Skippy Dies: A Novel

by Paul Murray

  This is greeted with incredulity. The priest’s loathing of the French language, and indeed of his students, has never been too closely disguised; still, most expected that he would keep teaching until he died, if only in order to spite them, and perhaps himself too (of those, more than a few privately believed he would never actually die). But now, just like that, he’s gone, and right in the middle of term-time; although of course he’s still there, carrying in deliveries for his hampers, carrying out hampers to his car, making runs to St Patrick’s Villas and the bleak housing estates to the north and west of the city.

  All very strange and sudden; and then someone remembers that on the day Skippy died he’d been in Father Green’s office packing hampers, and they put two and two together.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well, duh, what do you think? After a million years’ teaching he’s just quit overnight, with no one to replace him? There’s no way they’d let him do that unless some serious shit was going down.’

  ‘Yeah, and remember it was like that actual day, and there was no one there except Skippy and Cujo…’

  ‘Holy shit…’

  ‘But wait, come on, if he did do it, they’d hardly just let him get away with it, would they?’

  A moment’s thought elicits the realization that this is exactly the kind of thing They would do. The more the boys think about it, the more they see Father Green making his rounds, with his eternal air of impassive rectitude, of existing on some higher spiritual plane in which they feature as free-roaming coagulations of dirt, the more the rumour crystallizes into certainty.

  ‘This is bollocks,’ Geoff Sproke, fists clenched, avows for the umpteenth time. ‘This is total fucking bollocks.’

  It is total bollocks; but who’s going to do anything about it? Geoff, who cried at the end of Free Willy 2? Niall, always cast as the heroine in school plays? Bob Shambles, with his collection of naturally occurring hexagons? Victor Hero, probably the least aptly named boy in history?

  No, not them, and not Ruprecht either. Ruprecht’s mouth is usually full of doughnut these days, and even in those rare moments when he is not eating, he has little to say. He does not scribble equations on scraps of paper; he does not check the computer for signals from outer space; the upstretched Ruprecht arm, a landmark for so many teachers, disappears from the classroom horizon, and when Lurch gets stuck solving a problem, he merely watches, chewing his gum impassively as the maths teacher gets more agitated and the jumble of wrong numbers sprawls gradually over the entire board. It’s the same when someone calls him a shithead or kicks his arse or punches him in the back of the head; he will stumble but not fall down, and, righting himself, continue on his way without so much as turning round.

  The rest of the gang might well have found these developments worrying, and possibly even done something about it: the thing is, though, there does not seem to be a gang any more. Without anything actually being said, they have relocated themselves to opposite sides of the classroom; after lunch, bolted as quickly as its noxiousness will allow, Mario now plays football in the yard, while Dennis and Niall have taken up smoking cigarettes with Larry Bambkin and Eamon Sweenery by the lake in Seabrook Park, and Geoff has succumbed at last to the lure of Lucas Rexroth’s role-playing group, and spends his lunch hour exploring the dread Mines of Mythia in the guise of Mejisto the Elf. When their paths do cross, in the corridor or the Study Hall or the Rec Room, they feel embarrassed without quite knowing why; the not-knowing makes them feel more embarrassed still, and resentful of the other for making them feel this way, and so before long they go from avoiding to actively persecuting each other – flicking ears, mocking peccadilloes, spilling to third parties secrets entrusted in happier times, e.g. Dennis in the Ref the other evening, ‘Hey, everyone, know what Geoff’s afraid of? Jelly!’, brandishing a gelatinous bowl at him as Geoff squeaks and cringes. ‘What’s the matter, Geoff? Too wobbly for you?’, till Geoff, pushed past the brink, blurts out, ‘Dennis’s stepmum isn’t his stepmum, she’s his real mum, he just pretends she isn’t because he hates her!’ Stunned silence from Dennis, giggles and jeers from Mitchell Gogan and the others at his table, though ultimately they don’t care either way.

