The Courage to Try

by C. A. Popovich

  “Pretty good shooting. You mind if I join you for the last two stations?”

  Kristen hadn’t noticed Rupert slink up behind her. She’d rather have nothing to do with the sleazy man, but he was a member of the gun club, and she knew she’d run into him again. She emptied the spent shells from her gun and shrugged before replying. “Suit yourself.” Then she stepped away from the station to let him shoot.

  “Thanks.” Rupert loaded his Fabbri and stepped to the station. After he cleanly broke all targets, he turned to Kristen with a feral grin. “I can shoot pretty good, too.”

  Kristen nodded and proceeded to set herself on the next station.

  “I got a message for you,” Rupert said.

  Kristen turned to look into his dark eyes. “Yeah?”

  “You aren’t going to win the regional shoot.” Rupert narrowed his beady eyes as he spoke.

  Kristen clutched her loaded shotgun and pushed aside fleeting images of Rupert running away with lead shotgun pellets blanketing his rear end. She deliberately unloaded her gun and stepped away from the station. “Maybe I won’t, Rupert, but I want to practice today if it’s all the same to you.” She reloaded the gun and set herself on the station.

  “You go ahead and practice all you want. You still aren’t going to win. Who knows? You might not even make it to the shoot.” His evil sneer transformed his beard stubbled, pockmarked face to repulsive. Kristen concentrated on the next target.

  She wondered about his remark about not making it to the shoot as she walked to the clubhouse and turned around.

  “What’s that supposed to mean, Rupert?” She glared at him.

  “Nothin’. I just mean sometimes things happen, that’s all.”

  “You can count on me being there.” Kristen turned her back on him and continued to the clubhouse. The threat felt empty, like an impotent boast, but it left her feeling vaguely uneasy. She briefly debated mentioning it to Tim, but figured he had enough on his plate, with the upcoming competition and everything else he did to run the place. She tried to put it out of her mind and focus on something else.

  She waved to Tim and ordered a cup of coffee and a bagel. Her thoughts went to Jaylin and sitting with her at her outside table at the clinic, sharing coffee and bagels. Their night together had been spectacular. She’d lost count of how many times they’d made love after awaking throughout the night and in the early morning light. She regretted not planning better for Zigzag because she would have liked to spend the whole day with Jaylin instead of returning to the fairgrounds to pick him up. If she were honest with herself though, she had to admit she welcomed the chance to take a step back from the intense feelings being with Jaylin brought up.

  Images of Jaylin bombarded her. Jaylin treating a patient, intense and gentle. Jaylin holding back tears as she spoke about her baby brother. Jaylin’s eyes flaring with desire. The feel and taste of her lips, her body softly molding to her own. Their tongues dueling for dominance. When did it happen? When had she fallen in love with her and what should she do about it? She pulled out her cell phone.

  Thinking of you. Looking forward to seeing you next weekend. K

  Kristen put her phone away. She’d wanted to sign it Love, K, but a text seemed too impersonal. She wanted to say it aloud, or better yet, whisper it into Jaylin’s ear.

  *

  I miss you. J

  Kristen read the text for the sixth time. She wanted to rush to Jaylin’s clinic and gather her in her arms, but Jaylin was working, and if she didn’t practice with her mother’s shotgun again, she wouldn’t do well at the regional shoot. She wasn’t sure what it was about Rupert and his arrogance that bothered her so much. She couldn’t care less about the guy personally, but something about the fact that he’d known her mother drew her in and compelled her to push beyond her usual efforts. His veiled threat nagged at her consciousness, and she wondered if it was only his loss of a spot on the Olympic team that triggered his wrath. Could there be more to the story?

  She shook off her musings and typed a reply to Jaylin.

  I miss you, too, baby. I’ll see you Saturday. Bring Railroad and an overnight bag? K

  Kristen hoped for a positive response as she put her phone away.

  “How’s your dad?” Tim asked.

  Kristen jumped. She was so lost in her reverie she hadn’t seen Tim approach her table.

  “Hi, Tim. He’s good. I saw him yesterday, and he was alert and seemed happy. I guess that’s about all I can ask for.”

