The Stubborn Love Series: Books 1-5 Contemporary Romance Series

by Wendy Owens

  “So I didn’t hear you say that you love me?”

  “I don’t know, did you?” I reply, my heart starting to race.

  “Belle.” His tone is gentle, yet direct.

  “Holden,” I quip right back, adding a flare of snark, deciding to turn the spotlight on him.

  “How do you feel about me?”

  His reply isn’t what I expect. There is no hesitation, no doubt. “I love you. I love you more than anyone I’ve ever loved in my life. A life without you doesn’t seem worth having.”

  “That’s not funny.”

  “I’m not joking.”

  And I can see it in his eyes ... he isn’t.

  “So it’s your turn,” he continues. “How do you feel about me?”

  I glance down at Emily, fidgeting. “That’s such a hard question to answer.”

  “No, it’s not. I don’t want to waste any more time not being completely honest with how we feel. I love you, Annabelle Hart, and I think you love me, too.”

  “I—” Why can’t I bring myself to say it? I want to say it, but I’m a mom now, and I need to think about Emily. I see a flash of hurt in Holden’s eyes as he jumps to his feet.

  “Say it, Belle. Tell me how you feel about me ... to my face,” he demands again.

  “Holden, I—” Again, the words lock in my throat. What’s wrong with me?

  “Maybe I was wrong,” his voice is shaking. He turns to exit the room, walking away from my bedside. Though I’m holding Emily close to me, coldness overcomes me.

  “Holden!” I shout, terrified he might be walking out for good.

  “Wait.” Emily begins to stir in my arms.

  “What is it?” He is more guarded now; I can sense it in his words.

  “It’s complicated now. I have Emily, I’m a single mom, and I have to think about her.”

  “You’re making it complicated, Belle. I love you, and all I need to know is if you love me.” He’s staring at me. I don’t know what to do. If we’re a couple and things go wrong, it could cause Emily pain one day. If I tell him I don’t want to be with him, then I know I’ll be hurting all of us.

  Holden shakes his head and pushes his body out of the doorway. My head is spinning, the world is falling out from beneath me. “I love you!” My voice carries through the upper floor of the inn. Emily begins to cry from how loud I shout. “Holden, please, come back, I—”

  “No need to beg,” Holden chimes, poking his head around the corner. “I knew you loved me. I just had to get you to say it.”

  I huff, shifting in the bed, trying to sooth Emily’s screams. “Now she’s crying.”

  “She’s hungry. Bea has been feeding her formula Dr. Marshall brought, but there’s nothing like the real thing,” Holden says, moving to the foot of my bed.

  “Maybe we should ask Dr. Marshall,” I say, the entire idea of the unknown a little frightening. Emily hushes for the moment as I pat her bottom.

  “I’ll get him,” Holden offers. “But before I go, I want you to know something.”

  I peer up at Holden, his golden hair falling over one eye, and I wish I was kissing him right now. “Okay.”

  “You and Emily are my world now. For the two of you, I’d do anything.”

  Epilogue

  Eight Months Later ...

  Her binkie! I remember, darting back upstairs and checking under the bed for the missing item that would result in a disastrous trip.

  “Where are you going, Belle?” Holden shouts from the bottom of the stairs. “We’re going to miss the flight if we don’t hurry.”

  It’s not under the bed. That’s when I remember she had been chewing on it during bath time just that morning. I dart down the hall and see it resting at the bottom of the tub.

  “Found it,” I exclaim, though he has no idea what I was looking for. I race down the stairs, and pause at the base to kiss Emily, who is nestled in Holden’s arms. She giggles, and both Holden and I smile. It’s amazing how much joy an eight month old can bring into one’s life.

  “Why aren’t you three gone yet?” Bea asks, emerging from the kitchen.

  “That’s what I was saying,” Holden growls.

  “Well, come on, the taxi’s loaded and waiting. Off with the three of you. Call me when you get in,” Bea instructs.

