Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Golden Plunger Awards

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

  COULD CARE LESS

  This is an easy mistake to make. The correct phrase, of course, is “couldn’t care less”—as in, “I don’t care at all, so it wouldn’t be possible for me to care any less about this.” But over the years, that’s morphed into a new phrase (with the same meaning), and even though the Harper Dictionary of Contemporary Usage criticized the change in 1975, saying it was “an ignorant debasement of language,” “could care less” seems to be around to stay.

  Language historians say “couldn’t care less” was originally a British phrase that became popular in the United States in the 1950s. “Could care less” appeared about a decade later. No one knows exactly why the incorrect form came into being, since it doesn’t make sense. But the phrase has stuck, and a lot of grammarians care very much that it’s not being used correctly. (Regular people, of course, couldn’t care less.)

  CARD SHARP

  No, that’s not a misspelling. Sure it sounds weird to the ear, but people who know the term’s history and meaning prefer the original. “Card sharp” first appeared in the 1880s and meant a card player who tricked or scammed others. “Card shark” appeared much later, in the 1940s.

  Many people assume that the mix-up simply comes from speakers who either thought “shark” sounded better or misheard the word originally. But that may not be the case. Linguists have traced the history of both “sharp” and “shark” to their original usages, and though it doesn’t appear that either word derived from the other, there are a lot of similarities in meaning. “Shark” comes from a 17th-century German word schurke, which meant “someone who cheats.” “Sharping” came about around the same time and meant “swindling or cheating.” The words “loan shark” and “sharp practice” come from these words as well.

  So technically, “card shark” could be correct. But because “card sharp” appeared first, many linguists want to preserve it. Whether they’ll succeed is anyone’s guess, but it’s a sharp point of contention for many.

  SPIT AND IMAGE

  If you think you’re the spitting image of your parents, you’re forgiven. People have been messing this one up for decades. “Spit and image” was the original term, used from about 1825 on. The Oxford English Dictionary defined it as “the very spit of, the exact image, likeness, or counterpart of.” “Spitting image” came about some 80 years later and was followed by a few other variations, including “spitten image” and “splitting image” (neither of which really caught on). In this case, “spitting image” has overtaken the use of “spit and image” for most English speakers. But when you’re spitting out this phrase, take a moment to remember its original use and think about the image you’re trying to project.

  IRONIC

  Few words cause as much confusion or are used incorrectly as often as “ironic.” Not that it’s hard to understand why—the definition is not simple: “a pretense of ignorance and of willingness to learn from another assumed in order to make the other’s false conceptions conspicuous by adroit questioning . . . the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning.” What?

  In 1996, Alanis Morissette wrote an entire song titled “Ironic,” which consistently used the word incorrectly. And even the people who are supposed to know what it means get it wrong. The American Heritage Dictionary gave the word “irony” to its distinguished panel of experts (the ones who help ensure the accuracy of all the words the dictionary defines) and asked them if either of the following sentences used the word correctly:

  1. “In 1969, Susie moved from Ithaca to California, where she met her husband-to-be, who, ironically, also came from upstate New York.” Seventy-eight percent of the panel’s members agreed that this was an incorrect use of the word.

  2. “Ironically, even as the government was fulminating against American policy, American jeans and videocassettes were the hottest items in the stalls of the market.” In contrast, though, 73 percent agreed that this sentence used it properly.

  How “ironic” came to be defined as “coincidence” is anybody’s guess, but for our purposes, we like to refer to the following quote from the 1994 film Reality Bites. When Ethan Hawke’s character is asked to define “ironic,” he says, “It’s when the actual meaning is the complete opposite from the literal meaning.” Thank goodness for Hollywood.

  THE TOP OF THE WORLD AWARD

  The Chrysler Building

  Thanks to its creators’ drive for perfection and a little

  conniving, this landmark had a smooth ride to Uncle

  John’s award for the ultimate skyscraper.

