“Dad, aren’t they beautiful!” She shimmied in the booth, sticking her nose to the flowers as Ben slid in next to her. I sat across the table and slid in to be on the other side of Kate.
“They are nice.” I nodded my head in agreement. What I really wanted to do was slap that boy silly for giving her that in front of me. He may have thought he was slick ordering flowers to the restaurant, but I was sure my princess would love my gift over his flowers.
Millie came into view and sighed as she took her jacket off and slid into the booth, not giving me any attention.
“Happy Birthday, my sweet girl.” She extended her arm over the table, giving her a pink bag with tissue paper open at the top. “Hey, Ben, how’s it going?” she asked with a genuine smile. God, I loved her smile.
“Great, Mrs. Weaver, thanks for asking,” Ben pitched in.
I coughed and made myself visible. “How was work, dear?” I placed my hand on her leg. She jolted from the feeling, and slowly slid my hand off.
“Great. I start full time tomorrow. We’re going to have to figure out a system to drop and pick up Kate from school, but other than that I’m excited.” She looked back at Kate. “Well, open it!”
Kate’s eyes lit up in excitement, and she tore through the tissue paper. She dug out an outfit and smiled, then her eyes went bonkers when she took out the next item.
“Oh my god! Mom! One Direction tickets!!” she screamed, but not too loud, since she was in a restaurant. “Ahhh!! I’m so excited! I can’t believe you got me tickets! Thank you so much, Mom! I don’t know how you afforded these!” She radiated with excitement. She shoved Ben out of the booth and lunged at Millie hugging her.
“You can go with a friend of yours, or Ben. Your mother got a nice signing bonus today, since I’m officially a working woman.” Millie smiled and kissed Kate’s cheek.
“Wow, that’s so awesome, Kate! Your mom is amazing! I’ll go with you, but only to make fun of One Direction!” Ben smiled at her.
I looked back and forth as they interacted. I felt invisible for sure. I knew my gift would not be able to beat theirs. Maybe I’ll just wait.
The waitress came by and wished Kate a happy birthday while she took our orders. I was excited to see Kate having such a great night. I kept quiet for the most part. I didn’t feel like I belonged, or that I should have been there. I knew this was my opportunity to talk to Ben to try to get to know the kid, but I was so overwhelmed with the cold shoulder Millie was giving me.
I could smell the food throughout the restaurant. It was turning my stomach I was so hungry. They all ordered steaks, but I wanted some seafood badly. I chomped down on the shrimp appetizer while I impatiently waited for the food to arrive. Feeling more than invisible, I decided to break my silence.
“So, Ben, how was your report card last month?” I looked at him as he pathetically didn’t know what to say.
“Well—uh, sir, I got a few B’s and one A.” He mumbled, fidgeting with his hands. Millie and Kate shot their look of annoyance at me. Game on. You wanted to make me seem invisible.
“Well, I’m sure they can improve. Grades are very important. What do your parents do?” I took a sip of my beer and swished the last piece of shrimp down.
Millie placed her head in her hands and took a breath.
“My dad’s an engineer, and my mom’s a doctor.” He took a sip of his coke, his eye contact not clear, and you could tell he was nervous. I saw Kate’s hand go down and onto his lap. My eyes bulged at the sight, but I had to keep my cool.
“Isn’t that fan-fuckin-tastic.”
“Dad!” Kate glared at me, talking with her eyes.
Millie jerked me in the side with her arm.
The food arrived at the table, and it went silent again as they all stuffed their faces.
“So, Ben, are you in any sports?” Millie lightened the subject.
He finished what he was chewing on, then opened his mouth to answer, “Yes, Ma’am, I’m in basketball and track.”
“He’s really good at basketball, Mom!” Kate giggled next to him.
“Kate’s really good in dance.” Ben stared in Kate’s eyes seductively, and I about hit the roof.