  I take Emily from Holden’s arms, and he scoops up the last couple of bags I have piled by the door. Kissing Bea on the cheek, we rush out and climb into the cab. It’s going to be tight, but as long as we don’t get stuck in traffic we should make our flight in time.

  I let out a huge breath as we pull out from the long gravel drive, relief washing over me as I know we’re on our way. Soon enough we will be on a plane, flying back to the States.

  “Are you nervous?” Holden asks.

  “About which part?” I inquire with a grin.

  “About the meeting with the publishing house, of course.” He laughs.

  “Oh, that ...” I pause to confirm my feelings. “No, I’m not. I think I’m more nervous about seeing my mom and dad again.”

  “You all have been getting along smashingly since she read the book.”

  “No, I know. But this will be the first time she’s seeing Emily, and not to mention, meeting you.”

  “Oh, no worries there. I’m British, and all American women love British men.”

  “Is that a fact?” I ask, laughing.

  “Yes, it is,” he confirms.

  “We’ll see,” I challenge. “I think I’m still in shock Kenzie is getting married.”

  “Just shows, true love always finds a way ... look at us.”

  “What about us?” I tease.

  “Oh, come on, you were so messed up in the head, but I stuck it out, and now we’re here. Actually making a go of it.”

  “All messed up in the head, was I?” I act shocked, but it is much too hard to get mad at those perfect lips, the dip in his chin, and that hair that hangs in tangles, begging for you to run your fingers through it.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Best to quit while you’re ahead.” “Right,” Holden agrees.

  When I think about the complete mess Kenzie’s love life has been since Emily was born eight months ago, it’s hard to imagine she’s getting married. She spent a week with us in England after the baby was born, and despite my protests, she decided she was going to end her relationship with Ben when she returned home.

  She explained that if I could have had the baby of an ex-fiancé who cheated on me and still find love, she wasn’t going to wait around any longer. She did exactly as she said, and in those next eight months, while I was learning to be a mom and how to trust again, Kenzie was taking control of her love life. She was going to get her happily ever after even if it meant a trail of broken hearts was left in her path.

  “I love you,” Holden leans in and whispers in my ear. Emily grabs his trimmed beard and tugs on it, giggling again. I turn toward him and press my lips against his for a second.

  “I love you, too,” I breathe the words.

  “Are you happy?” he asks, peering into my eyes. I nod and smile at him. And it’s true, I am happy. Emily is more than I could have ever hoped for. Holden has loved me exactly as he promised to, and it looks like my book is going to get published.

  Holden’s dad was right about looking into a person’s eyes for the truth. And the truth in Holden’s eyes is clear— he would do anything for us because he loves us.

  Acknowledgments

  It’s not possible to give enough thanks to my readers. You all have shared my books with other readers, purchased my books, and left reviews. I couldn’t do any of this without you; I’m still in awe every day.

  Thanks goes out to my editor, Madison Seidler, fantastic job as usual. Thanks as well to JS Nelson Editing for polishing up the final product.

  I can’t forget my community of Indie Authors who supports me daily. There are far too many of you to list, but you all know who you are and how important you are
to me.

  To my husband, you’re my muse, my rock, and my reason for everything I do. To my three brilliant children, mommy is so proud of you. I love you to the moon and back.

  It Matter to Me

  Quote

  “Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Chapter One

  Kenzie

  * * *

  My heart aches, tired of being closed up like a fist. I wrinkle my nose, contemplating the questions that have been on my mind since the airport. If this is love, then why is it so hard? Why does it feel like I’m swimming against the current, only to fight my way to the place I will drown?

  “I’m begging you Kenz, don’t start,” he says, making my face flush hot.

  “Don’t start?” The words growl from deep inside of me.

  His eyes roll back in his head briefly before he returns his focus to the video game glaring from the screen in the dimly lit room. He’s choosing to ignore me, rather than respond. I move my body between him and the TV, my arms crossed tightly over my chest.

