Anne Brear

by Virtue of a Governess

  She waved back, placing the croquet mallet on the ground. “Excuse me, Miss Clarke.” Suppressing the urge to hurry, she walked sedately towards him and he met her halfway.

  “Good day, Nicola.” His tender gaze nearly brought her to her knees.

  For a moment she simply looked at him, absorbing his presence. “How are you, Mr West?”

  “Well, and you?”

  “Fine, as you see.” She wished she’d worn one of her better dresses today. Not expecting visitors she’d worn her plain grey and didn’t even have a lace collar on to brighten it. She despaired over her hair, which was bundled up into an unbecoming net because it needed washing.

  He looked towards the half built dwellings further down the back of the property. “Would you care to show me the progress?”

  “Certainly.” She flashed a brief smile and fell into step with him. “How is Frances?”

  “She was well enough when I shared breakfast with her this morning.”

  “Good.”

  “She told you about our family news.”

  “Yes. I was sorry to hear it.” Nicola skirted a tree, glad its shade hid her hot face. “My sympathies to you.”

  “Thank you.” They headed down the slope and into the chaos of the building site.

  Swallowing, her mouth dry, she tried to think of something witty to say and failed miserably. He looked so well today, dressed superbly in a dark suit. How had she failed to see the real man beneath the cold exterior? Her father had said many times that she was a good judge of character. Why then, did she allow herself to think of Nathaniel as shallow, heartless even? One only had to see how he loved his sister to know he was deeper than first imagined.

  “How many governesses do you care for here at the moment?” Nathaniel stopped to study the closest building, the shell of the schoolhouse.

  She focused on her role as manageress, something she could do without thought, or damage to her heart. “Oh, er, nine, but I’ve received word from two others. They arrive next week and Flor-Miss McIntyre’s two younger sisters from Scotland will be joining us when their ship docks next month. But a lady in need could knock on the door at any time. We never turn anyone away.”

  “When do you expect to have these buildings finished?”

  She frowned at the debris of the work site. Strewn timber, stone, piles of sand and mortarboards littered the yard. “I’m not sure. Hopefully before the middle of winter.”

  “Has worked stopped because of the lack of funds?”

  “No, no, definitely not. The board has been most generous.”

  “Then why aren’t the workmen here?”

  “They stopped yesterday because of the rain and today they simply didn’t turn up.” She nibbled her top lip, feeling responsible that the men weren’t doing as they should.

  “Are you confident in the men’s ability?”

  “Um…yes…” She shrugged. “I’ve never managed the construction of buildings before. Perhaps they do take some advantages, I’m not sure…”

  Folding his arms, he planted his feet apart. “If you’ll allow it, I’d like their names. I’ll speak with them and see if we can speed things up a bit for you.”

  “Oh, that is most kind.” Her heart did a little skip. She knew he wasn’t so bad. “Thank you.”

  “I’d like to see it all settled for you before I go away.”

  The happiness which had flooded her, now disbursed like water from a broken dam. “You mean to travel to England then?”

  “Yes. In a fortnight. I’m busy tying up my affairs here.”

  “I see…”

  “As a patron of the Home, I thought I’d do as much as I can while I’m in the country. Once in England, I’m afraid other concerns will be my main focus.”

  “Naturally.” She tried to keep her voice light. Now faced with the reality of the situation, one which she had hoped wouldn’t actually eventuate, she felt as though she’d entered a dark cave without a light. How was it possible she could end up wanting this man so badly it obliterated everything else? Why wasn’t she content to remain a spinster and be devoted to her work? “Do you hope to return to this country again one day?”

  Nathaniel bent down and picked up a narrow piece of timber. “I don’t think so.” He inspected the wood as though it was the most interesting thing he’d seen.

  Nicola kept her face passive, despite the need to howl like a baby. “Your mother will be pleased to have you home.”

  “I doubt the feeling will remain long. She-damn!” He dropped the piece of wood, and flinching, peered at his hand. “A splinter.”

