by Emily Woods
After visiting his friend and getting all the necessary information on the school, they set off toward home. Maddie was bouncing up and down in her seat, excited at the idea of going to school the very next day.
“I can take her there tomorrow,” John offered. “And probably bring her home again too.”
“I should really learn to ride so that I can do it,” she replied quickly. When he quirked an eyebrow, she tried to cover her lack of gratitude. “I mean, I'd like to do it. That way I can meet other mothers. Maddie's not the only one who needs a friend.” He nodded, but still looked a little hurt. She tried harder to appease him. “I would be happy if you took her tomorrow, and if you have time, I'd love to learn how to ride.”
That seemed to appease him, and he launched into a monologue about riding, safety, and tips. When he took a breather, she interjected by asking him questions about himself such as how long he'd been at the ranch and how well he knew the other men.
“Thomas and I came together. He's my younger brother's friend. I met most of the other men there.”
“What did you do before coming here?” she asked, trying to keep her voice casual. “Did you work on another ranch?”
He told her all about his work in a mine and how much he'd hated it. The opportunity to work here had been like a dream.
“And what about the other men? Did any of them ever work in a mine?”
It didn't take long, and because he was unaware that he was being manipulated, John gave up information on the others easily. When he got to Luke, however, he hesitated.
“I don't know much about Luke before he came,” he said, deflating her hopes of getting information. “He always says it was a mixed blessing that brought him out here, but nothing more than that. I get the feeling he left behind a life that he'd rather forget.”
“He said much the same thing to me,” she told him. “The other night when we were talking, he told me to leave the past in the past.” She hoped that bit of information would help to loosen John’s lips.
However, he just nodded and then smiled down at Maddie, who had fallen asleep on Kate's lap. “He's right. No sense bringing up things that hurt you.”
The ride was long, and would have been pleasant except for the thoughts running rampant in her mind. Was there any truth to what she'd heard or was it just malicious gossip? Luke did have some kind of past that her aunt didn't want to discuss, but was it this?
She glanced over at John. He was driving a little more slowly; partly, she suspected, because he didn't want to wake Maddie. He was kind. She felt bad for using him, but she had to be sure of Luke. She didn't want to expose her daughter to a dangerous man, no matter how nice he appeared to be. If it was true, if he was a gambler and a drunk, possibly even a murderer, she would have to expose him and convince her aunt to get rid of him.
When they arrived back at the ranch, Luke and Thomas helped unload the supplies from the back of the wagon. Maddie was just waking up when they were finishing, and the moment she saw Luke, she jumped down from the wagon and into his arms. He caught her easily and twirled her around. He was such a natural with children, she thought. Surely the rumor couldn't be true. If only her aunt would open up to her about Luke, she could put these thoughts out of her mind.
“Didn't you have a good trip?” he asked her.
“What? Oh, it was fine,” she replied.
“Then why do you look so unhappy? Are you sick?”
His concern touched her and everything she knew about him rushed back to her. Those women were crazy. There was nothing dangerous about this man. His past probably involved nothing more than a broken heart or possibly a rough childhood. Maybe he'd had some minor run in with the law, but she couldn't reconcile the thought of the women’s description with the man she'd come to know.
“I was a little,” she answered, then forced herself to smile. “But I'm feeling much better now. Thanks for asking.”
And that was the truth.
Luke stared after Kate as she led Maddie into the house. There was something different about her, but he couldn't quite figure it out. When they'd first gotten back, she seemed nervous or upset, but then just moments later, she was back to herself.
It was hard for him not to notice how lovely she looked. Being in the sun for several hours had heightened her color, and he suspected that she might have a freckle or two in the morning, but that would only add to her beauty.
Shaking his head, he scolded himself for such thoughts. Why was he indulging in them? There was no purpose. He’d asked John to take her to town with the hope they would become closer. Tonight at dinner, he would see if he could encourage some kind of courtship between them. He was a good man, and Kate deserved nothing less.
Chapter 10
“He's a good driver, isn't he?” Luke asked Kate that night while they enjoyed some pie after dessert.
“What? Oh, you mean John? Yes, he is, very good.” It was a bit of an odd observation, but she didn't think much of it.
“And he's a good guy, too. Hard-working, honest, and all that.” Luke paused for a moment to scoop up some pie. “I'm going to talk to Margie about giving him a promotion. I think he deserves to be foreman.”
Kate's head was spinning with the bizarre conversation. It almost seemed as though Luke was trying to talk John up...but for what purpose?
“But aren't you the foreman?” she asked for lack of a better response.
Luke shook his head. “Not really. I have a lot of other responsibilities now that I'm a partner. I take care of the books and accounts.”
Muted alarm bells sounded in the back of her mind, but she silenced them. Luke was an honest man and not at all interested in swindling her aunt. She had to believe that about him. There had never been any reason not to.
“I see. But you still ride with the men every day. Why can't you continue to be foreman as well?”
