back. They each slip a hand into mine, interlacing our fingers and squeezing tight. Tingles shoot up my arm and straight into my gut, where my stomach does a somersault.

  I’m quickly relaxed by their easy banter with the Pattons and Savanna, who raises a brow and winks at me when she notices my hands. She doesn’t make a comment, thank God, and I just pray the boys don’t notice her teasing expression.

  Slade leans toward me when the four in front of us are preoccupied. Nuzzling his face into the left side of my neck, he whispers, “You smell good enough to eat.”

  My temperature rises as his lips brush against the skin of my neck. Sure that at least one of the Alts up front heard him, my eyes flick to each of them. If anyone heard, they aren’t acknowledging it. Some of the tension eases out of me and I let my spine relax against the seat.

  Slade chuckles, but before I can respond, I feel a tug on my right hand. I look over and catch Silas’s gaze. He retains eye contact as he unlaces our fingers and lifts my palm to his mouth. He presses a kiss right in the center, his tongue caressing the skin there before intertwining our fingers once more.

  “Delicious,” he whispers.

  I shiver as tingles explode all over my body. These boys are detrimental to a girl’s equilibrium on a normal day, but with them turning on the charm and blatant seduction tactics, I don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of resisting them.

  And I don’t remember why I felt like I should.

  The spell is broken when Jett pulls the van into the motel parking lot. Everyone piles out of the van and we take turns saying goodnight to Savanna and the Pattons. They head into their room, the door swinging closed behind them with a click.

  Silas swings open the door to the other room, motioning for me to precede him through the entrance. I walk inside, flipping on the light switches as I go. The boys follow me in, and I can feel the
ir eyes burning into my back as I cross the room.

  I focus on my breathing, knowing nothing can happen between us. Besides the fact that I haven’t made a solid decision yet, Savanna’s parents are staying with us. They should be here any minute. They are a buffer between me and the boys… one I’m not really sure I want.

  Grabbing the yoga pants, tank top, and the sweater I wore before, I head into the bathroom without looking back at them. I change quickly and, after taking care of business, wash my hands and face and brush my teeth. I ball up my dirty clothes and, after taking a fortifying breath, head back out into the main room.

  The click of the door closing snags my attention, and I look at Silas and Slade, who are standing next to it. “Who was that?” I ask.

  Slade’s eyes brand me as they travel from my face, down to my toes, and back up again before her answers, “Savanna’s parents. They decided to get their own room tonight.”

  “What?!” The shocked exclamation bursts from my mouth before I can stop it.

  Silas and Slade look at each other, the tension leaving their bodies as they move their gazes back to me. They both wear resigned expressions, like someone rained on their parade. Somehow, I know that someone is me.

  “They said we were so crowded in here together, they thought it would be best to get another room,” Silas says. “Don’t worry, Lizzie. We can behave. You can take one bed, we’ll take the other.”

  He finishes speaking, but neither one of them moves and neither do I. It’s like the three of us are all frozen in time, and my response to his offer of separate sleeping arrangements is the only thing that will make the Earth spin again.

  I don’t know what to say.

  I don’t know what I want.

  It’s too soon.

  I’ve been waiting forever.

  “Okay,” I mumble.

  Feeling disappointment I have no business feeling, I climb onto the bed closest to the bathroom and sit cross-legged in the center. I watch the boys silently move about the room. They take turns in the bathroom, each one emerging showered and shirtless, wearing only athletic shorts.

  Holy shit. I thought my equilibrium was off-kilter earlier? Now it’s decimated. I swallow thickly as my eyes travel over their tan bodies. Long, sinewy muscles that bunch and smooth out as they move across the room and sit on the other bed. Beads of water on their shoulders that beg to be licked off. Wet hair that my fingers itch to smooth out.

  “Lizzie,” Slade says, startling me out of my hypnotic daze.

  “Y-yes?” I stutter.

  “If you want us to give you time and space, you have to stop looking at us like that. I, for one, don’t know how much longer I can take it.”

  My eyes fly to his and a silver fire is burning in their depths. I look at Silas, and he has the same expression on his face. Like he’s starving and I’m the last morsel of food on the planet. It probably matches the expression I had on my face as I ogled them.

  Blushing, I turn my gaze to my lap. “Sorry,” I mumble.

  Silas grabs the remote from the nightstand and turns on the television. Finding a silly comedy on one of the movie channels, he turns the volume up and drops the remote onto the bed. From the corner of my eye, I can see the boys fluffing pillows and stuffing them between their backs and the headboard. Slade reaches over and switches off the lamp so the only light in the room is coming from the television screen.

  I keep my eyes trained on the T.V., but my mind is whirring a million miles a minute. I know I asked for time. I know I need to think about what’s going to happen when this whole ordeal is over and I have to get on with my life. I know I need to decide what I really want.

  But right now, in this moment, all I can think about is running my hands over those toned chests and abs. Finding out if the tan skin is as soft as it looks. Discovering what it tastes like.

  Heat unfurls inside me and a sheen of perspiration pops out across my nose. I can hear the purring of the air conditioner, so I know it’s not hot in the room. It’s just me. Without another thought, I unzip my hoodie and yank it off, throwing the garment in the general direction of my duffel bag.