  “Let me look.” Impulsively, she stepped closer and took his hand. Only after she cradled his hand in hers, did she realise the intimacy she’d created. His head was so near, his chest mere inches from her breast. She focused on the splinter in his palm, aware of the warmth of his hand, the smell of him, a mixture of soap and leather. “I think you’ll require a needle…to get it out…”

  When his other hand came up to caress the back of her neck, she leaned into it and closed her eyes. “Nicola.” His voice broke. “How can I leave you?”

  “I-” She bowed her head, her throat full of emotion, cutting off the words her heart wanted to say.

  “Do you feel anything for me?” he whispered, his fingers stroking the soft skin beneath her hair. “I beg you to ease my misery.”

  “How can I do that?” Her body felt laden, the rawness of emotions weighing her down, drowning her in their intensity.

  Nathaniel rested his forehead against the side of her head, his nose nuzzling her hair just above her ear. “Make me stay.”

  “Is that possible?” she whispered, closing her eyes to the sensations warring within her.

  “I’ll do anything for you, anything.”

  At the sound of tears in his voice she pulled away to look into his eyes and there she found the sincerity of his love. “What can I do?”

  “Marry me, love me.” He took her hand and placed it against his cheek. “I’ll be all that you ask.”

  “Will you, truly? Will you allow me to work here?”

  “As my wife you’ll not need to work, I’ll take care of you.”

  “And I want to take care of them.” She lowered her hand away. “Don’t you understand? What I have done here is important to me. I cannot abandon it.”

  He expelled a heavy breath. She saw the fight in his eyes, on his face, and stiffened. A second more, and then he relaxed, and gave a wry smile. “What you do to me woman!”

  “Do you accept that I must continue to work here in some capacity?”

  “Yes, very well. If it makes you happy, then how can I argue?”

  “And there’s more.”

  “More?” His violet eyes widened.

  She stepped back, needing the space to think clearly. “If I were to-to agree to-to marry you-” He went to speak but she held up her hand. “Let me finish. If I were to marry you then, then I insist on complete honesty between us.”

  “Of course.”

  “I would not, that is to say, I refuse…”

  “What? Tell me.”

  Taking a deep breath, she raised her chin. “If you went with another woman after our marriage I would leave you instantly. I will not be made a fool of.” There she had said it.

  A slow smile altered the seriousness of his expression to one of burning ecstasy. “My love, with you by my side, in my bed, no other woman exists.”

  Nicola felt the heat rise to her cheeks, and a delicious melting in her lower stomach, but she still gave him her most serious glare. “I mean it. If you tire of me, then you must say so immediately and we will work something out so that-” She was silenced by his kiss and she clung to him.

  He lifted his mouth away from hers just enough to speak. “You talk too much, Miss Douglas.”

  “Nathaniel, I’m serious in this.”

  “So am I, my darling.” He captured her lips again, crushing her into his arms. “You are all I want. N
ow say my name again…”

  For a moment she thought to pull away, but as his lips moved against hers, she surrendered to the desire growing inside her. Tentatively, she slid her hands up his arms, across his shoulders and into his dark hair. She smiled inwardly when he quivered and drew her even closer. Feeling his lips on hers was ecstasy in a way she’d never imagined.

  Eventually, they separated to drag air into their lungs. Nathaniel grinned down at her, kissing the tip of her nose. “I adore you.”

  She didn’t doubt it for a moment. His love shone from his eyes as he gazed at her. Gently she placed a fingertip to his lips, savouring the feel of him, rejoicing in the freedom of touching him. This is what she’d been missing from her life. There was no use denying anything anymore. Nathaniel had been right. She wanted to be loved completely, as a woman should be by a man.

  For a long moment they simply gazed at each other, content to acknowledge their feelings openly.

  “I’d best return to the house.” She smiled shyly. How easy it would be to stay in his arms, but the women would be wondering what had happened to her.

  He held her about the waist, preventing her from walking away. “Another few minutes more.” He bent and kissed her neck, causing her toes to curl at the decadent deliciousness of it.

