Unapologetic (A Novel)

by Pamela Ann

  He barely managed to crack his eyes open as he made an effort to sit up and open his mouth. I slipped the pills inside then held the water to his lips. He gulped it down with no hesitation before slumping back into the pillows.

  He appeared to have sweated a little, so I figured I had to do something about it. I went downstairs to get a few essentials, such as a fresh icepack, a large bowl filled with cold water, and a towelette, before hurrying back to his bedroom.

  “River, I’m going to give you a little bath to lower down your temperature, okay?”

  He incoherently mumbled something, which made me smile. Back in the old days, we used to nurse each other when the other was sick.

  Diverting my attention back to the half-filled bowl of water, I gave him a towel bath, running the cold wet cloth over his feverish skin, limb by limb. Once that was done, I dried him off with a clean towel before securing the comforter over his body. Then I carefully left an icepack behind his head, hoping that it would help with his headache and rising temperature.

  After cleaning up my mess, I strode back to his side. His skin didn’t feel as heated to the touch, which was a good sign. I knew I had to bathe his body a few more times to help lower his fever down.

  Softly gazing at him, I prayed that he would get better soon. It had only been a little over six hours. Hopefully, by tomorrow the fever would break.

  Sighing, I plucked my phone from the side table to check the time. It was five in the afternoon. I set my alarm for eleven o’clock for his next dose.

  I reverted back to my old spot and situated myself next to him. For another hour or so, I steadfastly watched him breathe before that, too, lulled me to sleep.

  The room was dark with only a few streaks of moonlight filtering through the curtain when the familiar sound trilled, indicating it was time to take care of River again.

  Browsing through his fridge, I was aghast to find that it was filled with beer, bread, cheese, and not much else. Who put bread in the fridge? Frowning, I wondered how the heck this man survived without food? Oh right, he ordered in. I would have done the same, but it was past normal delivery hours, so I had to make do with what I could.

  I scoured his pantry and found two containers of chicken soup. I took my time heating them in one of his white ceramic saucepans.

  His kitchen was beautifully equipped. It made me wonder how often the man cooked. Then again, this new version of River, I barely knew anymore. The old one used to love cooking, but by judging on what I could see, he barely used the kitchen these days.

  Making sure the soup had fully simmered before pouring it into a bowl, I then placed it on a serving tray, along with some fresh toast. This was the best I could work with, so hopefully he wouldn’t mind it.

  Gripping the tray on each side, I made my way upstairs, overtly cautious not to spill anything. He was still fast asleep when I lowered the food tray on his side table.

  Switching the lamp on, the room immediately basked aglow.

  Gazing down on him, I took one towel to gently dab the sheen of sweat on his forehead. “Wake up, sleepy head. It’s time to eat a little bit before you take your meds.” When he didn’t wake, I pondered what to do next. Should I shake him or gently lure him out of unconsciousness? “River … wake up.”

  “Another hour … Just wanna sleep,” he mumbled with his eyes closed then rolled his head to the side, avoiding the bright light coming from the lamp close by.

  This patient loved being difficult.

  “Honestly, River, if you don’t eat, I’m going to force feed you. You know I mean it, too, so the choice is yours. Do you want to give in, or do you want to fight this one, too?”

  “Christ, I hate it when you begin terrorizing me,” he groaned before irritably sitting up and leaning against the headboard.

  That made me grin stupidly. He was damn right.

  “You know how it is.” Even in the least opportune time, we still bickered like old people.

  Peeking with one eye, he groggily watched me give him a spoonful of soup. He gradually opened his mouth as I fed him. And after the tenth attempt, he was begging to go back to sleep. I indulged him after making sure he took the pills. And in a heartbeat, he was out like a light.

  Just like I performed earlier, I gave him a quick sponge bath that seemed to be helping, then made a new ice pack for behind his neck. The whole process took almost an hour, and by the time I finished, I was dire need of nourishment myself.

