– Igor... – she restarted.
– Don’t worry, Lena. As I promised you, I won’t talk to you any longer under no circumstances; I won’t look at you again, and if you prefer, I may treat you as a complete stranger. If you prefer, I’ll pretend I don’t see you. I won’t break my word, don’t worry. Good night!, Menezes! – I’ve sentenced with a raspy voice and that knot in my throat.
Those were the last words I’d like to have said but they were needed. To say her last name after so many years brought me an agony that seemed to corrode me from the inside.
There it was sealed the sign of indifference. She always fought for me to never be intimate with her, and now I can’t even look at her in the hallways.
I went upstairs dragging myself and threw myself in bed ready to start pouring my tears. I am sorry to inform but men cry too.
– And how was... – started Cláudio when leaving the bathroom but when he saw my spirit, and red eyes and nose, he just hugged me.
– I’m so sorry, Igor. I could swear it would work out. I just wanted to help you but in the end it turned out worst.
– Don’t worry, Cláudio. You’re like a brother to me and I know you just wanted to help me. And you did... Except for the last minutes, all the other time I had with her were the best ones I’ve had.
I took the coat I had tossed on the floor and took out the rings box I’d bought some time ago, in the hope to see one of them on Helena’s gentle finger. But now that ring pair only brought me the sadness of losing the woman of my life.
– I won’t need this any longer! – I said throwing the box away and seeing Cláudio’s desperate look. – I’m great. Don’t worry. I just need some time alone to get used to it. – I got up again ant left the room.
To my relief Menezes had gone up already and I spent hours wandering through desert streets. With no where else to go, I returned to the residence, and I was watching the soft rain through the immense window. The soft rain that was starting to wet the grass was washing my soul.
I stayed there until sunrise and I thought it’d be better to sleep a little. Next day would be extremely tough.
Chapter V
I looked once more to the little piece of paper between my fingers. The note of the woman who broke my heart made me remember of the moment where I lost my will to keep living. I thought it’d be better to not break the promise I had done to her and answered the note to my beloved ‘stranger’.
Dear H.M.,
I cannot meet you for I don’t know you. Please, don’t ever talk to me again.
Sincerely,
Igor Cintra.
A note I never thought I’d write to any woman, even less to the woman of my life but it was better this way.
Who knows she’d get it and let me forget her for good? Couldn’t she see that her persistence made it hard to think of all I went through to be by her side and to acknowledge it was all in vain?
I saw Lucia looking at me in deep despair after talking a little with Lena, or better, Menezes.
After that note, I had no more courage to go to classes that day. I stayed in my room running from everything and everyone.
Because I didn’t eat anything the night before, I woke up weak on Tuesday. The clock on the wall showed five in the morning.
I got up totally spiritless and tried to fix something to eat in the kitchen.
To my terrible luck, the beautiful Helena was there and with the sweat shirt I had lent her. Why does she like to torture me this way?
As soon as she noticed me in the kitchen and our eyes met for brief seconds, I thought it’d be best to leave there. I turned around and went to the living room to try to study a little. Useless attempt.
My stomach wanted food and my mouth craved those lips, my ears wanted that voice and I just wanted to forget all that.
After a while, the dark haired girl passed by me to return to her room. I tried not to look at her and pretended to be concentrated on a book someone had forgotten over the table.
I had no courage to go to the kitchen to eat and I lost my appetite again.
I dragged to each class that day with a whole in my stomach.
– You’re definitely not good – said Daniel looking worried.
– You wanted it to be this way, Igor. Live your life and forget about Lena – Cláudio advised me at lunch time, when I was stalling to eat. I had lost my appetite again.
– I’m great! – I answered outraged.
– You haven’t eaten anything since the party? Today is Tuesday... You’ll get sick! –Daniel reprimanded me.
– I said I am ok! – I said getting up, through my backpack in my back and going away from them.
My friends don’t know what I am going through to be saying such things. I was outraged that no one understood me and I had no one to vent to.
I spent that week this way. I could barely eat or sleep. I received two more notes from Menezes but I decided to ignore them. I don’t know what that woman wants from me after shattering my heart!
Friday was almost over when I left the room nearly carried by Cláudio and Daniel.
Many days without eating had finally had its effect and I could barely stand on my feet. They helped me get to the nursing ward, where the nurse gave me medicine and brought me a lot of food.
As soon as I put the first spoon of food in my mouth, still not wanting to, my appetite finally won and I devoured what I could while the boys would keep company to me.
