When Pigs and Parrots Fly

by Gail Sattler

  Sarah narrowed her eyes and glared at him. “Talk to? You’re not supposed to go to a play and talk through it. You’re supposed to be quiet and watch.”

  Hayden smiled, somewhat diffusing her annoyance. “I think he means before and after. It sounds like Crystal might get lost behind the scenes for a long time. I’ve been out with her a few times, so I know what she’s like. I don’t mind going. We were just going to see a movie, anyway. How about if we go to the movie tomorrow and tonight we can go with Josh and Crystal to the school play?” He waggled his eyebrows. “I know they’re having coffee and free donuts, and some great door prizes to entice people to go. My boss’s daughter is also in the play, and he asked me to go with them. I turned him down because I didn’t want to be a third wheel, but I’m kind of curious about the backdrops. Frank told me that he helped the drama group with the mechanics, and that he did something special for a scene change. If you ask me, it sounds far too complicated for a group like this, but he insists it’s going to work, and he’s piqued my curiosity.”

  Sarah couldn’t think of anything she wanted to do less than watch children of people she didn’t know. But Josh looked so desperate. As to Hayden, she could almost see the gears whirring in his head as she imagined him trying to figure out what his boss had done on the allegedly intricate scene change.

  Besides the garden club, Hayden had told her that he was also a member of a dominoes club. She hadn’t known such a thing existed, and she couldn’t imagine the mental energy it would take to calculate the multiple trajectories, then sacrifice hours to set up little rectangles that were destined to fall down within minutes. She supposed that if watching wooden shapes getting knocked over interested him, he probably saw his boss’s stage setup as having the potential to be a larger version of the same thing.

  Inwardly, she shuddered at the thought, but at the same time, it piqued her curiosity too.

  She honestly didn’t know why it hadn’t worked out between Hayden and Crystal. Maybe between the two of them, it was simply too much math.

  When she’d been a child, their school plays had no other backgrounds than bad paintings done by the students and taped to the wall. A decade later, the bar had been raised, but she didn’t think that the skill levels or available resources had changed. Not that she wanted to see Hayden’s boss fail, but now she wanted to see the difference a decade had made in the technical details of a children’s drama production.

  She turned to Josh. “I suppose we can go. I guess you were on your way there right now, weren’t you?”

  He nodded. “Yes. It’s a small parking lot. We’d best go in one car.”

  Following Josh to the car, Sarah reached for the front passenger door out of habit and yanked her hand back. Tonight, she wasn’t really with Josh. Officially, she was with Hayden. And that meant sharing the backseat with him.

  She hadn’t been in the backseat of a car with a member of the male species since high school when her father drove her and her boyfriend to the prom.

  How long ago those days had been.

  Yet, she was still single when most of her friends were either married or about to be married.

  As soon as both back doors closed, Crystal turned around and smiled brightly at both her and Hayden. “I’m so glad all of you decided to come. To make it up to everyone, I want to take all three of you out for dinner tomorrow night.”

  Hayden smiled politely. “That’s okay. Sarah and I had plans for tomorrow night. We’re going to see, uh . . . that new movie at the Bloomfield Cinema.”

  At the risk of smearing off her lipstick, Sarah clenched her bottom lip between her teeth to prevent herself from laughing. Hayden had forgotten the name of the movie already, telling her that he wasn’t really interested in it. Taking her to see it was his way of trying to make it up to her that he’d been so snowed by Crystal’s behavior and completely forgotten that Sarah was supposed to be his date at Burger Heaven.

  “Oh!” Crystal’s face lit up. “I want to see that one!” She turned just enough to rest one hand on Josh’s shoulder while he steered the car away from the curb and into the street so they could be on their way. “Josh, can we go with them?”

  A momentary jerk in Josh’s movement with the steering wheel caused a slight shake of the car. “Uh . . . I . . . I think you should turn around and put your seatbelt back on, and we’ll talk about it later.”

  Crystal clapped her hands together and turned around to do as Josh instructed. “It will be such fun! I can hardly wait. We can catch an early dinner at Burger Heaven. I’ll make a reservation, and we can catch the early show. My treat, of course, and don’t any of you argue with me.” She raised her index finger to make her point. “I know we all have to get up for work on Monday, so we’ll catch the early show.”

  Beside her, Sarah felt the tension in Hayden’s body as he stiffened. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Crystal.”

  “Of course it’s a good idea. Don’t let your male pride get in the way of having a good time. I said I’m paying, and I mean it.”

  Sarah had no doubt that neither Josh nor Hayden wanted to do this, but both were too well-mannered to refuse. “I’m not sure either, Crystal. What if—”

  Crystal waved one hand in the air to shush her. “We’re nearly there. I have to tell you what to watch for.”

  For the rest of the trip, Crystal gave them what she considered to be a heads-up on the alleged highlights of the production.

  Crystal was still talking all the way into the school and only silenced when Richard Maxwell, the principal, approached them through the crowd of people.

  Ignoring Crystal, he went straight for Sarah. “Dr. Faire. I’m honored to see you here.”