  I managed to eat some peanut butter and toast with a couple glasses of wine. It was unusual for a meal, but what the heck, there wasn’t much to select from.

  It was extraordinary to be staying here, but I had already made up my mind that I wouldn’t be leaving until he was better.

  I strode into his walk-in closet in search of a shirt to sleep in. The second I entered the vast white space, I was instantly engulfed with his masculine scent, and my hormones went haywire. When would this addiction to him ever stop? It was becoming a drag, most especially when it took me by surprise. Nothing good could come out of it.

  When I spotted the section of black shirts, I took one then ran out of there as fast as I could.

  Biding time, I took a hot shower, my eyes scouting for clues of any feminine products. So far, there was nothing. It seemed that she hadn’t been here or, if she had, she didn’t come often. That left me with the conclusion that they conducted their affair elsewhere, quite possibly her home.

  I remained in the shower for about an hour. The hot water was too therapeutic to resist. After finishing, with just his shirt on, I towel dried my hair and brushed my teeth. Surprisingly, my designated toothbrush was still right next to his, just like the last time I had left it.

  Before settling into bed next to him, I decided that I would give him his next medication in the morning so he could have a lengthy rest. Turning off the lamp, I left the bathroom light on with the door slightly ajar with just enough dimmed lighting so he wouldn’t be disoriented if he did wake up.

  The California king mattress was big enough to give us enough space without touching one another. Basically, I was an arm’s length away if he was in need of assistance. With my damp hair and too exhausted to care, I discreetly slipped into the sheets.

  Sometime later, I wasn’t sure what had woken me up, but my body was on full alert mode, mind trailing behind, still suffering from severe sleep fog, when I felt my heart rapidly pounding against my chest as hot hands skimmed my bottom, rubbing and cupping.

  What do I do? I silently panicked. The man was high with fever, but somehow, he couldn’t resist touching me. Wait, did he realize it was me, or did he think I was Hailey? Fuck.

  I pressed my lips together, trying to hold myself back from moaning as his fingers began to delve deeper into the curve of my buttocks, tracing the soft opening as he glided his middle finger forward. My juices trickled while his notorious digit sought the pearl button, rubbing it in a circular motion while he simultaneously began to nudge his hot manhood against the cheek.

  His hot breath touched my skin as he tried to control his breathing. Basing from his engorged member that nestled between the crack of my ass, there was no mistaking how aroused he was.

  His touch was still feverish, indicating he was still sick, but apparently, his cock didn’t have an off day. Torn between wanting to confront him and indulging my cravings for him, I told myself that I would tell him to stop before this progressed further. But lo and behold, my yearning overruled common sense. And so, I kept on pretending I was asleep while I let River conduct his ministrations on my intimate parts.

  Shuddering at the feel of him gently thrusting while trying not to wake me, the head of his dick began to slowly fuck my entrance while his finger incessantly circled my nub. He trailed his lips along the back of my neck before licking and kissing my skin as he sped up.

  My pussy was beyond wet. It properly lubricated his thick length, but he didn’t seem to be in a hurry to have sex. Instead, he maintained this tumult
uous, mind-blowing technique, until I began to push my ass back, slowly gyrating against his cock, begging him to end this sweet, agonizing process.

  Realizing my impatience, he roughly guided his dick toward my slick opening, putting pressure as it stretched the entrance, inching inside then halting halfway before pulling out of my pussy again. River unhurriedly resumed rubbing against my hole a few more times before sliding it back inside my channel for several strokes before pulling it out once more.

  I was about to make my frustration known when I felt the tip of that determined cock hastening its way farther up toward my virgin hole. The moment I realized what he intended, I lied frigidly still.

  He began to nip my ear, his middle finger hadn’t left torturing my clit, as his massive member pressed against my untried hole. His ministrations were hypnotizing me to become subdued, making it easily to submit to his demands. My body began to relax, when I felt him apply more pressure, stretching, spreading my entrance. Through my fright, I hadn’t realized how soaked my pussy was that lubricating my anal hole.