– Why don’t you talk to her? – asked Cláudio as soon as I finished the meal.
– She made me promise we’d never talk again if I didn’t leave that ball with a pre-engagement ring in our fingers. I am just fulfilling my promise.
– Stop saying bullshit. You are destroying the life of both of you. You know that woman is too stubborn to admit she loves you all of a sudden. Stop this foolish pride and go talk to her. You’re killing yourself. Do you think I haven’t noticed you haven’t been sleeping for days? You wander around lost in the corners. You don’t eat anything healthy, in fact, you barely eat. Are you trying to kill yourself? – Cláudio seemed outraged.
– I am just... – but I didn’t know what to say. He was right. I was trying to kill myself! How could I not eat for so many days? I’ve not slept for more than two hours a night since that ball. I am killing myself.
– Go talk to her. Lena is not ok as well, Igor. – Daniel said before both left the nursing ward.
I don’t need to say I was wondering about what they said through the rest of the day.
When I finally came back to my room, it was almost six in the afternoon. I was tired! My body begged for rest and I decided to obey it. I threw myself in bed and I slept like I hadn’t done in days.
I work up with the sun entering through the window. Too much sun for a morning.
I woke up scared and I looked to the clock; it was past two in the afternoon. I had lost half my Wednesday sleeping.
I took a long and relaxed shower to relax, got dressed calmly and I decided to go down. But when I went to pick up the sweatshirt I had thrown in the chair, I noticed the black sweatshirt I was wearing the day before was no longer there but my favorite sweatshirt, the navy blue sweatshirt I lent Menezes last Friday.
Why do they torture me this way?
I took the sweatshirt carefully and felt the floral smell coming from there. Helena Menezes’ smell!
But who? Who had put that sweatshirt there?
When I pulled the sweatshirt of the chair abruptly, I saw a white envelope falling of the pocket.
There was no sender just my name written in a rush with Daniel’s handwriting. That was definitely for me.
I opened the envelope and found a thick paper. A letter! Ant that was not Daniel’s handwriting. That was Helena Menezes’ handwriting.
Igor,
I’ve been trying to talk to you since Sunday. I wanted to thank you for the perfect Friday I had by your side and also for the wonderful Saturday. The party w
as more than perfect. Thank you!
So that was the reason she was sending me notes. Thanking me for the party? She thinks I have no feelings!
And stop thinking bullshit, Cintra. I would not write you a letter only to thank you for that. I’m actually trying to talk to you to thank for other things... Thank you for the joy you’ve brought me these days with your jokes, also for the friendship you’ve offered me all these years and I’ve never offered back. Thank you for the support you’ve always given me when I needed.
To ask for your forgiveness for the fights in hallways, yelling and calling you names.
I hope you at least try to understand what happened to me. I’ve known you for four years in which I’ve only seen girls suffering because of you. You treated women like objects and sometimes worse than that. I’ve lost the count of girls I saw crying because of you.
The school’s stallion would kiss three girls a day and date three per week. And the detail is you would do it all at the same time.
You’ve never cared about anything that is important to me like studying, for example. The snob, the rich kid... You’ve never shown me the nice man you could be. You’ve only shown me your egocentric, sexist and irresponsible side. Do you think these qualities could impress someone like me?
You always wanted me because I was the only one that had the guts to say ‘no’ when you asked me out some years ago. I turned in some sort of trophy to you and to all that flaunted you.
And stolen kisses in the hallway are not proofs of love... Even less asking me out every time you looked at me. I am not like all your ex-girlfriends that accept a man that will go out having fun at night with friends and will come back drunk with another girl. I have my principles, and none of them say I have to be an easy girl.
I don't know what was going through your mind these last times but you – since a couple of years back – have been evolving into a man.
The boy, the child I met, have finally gone, allowing you to be the person you are today. I started noticing you had changed. You stopped drinking and started dedicating more to studies; by doing so, you stopped being a ‘Don Juan’ and started respecting women more but that was not enough for me.
Your tireless invitations wouldn’t stop and I still could not believe I wasn’t only a trophy to you.
But in two days... During two days you’ve proven me you can be a nice person. A wonderful man. You’re funny, entertaining, loving, considerate, and – why not say it?? – faithful Even jealous if you think for a moment.
In just two days you’ve proven me that falling in love with you is not the worst thing of the world as I always thought: If you still didn’t understand... I’ve been in love with you for a long time. This contagious smile you have and even your lame jokes got me.