  REACHING FOR THE SKY

  New York City, with its impressive skyline, was a natural home for some of the tallest buildings ever made. Until the late 19th century, erecting a skyscraper was a feat, and buildings higher than six stories were rare—even getting supplies to the higher floors was extremely difficult because of all the stairs. But the invention of the passenger elevator in the mid-1800s and improvements in steel production and other technologies ensured that, by the 20th century, developers around the country (and the globe) had the tools to make buildings that could reach for the sky.

  In 1930, a determined group of businessmen and architects constructed a building that redefined New York City’s skyline. Twenty-one thousand tons of steel, limestone, and brick along with other exotic materials went into the Chrysler Building, and when it was completed, its beautiful blend of Americana and art deco established it as the city’s—and the world’s—most elegant skyscraper. Today, other buildings are taller, but none is as intricately embellished and ornamented. In 2005, New York’s Skyscraper Museum polled 100 architects, builders, engineers, and others, asking them to choose their 10 favorite city skyscrapers. The Chrysler Building captured first place, with 90 percent of respondents putting it in their top 10.

  SWITCHING GEARS

  Walter Chrysler worked in the railroad business at the turn of the 20th century, but made a name for himself in the automobile industry after he went to work for Buick in 1912. He had an excellent sense for business and raised Buick’s output from 45 cars a day when he started to 600 by 1920.

  In 1921, Chrysler purchased the Maxwell Motor Company, which was millions of dollars in debt. He renamed the company after himself and put his business sense to good use again—within seven years, the company was more than $85 million ahead. In 1928, Chrysler introduced two of its most famous makes: the DeSoto and the Plymouth. A year later, Time magazine recognized Walter Chrysler’s success in the automotive industry by naming him Man of the Year (the first automotive leader to receive that honor). But the magazine was also recognizing another of Chrysler’s accomplishments: the September 19, 1929, groundbreaking of the building that still bears his name.

  NEXT YEAR’S MODEL

  In the 1920s, New York City was in a race to erect the world’s tallest building. Several design and construction teams had plans in the works, and Chrysler wanted his building to be the best . . . and the tallest. He found the perfect project in the form of a venture belonging to former New York State Senator William J. Reynolds. Reynolds had hired architect William Van Alen, who was riding a wave of success for designing several decorative buildings around the city, to design a skyscraper in Midtown. Chrysler bought out Reynolds but kept the architect.

  Van Alen’s design called for 77 stories of bold art deco (a style that, as its name implies, uses art as decoration), mostly with geometric shapes. Chrysler didn’t make many changes to Van Alen’s original plans, but he did suggest a now-famous detail: the eight stainless steel eagles that jut out from the 61st floor were modeled after hood ornaments on Chrysler cars.

  BAIT AND SWITCH

  The competition to create the world’s largest building was fierce. Van Alen was eager to win the title not just for posterity, but because his former partner (now rival), H. Craig Severance, was designing a skyscraper in the Financial District for the Bank of Manhattan. Chrysler and Van Alen announced th
e plans for their building and declared it would rise a record-setting 925 feet, making it taller than Severance’s planned construction. Shortly thereafter, Severance and the Bank of Manhattan announced that their new building would include a flagpole, increasing the height to 927 feet.

  So Van Alen and Chrysler went back to the drawing board, but they did so in secret. Inside the construction site for the Chrysler Building, a 185-foot-long spire was assembled. After the Bank of Manhattan building was completed in early 1930—when it was too late to make any changes—Chrysler and Van Alen unveiled their spire, raising their building’s official height to 1,046 feet. Chrysler and Van Alen had their record-breaking building, which not only dwarfed the Bank of Manhattan but also the former tallest structure in the world: the Eiffel Tower. Their bragging rights didn’t last long, though. Less than a year after the Chrysler Building’s May 27, 1930, opening, the Empire State Building was completed in New York. It opened on May 1, 1931, and was 1,454 feet tall.