  Letting out a strangled moan, my fingers dug farther into the mattress, gripping it as he thrust farther into me until he bottomed up. There was a tinge of pain, but nothing too significant that would demand him to stop. It was mostly that alienated feeling of being full. It was a foreign feeling that I wasn’t used to at all. But apart from my discomfort, River was beyond harnessing his carnal needs.

  He began to fully fuck me, no holds barred, ripping into my hole to entirely accommodate him, pounding into me full-force. Then he found my lips, parting them with his thumb, while his thick cock annihilated my anal canal.

  “Your cunt is so fucking wet,” he groaned as he pummeled harder, spanking my over-sensitized clit until I screamed bloody murder.

  “Are you mine?” he demanded harshly as my eyes began to roll, seizing from the insurmountable effect of orgasming from this newly discovered part of my body. I could feel him expand, close to ejaculating, but he seemed to be holding it off. “Are you mine?” he asked, punishingly hammering his dick harder, faster.

  “Yes, I’m yours,” I gasped as I tried to hang on for my dear life while wave after wave of orgasms shook my body. “Fuck! Fuck! Oh, my God!”

  Tears sprung from my eyes when I felt him thrust a few violent pumps before unloading heavy ropes of his seed, surrendering to the inevitable.

  “I love you …” My body felt drained as I tried to get air into my lungs. “I love you,” I heard myself say again before passing out from overexertion.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Distant echoes of a phone ringing somewhere broke me out of my peaceful slumber. How many times had that blasted sound hounded me out of sleep?

  I groaned out loud, my mind registering the odd feeling in my butt, snapping me out of fogginess just as everything fell into place.

  Memory after memory came crashing down like a domino effect in my mind. Not only had I had sex with the fevered-induced River, but I had also made him ravage the other part that I hadn’t dreamt of ever doing. It was a known fact that River’s touch was fatal to my senses. There was no escaping it. Given that he had been able enough to have sex, I was sure he would survive being by himself now.

  Slowly opening my lids, the brightness of the room made me flinch. Did I leave the curtains wide open last night? I couldn’t recall.

  Inching to the edge of the bed, I was about to push myself upward when I felt his determined arm pull be back into the mattress.

  “What the heck!”

  “You’re not going anywhere,” he grated in my ear before he roughly climbed on top of my body, trapping me with his own as he gravely stared down into my face. “Last night … I heard what you said.”

  His body was still beyond warm, but instead of focusing on his health, I frowned as I considered his question. Then my heart began to stampede as his question dawned on me.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” What was he referring to?

  His eyes were unflinching, capturing me with utmost intensity, raking my soul. “You said you loved me.”

  Oh, that! I said it out loud?

  Frick. Frack. Frock. I had been so out of my bloody mind that I couldn’t even manage to filter my mouth these days.

  Nervously licking my lips, my eyes wavered from focus, needing to hide from his intrusive gaze. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I, um, was too overwhelmed. I wasn’t thinking straight—”

  Steadfastly capturing my chin, he tilted it slightly so there was no escaping his interrogation. He wanted to see my heart. He wanted to see what I was trying to hide from him.

  “Are you … in love with me?” There was a short tremor in his voice, yet his eyes remained obtrusively unyielding. Those impenetrable orbs felt like lasers, ready to burn me if I wasn’t truthful.

  My eyes nervously flickered back and forth. I felt … everything.

  “River, please—”

  “For once just speak the truth, Cara,” he unbendingly commanded, beseeching. “I beg you.”

  Oh God … What should I do? If I confirmed his suspicion, what would happen to me? He was pleading for the truth—my truth. What would I be sacrificing if I uttered what truly was in my heart.

  Feeling beyond vulnerable, tears began to spring out of my eyes as I tried to avoid his gaze. “What I said is true … but nothing’s changed. I hope you can see that.”

