I try to deepen it, but she pulls back, breaking it, and I hate it.
I want more. I want her.
I keep my eyes closed and whisper.
“Forgive me, Vi.”
She pushes her lips against mine in a chaste kiss. “I’m trying.”
I smile against her lips. At least she’s being honest with me. Her tense body softens in my arms, and I hold her closer to me. She feels so warm compared to the chill of the night.
In that moment I realize how close we are with her in my lap. My hand splays along her back. I wrap my arms tighter around her, and feel her breasts against my chest.
“I never stopped loving you,” I whisper.
My lips gently brush against the shell of her ear. I leave a trail of open-mouthed kisses down her neck and to the small dip in her throat.
A soft moan escapes her lips as I lay her down on the blanket. My forearm hits the basket, and I shove it away.
“I want you, Vi,” I whisper into the crook of her neck.
Her skin is so soft and warm. I push my body on top of hers, caging her in and getting lost in the memory of her body writhing under mine. My dick hardens with need. I need her. I need to make it right and show her that I love her. To hear her soft moans, to feel her small warm body trembling beneath me.
“I’m sorry, Hunter.”
I pull back slightly at Vi’s words, snapping out of the lust-filled haze clouding my head.
“I can’t do this,” she says, pushing her hands against my chest.
She’s shaking her head and pushing me off of her. I brace my hand on the grass and let her up. What the fuck happened?
“Vi?” I slowly rise as she stands and looks at me like I hurt her. “Vi, you okay?”
“No, Hunter. I’m not okay. The last time you said those words to me, you ruined me. You hurt me more than anyone ever has, and... I don’t trust you.” Her words hurt, but worse than that, it’s seeing the genuine pain on her face.
“I don’t trust anyone,” she says and her voice cracks. “I’m afraid to let anyone in. And it’s all because of you.”
She can barely get the words out. Her eyes are red and glassy.
Damn, what’d I do? I raise my hands as though she’s a wounded animal. This is good. She’s getting it out. Get it all out, Vi.
I wait for her to say something else. For her to scream at me, pound her fists against my chest, whatever she wants to do, but instead she looks over her shoulder.
“Vi, don’t leave.” As soon as I say the words, she turns to bolt. I quickly catch up to her and wrap her in my arms.
“Get off of me, Hunter!” she says weakly, pushing against me as she heaves in a sob.
“Just a minute. Just calm down and if you wanna leave, you can go.” I kiss her hair as she stops trying to shove me away. I don’t wanna let her go, I don’t want her to run from me anymore. “Just try to calm down, Vi. It’s alright.”
She shakes her head against my chest and then lays her cheek flat against me. She’s not fighting me anymore, but she’s not okay either.
“It’s not alright, Hunter. It’s not gonna be alright... I don’t want you.”
Her words slam against me like a punch to the gut. My hold on her loosens as my heart falls in my chest. She backs away slowly, moving the hair from her face. Her cheeks are reddened and tearstained.
“I loved you once, but I can’t anymore.” She holds my gaze as she takes a step back.
“Let me drive you home,” I say in an even voice I don’t recognize. As if this conversation didn’t happen. Not to me. Not to us.
Her words echo in my head. She doesn’t want me. But I want to deny it.
“No,” she says, shaking her head. “I want to go home. Alone. I just wanna be alone.”
With that, she turns and walks off. I want to run after her and refuse to let her leave, but this is her choice. And she doesn’t want me.
She loved me once, but she doesn’t anymore. She said it herself. She doesn’t want me.
I loved her back then, and I never stopped. I won’t ever stop loving her. I don’t know how.
As I watch her walk away, following a bit behind, just to make sure she’s safe till she gets to the main road, I know one thing is true.
I don’t wanna stop loving her. Ever. I don’t know how I can move on.
Chapter 52
Violet
The next day, I’m still cursing myself. Last night I went home and cried myself to sleep, wondering how the hell I could be so stupid.
I let Hunter kiss me. I let him woo me. I almost let him fuck me.
Almost.
Thank God he said those words, just like our first time together.
I want you, Vi.
Those words sent me straight back in time, like the last four years hadn’t happened at all. As if he’d never gone to war, never thrown me away…
But he did. He did, damn it, and I don’t know how to forget it.
So I left, ran in fact. My tears flowed freely, and kept right on until I fell asleep.
Now I’m at the bakery, and there are no tears in my eyes, but I still feel like a fool. I’m supposed to be older and wiser than I was four years ago, so why am I falling for the same old tricks?
Just because someone says they love you doesn’t make it so. No matter how desperately you want it to be true.
I sigh and put another batch of cookies in the oven. I realize I’m feeling sorry for myself, but I can’t seem to stop.
The door chimes. I look at the clock.
“Mail’s here!”
I poke my head out and see the post lady, Gladys. She’s got beautiful features and dark skin, which makes the blue of her postal uniform look awesome. She’s been our mail carrier for years.
Still, her level of physical fitness for her age is something I aspire to.
“Hey,” I say, greeting her as I walk to the front, carrying on with my life as if I’m not a complete wreck. “Whatcha got for me?”
