BadLuckCadetfhtml

by Suzie Ivy

  “Cadet Ivy do you understand what is happening today?”

  “I hope so.” I replied.

  “Do you understand you are not meant to pass the stop and approach tests?”

  “Yes ma’am.”

  “I want you to fight and when you don’t think you can fight anymore I want you to pull out everything you have and continue fighting. Do you understand?”

  My eyes had tears when I replied, “Yes ma’am I do.”

  She walked away. To this day I will always remember her support. Her words inspired me and gave me strength. What an incredible Sergeant. She was promoted about a year later to Lieutenant.

  I didn’t do as well on the domestic violence scenarios, as I had on the first set weeks before, but I passed. Day one of stop and approach was finished.

  Thursday was more of the same. The scenarios continued throughout the day. The only one of note before “the disaster” was the SIMs building search. This time I was going in alone and was geared up in protection equipment. I was handed my SIMs gun and I entered the building. I went into the first room on the right. As I was exiting a man came towards me pointing a gun at his own head. He was screaming and I yelled several times for him to stop. He continued to advance and I shot him three times in the chest. The scenario ended. I was asked why I shot and I explained the man continued to approach, disobeyed my instructions to stop, and he could have turned the gun on me at any moment. I was then asked what the man was yelling and I told the instructor I had no idea.

  We had been taught about tunnel vision and loss of hearing when our adrenalin was high. I had just experience the hearing loss first hand. I was told to stand to the side of the first door as the next cadet entered for his test. I watched and listened. The man holding the gun and pointing it at his own head was approaching the cadet saying, “I hate fucking cops and I will kill every one of you.” Wow! What a thing to miss and what a wakeup call. I passed the scenario but was upset over what I had not heard. The instructor told me ever cadet fails to hear those words and it was normal but also a learning lesson.

  The day continued and I had one scenario left. It was another red man test. Cadet Clark came up to me after he finished and said for me not to worry, I would pass it with flying colors.

  When I started the scenario, I was told there were some unidentified noises coming from inside a building. I entered. There was a “red man” hitting a woman with a large club while she was trying to fight him off. I attacked. I don’t know why I didn’t shoot him but I didn’t. I flung him to the ground and tried to gain control of his arms. I was unsuccessful and he got up and came at me with the club. I took him to the ground again and continued fighting. He continued to get up. We continued on as I gave everything I had to get him under control. I was fighting for my life and I refused to give up.

  I don’t know how long this went on but the instructor finally yelled, “Fucking shoot him! What’s wrong with you?”

  I pulled out my gun and shot.

  The scenario ended and I had failed. The instructor was screaming at me. Sgt. Dickens was in the room watching. I was holding back tears trying not to cry. The instructor continued to yell at me until he kicked me out of the room.

  Cadet Clark was waiting outside. He couldn’t believe I’d failed. I will never forget his words.

  “We all knew you would pass this one. You always shoot.”

  I was devastated. Could failing one scenario keep me from graduating? I didn’t know but I knew if it was possible Sgt. Dickens would make sure it happened.

  Sgt. Dickens yelled at us for an hour. According to him the entire class should be sent home. I could see the pitying looks from the volunteers. Several walked out refusing to listen to our scolding. They did not understand that we were used to this treatment by our Sergeant. Before it was over Sgt. Dickens announced there were five cadets he would be speaking to the following day and only one was for doing a good job. I knew I would be on the first list.

  We missed a total of twenty-four guns and were told we had to run twenty four hill runs the following morning before POPAT. I looked over at Rocco and knew he was the other cadet chosen to fail.

  What our Sergeant did not know; failure was not an option for either of us!

  Chapter 22

  I Would Not Cry

  The following morning we lined up at the bottom of the hill to complete our twenty-four hill runs. Before we began, class leader Cadet Clark made a speech. I could not have said it better myself.

  “We’ve all been through hell together. We’ve wanted to make our Sergeant proud. We’ve wanted his approval. Well, it’s kind of like the alcoholic father who never thought we measured up. He would never give us praise because the failure was in him and not in his children. We are those children and the only praise we will ever get is what we give ourselves. You have all done an incredible job and I am proud of you. We have all earned the right to have our badges pinned on our chests. I would be proud to serve with each and every one of you. Now let’s do these hill runs and then kick some ass on POPAT!”

  We cheered loudly with hoots and hollers. It was an incredibly inspiring speech. We ran the hills and then marched to cadence on our way to the POPAT field. We were all required to participate, though Cadet Chavez was the only one that would be going home, if he didn’t score at least 384 points. Each and every one of us was determined to see Cadet Rocco Chavez pass.

  First up was the obstacle course. Several of us stood ready at the last turn and ran alongside Rocco, pushing him to run faster. It worked he ended up lowering his time. The fences were also not a problem. He had worked so incredibly hard and it was paying off. Those twenty-four hill runs hadn’t slowed him down. Rocco had his goal in sight and nothing would stop him.

