Traces Of Me

by Nikki Summers

  “No family? No friends?” he asked, surprised and confused. She couldn't tell him too much but she guessed he deserved something.

  “I’ve lost all my family. They were abruptly taken from my life five years ago. I've moved about thirty times since then, never staying anywhere long enough for anyone to get too attached, at least not enough to want to keep tabs on me,” she tried to explain, only lying a little. She wondered if Tyler would have wanted to hear from her again, even after she wouldn't have sex with him. Thinking of Tyler in that moment, with Josh in front of her reminded her that she couldn't be loved and she should be careful not to lead Josh on. He deserved an open and carefree girl.

  She didn't like the look he gave her when she finished explaining. She didn't need or want his pity. Glancing at the door, she considered ending their date and leaving but his hand found hers again. She couldn't pull away from the contact, she liked it too much. It was as if he knew she was considering running and he knew exactly how to stop her.

  “I have something for you. I hope you don't mind,” he said reaching into his pocket with one hand as he still held hers in the other, refusing to let her go. He placed a cell phone down on the table.

  “You shouldn't have,” she joked, placing her free hand on her cheek, pretending it was a beautiful piece of jewelry. He knew she was just trying to lighten the mood. He laughed, then went serious again.

  “I didn't like the idea of not being able to call you if I needed to hear your voice or text you a message when I was thinking of you,” he confessed, breaking her heart. She can’t do this, she can’t have relationships.

  “That's so thoughtful Josh but I can't accept it. I'm moving, I don't have an address, I can't,” she said, feeling her chest tighten.

  “It's under my company’s name, please, all I ask is that you answer it when I call you,” he begged. She actually felt her eyes water which surprised her. She tried to stop them but she had been craving attention for so long that to finally have someone openly be concerned for her was too much. She wiped her eyes with her napkin, praying her mascara wouldn't run.

  “Yes,” she mumbled through her tears. “I'll answer your call Josh,” she said as she felt his arms wrap around her. She held him, feeling his body close to hers, heating her. She smiled as she touched his neck with her lips. His hands moved to her waist as he looked into her eyes. He's never felt so vulnerable, so affected by a girl's trembles, but hers shook him. He felt like she only trembled for him.

  “Thank you,” he said, relieved as he reluctantly released her. Just touching her waist excited him and her breath on his skin was almost too much. He knew he had to step back. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her away. He settled back into his seat across from her just before their food arrived.

  They kept the conversation light throughout dinner. He told her about his travels to Europe and he noticed she listened to every detail, mesmerized by his life experiences. He talked mostly of business trips with just a little of his personal details. He had only traveled a few times with a girlfriend but he quickly lost interest in their company. They seemed to like spending his money more than spending time with him.

  “So why isn't a man like you, handsome, successful, worldly, married to some hottie by now? Where's your trophy wife?” she asked knowing her inner country girl was coming out, blunt and straightforward. He smiled at her question, almost blushing.

  “You think I'm handsome?” he beamed, grinning at her. She giggled, nodding yes.

  “Now answer the question,” she demanded, pretending to be serious.

  “Isn't it obvious, I just haven't found the right hottie yet,” he said with a smile.

  The heaviness set in when dinner ended. She didn't want to say goodnight to her dream man yet. He held her hand as he walked her home, the warm autumn breeze surrounding them again. As though in a dream, she had completely forgotten all the rules. She was oblivious to her surroundings, she wasn’t wearing a hat and she was walking too slow. All she had on her mind was the feel of Josh's hand holding hers, the brush of her arm against him and his eyes taking her in.

  Once they reached her apartment building he pulled her closer to him. He watched her for a reaction, unsure if she was feeling the same way he was. The last thing he wanted was to say good night. He wanted so much more than dinner. He didn't want to leave her, which frightened him. He was falling in too deep for a girl that already told him she was leaving.

  “I had a great time with you,” he said, kissing her forehead. It reminded her too much of Jay, always holding her back at arm's length, kissing her forehead then walking away. She didn't know why but she felt like she needed more from Josh before she could let him go. Her eyes closed as her body temperature rose. She placed her arms around him, breathing him in.

  “I'd invite you up but my place is kind of empty. I have nothing to offer,” she said apologetically, not wanting to let him go. She felt his warmth as his hands rested on her hips.