“Oh really, Ben? Have you seen Kate dance? In school or was that in the bedroom before I got home earlier today?” I swallowed whatever was in my mouth and stared Ben down like a fucking hawk. You thought you could say that to my daughter while I’m present? What the fuck was this kid on? Drugs? This night was not going as I expected it too. I wanted to work my magic with Millie, and she wasn’t even giving me the damn time of day. My headed pounded in frustration, and now Ben wasn’t helping with that either.
Kate flushed bright red and Millie looked at me, then at Kate.
“At school…” he stuttered.
I looked at Millie. “You know, tonight was just wonderful. It was excellent. Why don’t we get the check? I’m feeling a bit tired, and I’m thinking Ben needs to make his curfew.” I spat through my gritted teeth.
“Brian, it’s her birthday, and we’re not even done eating,” Millie whispered in my direction.
I threw some money on the table. “Happy Birthday, Kate!” I tossed the bag to her side. I signaled for Millie to move, and she did. I got out of the booth, looked back at Millie, and headed towards the door. I stopped and remembered I forgot something. I went to the car then I headed back to the table and noticed Millie texting on her phone. I took the flowers out of my hands placed one down for Kate and one for Millie. She looked at me confused, pocketing her phone.
“Here’s to the fucking future.” I swallowed hard, turned on my heel and took off. Once I was in my car, I was headed to the bar. Not to drink, but to not be home.
Chapter 11
“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” ― Dr. Seuss
Millie
“Mom, what’s wrong with Dad?” Kate asked while walking through the door at home. I threw my keys on the table stomped my heels to the ground walking in the kitchen. I ran my hand through my hair and growled, “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” I flailed my arms around in no specific gesture. I grabbed a box and started to pack the last of the things in the cabinets, trying to keep my mind off Brian.
“Mom! Stop telling me don’t worry about it! What is going on?” she snapped, stepping in front of me, forcing me to stop what I was doing and talk. How my daughter can just look me in the eye and know there’s something wrong always shocked me.
I took a deep breath and sat on the bar stool at the edge of the counter. I slapped my hands down in my lap and pulled my hair back, trying to find the right words. Unfortunately, no words were right; it just needed to be said.
“Look, your father and I are going to separate. There is no sugar coating this, baby. It’s just a choice I’ve made. We’ve had our fair share of problems, none,” I raised my voice enunciating the word none, “involve you. I just feel it’s best this way. Please, don’t fight me on this, we love you very much, Kate, but things aren’t getting better between us. On moving day, I’m taking our things and we’re moving in with Gram till your father and I can figure things out.”
Kate looked at me and tears began to form in her gorgeous blue eyes. I didn’t want to have to do this on her birthday, but we were moving in two days. She needed to know where we were going. She needed to know what’s been going on. I couldn’t keep her out of the loop forever. Kate looked at the door, then back at me, then looked at the door. I could see the hurt in her expression. I didn’t want to hurt her, it hurt me that she was in discomfort over this decision.
“What do you mean we’re moving to Gram’s? I’m not moving to Gram’s. We’re supposed to be moving to the condo, that’s where I’m going!” she spat, her anger showing as her face got red.
“No, Kate, we,” I pointed at her and then me, “are going to Gram’s. This isn’t arguable, negotiable, or questionable; it’s happening, and you need to be okay with it.” I leaned to grab her arm, and sh
e pulled away immediately.
“You’ve just ruined my birthday. How could you?” she sobbed. “I’m not going to Gram’s! I hate you! I’m moving with Dad, because it’s obvious you’re just the cold witch who can’t get her way!” She stomped out of the kitchen and ran upstairs to her bedroom. I heard the door slam behind her and it sent shivers down my spine. I placed my head in my hands and just cried. I wasn’t prepared for this. I never thought I’d have to go through with this. I never thought I’d have to break my baby girl’s heart by leaving her father. I never thought I’d leave, let alone feel like I wanted to. It’s a horrible feeling going through this. It makes you question everything. It brings you to the brink of depression. You asked yourself all the questions possible; if it was you, what went wrong, when did it start, did I love him, did I ever love him, did he ever love me, and doesn’t he want to keep me? The list could go on and on. My feelings went on and on, like a freaking wheel spinning and never stopping.