  “I have things to do...”

  Pouting like a small boy, he played with her fingers. “When will I see you again? There isn’t much time before I sail.”

  She jerked as if slapped. “Sail? What do you mean? I thought you wanted to stay?”

  “I do, but it’s all arranged.” He smiled and kissed her fingertips. “I will go to England, see mother and do what needs to be done and then come back.”

  “But I thought you wanted us to be married?”

  “I do, my love, and we will when I return.”

  All pleasure seeped out of her. “How long do you expect to be in England?”

  “I’ll be as quick as I can.” He frowned and touched her face. “I don’t want to be away from you.”

  She stilled. “How long?”

  “Including travel time, I suppose it’ll take eight months or so.” He brought her back into his arms. “We’ll announce our engagement before I sail and then marry on my return.”

  Standing stiffly in his arms, she attempted to make sense of it all. “I thought you would stay if I agreed to marry you.”

  With one finger he tilted her chin up so he could look into her eyes. “What am I doing wrong?”

  “You’re leaving me.”

  “But I assumed you wouldn’t mind so much, that only my heart would be affected by the absence. You have your work here and—”

  “And I want you beside me.” She glanced away, ashamed of herself. “I’m being selfish, forgive me. Of course you must go to your mother.”

  His hands slid down to her hips and he snuggled her into his body. “My mother can go hang.” He winked. “I must have been off my head to even consider leaving now I finally have you.”

  “No, Nathaniel. I’ll not make you choose between us.”

  “Nonsense. I made my choice a long time ago. My mother doesn’t deserve my loyalty. You are to be my wife. You are the woman I love. You will always come first.”

  “Are you sure?”

  A devilish glint entered his eyes. “Perhaps I should show you then?” He picked her up and swung her around.

  She squealed with laughter. “Put me down, you fool.”

  Holding her in his arms, he grew serious. “Can we be married soon?”

  “It takes three weeks for the banns to be called. Is that soon enough?”

  “No, but I suppose I’ll manage it somehow.” He lowered her feet to the ground and then took her hand and kissed it.

  Nicola smiled. “Will we go and tell the others?”

  He nodded. “But first, can we get this damn splinter out?”

  Chuckling, she wrapped her arms around him and they strolled back to the house.

  * * *

  Rain lashed the window, encouraged by a wicked wind intent on doing damage to anything not tied down. The heat of the past week ended with a violent storm. Shivering at the cold draught that blew under the door, Nicola ran her pencil down the list in front of her. She frowned at all the things she had to do this week. However, even this enormous amount of work demanding her attention couldn’t stop the smile on her face when she thought of Nathaniel.

  A slight tap on the study door preceded Florence, who carried a notebook and pen. The opened door allowed the musical notes of someone playing the piano to drift in. “Can I disturb you for a moment, Miss Douglas?”

  “Indeed, Florence, anything is better than reading this list that never diminishes.”

  “Well, you’ve had a busy couple of weeks preparing for your wedding.”

  Her wedding. She smiled at the thought. Soon she’d be Mrs West. Underneath the papers scattered across her desk was a scrap of paper she’d used to practise writing her new name. “So, Florence, what can I help you with?”

  “It’s about the two new ladies who arrived yesterday, Miss Forbes and Miss Shellings. It seems they won’t be staying for only two nights after all. Their departure has been delayed. They won’t be sailing to New Zealand on tomorrow’s tide.”

  “Oh, dear.” She tapped the end of the pencil against her cheek. “What is the hold up?”

  “The captain told them he’s still waiting on supplies or some cargo or something. He thinks they’ll now sail on Sunday’s high tide. The women are worried you may not allow them to stay those extra days. I think there is a problem with money. Neither of them have much and they are concerned you’ll charge them more if they stay.”