  She returned Richard’s handshake, which continued long after he should have released her hand. “I’m looking forward to your production. How is your little kitten?” Like so many of her patients, she couldn’t remember the kitten’s name without the file in front of her.

  “Misty’s doing just great; she’s almost all healed. Thank you so much,” he said. Changing gears, he continued, “I don’t have much time, so I’ll make this quick. We’re doing a career day for the students next Tuesday, and some of the parents are coming in to give a small speech about their chosen professions in the auditorium during the assembly. I was wondering if you could spare half an hour and come in to tell us a little about being a vet and, mostly, about being the Vet Whisperer.”

  Sarah forced herself not to squeeze her eyes closed while echoes of her visit into Josh’s store flashed through her mind. That day, when she’d taken control of little Enchilada before he could latch onto Scruffy’s hind leg, someone had called out that she was the Vet Whisperer. “That’s really not right. Calling me the ‘Vet’ Whisperer means I would calm and soothe vets, which I don’t. If anything, I guess it should be ‘Pet’ Whisperer.”

  Richard’s eyes widened. “Yes, that’s definitely what you are.”

  Sarah stiffened. After she’d been called the Vet Whisperer, she’d googled the term Pet Whisperer, and the one source that had claimed being a ‘Pet Whisperer’ involved a psychic connection with pets. She certainly didn’t have that, or even believe in stuff like that. In the Bible, God told people to stay away from wizardry or anything like it, which to her included alleged psychic connections, especially with animals.

  For her, just like a computer programmer had a special ability to understand computer language and code, as a veterinarian, she had a natural ability to read body language in most common house pets, to understand how the pet felt, and how to speak and how to use her own body language to handle the animal. There was nothing psychic about that, only knowing to be sensitive and understand body language in both humans and animals.

  It was no different than knowing never to make eye contact with a wild bear should a person come face-to-face with one in the
wilderness, or to know to do the opposite with a cougar by never backing down or breaking eye contact. Only her interactions were with house pets, which were far less dangerous and much more predictable.

  “No, I’m not really a Pet Whisperer.”

  He continued to shake her hand, so flummoxed that he didn’t seem to know what he was doing. “You don’t have to be so modest. I know people who went to see you on Saturday, and after only two days, they’re already having success using your techniques. I would be honored if you would come to the school for career day. I can block out any time you want, just pick a time that works for you.”

  Sarah gulped. “I don’t know.”

  Richard gave her hand one last shake. “I have your card. I’ll call your office. I have to get ready to go on stage. Thank you from me personally and for all the kids.”

  The kids. No pressure.

  Before she could protest again, Richard was gone.

  Beside her, Josh snickered. “I guess that makes it official. I should probably be honored to be in your presence.”

  She smacked him in the arm with her purse. “Knock it off. Now be quiet and let’s find a seat and watch the play. Then we’re going to leave. Fast.”

  Josh shook his head. “Sorry, but we have to stay to the end. While you were talking to Richard, some kids surrounded me and Hayden and sold us raffle tickets for a bunch of door prizes. The rules are that if your name is drawn, you have to be present to win, or you forfeit the prize and they’ll draw another name. We paid for the tickets, so we don’t want to miss out if our names are drawn. Sorry.”

  Sarah gritted her teeth. She’d hoped to sneak out so maybe Richard would forget that he’d talked to her. She’d always hated public speaking, and she’d never been good at facing a crowd.

  But then again, this wasn’t a real crowd. It was only school children, who would be a much less critical audience.

  She forced herself to smile. She could do this and not faint. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s just go in and enjoy the show.”

  Chapter 5

  Josh wondered what Sarah would say when he told her she snored. Loud. The woman was not a pretty sleeper.

  He knew she was tired, so after he’d filled her tummy with their usual feast of Tuesday night Chinese food, he’d told her to relax while he cleaned up. He’d expected her to curl up at one end of the couch, cuddle up with the brown pillow she liked so much, tuck her hands under her cheek, and with her eyes closed, she’d dose off in perfect peace like an angel.

  Instead, she slept on her back, her mouth wide open, sprawled out arms and legs akimbo, taking up nearly the whole couch. Snoring.

  He liked a woman who wasn’t afraid to let a friend see her true self. While he worked on finding his Ms. Right, who certainly wasn’t Crystal, that was one of the things he was adding to his list—someone unpretentious, just like Sarah.

  He couldn’t help but smile as he watched her, completely oblivious to the world around her. Facing an auditorium full of anxious children for an hour had exhausted her.

  His smile widened. Sarah absolutely hated public speaking. She’d barely survived standing in front of the class of twenty people at college to read her reports. He couldn’t imagine her standing on a stage, behind a podium, facing down a school auditorium full of children and teachers and a number of parents.

  She later admitted to him that just before they called her to face the masses, she’d run into the washroom, terrified she was going to vomit from the nervousness. But she’d held herself together, walked from the restroom to the stage, and given her speech, then answered all the questions tossed at her. With her lunch intact.

  He wished he could have been there for her, but he’d been stuck at the store because he now had a total of three of his staff down with the flu.