My phone started buzzing in my purse, and I went to go get it out. It was probably Stephanie because I forgot to call her back. I looked at the display, and it was her.
I answered, crying, “Hell-o?”
“What’s wrong?” she noticed immediately my tender voice.
“I just told Kate, she wasn’t happy with me.” I sniffed.
“Want me to come over? Are you okay?” She questioned.
“No. I need to go in there and talk with her. It’s her birthday, and I don’t want to ruin it for her. I just didn’t know the right words to say. What the hell are the right words to say to a fifteen-year-old about separating with their father? There wasn’t.” I paced the kitchen.
“How was the first day with Dean?” She eased into the subject change in hopes of getting my mind off stress.
“It was great. He showed me around, introduced me to some people, showed me to my desk area, it’s perfect! I’m really excited about this.” I went on and on for a while we chatted.
“That’s great, see things aren’t all bad, Millie. You just have to find the good in them. I love you, girl. Go upstairs and talk to Kate and get it over with. Hugs from my end.” She made the kiss sound through the phone.
“Thanks, Stephanie, I appreciate you so much. You really do keep me sane sometimes.” I laughed, and we ended the call.
I made my way up the stairs, taking one step at a time, pondering what to say to Kate. I wanted her to understand, but I didn’t need her to know the specifics. God this was so hard. I knocked on her door. She didn’t make a sound, so I opened it and stepped in. She was sitting at her desk with her laptop out on Facebook.
“Sweetie, we need to talk about this.” I sat on her bed facing her, trying to gauge her expression.
“Nothing to discuss.” She pushed back in her chair, closing out all the windows on her laptop.
“Honey, I’m sorry that this is happening. I really am. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, and especially on your birthday. Sometimes, though, things just don’t work out with people. As much as I love your father and always will, baby, things just aren’t good with us. I know it’s hard to understand, but I need you to try.” She swiveled around in her chair, pretending not to hear me.
“I get it. You’re divorcing, the family is splitting. Got it.” She rolled her eyes, sinking back in her chair and trying hard to fight the tears that pushed forth.
“Kate, I didn’t say divorce. Your father and I need to figure this out. I just need time apart from him.” I sighed. “Look, since your old enough, I’ll give you the choice. If you want to move with your father, that’s fine. If you want to move with me, you can do that, too. You’ll have to speak with your father if you decide to move with him. The choice is yours if you don’t want me to make it. I love you, Kate. We both love you so much. Don’t forget it.” I pointed my stare at her. She looked at me and didn’t say a word. I didn’t think she would like it when the ball was thrown in her court, when she had to make the adult decision. “Happy birthday, baby, and I’m sorry you got your period today. Things will get better, I know they will.” I got up and walked out of her room closing the door on my way out.
I walked into my bedroom and started to pack the finishing touches. Having to pack this entire house had been so stressful.
Brian
After I left the bar to clear my head, I headed home. I needed to apologize to Kate for my behavior and have a little talk with her. I couldn’t handle the way things were going with Ben. That was my little girl, I knew I had to let go at some point but she’s only fifteen! I was just changing her diaper, and now she’s changing pads! This was unreal for me. It didn’t seem like my life had gone by that fast. My heart ached for the shit going on between Millie and me. It hurt me to know we have gotten to this point in our marriage. She made me seem invisible and unwanted in front of our daughter. That’s not cool, no matter how much I’ve been a dick, don’t push me out in front of a bus to rot in front of our kid. Maybe this separation would be good for us. It’s just so hard to believe it was fucking happening.
I pulled up outside of our home, staring out at our white colonial, a lot of which I remodeled from the inside and out. I put that roof on over our heads, I painted the exterior, and I put the white picket fence up. I did a lot to this house, and, deep down, I was going to miss it. I guess it was time to just move on to new better things, hopefully, with a complete family, not a split one.