  It’s as if Skippy had been one of those insignificant-looking pins that it turns out holds the whole machine together; or maybe it’s that each of them is secretly blaming the others for saying or doing something that brought this whole thing down on them, or not saying or not doing something that might have stopped it. Whatever the reason, the less they see of each other, the better, and Ruprecht, who was always more Skippy’s friend than theirs anyway, is allowed to continue on his downward spiral without interruption.

  But not without parallel. Someone else is exhibiting very similar symptoms, although the two of them being at opposite ends of the academic register, nobody seems to have noticed. Carl’s catatonia, of course, is merely the latest phase in a long process of disconnection; unlike Ruprecht’s, furthermore, it is shot through with a constant stream of tics and twitches – darting eyes, glances over his shoulder, jumping at shadows. But in their walk, the two are identical: they drag their heavy bodies through the corridors like wax effigies, not to say dead men.

  For all that, some shade of normality seems to have been restored in the school. Classes resume, tests are given, games played; the story fades from the news, and Skippy from the forefront of memory, to be visited only in obscure asides of conversation as a fatal example of getting it wrong: ‘It’s like Tupac said, G – money before bitches.’ ‘Word up.’

  ‘Life goes on, Howard,’ the Automator says. ‘We all carry a piece of Juster with us in our hearts, and we always will. But you have to keep moving forward. That’s what life’s all about. And that’s what these boys are doing. I have to say I’m proud of them.’ He turns to the younger man. ‘I’m proud of you too, Howard. You made a tough decision there. Took real maturity and strength of character. But I knew you had it in you.’

  The night before, Howard signed the contract. He is not quite sure why – a definitive act of self-sabotage? A final, comprehensive extinguishing of his hopes? He doesn’t care to investigate too closely. Instead, he makes the rounds of his new life, taking a perverse pleasure in the guilt that aches in his jaw like a rotten tooth from one end of the day to the next. Sitting in the staffroom, he envies the other teachers their inane small talk, their old jokes, their gripes and whinges, as a world that is lost to him. He envies Father Green too, and as he leaves on his missions, Howard sometimes has urges to hop into the car with him, to Help Out, do something good. But in their wordless encounters on the corridor the priest’s contempt is all-conquering.

  As for Tom Roche, Howard can barely turn round these days without bumping into him. It has been decided that he should be moved elsewhere, away from Ireland, just to be on the safe side; but while the Board seeks out a suitable position, he will continue to take classes and to coach the swimming team as though nothing had happened. And he does so, quite convincingly; and that too, Howard thinks, must take maturity and strength of character.

  Lori is coping with Personal Tragedy. At school she doesn’t make a big thing out of it – instead she acts like the same old Lori, she smiles and laughs just like always and it’s only if you’re really paying attention that you’ll notice she’s a tiny bit quieter, a tiny bit paler, and sometimes she’ll look away, out the window, and a sort of sadness will cross her face? But Mom and Dad are really worried about her. They keep leaving little presents in her bedroom for when she gets home, and then on Saturday Mom said they were going on a Girlie Day Out – just the three of them, Mom, Lori and the credit card! They got their hair done and had facials and went to Brown Thomas and bought shoes, it was so much fun! But then when they were in the café Lori’s mom put her hand on Lori’s and said, Oh honey, and Lori saw tears coming down from behind her sunglasses and she started crying too and the two of them hugged and cried, all the other women in the café must have
thought they were crazy!

  He was a very sweet boy but he had problems, Mom said when they had finished crying. Your dad was talking to the Seabrook Principal, who is a very good friend of his, and he said unfortunately this was a boy with a lot of problems. There are people like that in the world and what you have to accept is that you can only help them up to a point, and after that there’s nothing more you can do. And – Mom started to sniff again – baby, I know it seems impossible now, but some day your heart will heal and you’ll be able to love someone new?