Got my heart and not my conscience.
The moment Daniel and Cláudio came with this crazy bet idea, I thought it was the best thing in the world. I would enjoy two full days by the person I love.
Two days would be more than enough to enjoy your company until the moment to never look back at you again. I’d never be bad-mouthed like all the others. After all, it would only be a bet.
I took it so seriously having you for two days that when that girl was flirting with you, I could not help myself and I punched her in the eye. She could have you whenever she wanted but not in the only two days you’d be mine. You must hate me, Cintra... I’m jealous and I don’t deny it. If the deal was to be with me, then it should be me only.
The strange thing is things got out of control. Every minute you’d shown me how good it was to be by your side, and I wanted even less to be apart from you. However, I was still a trophy.
I got carried away at that party and I made the most crazy thing of my life. It was not in my plans to kiss you that way. A simple touch in your lips carried me to heaven. And breaking up contact was too much for me. I got carried away in the worst possible time. Why did it have to be the last song of the party? I had to dismiss you right away or I’d be bad-mouthed forever.
I enjoyed your company way too much but I thought it was enough.
I’m sorry but I was completely wrong. I spent the night awake thinking in how good it’d be to be your girlfriend, and how bad it’d be to be cheated and humiliated right after.
On Sunday, I went talking to you to return your sweatshirt but my heart broke into pieces when you finally listened to what I’ve asked you for so many years... Calling me by my last name and pretending I don’t exist... It wasn’t one of the best things I’ve said, I am sure!
But after I saw you were suffering as much as I was or even more, after many tireless and long talks to Lucia – even with Cláudio and Daniel –, I was sure we were suffering together. We were both not sleeping, not eating and nothing else cared for the same reason.
I had made a mistake! We had made mistakes. You made mistakes in the past and I in the present. Could we, at least in a near future, stop making mistakes? I want to be happy, Igor Cintra. I want to be happy by your side!
I hope this all was not only a deception, and that you are not laughing at my face for having believed your love vows, but I’d better risk it than remain in doubt.
Let’s forget this bet, please!
Yours,
H.M.
P.S. Cláudio gave me this on Monday. I think it belongs to you. And thank you for the sweatshirt. I kept it until your smell was gone.
I was amazed when I finished reading the letter. I looked inside the envelope and the rings I had bought were there, perfect.
I was motionless for a few minutes trying to absorb all I had just read. Helena Menezes loved me and wanted to be with me. Is this really happening?
I could not hold my tears but now they were tears of joy. I would finally be happy and I’d have the woman I love by my side.
I took a deep breath and, still with the letter in my hand, I ran downstairs to meet her. I saw her sitting on the couch, angry. I got close without making any noise to not be noticed.
– It’s all over, Lu. – I heard her say. – I shouldn’t have sent the letter. It won’t work out. He is probably laughing at my face, locked in that stupid room.
– I ain’t! – I said standing still behind the couch.
Both looked at me in awe and Lucia found a way to leave there quickly. We were staring at each other for a while, I don’t know if for a second or hours. Those eyes left no doubt. I was finally corresponded.
– I love you so much, Helena Menezes. I did what I did to have you by my side. I’ve changed for you, I did it all for you. I hooked with many women to forget you, I drank thinking of you in someone else’s arms, I did it all to have you but I just pushed you away. Now I see that stopping to try to impress you was the best thing I did. I was myself and I got you without noticing it. I love you so much that I came here once more humbly asking you to accept me by your side. I want you for me. – I got on my knees and I took the rings she had returned me. – Do you want to be my girlfriend? – I asked kissing her hand and showing her the rings.
My heart was beating fast waiting for an answer, specially when I saw her crying. Her red eyes and nose made my world collapse once again.
I don’t know how but the next moment, I felt my back hit the floor and a soft mouth was in mine.
Yes, she was all over me, smiling through the corner of her lips. She had accepted. I had my last chance and I would never be away from her again.
Hello dear reader,
If you like this book do not forget to leave your review and comment on your reading. This is very important to my work. I hope you had fun with this reading.
See you soon in other stories.
Hugs - Vanessa Sueroz
Autora
Vanessa Sueroz was born in São Paulo, Brazil, studied Computer Science and works as a systems analyst in São Paulo. He started writing at age 8 and started creating fanfics in 2006 to reach a readership in order to finally publish his first book, in 2011.
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My Last Chance Page 5