  “This was why you couldn’t pick me up at the airport?” I wave a hand at the controller in his hand, but I know this isn’t the real reason I’m angry with him.

  His body slumps and his head drops back, resting against the back of the tattered couch that has been in his parents’ basement since he was in junior high school.

  “I told you, I got off late, there was no way I could have made it there in time,” he explains again, clearly frustrated.

  “Come on, that’s such bull and you know it,” I snap back.

  “It’s not. We had a VIP come in last min—“

  I interrupt him with my laughter.

  The controller slips out of his hand, his hard brow narrowing as he growls, “What’s so funny?”

  “VIP? You’re a freaking grease monkey, Ben.” I wish I hadn’t called him that. I’m actually quite proud of how hard he works.

  “Jesus Kenz, why do you have to talk such shit to me?”

  I release a sigh. “I’m just saying, let’s not pretend you’re changing the world or something.” I want to hurt him with my words. I want to cut him as deep as his incessant voluntary obliviousness cuts me. It seems like he doesn’t care about anything.

  He’s biting his lip and I can tell this is him trying not to yell. I wish he would yell. Then maybe it would look like he gave a damn about us. “It was one of my dad’s best customers.”

  “And you were the only one who could what—change his oil?”

  His head snaps up. “He owns a fleet of Town Cars. When he needs taken care of, someone has to do it. I’m sorry if that meant you had to take a cab home, but the world can’t always revolve around you.”

  I bite my lip for a moment, then squeeze the flesh of my arms to resist wrapping my slender fingers around his thick throat. “I never claimed the world revolved around me.”

  “You don’t have to!” He interjects. I’m pleased I’ve at least gotten a rise out of him. “Everyone knows, Kenzie snaps her fingers, and the world is expected to jump.”

  “Screw you! It doesn’t make me needy because I want to feel important once in a while.” I argue.

  He blows a puff of air through his lips. “Really? I can’t believe you’re even saying this stuff to me right now.”

  “I’m so over—” I stop myself. There’s so much more I want to say. So many more things I thought of on the way here from the airport. I can’t remember what life was like before Ben, but I can’t help feeling like we’re getting further and further away from our happily ever after. The dreams we once shared have turned into broken promises, and I have trouble pretending things are okay anymore. He doesn’t understand; it’s not a matter of not loving him… it’s a matter of not loving him enough. Or maybe it’s not being loved enough in return. Hell, I’m not even sure I know.

  “You’re unbelievable!” he breathes. “I’ve given you everything, it’s never enough, though, is it?”

  My laugh sounds more like a snarl. “Wow, this is everything?” I ask, waving around at his parents’ basement.

  “You know this is temporary,” Ben reminds me for the umpteenth time.

  Throwing my hands up in frustration they slap my thighs as they come back down. “I’ve been hearing that for years. Maybe I was wrong, maybe you have even less to give me than I thought.”

  “God, why do you have to be such a—” he stops.

  “Such a what Ben?” I demand.

  “Forget it,” he mutters.

  “No come on, you’re doing so great, let’s not hold back now.”

  “We’re really doing this?” he asks.

  There’s a pulsing in my brain. I can’t think straight. I don’t even know what I’m saying as my mouth opens. “You know, I could be like Anna.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Jack screwed things up, and she went out and found her happiness.” The moment the words leave my lips I know they’ll wreck him. That’s not what I want. At least, I don’t think it is.

  He stands up, his eyes are wide, his nostrils flared. If it were any other man standing in front of me, I would think he was about to strike me with those balled fists at his side, but not my Ben. He would never physically hurt me. I know he loves me, but I can’t help wondering if he loves me in the way I need him to.

  Sucking in a breath of air I watch the tension in his strong shoulders relax slightly, “I have never messed around on you,” he says at last. And I know he wouldn’t. He was disgusted when he found out Jack had cheated on Annabelle right before the wedding. There’s pain in his eyes. I know I’ve gone too far.