“Just for you,” she says with a wink.
She hands me a thick pile of mail. I smile, and offer her something from the display case.
“Anything you want,” I say. “Got to keep our postal worker energized, you know.”
“You’re too good to me,” she says. “How about one of those croissants?”
“You got it,” I say, wrapping the croissant in a sheet of pastry paper.
I hand it to her and as usual, she tries to pull out her wallet.
“As if I’m ever going to take your money,” I say with a smirk.
“Well, let it be known that I tried to pay,” she says, her eyes sparkling. “Sometimes it’s good to go through the motions, you know?”
She hefts her mail pouch, and I nod. That’s what I’ve been doing all day, just going through the motions.
“I appreciate it, Gladys. See you tomorrow.”
She shoots me a smile and heads out the door. My eyes fall to the pile of mail in my hands. I can tell without opening any of it that it’s mostly bills.
I walk to the back, flipping through the stack. Water, electricity, credit cards, bulk orders of flour and dairy… The amount I owe is looking pretty substantial.
I try not to cringe as I set the bills down on my purse in the back of the room. If the bank doesn’t approve my loan soon, I won’t be able to cover them. And by soon, I mean within the week. It’s been over the ten days they said it would take.
The door chimes again, so I leave the bills behind and head out front. To my surprise it’s Slade, dressed in casual clothes. When I see him, I slow my steps. I didn’t return his last two phone calls; I’m not interested. Or I wasn’t, back when I thought I could give Hunter a chance. But I can’t.
“Violet,” Slade says, bringing my eyes back to his.
I just assumed that he would’ve given up on me by now, but here he is.
“Hey,” I say, staying behind the counter.
“Hey,” he says. He gestures to his clothes. “
I knocked off work a little early.”
“I see that,” I say, pinching my lips together. I’m pretty irritated with him, and coming into my shop expecting… whatever… isn’t making it any better. It’s almost five, but still. I don’t like it.
You still need the loan, I remind myself. So be nice. I bite my tongue and try to give him a smile. I don’t try too hard though, I’m just not right today and if he doesn’t like it, he can fuck off.
“Listen, I know you’re busy with… this,” he says, waving his hands to indicate my shop. “But I bet you have time for a bite to eat.”
“Slade…” I say, impatient but trying to hide it.
“C’mon. Let’s just go to the diner,” he says. “I’m buying.”
He sounds almost charming, if I was into that kind of thing.
I purse my lips and think of all the bills in the back room. They aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, and if one little meal could mean I get the loan…
“Okay,” I say, slipping my apron over my head. “Let me get my purse and lock up.” Just like Gladys said, I’m just going through the motions. At least that’s what I tell myself.
Slade grins. I can tell he thinks he’s irresistible. I try not to roll my eyes as I head to the back to gather my purse.
You can do this. It’s just a meal, like he said. Not a date, like what I had with Hunter. This is nothing like that. My heart hurts, thinking about last night and our date.
I blow out a breath and head out front, trying to ignore all the emotions threatening to surface.
Chapter 53
Hunter
I send another text to Jared. I’ve been bugging the shit out of him, but I don’t care. I need to get the hell out of here and make myself useful. I’ve been home for two weeks and I haven’t done a damn thing, except watch the one woman I ever loved walk away from me.
I look down at my phone. The text is sent, but he hasn’t answered.
He has a life and responsibilities. I don’t have shit.
We’re gonna meet up later to look at this garage on West Avenue. It’s a little rundown, but there’s plenty of need for a mechanic shop in this town and that location is perfect.
Besides, I need to focus on something. I can’t get over the fact that Vi doesn’t want me. I can’t stay in this fucking house, feeling sorry for myself.
I paid the down payment for a house on the outskirts of town today. I was eyeing it last week, but this morning I got my ass out there and settled on it. It’s on a lake and in rough shape. That’s good though. It’ll keep me busy. I need that right now.
I’m distracted by the sound of high heels clicking against the old wooden floor.
Haley walks down the stairs wearing a dress that barely covers her ass. She’s going out again.
Un-fucking-believable. Abbi’s already in bed for a nap, but still I can’t take it. I’m pissed.
I know she’s single. I know she’s getting over Chris’ death. But she should have more respect than that. For herself, for her daughter, for the love she shared with Chris.
“Hey Hunter, I’ve gotta--”
She starts giving me the same shit she’s been dishing out.
“Another date?”
My voice is hard when I cut her off. She flinches slightly before putting that bitchy facade back into place. She puts her hands on her hips and throws daggers at me.
I knew that she would. She has a right to be mad, and to deal with his death how she wants. But I can’t keep quiet and not say anything anymore. She can fucking hate me if she wants.
“Yeah, I do, and I--”
“You need to knock it off, Haley.” Jared’s been talking to me about what the women are saying at Krissy’s school. I don’t fucking like hearing my sister’s name in bad taste. Worse, I don’t like that what they’re saying is true. I know she’s in pain, but she’s only hurting herself more.
She opens her mouth and pinches her brows with disbelief. After a moment she points her finger at me even as her eyes glass over.