  We kept track of Rocco’s score as we went along so we all knew the outcome before the official posting. Rocco didn’t just pass, he killed it. He came through with a great score. I was so proud of him. We headed to lunch and had a mini celebration.

  After lunch we went back to the classroom. Sgt. Dickens called five names. Mine was on the list. The five of us exited the classroom and then waited outside his office as each cadet was called in. I was the last to enter his office.

  It didn’t matter what he was going to say, I told myself I would not cry. I knew I could make it as an officer. If he was throwing me out, I would come back to the academy and do it all again. I was willing to go through this hell again if that’s what it took to become certified. I had prepared all my speeches. I was ready for Sgt. Dickens.

  I entered the office and sat in the only chair available when he gave the command to sit. Sgt. Dickens then asked if I knew why I was there. I told him no.

  I looked him straight in the eye and waited to have my world shattered. I would not cry. I would not cry!

  Sgt. Dickens' face was stern.

  “Cadet Ivy, “He said, "Rarely am I surprised by a cadet. I’ve followed you and your intent to become an officer closely. I’ve been very hard on you. Quite frankly I did not see the mindset required to become a cop. This job takes absolute conviction that you will never give up and you will fight with everything you have. I hadn’t seen that in you and I didn’t feel you had what it takes. I was wrong. You failed the scenario yesterday but one thing came through. You physically fought with everything you had. You continued fighting and you refused to give up. You should have gone for your gun and ended the scenario but I needed to see that even without a gun you could and would protect yourself. You showed me you could. I’m damned proud of you and I think you will make a great officer.”

  I sat there for a moment in shock and then I did what I swore I wouldn't do. I broke down and cried. And once I started, I couldn’t seem to stop. Sgt. Dickens handed me his Kleenex box and, looking very uncomfortable, waited for me to regain control before dismissing me from his office. I gave Sgt. Dickens a huge hug and then headed back to my classroom.

  I wonder to this day if I am the only cadet who love
s this alcoholic father. Sgt. Dickens changed my life. He put me through hell but it was what I needed. He understood what I would face on the streets. He understood this job is not for everyone. I entered the academy on a lark. I didn’t have a clue what I was getting myself into. I didn’t have the mental toughness or physical toughness to be a cop. But I had changed and I’d become police officer material.

  Maybe no other cadet needed Sgt. Dickens to be an asshole, but I did. During my career, the lessons I learned from him have saved my life again and again. I will never forget those lessons or the man that bludgeoned them into me. The mental toughness he gave me would get me through rough times and in particularly a highly publicized case I worked that required everything I learned from Sgt. Dickens to keep me going.

  When I entered the classroom everyone looked at me. They could tell I’d been crying. But I didn't dare speak and tell them the good news. I knew I would start crying all over again. It wasn’t until after class that I was able to share my fate.

  The majority of us stayed at the academy that weekend and studied. I was not really worried about passing the final but I wanted to help the cadets needing extra attention. We hit the books hard.

  Monday morning the final began. The “Arizona Peace Officer Standards and Training” testers showed up and we could feel the importance of what we were about to undertake. It lasted more than five hours and was given in three segments. We would not get our results until that evening. We all walked over to our classroom when we were told the results were in.

  Cadet Clark gave us the news. Three people did not pass. The three names were given out. Two had failed one unit and one person had failed two. Cadet Rodriguez had passed with the rest of us. We were relieved but upset about the three. They would be given another chance the next day. They only had to pass the unit(s) they failed.

  On retakes the next day, two passed but a third Cadet did not. Unlike the previous tests, the final could be taken three times. But if you failed the third attempt, you did not pass the academy. The department representing the Cadet, that still needed to pass, decided to not have him graduate with our class, but instead, send him to a tutor. We all felt bad for our classmate but it was hard not to contain our excitement over our personal accomplishments.

  Our class party was Wednesday night and we all headed to Chili’s. We basically took over the bar and drank ourselves under the table. Like good police officers, we made sure we had non-drinking cadets that could get us back to the dorms.

  Hung over, but still riding high on our collective success we spent the day getting our individual and class photos taken. Then we practiced for our graduation.

  We reserved the dorm lobby television and watched movies that night. First up, Super Troopers. I was turned on to this movie at the academy and it was probably the tenth time we’d watched it. Even now several years into my career in law enforcement, this movie is quoted again and again. If you want a good dose of cop humor, it’s a must see. We drew names for the next movie. To the groans of all the cadets, my movie won. It was The Princess Bride. The guys had a good time making sarcastic remarks in the beginning, but by the middle they were laughing and cheering. I knew they would love it.

  I barely slept that night. It was almost over. I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to be home again. I missed my husband and I was looking forward to the empty nest I’d once dreaded. The following week, I’d begin working as a police officer. Thirty-five Cadets started down this long road. Only twenty-five cadets would be graduating.

  All I had left was the ceremony the following day and then my true dream would begin.

  Chapter 23

  Endings and Beginnings

  Waking on that last morning at the police academy was great, even without sleep. We attended a breakfast put on by the 100 Club. It is an awesome organization (www.100club.org) that comes to the aid of families of Fire and Law Enforcement when a loved one is killed in the line of duty.