  GRAND BY DESIGN

  But no matter. The Chrysler Building still has some of the most impressive architectural designs of any skyscraper in the world: Its most memorable and recognizable feature is its stepped dome, whose pattern of parabolic curves and many triangular windows form a series of radiant sunbursts. The Chrysler Building was also one of the first buildings to use stainless steel over a large area of a structure’s surface.

  The building’s lobby impressed visitors with its three-story-high red Moroccan marble walls complemented by granite and chrome. It was shaped like a triangle and featured photos of the building itself, taken while it was under construction. The 32 elevators came in five different designs, each one set in art deco geometric patterns and featuring different exotic woods from all over the world.

  In addition to housing the headquarters for Chrysler’s car company and several other corporations, the building was home to a speakeasy and restaurant known as the Cloud Club. The club filled three floors—the 66th, 67th, and 68th—and featured sparkling pink marble bathrooms with lockers so that, during Prohibition, members would have a place to stash their alcohol if a raid occurred. The club was a popular members–only attraction until it closed in 1979.

  The building’s exterior boasted the spire and eagles all made from a new chrome-nickel alloy. The metal has never corroded. Aside from its record-setting height and glamorous look, another of the Chrysler Building’s greatest accomplishments was its safety record. No one died during the construction process.

  PUTTING ON THE BRAKES

  Shortly after the building’s completion, Chrysler accused Van Alen of taking bribes from subcontractors and refused to pay the balance of what he owed. The feud was tough for Van Alen to live down, and with the onset of the Great Depression, he had trouble finding work. The Chrysler Building remains his most lasting accomplishment.

  Today, the Chrysler Corporation no longer owns the building that bears its name; it leases a portion of it as office space. In 1976, the building became a National Historic Landmark. The Chrysler Building now ranks as the 24th tallest in the world, but in terms of style and elegance, it’s still the Top of the World. (You can visit the it at 405 Lexington Avenue at 42nd Street.)

  THE TALLEST BUILDINGS IN THE WORLD, 2008

  Taipei 101 (Taipei, Taiwan): 1,671 feet

  Shanghai World Financial Center (Shanghai, China): 1,614 feet

  Petronas Towers (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia): 1,483 feet (each)

  Empire State Building (New York City): 1,454 feet

  Sears Tower (Chicago): 1,451 feet

  Jin Mao Tower (Shanghai, China): 1,380 feet

  Two International Finance Centre (Hong Kong): 1,362 feet

  CITIC Plaza (Guangzhou, China): 1,283 feet

  Shun Hing Square (Shengzhen, China): 1,260 feet

  Central Plaza (Hong Kong): 1,227 feet

  THE FAVORITE FLAVOR AWARD

  Vanilla

  We’re fed up with it being called plain. Vanilla rocks, and we agree with the

  rock band the Barenaked Ladies who, in their 1998 hit “One Week,”

  praise vanilla as “the finest of the flavors.”

  PURE VANILLA

  Without vanilla, cakes, cookies, brownies, ice cream, and just about everything else that’s good for dessert just wouldn’t be worth the calories. And before you say chocolate is better, consider where chocolate would be without vanilla—bitter and tough to swallow. Whether dark, milk, or white chocolate, vanilla is added to complement the flavor, and even unsweetened baking chocolate is rarely used in a recipe that doesn’t also call for vanilla. More than 250 components make up pure vanilla’s natural flavor, which is why imitation vanilla doesn’t taste as good. And vanilla is the second-most expensive spice in the world. (Saffron is first.) It’s also a time-consuming process to cultivate this complex flavor. So for all these reasons, vanilla wins our award for the finest of flavors—hands down.

  ALL WORK AND NO PLAY

  Vanilla is actually a type of orchid, and although there are some 20,000 known orchid specimens, only one type of vanilla plant—Vanilla planifolia—produces anything edible. The vanilla bean is the fruit or seed of this plant that opens for just a day and can be pollinated only during the morning of that day. That’s not enough time for bees to do their job to produce all of the vanilla that the world craves, so a hand-pollination method was developed in 1841. This gave growers the ability to produce vanilla economically for the first time.