  As if she hadn’t been nervous enough, Bailey McCullough had been there doing a story on Career Day at the school. Then, to make it worse, after Sarah had finished her presentation, Bailey cornered her to ask a list of questions.

  Josh didn’t want to tell her that this meant tomorrow there would be an article in the Gazette, featuring Bloomfield’s very own Pet Whisperer. Knowing Bailey, there would also be pictures.

  Just as Josh put the plates into the dishwasher, the phone rang.

  He didn’t think he’d ever moved so fast in his life. He caught it halfway through the second ring.

  “Hello?” he answered, as quietly as possible.

  “Hey, Josh, this is Pamela Jasper. A little bird told me that Sarah is there.”

  Josh sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. As president of the garden club, he didn’t know why Pamela would be phoning his house for Sarah. He also didn’t know who would have told her Sarah was there, especially because the only bird around was Murray, and Murray never said what he was supposed to. But then again, this was Bloomfield, and Pamela was definitely one of the flock. “Yes, Sarah’s here, but she’s unavailable at the moment.”

  “I’m available. Who is it?”

  Sarah’s voice behind him made him wince. He’d hoped he’d grabbed the phone fast enough.

  He had no idea why Pamela would be calling for Sarah. Libby, yes, because she had a dog. But Pamela would never have a dog. Pamela wouldn’t even have a fish. Unless she used the aquarium water for fertilizer. He’d heard that made great fertilizer and, best of all, it was free and natural.

  “Josh?”

  He shook his head, not knowing how he’d let himself get so lost in thought. Extending his hand, he gave the phone to Sarah. “It’s Pamela from the garden club. I have no idea what she wants.”

  He watched as Sarah took the phone, nodded, listened some more, then all the color drained from her face. “I’m not sure I can do that,” she said, her voice coming out choked. She listened for another minute, then gulped. “Yes, I’ll think about it and let you know.”

  Sarah’s hand shook as she gave him back the phone.

  The call definitely had not been about Sarah’s withering wisteria.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Pamela’s heading up the committee for the garden club’s participation at the fair this year.”

  While he thought that bossy Pamela heading up a committee would be a nerve-wracking experience, he didn’t think the news should shake Sarah up that much. “I know what you’re saying about Pamela. Pamela likes to do everything her own way. Still, even though I don’t know if that kind of committee would work, it can’t be all bad.”

  Sarah squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. “That’s not what she phoned for. She didn’t ask me to be on the committee. She said the committee agreed with her to host a tent for the garden club, and they all think that since I’m somewhat of a celebrity, I’ll help draw a crowd. Once a crowd is there, they plan to do a big promo for the garden club.”

  Now that he thought back to the last garden club meeting, he recalled there had been talk of the garden club’s plans for a tent and some kind of activity. Since he’d never thought of growing flowers as something that would draw a crowd, he hadn’t paid attention. “I don’t know why they think a veterinarian would attract people to flowers.”

  “I don’t know either. But she said that if I’m there, people will come. And once they come, they plan to have a contest for children to draw their favorite flowers, and then have me judge the contest.” Sarah groaned and covered her face with her hands. “I can’t be a judge. I can’t pick one child’s work over another’s.”

  “Then just say it’s a tie, and everyone gets first place. It’s not really a contest, so make everyone the winner. All Pamela wants is for you to draw a crowd.”

  Sarah shook her head without dropping her hands. “I’m not good with crowds. I want to help attract members for the club, but I nearly fainted the last time I had to be in front of a lot of people. I can�
�t do this.”

  “You worry too much. Think of it as a way for the kids to have fun, and for the parents to socialize.” Josh snickered. “You might as well give up and go with it. If you’ve attracted Pamela’s attention, she’s not going to let you back down. She’s got your phone number as well as mine. You’re Bloomfield’s own Pet Whisperer.”

  Sarah lowered her hands and stared at him, her eyes wide. “That’s not who I am, and you know it. I’m just a veterinarian.”

  He hated to see her so upset. “Don’t worry. Ride it through. Before you know it the next fad will be upon us, and this Pet Whisperer thing will just be a bad memory.”

  “That’s probably true, but what do I do until that happens?”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “All you can do is make a judgment call on each situation as things happen.”

  She groaned. “I guess I’m stuck. I’m also awake. I can’t believe you let me fall asleep. Let’s go through the new brochure, and I’m going home.”

  They’d gotten about halfway through when Josh put his pencil down and splayed his hand across the next page. “Before we finish, I have to ask you something. You know lots of single women. I need you to help me find a date for Friday night. One of my suppliers is taking me out for dinner while he’s pitching a new line to me. He’s bringing his wife, so I don’t want to be a third wheel.”

  “If you need a date, why don’t you ask Crystal?”

  Inwardly, Josh cringed. “I don’t want to give Crystal the wrong idea. She’s a nice woman, but I really don’t want to keep seeing her. We’ve kind of gone our separate ways, so I don’t want to encourage her when there’s nothing there. What I want is to meet other women, someone I’ll want to spend more time with than just a business dinner. Because, well, you know.”