  After breakfast, we went back to our rooms to begin the process of dressing in our “Class A” uniforms. These are the uniforms set aside for special occasions. Our boots were shined to a high gloss and our uniforms were cleaned and pressed.

  Final inspection took place on the school campus by the college flagpole and was carried out by all Police Chiefs and Sheriffs in attendance. It was long and grueling but exciting just the same. Our guidonwas retired and we shouted our class motto for the last time.

  My family and friends were in attendance, all except for my son. He had called the night before to explain he couldn't get the day off from his new job.

  “I know I haven’t supported you mom and I’m sorry." He said, "I didn’t agree with your decision to attend the academy but I am proud of you.”

  I was impressed. He was in his early twenties, and to be fair he was a spoiled kid. I had made him that way. I think as a parent you want to give your children everything you didn’t get as a child. For me it was tangible objects. My family did not have much money growing up and I tried to make up for it with my children. My son had tried to bridge the gap created by his age and my midlife crisis. I was proud of him.

  Class 95 marched to the auditorium to begin our graduation ceremony with heads high. It was wonderful to show off the drilling techniques that we had practiced so diligently.

  Speeches were made and cadets were given awards for shooting, academics, and outstanding performance. I didn't receive any, but was so incredibly proud of the cadets that did.

  Before our swearing in, we left the stage and went to the front seats in the auditorium to watch our class video. It was funny at times, and sad at times, but most of all it was inspiring. When a clip of me going over the wall was shown, my youngest daughter called out, “That’s my mom.” We all laughed.

  After the video, Class 95 again took the stage and we were officially sworn in as Peace Officers for the State of Arizona. Next was the badge presentation. Every Police Chief and Sheriff took the stage to hand our graduation certificates to us. Spouses, mothers and fathers actually pinned on our badges. My husband represented the one and only male spouse to do the honors and pin on my badge.

  We left the auditorium and tearfully said our goodbyes to one another. Class leader Clark told me he would never forget my incredible journey through the academy. I felt the same way about him. We all promised to stay in touch but I knew as our careers began it would slowly fade away, although Deputy Clark is one of the guys I’ve managed to stay in touch with.

  My husband and daughters helped me carry out the accumulation of items and luggage I’d amassed during my eighteen weeks at the academy. The small, bare, quarters of my dorm room offended my daughters’ standards of living. They should have seen what it was like when there had been four of us crammed in.

  We had reserved hotel rooms for my family to stay at during my last evening in the city. My son came to dinner with us and I had a great time. In the morning we would head back to Small Town and on Monday morning I would begin my first shift as a police officer at 0800 hours.

  I was nervous and excited at the same time. I would be in training for the next few months as an officer, but I was up to the challenge and ready to take my next step. This would also be an entirely new way of life for my family and me. And I hoped they were ready for the challenge, too.

  My journey as an officer was about to begin. But becoming an officer was only the first leg of the road I had mapped out for myself. I would soon realize law enforcement was in my blood. I would make new friends and become part of a larger family. One month shy of my two-year anniversary as an officer, I would become the first female detective in Small Town’s history. Although my career path hasn’t been without a few bumps, I love my job and will forever remember that ad on the drug store bulletin as being my fate.

  During that first year as an officer, my knack for sex crimes would become apparent. I would attend training sessions around the country perfecting my ability to help the victims of this violent cri
me. In every annual review, I am chastised for getting too involved in my cases and taking them too personally. The day I change is the day I will turn in my badge.

  One day after being promoted to detective, Small Town was faced with a double homicide. It would be my first case as a detective. Nine months later, with the support of my Sergeant, we would solve the murder of a teenager and discover the killer had struck twice before, in another town. We would solve those murders as well.

  Along the way a fellow officer tagged me as the Bad Luck Detective. I've enjoyed a good bit of teasing over his comment, so I couldn’t pass up using it to write about my adventures in law enforcement.

  Statistically one-third of officers graduating from the academy will not be in law enforcement five years later. Unfortunately Class 95 is following those statistics.

  Three officers failed to pass their field training programs directly after graduation. For two of them it ended their career in law enforcement. Class leader Clark left law enforcement and is now working in corporate America. He keeps his finger in the pie and volunteers as a reserve officer. Rocco has remained a firefighter and even with pressure from friends like me, he feels firefighters have it better. Cadet Rodriguez died in an accident, while on duty, four months after receiving his badge.

  The poor economy is hitting small, rural law enforcement departments especially hard. With current local budget cuts, the officers in my department have not received a pay raise in three years and I fear more good officers will look to other careers and turn in their badges. There are plenty of more lucrative and less dangerous jobs available to raise a family, but I have never regretted my decision.

  Sgt. Dickens continues to train new cadets at the academy. I often want to visit and hear his voice beating obedience into his class, but my job has kept me busy. I will get there someday and I will doubly appreciate being on the outside looking in.