  I shake my head.

  “What?” he huffs as I step backward.

  Here. Now. At this moment, I know I’m making a decision that will change my life forever. I suppose I’ve known it was coming for months. I feel like my heart is being shredded inside my chest, and the only way to stop the pain is to say the words; the words that terrify me. The words, “I’m leaving.”

  “Really? You’re just going to run out in the middle of a fight. Typical,” he grunts.

  “No,” I shake my head. My voice is soft. There’s no more anger, only a sense of resolution. I can see he hears it too. “I’m leaving you.”

  “What do you mean?” he questions, squinting at me. I want to lean in. Kiss his lips one last time. Have his strong arms wrap around me for only one last, but brief moment, so I don’t forget the feel of them, but I know I can’t.

  “I can’t do this anymore,” I answer simply, turning and walking to the exit.

  “Is this about the marriage thing again?” He calls after me.

  I pause at the base of the steps and glance back at him. He looks sweet and innocent with his wide dark eyes. I can’t help but smile, remembering the good parts of this life we shared.

  “Goodbye Ben,” I say in a near whisper as I begin climbing the creaky, dirt-stained, green shag-carpeted stairs for what I now know will be the last time.

  “Fine!” He shouts, the desperation and confusion mingling with anger in his tone. “Leave! But don’t think for one minute you can just come back to me, Kenz. You walk out that door, and we’re done! I’m not playing these games anymore.”

  I know he doesn’t mean his words, but I mean every bit of my actions. The spiteful part of me wants to tell him he’s won, but I say nothing. I can’t keep living my life in neutral.

  Closing my eyes, I pause at the top of the steps and take a deep breath. Preparing myself for the life on the other side. The reality that once I cross that threshold onto the seventies brown linoleum tile of Ben’s parents’ kitchen floor, I’ve made the choice—the choice that I won’t be spending the rest of my life with this man. I open the basement door and close it behind me for the last time.

  “Everything alright?” Ben’s mom asks. From her lips that are strained into a frown, I know she’s heard part of our argume
nt. She’s standing at the kitchen sink, pouring a hot pot of water and noodles into a colander. As the cloud of steam envelopes her face, I watch the moisture settle in all the fine lines. She’s lived a hard life. Her face is a roadmap that reveals just how hard. She once was something special, anyone can see that, but I could always tell she lost something along the way. Something that had once made her extraordinary. I’m terrified of becoming her.

  I smile, nod, “I’ll see ya later Karen.” She likes when I call her by her first name. It makes her feel young again, she once told me.

  Turning to the back door, I unlock the deadbolt, the yellowed floral curtain brushing across the top of my hand. I pause, close my eyes, and take in the scents around me. There’s a mixture of cooking grease and motor oil in the air. Ben’s house has always smelled like this. It makes me smile.

  I continue, leaving Ben’s house from the kitchen door. Karen says something to me, but I can’t hear her. I’m too busy moving forward into my new life. My heart is racing. This is it. I think. I pass by the overgrown rose bushes, down the concrete path to the chain link fence that leads to the alleyway behind Ben’s parents’ home.

  We’ve been together since our sophomore year in college. This is the first night sky I’ve seen as a single woman since I was a freshman. Somehow it looks different. Perhaps the stars are brighter? Or maybe I have been too busy staring into Ben’s eyes to notice how amazing the stars are. I’m tired of being the girl that’s always waiting for life to start, floating from one meaningless job to the next—

  Job. That’s right! I remember suddenly. I was so pissed off at Ben I completely forgot about the fact that I quit my most recent mistake of a career choice as a waitress when my boss Conroy refused to give me time off to fly to England. I explained to him I had no choice, my best friend was having a baby, and there was no way I wasn’t going to be there. Conroy didn’t seem to recognize the same urgency in the situation that I did.