He scraped up the last bit of pie on his plate and forked it into his mouth and then washed it down with a swallow of coffee. “It's good to recognize another man for his hard work, and John definitely deserves that. He's been on the ranch longer than I have. He should have been foreman, and maybe would have, but then I came along.”
“So, you're giving him the position out of guilt?”
“No. He's earned it.” The corners of his mouth had turned down and he looked as though the coffee hadn't agreed with him. “He's the best man I know. Shame he isn't married.”
A different set of bells went off in her mind now. What was Luke up to?
“Too bad there's a real scarcity of women out here. Maybe he should go back east and find someone. There's no shortage of women in New York, or so I’ve heard.” As much as she could, she would steer the conversation away from herself. “Although, I can't say if they'd be thrilled to come out here. It is a very different way of living.”
Now his frown deepened, and he seemed to lose interest in his previous topic of conversation. “Are you unhappy?”
“Me? Goodness, no. But I'm happy just as I am. Not everyone needs a life partner. My husband was...” She stopped short of spilling the details of her unhappy marriage. There was no reason for that. “But what about you? Aren't you interested in having a family?”
The frown he'd been wearing fell away and was replaced with raw emotion. His anguish was so tangible that she wished she could snatch her words back and stuff them back inside her mouth.
“Uh, excuse me. That coffee is messing with my stomach. I think I'll say good night.”
He was up and out the door before she could put two more words together. What in the world had happened? She looked around, but none of the other men seemed to notice how quickly he'd disappeared.
After wiping Maddie's face, Kate rose and cleared the dessert dishes from the table. The men thanked her and her aunt and then sauntered off toward the bunkhouse. She decided to take this opportunity to try to pry more information out of her aunt.
“It was nice to go into town today,” sh
e started. “I'm sorry you couldn't go with us.”
Marge shook her head. “I've been there enough, and I wanted to get the pies done.”
“I feel a little bad that I left you with all the chores. Tomorrow, I'll work extra hard.”
Now Marge let out a little laugh. “Don't worry about that, dear. Each day has enough work. We can start putting together supplies for the men who are going on the cattle drive.”
The conversation was drifting away from the topic she wanted to discuss, so Kate carefully brought it back around.
“Luke seemed in a hurry to leave after dinner. I hope he isn't feeling poorly.”
Her aunt seemed to frown over the pile of dirty dishes, but she only said, “The man likes his solitude. Nothing wrong in that.”
“Sure, I agree, but when I asked him why he never got married, he seemed to get upset and then left right after.”
Releasing a long sigh, Marge turned to her with serious eyes. “Dear girl, that man has suffered enough hardship for three lifetimes. Please give him his space. Don't question him about his past, I beg you. He's worked hard to get to where he is now, and he doesn't need any reminders about what he's lost.”
Kate opened her mouth to say that she hadn't technically asked him about his past, but Marge held up a hand.
“I don't want to talk about it anymore. Just do as I ask.”
The rest of the cleanup happened in silence. Kate thought she should apologize for something, but couldn't figure out what. Just as she was trying to figure out what to say, Maddie skipped in and asked for a cookie.
“It's nearly bedtime, little one,” Kate replied, drying her hands and scooping her up. “How about a small cup of milk and then I'll bring you to bed.”
They were still sleeping in the same room, but Kate suspected that would change before too long. Maddie was gaining more confidence with each passing day.
“I'm going to school tomorrow,” she announced, her eyes sparkling as she accepted the cup and then drank the milk down. “Did you hear that, Auntie Marge? Tomorrow!”
Her joy was contagious, and all worrisome thoughts slipped out of Kate's mind. Marge turned to smile down at her.
“Yes, sweetheart. And I know you're going to love it. I've heard the teacher is very kind.”
As Kate put her little girl to bed, she felt a strange urge to pray. She longed to bless her daughter and send her to dreamland with some words of comfort for the day ahead, but again, she couldn't get the words past her tongue. Perhaps she would ask her aunt to pray for her daughter each night. Her own faith had given her reassurance in her younger years. It was just now that it failed her, but more and more, she was beginning to think that was her own fault, and not God's. The realization probably came from being surrounded by such devout believers all day.
When she crawled into bed beside her daughter two hours later, the feeling persisted, and she gave in, at least to a very small degree.
“Thank you,” she whispered to the ceiling, then rolled over and despite her worries over Luke, fell fast asleep.
Luke walked for nearly two hours before returning to the bunkhouse. His mind was restless. Although he'd tried to leave the past in the past, memories would still torment him every so often. He'd surrendered all his sorrows to God nearly five years before, but they never fully faded.
“God,” he groaned, leaning back against a strong oak tree and staring up at the clear sky. “I can't stop thinking about them. Why, Lord? What purpose did it all serve? I know I asked You this before, and I want to trust that You have a plan for my life, but it all feels so pointless.”
Sinking down to the ground, he hung his head and rested his forearms on his knees. In this pose, he poured out his heart to his Heavenly Father. Although he'd done so many times before, he still carried his burdens with him. He knew that if he was ever to be free, he'd have to give them up completely, but part of him felt he deserved to suffer.