  And for a second Lori felt a warm mochaccino glow rising up from her stomach but then Mom said that Dad wanted her to see a child psychologist and the feeling turned sickly cold. A child psychologist poking around in her brain, wanting to find everything out? Telling Mom and Dad what really happened? For a second Lori thought she was going to puke right there on the table, but then Mom said, But I told him I didn’t think it was necessary because you’ve been coping very well on your own, all things considered. You’ve been so brave, she said, I’m so proud of you, and then she started talking about the woman from the modelling agency who called up after seeing the pictures of Lori in the paper and wanted her to come in. We should really get you a new outfit, Mom said, and also maybe go to the dentist and have your teeth whitened, you only get one chance with these people.

  Mostly the teachers and nuns and girls in her year have been really nice to her, but of course, like BETHani says, wherever there is someone who is getting attention or enjoying success you will find haters and people who try to bring them down with negativity, e.g. like yesterday when she overheard Mirabelle Zaoum saying, Oh God, all it takes to be a big star in this school is for some loser to write your name on a floor. Janine says, You can’t let them get to you, Lori, and she made Lori a card that read, Never frown even when ur sad, coz u never know whose falling in love with ur smile! And it’s true! So as she goes through the school doors into the buzzing swarming nest of blue-uniformed girls it’s with a big smile for everyone, !

  Janine’s the only person she reveals her true feelings to. If you don’t know her Janine can seem like a bitch, but underneath it all she has the giantest heart. She wanted so much to help Carl and Lori get back together, it wasn’t her fault the Plan didn’t work out, and ever since what happened she has been the best best friend anyone could ever ask for. Lori would be so happy if Janine could find someone to love – underneath her tough exterior that’s all she really wants! And she looks amazing these days, like she’s totally lost that little you wouldn’t call it a spare tyre but anyhow it’s mostly totally gone? Still, Lori’s glad to have her to herself until everything gets back to normal.

  Today at lunchtime they go up to the mall. Denise and Janine are talking about KellyAnn, she is totally wrecking everybody’s head talking about her stupid baby, you’d think she’d be embarrassed about it but instead she can’t shut up and she keeps putting on this wise old woman voice like speaking in this slllooooooowwwwww soooooffffffft way, like she knows something you don’t just because she got drunk and let that gimp Titch Fitzpatrick get her up the duff.

  I wouldn’t mind so much except she keeps trying to give me like relationship advice? Denise says.

  Me too, Janine says, I’m like, KellyAnn, you’ve totally ruined your life, the day I need advice from you just put a bag over my head and shoot me.

  What do you think will happen when Sister Benedict finds out? Do you think she’ll be expelled?

  I don’t know, Janine says, but if KellyAnn had any cop at all she’d be saving her money for a little holiday.

  Lori is shocked. You mean go for an abortion?

  There’s no way she’ll get an abortion, Denise says.

  What else is she going to do with it?

  Well, maybe Titch will help her take care of it?

  Janine laughs. Have you ever met Titch’s mother? She’s like Godzilla in drag. There’s no way she’s going to let her precious Tom-Tom’s life go down the tubes just because some slutty Brigid’s girl couldn’t keep her knickers on.

  I heard she just gave him a BJ, Denise says.

  You can’t get pregnant from a BJ, Janine says.

  I know this girl whose sister’s friend gave this boy a BJ and then she got pregnant even though she was a virgin.

  Did she spit it out? Janine asks.

  I don’t know, Denise says.

  And it’s so weird, one moment Lori’s listening to her friends and the next she’s on the ground and the shops on the mezzanine are whirling around her head like bluebirds in those old cartoons when the coyote gets whacked with an anvil or something.