“You don’t get to tell me what to do,” she sneers.
“You’re a grown ass woman and if you acted like it, I’d treat you like one. But you need to knock this shit off.” I gesture to her outfit. “You have a little girl upstairs. Would you want her dealing with her pain the way you are?”
The mention of Abbi is a low blow, but it’s about time I brought her up. She’s got a life with Abbi. A good one. One she should be proud of. She’s got money from Chris’ death that she could use to get a house of her own, and that could help her move on. But she hasn’t done shit with the money, except buy these clothes that barely fucking fit her.
Haley looks hurt for a moment, then turns slightly to look over her shoulder as my father walks into the room.
Yet another member of my family that I’m pissed at. I’m just pissed at everyone, it seems.
He crosses his arms and leans against the doorway, but doesn’t say anything. He should say something, though. This family never talks about a damn thing. I’m ready to talk, and they better be ready to listen.
Haley turns back to look at me and lowers her voice.
“You have no idea what it’s like,” she swallows thickly before continuing, “I lost the one man…”
Her voice cracks, and her shoulders hunch forward. I get up from the sofa and wrap her in my arms. She starts to push me away, her heels clicking loudly on the old wooden floor, but her gesture is weak.
“Let it out,” I say, gently rubbing her back. She tries to say something, tries to push me away, but she breaks down in my arms.
She loses it. She sobs into my chest. It’s been close to nine months now since Chris passed. Nine months of misery, of trying to navigate grief.
Nine months can be a long time, or a short time. But it doesn’t make it hurt any less. Sometimes it feels so long and guilt weighs against my chest that I could be moving on without him. Sometimes it’s been too soon and I can’t do a damn thing without hearing his voice in my head.
Tears still cloud my own eyes when I remember him. I was their best man. I’ll never forget how happy he was. Happy to be married to Haley, and happy for her to be carrying his baby girl.
Chris was a good man, and it’s terrible that Haley and Abbi lost him. I wish I could bring him back. But I can’t.
“I know, Haley. I know it hurts.”
She shakes her head, ruffling her hair, but doesn’t say anything.
“I do know. I was there, and I couldn’t do anything. I wish I could. I wish I could take it all back. I would, Haley. I’d take his place for you if I could.”
“Don’t say that,” she says weakly, not looking me in the eyes. I run my hand up and down her arm, holding her close.
“You gotta take care of yourself and Abbi, Haley. You gotta try to move on.”
“I can’t, Hunter,” Haley whimpers in my chest and pulls away, wiping under her eyes.
“You can, baby girl,” my father says. He walks over and rubs her back.
She takes in a ragged breath and gives him a hug, too. All the while he’s looking me in the eyes.
“Go on upstairs. I think you should stay in and maybe take a while to think about things?” Pops tells her.
She doesn’t argue as she walks away, taking in steadying breaths.
Pops watches her walk away. I don’t wait for him to say a damn word to me. I don’t need his advice. I’m pent up and feeling like shit. I need to get out of here.
I need Vi. I know with everything in me that I need her.
The sky’s a dark grey, making it feel later than it is. It’s spitting out rain and I can hear faint thunder coming in.
I hear my father yell out my name, but I don’t stop. I look over my shoulder as I open the door to the truck and see him standing on the porch, but I have nothing to say to him right now.
I hop in my truck without looking back. I try to push away the memories of Chris. The tires squeal on the wet road as I speed off to go see Vi.
I just need her. I don’t know what for, but right now I know I need my Vi. If she won’t have me as a lover, I’ll settle for a friend. I can only hope she’ll let me in. I need her.
I told Chris about her. He made a big deal of telling me I was a fucking idiot for throwing away what I had with her.
I pinch the bridge of my nose as I pull up to the red light at the end of the street and try to prevent the tears pricking my eyes from coming through at the memory.
I remember how he laughed at me. He said one day I'd see what a mistake I’d made. He was right. Fuck, I wish he was here now so I could tell him. I bang my fist on the steering wheel, hating what time has done to me.
I breathe out slow and steady and keep the bitch tears from surfacing as I pull up into the bakery parking lot.
Her car’s not there. Where the hell is she?
I pull in and get out, walking around the side where she came in the other night. The rain comes down a little harder, and the light in the sky dims.
I knock against her door with my fist. It’s clenched so tight, I think the skin will break with each pounding knock.
I need someone to lean on, and I want that someone to be Vi. But she’s not here.
I scream out her name and back up a few steps to look in her window. But it’s pointless. She’s gone. I don’t know where, but she’s not here.
My phone beeps in my pocket. The sky cracks with an angry bolt of lightning and the rain comes down harder, pounding against my head and shoulders, soaking my clothes.
I get in the truck and slam the door. I’m drenched, and somehow feeling worse than I did when I left.
I pull the phone from my pocket and look down, hoping it’s Vi like the fucking idiot that I am.
It’s a text from Jared.
Come to the bar, we’ll take care of the shop tomorrow.
I start up the car and try not to think about Vi or where she is right now.
A drink is exactly what I need.
Chapter 54
Violet
Knocking Boots (Sexy Standalone) Page 27