  “Why would they think that?” Nicola pulled the bell rope behind her desk, hoping that Hannah would answer it this time. It was always a gamble whether or not the maid was in the kitchen and even then she’d take forever to answer the call. “Tell them they are welcome to stay as long as it takes, and we won’t charge them extra. I know the room they’re sharing is small, but it is better than being cooped up in their cabin waiting for Sunday.”

  Florence nodded and checked her notebook. “I also wanted to talk to you about Mrs Nesbit. It’s her birthday tomorrow, and although she’s just our cook, I thought it might be nice if we had a little ceremony at midday and perhaps a cake or something?”

  “Yes, we should mark the day for her. She has been diligently trying to keep her drinking under control. So we can use this as a reward, too.” Nicola opened her diary and turned to tomorrow’s date. “I have an appointment in the morning, but midday is free. Can you organise it?”

  “Consider it done.”

  The small clock on the mantelpiece above the fire struck five o’clock. Nicola closed her books. “I have to start getting ready for tonight. Where is that silly maid?”

  “Likely sitting by the kitchen range with her feet up, eating cook’s food for your dinner party.” Florence stood and tucked her notebook under her arm. “I’ll go stir her up a bit.”

  “I ordered a bath. I want to wash my hair for tonight.”

  “You go on up, Miss Douglas. I’ll see that your bath is prepared.”

  Nicola walked around the desk and softly squeezed Florence’s arm. “What would I do without you?”

  “I believe it’s the other way around.” Florence scoffed with a grin. “I’m just glad Mr West is allowing you to continue working here after your marriage. We’d be lost without you.”

  “Mr West had no choice in the matter.” She laughed, heading out the door.

  Crossing the hall, she entered the dining room, which shimmered with golden light spilling from numerous candelabras and the odd lamp. Nicola inspected the tablecloth for marks and adjusted some of the place settings. A large glass vase sat in the middle of the table filled with wild flowers. All was in order and Nicola sighed with relief. This small dinner party to formally announce her engagement to Nathaniel meant a lot to her and she wanted it to be perfec
t. Even though Nathaniel had wanted to be married as quickly as possible they agreed it wouldn’t be feasible and had set the date for February twenty-fifth.

  Going upstairs, she pondered on the last few weeks since she agreed to be Nathaniel’s wife. Each day he had arrived to spend time with her, sometimes bringing Frances, sometimes alone. The change in him surprised her. Gone were the quelling looks and challenging words that she associated with him on first acquaintance. Now his whole manner spoke of his love, his happiness, and she felt empowered by the knowledge that she brought him this joy. Making another person so happy was addictive. That Frances was also incredibly excited helped smooth Nicola’s small doubts that she was doing the right thing. Despite Nathaniel’s assurances that he’d never look at another woman again, she couldn’t completely forget his past.

  “Miss Douglas.”

  Turning at her bedroom door, Nicola smiled at Miss Rogers, who peeked out from her room. “Yes, Penny?”

  “May I have a word, please?”

  “Is something wrong?”

  Miss Rogers inched forward, glancing up and down the hallway, as though fearful of someone overhearing. “I would like to ask a favour, if I may?”

  “Oh?”

  “I received word of a ship sailing for Africa. It leaves on the outgoing tide tonight. I’ve managed, only this morning, to secure a passage on her.”

  “Really?” Nicola’s eyes widened in surprise. “Are you certain this is what you want to do?”

  “Completely certain. I need to begin again somewhere new, where my past isn’t known.”

  “I understand.” Though she couldn’t help feeling sorry for the woman, she did wonder how she could easily walk away from her child, a child she’d never seen or held.

  “I beg that you allow me to leave without fuss and ceremony. I want no one to know.”

  “But—”

  “Please, Miss Douglas. I ask you to do this one last thing for me. I know I cannot expect more from you. You’ve done so much already.”

  “Penny, I—” Nicola broke off as Miss Shaw left her bedroom and came towards them, holding aloft a book.

  “Oh Miss Douglas, Miss Rogers, I have just finished a most marvellous book. It’s…” Miss Shaw faltered on seeing the seriousness of their faces. “Forgive me, I didn’t mean to intrude.”