  “Good. You tell him I said hi. You don’t know what he might understand. I gotta go. You gonna be here at ten Saturday?”

  “I’m planning on it. Don’t forget my dinner guest, Jaylin. She’s coming in the afternoon.”

  “Got her on the list. She’s kinda special, isn’t she?”

  “Yeah, Tim. She is.”

  “I’m happy for ya.” Tim patted her hand before walking away.

  Kristen picked up her mother’s gun from the rack and mused that she still thought of it as her mother’s gun. She knew her mother would have wanted her to have it after she died. She had no official paperwork stating that it was bequeathed to her, but her father had insisted that it not be sold and that it now belonged to Kristen. She remembered his quivering voice as he told her, “She would’ve wanted you to have it.”

  She walked to the first station and set her stance, determined to make her mother proud.

  *

  Jaylin watched the baby birds squawking for their meal at the feeder and smiled. She read Kristen’s text again and finally settled on a reply.

  Railroad and I will see you Saturday about three o’clock. I’m looking forward to seeing you. J

  She finished with her last patient and considered the Wednesday CoDA meeting. It would be nice to see Maggie, but she was tired. It surprised her how much she missed Kristen not only in her life, but in her bed. She’d never known the simple pleasure of waking up enveloped by the woman she loved. With Sally, she’d rolled over in the morning to an empty bed because she’d always be off doing whatever it was she did from the moment she woke up. Jaylin hadn’t missed her because she wasn’t present even when she was physically there, and a small part of her had been glad it worked that way. Kristen was different. She’d let Jaylin know how much she cared and how much she wanted to be there with her, but it wouldn’t hurt to go to a meeting. She headed home to let Railroad out and change her clothes.

  Maggie sat at a table with a newcomer when Jaylin walked in. She chatted with a few people before sitting at a table to wait for Maggie.

  “Dr. Meyers, it’s good to see you.” Maggie reached out for a hug and Jaylin stepped into her embrace.

  “It’s good to see you, too, Maggie.” Jaylin hugged Maggie and moved to sit at the table.

  “So, how’s the love life?” Maggie grinned.

  Jaylin considered her answer. The easy answer would be to say it was fine, but Jaylin knew there was nothing easy about it. “It is effortless but not easy. Does that make any sense?”

  “Whoa. Yes, it does. Let me see. I’d say you’ve never felt so moved or so touched. She seems to know who you are and what you need. You’ve probably slept with her and it was wonderful, but you’re scared that it won’t last and that she’ll leave. She probably hasn’t told you she loves you. Am I close?”

  “Geez, Maggie. How do you do that?”

  “So, I’m close huh? I’ve been there, Jaylin. It’s a scary place to be, but if she’s the right one, she’ll let you know, and it will be magical.” Maggie grasped her hands and squeezed.

  “I’m seeing her on Saturday, and I plan to let her know exactly how I feel. I guess I’m scared that I’ve misinterpreted her feelings.”

  “You are an intuitive woman. I’d be willing to bet she’ll turn out to be as genuine as you feel she is. You deserve someone who cares about you and is honest with her feelings. Do not forget that!” Maggie shook her hands and pulled her into a hug. “I’m here if you need me.”


  *

  “Here we are again, Railroad. I need to decide what to wear to a gun club.” Jaylin chose a pair of black trousers and a cream-colored silk blouse from her closet and sat on the bed. “I guess this will do.” She dressed and quickly packed an overnight bag. She checked that Railroad’s water and food bowls were in her car and drove to the gun club. She hoped Tim would be more cordial this time. She wiped her sweating palms on her pants, and worked to decipher if she was nervous or excited to see Kristen, considering what she planned to say to her.

  “Hey, Tim. My name’s Jaylin. I’m a friend of Kristen’s.”

  “I remember you. Did Kristen come with you?” Tim looked stressed, and Jaylin wondered what was going on.

  “Isn’t she here? I was supposed to meet her here this afternoon.”