  Cool air caresses my skin, giving me instant relief. I sigh as I stretch out on my back, resting my shoulders against a stack of pillows so I stay semi-upright and can see the T.V. Pushing the twins from my mind, I concentrate on the movie. It’s one I haven’t seen before, and soon, I’m laughing out loud.

  Then I make a mistake. I look over to see if Slade and Silas are laughing with me. They’re not.

  Silas has his bottom lip pinched between his teeth, his head turned upward, his eyes squeezed shut. As if sensing my stare, he opens them and locks gazes with me. Desire burns in their depths, like hot, silver lava. His teeth release his lip as he huffs out a haggard breath.

  I pull my eyes away from him to look at Slade, who’s not watching the movie, either. His eyes are roving over my body, lips pressed tight and nostrils flaring slightly. I look down at myself to see what has him so transfixed and let out a little gasp.

  In my position, the yellow tank top is stretched tight, clearly outlining my untethered breasts and flat stomach. The yoga pants, I know, leave little to the imagination no matter what position I’m in. I sit up quickly, crossing my arms self-consciously over my chest.

  Slade drops is chin to his chest, taking a few deep breaths before focusing his eyes firmly on the television. Silas does the same, and I can see a muscle ticking in his jaw, like he’s grinding his back teeth together. I turn my gaze back to the T.V., but I can’t concentrate on the movie anymore.

  I feel like I should say something. Maybe I should apologize, explain that I wasn’t intentionally trying to entice them. I really don’t want either of them thinking I’m some sort of tease.

  I open my mouth, but Silas speaks before I get a word out. “Maybe we should just go to sleep,” he suggests.

  “Oh, okay,” I mumble, hopping up to fold down the blanket and sheet before sliding back in underneath them. “Good night.”

  I’m such a coward.

  They mumble the words back at me in low voices. Silas turns off the television and the room goes dark. I can hear the springs squeak as they adjust their positions on the mattress, but it doesn’t sound like they’re getting under the covers. Soon, the little noises stop and the only sounds in the room are us breathing.

  I lay on my back, my eyes refusing to close as I think about the twins. Only a few feet away. On a bed. Practically half-naked.

  I throw the blankets off as heat courses through me once again. I want them. I can admit that to myself. The problem is, if I take what I want, what they are so obviously willing to give, where will that leave us? Feeling awkward around each other in the morning?

  I know they asked me to be their girlfriend. To enter into a three-way relationship. What I don’t know is what their expectations are. Do they want us to do everything together? Or to keep the physical side of our relationship separate, like Savanna does with the Pattons?

  I should talk to them. Get clarification and set some ground rules. But I need to decide if this is what I really want before we discuss it. I don’t want to get their hopes up, only to decide against it later.

  The thought of hurting them causes pain to bloom in my chest. I rub the heel of my hand against it, easing the tension there. I don’t want to hurt them.

  I want to make them happy. I want to ease their troubles and see those adorable dimples. All the time.

  My breath hitches in my throat. My concerns drift away, inconsequential blips on the radar of my mind. I know what I want.

  I have to stop letting fear dictate my choices.

  With that thought, I swing my legs over the edge of the mattress and sit up. After taking a deep, fortifying breath, I stand and take a step forward. There’s not much space between the two beds and that one step is all it takes to reach my destination.

  “Lizzie? You okay?” Slade asks, moving to sit up.

  My eyes have
adjusted to the darkness, so I can see his torso rising. I brace my palms against his chest and push him back down. He doesn’t resist. Bracing a knee on the edge of the mattress, I lever my other leg up and over, straddling his hips for just a moment before letting myself fall into the small space between him and Silas.

  I feel each of them flip onto their sides so they’re both facing me. I stay on my back, my gaze shifting between them, waiting for one of them to speak. Apparently, they are waiting for me to explain myself, because neither one of them says a word. As the seconds tick by I start to second-guess my decision.

  Before I lose my nerve, I blurt out the word.

  “Yes.”

  Slade scooches a little closer and his breath tickles my ear. “Yes, what?”

  I turn my head and he’s so close, our noses bump. I press my lips against his, a quick kiss over before it starts and say, “Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend.”

  I turn my head to face Silas, who’s propped up on one elbow, his face hovering over me. I can’t clearly see his expression, but his breathing is quicker than normal.

  “I want you to be mine,” I say to him.

  As the last word leaves my mouth, his lips press against it, his tongue brushing against mine. I kiss him for several seconds before breaking off and turning toward Slade. His mouth descends, throwing everything he’s feeling into the kiss.

  Joy. Attraction. Lust. Satisfaction. I can taste it all.

  I flip onto my side, deepening our kiss as I run my hand over his bare chest. It’s smooth and soft, the hard muscles underneath jumping as my palm passes over them. My hand moves over his hard abs and back up to curl around his neck, pulling him even closer.

  Silas presses his body against my back, brushing my hair aside before wrapping his arm over my waist. He flattens his palm against my stomach, pressing me back against him as his mouth moves to the back of my neck.

  He kisses, nips, and licks my skin, moving up over the side of my neck and down my shoulder. I pull my lips away from Slade and turn to capture Silas’s, who kisses me like his life depends upon it.