A gentle rain started to descend, so Luke pushed himself up and strode back to the bunkhouse. By the time he reached it, he was drenched, but he didn't mind. In more ways than one, he felt cleansed.
“Is it time to go? Is it?”
Maddie had been up since six in the morning, and had asked the question every fifteen minutes. Kate had packed her a lunch to take to school and pretended to be happy for her daughter, but her heart was once again heavy. She tried to be glad, but having her out of sight all day was going to be hard. Maddie had gone to kindergarten back in Connecticut of course, but the school had been close by, just a five-minute walk from her parents' house. Now, she was going to be a twenty-minute horse ride away. How long would that take her to walk?
“I'm going to learn how to ride,” she told her aunt confidently. “I think it's an important skill to have out here.”
Aunt Marge nodded and made noises of approval. “Never hurts, that's for sure.”
“Do you think one of the men would be able to help me out today?” She was secretly hoping that Luke would offer so that she could apologize to him and perhaps try to learn more of what was tormenting him.
“Don't rightly know, but someone should have a bit of time. Maybe when John gets back from bringing Maddie to school, he can give you a few tips.”
At the mention of school, Maddie bounded up off her chair. “Now is it time?”
Both women laughed. “Dearest, we haven't even had breakfast yet. There is another hour to go until you leave.”
The hour passed, and Maddie asked four more times. However, by the time it was actually time for her to leave, she was as nervous as a newborn calf.
“What if they don't like me? What if they think I'm stupid? What if...?”
Luke knelt down and put a hand on her shoulder. “I can't imagine any of those things happening, but how about if we pray before you go? That's what I do when I'm worried about something.”
As she listened to Luke pray for her daughter, Kate's heart melted even more. If such a man could have deep faith, someone with a tortured past, what was stopping her from trusting God with her grief?
“Better?” he asked when he'd finished. Maddie nodded, but then looked up at her mother.
“Mama, why don't you pray for me?”
Kate didn't have a reply, but Marge jumped in. “You just had Luke do it, didn't you? God heard him. Don't you worry, little girl. Now, off with you!”
Joyfully, she skipped out the door to where John was waiting on horseback. Luke handed her up, then they were off. Kate didn't budge until she couldn't see them anymore. Even then, her heart continued to ache.
She wasn't sure how she would get through the day.
Chapter 11
“I heard you were looking for some riding lessons,” Luke said quietly, coming up beside her. Her heart leaped with hope that was dashed in his very next sentence. “John agreed to help out with that.”
“Not you?” She hated how she sounded, needy and desperate.
“Nah, you don't want me. I don't have patience. Plus, John is more fun to be around.” He started to move away toward the barn.
She struggled to find something to make him stay. “But...but you're here now, and he won't be back for an hour. Please?”
It was clear that he was torn. His face contorted as though he was in physical pain. Finally, he nodded and motioned for her to follow him into the barn.
“I don't have a sidesaddle,” he said apologetically, “so you're going to have to, ah, ride the usual way.”
She hadn't thought of that. “What if I wear pants? Do any of the men have an extra pair?”
It was hard to read the look he gave her, but then he said, “Don't know if any of them will be small enough.” He paused for a moment. “But Thomas's might do. Let me go look out a pair for you.”
She'd worried that he was repulsed by the idea of a woman wearing pants and was glad to know that his hesitation had to do with her size and nothing else. A few minutes passed and then he returned with a pair of britches.
; “They'll still be big, but you can just belt them up. Go change in the tack room. I'll guard the door.”
It would have been more comfortable to run up to the house and change, but she didn't suggest that since it would take more time, time that he was giving up for her. She went to do as he said, very aware of the fact that she could see him the entire time she was changing. Although her clothes fitted her better now, thanks to Aunt Marge's sewing skills, she felt completely unfeminine in the pants.
“Do I look like a ranch hand now?” she asked cheekily, showing off her new look. Luke cleared his throat and then averted his eyes.
“Ready? First thing you gotta know is how to get on the horse.”
From there, he went over all the finer points of how to steer the horse with her knees and the bit. After less than ten minutes, he took her out for a short ride around the paddock. It was a little unnerving being up so high, but at the same time, exhilarating.
“I can see why you love it!” she exclaimed. “I feel like I can see for miles.”
She saw him smile a bit, but he still hadn't looked directly at her since she put on the pants. Finally, she had to ask him about it.
“Luke, does it bother you that I'm wearing pants? I know it's not common for women, but I have to say that I find it really liberating not having all that material to carry around.”
He looked up, slightly startled, and she could see in his eyes that the pants weren't the problem, at least, not directly.
“Uh, no, not at all. Sorry for making you feel bad.” He took her around a few more times and then mounted his own horse. “I think you're ready for a bit of a ride. We won't go too far or you'll regret it tomorrow.”
It took her a minute to get his meaning, but when she realized he was referring to her backside, she blushed. “Yes, well, thank you for thinking of me.”