  “No. She ain’t here and the event started at noon. She was plannin’ to be here at ten. Rupert is pressin’ the rules. He’s claimin’ he’s ahead and Kristen’s disqualified ’cause she ain’t here. I tried callin’ her three times and didn’t get an answer.”

  “I don’t know, Tim. I heard from her this morning. She was looking forward to this, and we planned to meet here for dinner.” Jaylin paced along the length of the small entryway. “Is there any reason you know of that she might’ve changed her mind about shooting today?” Jaylin cringed at the thought that Kristen didn’t want to see her, and then dismissed the thought. This wasn’t about her. Something was wrong.

  “No. I know she wanted to shoot today. She had her momma’s gun, and she was gonna kick butt.” Tim followed her pacing and ran his hand through his hair.

  Jaylin punched Kristen’s number into her phone and counted the rings before getting her voicemail and leaving a message. “She didn’t answer. I’ll go to her house and follow the route she probably took. Maybe—”

  Tim interrupted. “You go. I’ll stall Rupert. Oh, and take this.” He handed her a card with the gun club’s phone number on it. “Call me when you know anythin’.”

  Jaylin rushed to her car and sped toward Kristen’s house, surprised that she remembered the way. She had almost reached the entrance to Kristen’s driveway when she saw the red and blue flashing lights. Every muscle in her body tensed, and she clenched the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white. She inched her vehicle to the shoulder of the road and turned off the engine. It could be someone else. It might not be Kristen. She took a deep settling breath, bolted out of her car, and ran toward the EMS unit. She scanned the area for any indication as to what car was involved. She saw the tow truck backing up to the scene. The winch cranked, and Jaylin held her breath.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Time stood still as Jaylin watched the mangled Boxter begin to be pulled out of the woods. From the look of the dented top and smashed front end, it had rolled over. She gasped, her knees weak, but noted gratefully that Kristen had the hard top attached.

  “You have to stay away from this area, ma’am.” The burly police officer held his hand in the air as if pushing her away.

  “Where’s the driver? Where is she?” Jaylin wrestled down her panic. Maybe it isn’t Kristen’s car. She knew it was.

  “Do you know the driver of this car?” the officer asked.

  “Kristen Eckert. Where is she?” Jaylin suppressed a scream and resisted grabbing and shaking him.

  “The driver was taken to Community General Hospital this morning. We returned to retrieve her car.”

  Jaylin didn’t wait for any more information. She couldn’t ask the obvious question, because she couldn’t bear to hear the answer. She turned and ran to her car. “Hang on, Railroad.” She made a U-turn and headed into town, ignoring the speed limit. Please be okay. Please be okay.

  Jaylin let Railroad onto the patch of grass next to the hospital parking lot, silently urging her to hurry before she put her into the car and left a window open a crack. Images of the crushed Boxter kept flashing through her mind, and she felt like she might be sick any minute. She sprinted across the lot and pushed through the emergency room doors. She scanned the waiting area and released a relieved breath when she saw a familiar face.

  “Debby. Have you seen her? Is she all right?”

  “Jaylin, hey. Sit down.” Debby grabbed her shoulders and pushed her into a seat. “She’s in the ICU. I saw her for a minute when I got here.”

  “Intensive Care.” Jaylin’s stomach roiled. She took a deep breath to keep from vomiting. “Where is that? How can I get in to see her?” Jaylin stood and paced. “What happened?”

  “Jaylin. Sit down. You’re as white as a sheet. She has a concussion for sure. They said it was a car accident. She was unconscious when they brought her in and she hasn’t regained consciousness yet, at least not as of an hour ago. They found my number in her cell phone listed as an emergency contact and called me.” Debby rested her hand on Jaylin’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you, but I don’t have your number.”

  “God. She has to be all right. She just has to be.” Jaylin covered her face with her hands and leaned on Debby.

  “They’re taking care of her. She’s where she needs to be. How did you know about it?”

  Jaylin pulled herself up in her seat, remembering Tim and his request to call him. “Kristen was supposed to shoot today. We had a date for dinner afterward, so I went to the gun club, but she wasn’t there.” Jaylin took a settling breath before continuing. “Tim told me she never showed up to shoot. I have to call him.” She got out the card he gave her and dialed with shaking fingers.