  But it’s still a laborious process. Vanilla beans have to grow on the plant’s vines for nine months before they can be harvested. After that, the flower’s vegetative tissue is killed to prevent it from ruining the bean, followed by a hot and humid process called “sweating,” which allows enzymes to start producing the many flavors that make up vanilla. The beans are set in the sun to dry out, and when they reach a high enough temperature, they’re wrapped in a blanket and placed in a wooden box to sweat. It takes weeks for the beans to turn dark brown and develop a vanillin crust. The next step, the aging process, can last up to two years. After that, the beans are sorted by quality and then are shipped off to delight the taste buds of people worldwide.

  THANKS, MADAGASCAR AND TAHITI!

  All told, there are about 150 different types of vanilla, but two dominate the market:

  1. Bourbon-Madagascar vanilla is the type used for baking. It gets its name not from whiskey but from the Île de Bourbon (now known as Réunion island), near Madagascar. Both locales produce a large amount of vanilla for baking, and even though vanilla doesn’t have bourbon in it, real vanilla extract contains more than 35 percent alcohol, most of which burns off during baking. Madagascar actually produces about three-fourths of the world’s vanilla output, which is used not only to flavor the sweets we love, but also as an ingredient in fragrances, as a medicinal flavoring, and even as a treatment for minor burns.

  2. Tahitian vanilla is not as flavorful, so its use in food is limited. But because it gives off a strong vanilla scent, it works well in perfumes and other aromatic products.

  THE FLAVOR OF LIFE

  Americans consume more than 1,200 tons of vanilla beans per year, much of it in ice cream. In spite of the enormous variety of ice cream flavors available, vanilla remains the most popular. And it’s all just “vanilla,” too. French vanilla isn’t a different flavor. Its name comes from the French method of using vanilla to make custard, which in turn can be used as an ice cream base.

  One legend says that, after serving as the French ambassador, Thomas Jefferson returned home with 200 vanilla beans and introduced the flavor to the United States. That probably didn’t happen, but Jefferson did develop a tasty recipe for vanilla ice cream, and his support of the flavor may have contributed to its (and the ice cream’s) popularity.

  Note: Ice cream connoisseurs should keep vanilla ice cream at a frosty 8°F for maximum flavor and texture. Keep that in mind if you decide to make Mr. Jefferson’s recipe quoted below:

  Ice Cream

&n
bsp; 2 bottles of good cream

  6 yolks of eggs

  1/2 lb. sugar

  1. Mix the yolks & sugar put the cream on a fire in a casserole, first putting in a stick of Vanilla. When near boiling take it off & pour it gently into the mixture of eggs & sugar.

  2. Stir it well. Put it on the fire again stirring it thoroughly with a spoon to prevent its sticking to the casserole. When near boiling, take it off and strain it thro’ a towel. Put it in the Sabottiere [the inner canister of the ice cream maker] then set it in ice an hour before it is to be served. Put into the ice a handful of salt. Put salt on the coverlid of the Sabottiere & cover the whole with ice.

  3. Leave it still half a quarter of an hour. Then turn the Sabottiere in the ice 10 minutes open it to loosen with a spatula the ice from the inner sides of the Sabottiere.

  4. Shut it & replace it in the ice open it from time to time to detach the ice from the sides when well taken (prise) stir it well with the Spatula. Put it in moulds, justling it well down on the knee. Then put the mould into the same bucket of ice. Leave it there to the moment of serving it. To withdraw it, immerse the mould in warm water, turning it well till it will come out & turn it into a plate.

  (From American Treasures of the Library of Congress, Library of Congress. “Jefferson’s Recipe for Vanilla Ice Cream.” 1780s.)

  THE ACT II AWARD

  Three Former Child Stars

  F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “There are no second acts in

  American lives.” These performers proved him wrong and