  He let go of me as if being close to me scalded him. “How can you say that? Do you know how long I’ve waited for you, Cara? Do you have any idea? Every fucking night … you’ve slowly killed me. I’ve given you my heart, my body—anything I could think of to make amends for my sins, for hurting you in such a cruel way. But nothing I did could ever heal your hurt. I’d drink myself to sleep because I couldn’t stand knowing you’re out somewhere with Kyle. And when I heard you that night after I came back from Ireland … I was beside myself. I did whatever I could to make this fucking pain … in here”—he smashed his fist to his chest—“to be gone. I wanted you gone.

  “You fucked with my mind too much, and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you again. So, I did what men normally do when they’re fucked up. But you must know, you’ve owned me from the very beginning. You’re the only thing that I care about. You’re the only happiness I know, Cara.

  “When my days are dark, one look at you and everything is fine. I’m a troubled soul, but you calm the ghosts that haunt me. These past years without you have been some of the hardest years for me. You knew what you’d do to me if you vanished, and you did it anyway, punishing me for my stupidity.

  “How can you ask me to let you go when you taught me what love is? When you showed me what happiness feels like? All of my happy memories—each and every one of them—you’re in them. So, tell me, Cara, where do I go from here? Please fucking tell me!”

  I was at a loss. Shifting my body so I could sit back, I toyed with the sheets, wondering where I could even begin explaining the intricate complications of my heart.

  “Hail—”

  “Do you honestly think I can be with anyone now, knowing you’re in love with me?” River immediately interrupted. “Fuck no! I’m not letting you go. You’re mine. You’re always going to be mine, Cara,” He stated vehemently. “Over my dead fucking corpse, I’m never letting you go.”

  The moisture in my eyes began to spring again. “You’re going to hurt me again. You can be so reckless—I know you … I’ll give you everything, and you’re just going to shit over everything over something so stupid!”

  “Cara,” he whispered, taking hold of my hands and planting a kiss on each one before gazing into my face. “I can’t swear that I won’t hurt you. I don’t know the future, my love. But what I can promise you is that I will never put anything before you ever again. You will be my priority, and whatever I do workwise, I’ll do it with your permission. I’m not going to make the same mistake.

  “I was young and impressionable, but things h
ave changed now. We’ll have to make sacrifices for sure, but it’ll be worth it because we’ll be together. We’ll ride the highs and lows together. You and me, just like before, just like we’re meant to do. We need each other like we need air to breathe, to sustain life, Cara. Stop denying us this second chance. We both deserve to be happy.”

  “You make it sound so easy.” I sniffed as I tried to wipe my tears away.

  River quickly brushed the remaining tears with his thumbs, beaming down at me like I was the most precious thing he had ever had the chance to hold.

  “It won’t be, that’s guaranteed. But we have each other. We’ve gone through all the fucked-up phases in life, and I don’t want to take another step forward without you by my side, babe. I love you. I’ve been in love with you almost all my life. Don’t be cruel and deprive us another shot at a happy future.”

  I was beyond hysterical as I began to bawl, ugly big tears and all.

  “Where do we go from here?” I sobbed through my nervous laughter, praying that this would heal us both. If we were miserable apart, being together surely was the answer. It had to be.

  His lips touched mine like a slow fire, burning deeper, brighter as it went on. “We’ll do it right this time. We’ll talk, laugh, love, hate, and love harder,” he whispered against my lips, promising the future with his entire heart and soul. “But first, I have to see Hailey and tell her the truth.”

  Hailey, right. Best to get that bitch out of the way. I couldn’t agree more.

  “Yeah, fix that pronto.”

  Our lips clashed. It burned as he thoroughly kissed me out of my senses.

  “Stay put. I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he groaned out before kissing me once more. “Can you promise me you’ll be here when I get back?”

  “I’ll be here, I promise.” I would have promised him the stars and moon had he asked for it then.

  My heart blossomed, all the agony it endured disappearing.

  “I love you.” He lovingly gazed at me, unable to tear himself away.

  Beaming at the man who stole my heart, I whispered back, “I love you.”