  “Hello, Tim? This is Jaylin. Kristen’s been in a car accident…No, I don’t know anything yet. She’s in the ICU at the hospital…Yes, I will.” Jaylin ended the call. “I saw her car. It’s a mess.”

  “Debra Johnson?” A dark-haired man in a white lab coat called from across the room.

  “I’m Debra Johnson.” Debby stood and Jaylin glued herself to her side.

  “I’m Dr. Wilson. I understand you have medical power of attorney for Kristen Eckert. Is that correct?”

  “Yes, I do,” Debby said.

  Jaylin feared her legs would give out. Why was this doctor asking about that? What kind of decision needs to be made and why can’t Kristen make it? She straightened her shoulders. She would be there for Kristen no matter what happened. She held out her hand. “I’m Jaylin Meyers. Kristen’s…lover. What’s her condition, please?”

  “Well, I’m sorry to meet you under these circumstances.” He looked at Debby as he continued. “I just wanted to verify the DNR order in her chart. It’s only a precaution. She hasn’t regained consciousness yet, and we’re monitoring her closely.”

  Debby nodded. She looked as scared as Jaylin felt. “Yes. She insisted on a do not resuscitate order. She didn’t want to be kept alive with machines.” Debby slid into a chair.

  “Can you tell us anything else, Doctor?” Jaylin asked.

  “She’s banged up, but she’s stable and—”

  His beeper interrupted their conversation. “I have to go. I’ll let you know if there’s any change in her condition.” Then he was gone, and Jaylin settled in the seat next to Debby and grabbed her hand. She’s stable. That’s something, right?

  “Kristen’s pretty tough. I’ve seen her thrown off a horse, stand up, dust herself off, and get right back on several times,” Debby said.

  “How long have you been friends?”

  “Since high school. I used to spend a lot of time with her and her dad’s Appaloosa’s. She’s the reason I learned to ride.”

  Jaylin couldn’t imagine what it was like to have a friendship of so many years, but she was glad Kristen had Debby.

  *

  Kristen opened her eyes and immediately regretted it. It felt like shards of glass were poking her eyeballs. She closed her eyes and unsuccessfully willed her head to quit throbbing. She struggled to take a full breath and grimaced at the pain lacing across her ribs.

  Fuzzy memories nudged the edge of her consciousness. No brakes. H
er little sports car that she kept in pristine condition had no brakes. Then there was nothing. No movement. No sound. Only a still, numbing darkness. She listened to the beep of the monitors and realized she was in a hospital. More memories tumbled behind her closed eyelids. The skeet shoot. It seemed Rupert got his wish. She certainly wasn’t any competition for him lying here in a hospital bed. Her dad. Jaylin. They must be frantic. She had to get out of there, but she couldn’t move.

  Why couldn’t she move? She lay still, assessing her bruised body. She wiggled her toes. Good. Next, she moved the fingers of her right hand. Then her left. All good. She tried to lift her left hand and felt the resistance. She tried bending her left leg and something tugged at her ankle. She was restrained. She wondered why, but realized it must mean she shouldn’t move them. She drifted back to sleep, unable to fight the wave of darkness sliding over her. Maybe she’d dream about Jaylin.

  *

  “She’s conscious,” Dr. Wilson said.

  Jaylin and Debby sprung from their seats. Jaylin spoke first.

  “Can we see her?”

  “I said that she’s conscious. That’s a good sign, but she’s asleep now. We’re going to keep her in the ICU overnight to keep a close eye on her. You two can go home and get some rest. I expect she’ll be moved to a regular room in the morning. Visiting hours start at seven a.m.”

  Jaylin watched Dr. Wilson walk away and tamped down her frustration.

  “Let’s go, Jaylin. I’ll come back tomorrow and check on her,” Debby said.

  “I’ll be here at seven. Is there anything that Zigzag or the pony need tonight? I’m staying at Kristen’s. That was our plan, so I can take care of things there if I need to.”