  Oh my God, oh my God, Denise flaps above her like a skinny bird. Janine is crouched down beside her. Oh sweetie! A security guard appears and looks down with dark-brown hair and a kind stupid face. Is she OK? he asks in a voice like Lilya’s. She’s fine, Janine says, she just needs some air. He moves in closer. She’s fine, Janine snaps and the guy cringes away like a dog you’ve thrown a stone at. Sweetie, she murmurs again and hugs her and for a moment Lori can hide in the warm friendly darkness, the Janine-smell she knows so well. But then everything comes down on her again, the day the night the Plan, she knew it wouldn’t work the moment she called him, the moment Daniel answered the phone she knew it was a bad idea, lying to him like that felt wrong, it made her angry, and he kept asking her questions – What’s wrong? How long have you had it? Do you have a temperature? – so she had to lie more and more when she just wanted him to go, and she felt so awful but she is a terrible person because then the second Carl appeared she forgot about Daniel completely, everything that usually made up Lori like memories and things she liked was instantly washed away and it was just her and Carl walking through the park, he looked so sad I missed you he said it was the first time he’d ever said anything like that she started to cry and then when he held her to cry and laugh at the same time I missed you too and that was just the beginning because then next he started to talk like really talk in a way he never did before like about how he didn’t think she cared about him he thought she was in love with Daniel How could he think that when he knew about Janine’s Plan but he did he thought she didn’t love him not like I love you he said oh my God but I do love you I love you I love you but he didn’t think she did because she wouldn’t have sex that doesn’t have anything to do with it she said but he wouldn’t believe her that’s why she did it the doughnut shop roof was sore against her knees the doughnut was like a giant halo round his head he kept saying I love you she felt like she was drunk with happiness his thing tasted strange but not terrible but it was weird the way it moved in her mouth like it was alive a little blind creature she liked the feel of his hands in her hair but then he shot the stuff and he wouldn’t let her take it out and it was going down her throat it kept coming not letting her breathe it was like she was drowning and then she saw what he was doing oh my God why Carl why she couldn’t get the phone from him he was shouting she broke free and jumped down from the roof she twisted her ankle and had to run all the way home on it she was crying and when Mom asked her why she had to say Amy Doran’s cat got run over and when Mom tried to hug her she wouldn’t let her because she was worried she might smell the stuff she couldn’t get the taste out of her mouth she could feel it on the back of her teeth all slimy she used up a whole bottle of mouthwash it didn’t do any good and the next thing Mom calls her down from her room and Daniel is there holding a frisbee why did he bring a frisbee in winter he always did everything weird like that like texting her poems that don’t even rhyme but anyway he’s looking at her all white with big round eyes and she knows that he’s seen the video and maybe she could have just pretended nothing happened he would have believed her but before he can even say anything before she even knows what she’s doing she starts screaming at him, screaming at the top of her lungs Get out, get out, fuck off, what’s your problem, I never ever ever want to see you again, screaming and screaming the most horrible things that came into
her head loud as she could till Dad came out and put his arms around her and told him it was probably best if he went and he was looking back at her dad like he didn’t know where he was and she turned round and ran up to her room and next thing Kelly-Ann is calling her crying from the doughnut shop and then there are police cars outside her house and I am so sorry, I am so sorry, Daniel I am so so sorry! But she still knew in the middle of everything she wasn’t going to tell them about Carl.

  And now Zora Carpathian is calling her the Death Girl and all over the school someone keeps writing LORI L’S DANIEL 4 EVER it must be Tara Gately, she copies everything Lori does, she has all of her things, bangles, hairbands, BETHani badge on the strap of her schoolbag, she’s probably never even kissed anybody herself well if she wants to be her so much Lori wishes she could just let her, say to her okay you can be Lori and see how you like it and I’ll be nobody I’ll just be some air in the sky up where nobody can breathe it but then what would she do about CarlCarlCarlCarl

  They are back in the toilets in school. Janine is wiping Lori’s eyes and cheeks. Denise and Aifric Quinlavan are smoking cigarettes and talking about boys. Would you do it if you really liked him?

  I wouldn’t ever like someone who would want me to do something like that.

  They all want to do it, Aifric says, they see it on the Internet and then they want you to do it. You should see the stuff my brother has on his computer, it’s totally vile.

  Like what sort of stuff?

  Like, you know, men spraying their, you know, on girls’ faces? Like their semen?

  Ewww, that’s so gross!

  Or sticking their thing up your arse.

  There’s no way I’m ever doing that, Denise says. Like why would anyone want to do that?

  You can’t get pregnant, Janine says. If they shag you up the arse it means you can’t get pregnant.