I walked in the door, dropping my keys in the foyer like habit. Took my boots off and walked up the stairs quietly to Kate’s room. I looked down the hall and noticed our bedroom light on. I’d deal with Millie next.
“Kate, can I come in?” I knocked on the door, and she opened it right away.
“Hey, Dad.” Her voice was soft.
I opened my arms, and she walked in them and melted in my chest. She cried, and I wasn’t sure I knew how to comfort her. Would me comforting her work, when it didn’t for Millie? I held her tight and pushed her hair back out of her face.
“Shh, it’s okay. What’s the matter?” I whispered, kicking the door shut softly behind me.
In between sobs, she spoke. “I don’t know who to live with,” she whined. “Mom said I had to choose you or her. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.” She cried louder into my chest.
“Princess, stop. You’re not going to hurt any of our feelings. It’s what you want kiddo. I’m sure it’d be easier to live with your mom, my hours are long at work, and I wouldn’t be home a lot to spend time with you before you went to bed. Shhh, it’s okay.” I stroked her back, trying to calm her down. Meanwhile, I knew I had a talk with Millie to make. How could she put her in this predicament?
I moved across the room with her and sat her down on the bed. I noticed my gift bag sitting there and it was unopened. I leaned past her and grabbed it. “Forget something?” I smiled at her.
“I didn’t know if I could open it,” she mumbled through her continuing tears.
She sat up on the bed upright once she knew she could open another gift.
“It’s nothing fancy like your Mom’s or Ben’s gift.” I winked at her. It was the truth. I knew I wouldn’t be able to top their gifts.
She unraveled the paper and tore it back. She opened with excitement and a smile spread across her face. “Dad, this is perfect, I love it!” She leaned over and hugged me tight.
She ran her finger over the picture and held it to her heart. I was on a picture frame roll for gifts this year. The picture she held was the two of us, one of my favorite pictures of us. She was probably around ten years old. I had taken her to the park, just the two of us. She loved me for a week and wouldn’t stop talking about it. She enjoyed it so much, she started begging me to do it more often. I couldn’t resist it really, it shut Millie up, and it made a bond I’ll forever cherish.
“Dad, would it be okay if I moved in with Mom?” Her puppy dog eyes dug into my soul. As much as I’d love it for her to be with me, I knew be
ing with her mom was best. It also reassured me by this moment tonight, that I didn’t lose her to this separation. I’m pretty confident we’ll stay close.
“Absolutely. You’re still my little princess, though. I’ll see you anytime you want. We’ll make a father daughter night one time a week. What do you think?” I smiled and wrapped my arm around her, pulling her close. “I love you, Kate.”
“I love you, too. I think that’s a great idea!”
I walked down the hall and barged through the door of the bedroom. Millie was standing in front of her dresser mirror, taking her earrings out. She eyed me through the mirror then back to focus on putting the earring in her jewelry box.
“You think telling Kate without me present was a wise ass decision. She’s fucking hurt as hell in there—torn on the decision. You think you could have waited to say something so important till I was around!” I snapped, taking my shirt off. This was still my bedroom too, and just to piss her off, I’m sleeping in here tonight, whether she liked it or not.
“Oh and how am I supposed to know if you’re going to be around, Brian?” Her hard expression burned my eyes. “You practically live at the damn bar. Talk to God only knows who.”
I threw my shirt to the corner and unbuckled my jeans, watching her eyes wander over me trying hard not to stare.
“I’ve been around for the last fifteen years, have I not? I’m not up and leaving, am I? I’m here for my family and willing to keep them together unlike my other half.” I wobbled my head in frustration, anger searing through my skin. I wasn’t just getting angry, I was getting upset that our relationship has headed south.
“Real nice, slice it deep, Brian, you’re great at that. You’re great at turning a situation around and blaming everyone but yourself. Maybe if you didn’t have to go to the bar, you would have been here for your family.” She glared her baby blue eyes at me, except the color seemed darker with her anger shooting back at me.
Somebody Worth It Page 11