  “You have your company to offer,” he said, raising his eyebrows, waiting for her reply. Relief washed over him as she smiled up at him.

  “Would you like to come up to my empty apartment?” she asked nervously. He noticed her look over his shoulder then heard her take in a deep breath. Her heart stopped for a moment when she watched a black car pull up behind him, parking across the street from her building. There was a man in the driver’s side but he didn't get out. For some reason she began to breathe heavier, her hands began to shake. She needed shelter. She avoided Josh's gaze as she tilted her head toward the front doors of the apartment. Josh is observant though and she had a feeling he had witnessed her little panic attack.

  “I would love to, thank you,” he said, taking her hand leading her quickly up the steps. He casually turned in the direction she had been looking before closing the door. He held her hand tightly, feeling her pulse pick up. It surprised him how quickly she went from playful to panicky. She unlocked the door with shaky hands, praying she was just being paranoid. Jay had warned her that living in the city would make it harder for them to protect her. Calmness overtook her panic once they stepped inside her apartment and she closed and locked the door. She decided not to put the sofa in front of it this time, as she glanced at Josh.

  She regained her composure, convincing herself that she was overreacting. She took off her coat but left her boots on. Josh watched her as she sat down on the sofa. He sat down beside her, resting his hand on her knee. She loved the feel of him on her, no matter how innocent the touch. She glanced around at her simple apartment. Her suitcase was packed, sitting by the door as a reminder that she had to run.

  'Stuff it down,' she repeated in her head, knowing she should have told Josh to leave. She can't have a relationship. She can't bring anyone else into her nightmare. Jay had entered it willingly, it was his job. He was paid to live in other people’s drama but she knew she shouldn't have let Josh in. It wasn't his world. His world was normal, happy and sweet. She should know, she wrote about it.

  “I warned you it was empty up here,” she said, slightly embarrassed as he scanned the room. She had no idea what he was used to but she was pretty sure it was more than this. His suit and polished shoes told her his home must be a little more comfortable. She watched him as he looked around, following his movements as he stood up and went straight to the window, shutting the blinds. She wondered if he sensed her danger.

  “It's cozy Misty,” he said with a laugh as he sat back down on her only piece of furniture. It came with the apartment otherwise they would be sitting on the floor.

  “No, I don't think cozy describes it,” she said, resting her head on his shoulder. He took a deep breath, holding back his desire to take her in his arms.

  “How long have you been here?” he asked. He's surprised when she sits up then leans against the back of the sofa, away from him. He didn't mean to lose her touch. He turns to her, his body moving closer to her. She stares into his eyes for a moment, wondering how honest
she can be with him. Tyler never asked her personal questions because he knew she was in the witness protection program and he had been warned not to ask. Josh didn't know anything about her except what she had told him, which wasn't much.

  “Almost a month,” she said, knowing it was too long. He nodded, his hand reaching for hers as he sat back, resting his head. He turned toward her and all she wanted to do was kiss his lips.

  “After you're done touring Paris you won't be coming back here will you?” he asked, but he knew her answer before she replied. His eyes fixed on hers and she felt a sharp pain in her chest. She can't be loved, she wanted to tell him but she didn't want him to leave her. She told herself to quit being selfish, to let him go but she couldn't.

  He slowly reached his hand up to her cheek and she shivered as the sensation of his warm skin touched her. He felt it, he moved even closer to her, their legs side by side. She sighed as his fingers pulled a few strands of hair off her face, brushing them behind her ear. She felt his breath on her cheek. She turned to him, his gaze landing on her lips. She absently bit the corner of her bottom lip, feeling insecure suddenly. She wanted him to kiss her but the memory of running from Tyler made her lean back. She didn't want to run from Josh too.

  “I might have some juice, I don't drink pop. I may even have some ice,” she said standing, breaking the tension, shattering the moment. He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes as he stood.

  “No, I'm not thirsty Misty,” he said, looking out the window again. She leaned against the counter as she sipped her water.

  “Can I see your travel itinerary?” he asked, surprising her.

  “Um, yeah sure, why?” she asked as she pulled it out of her backpack.

  “I'm just curious. Maybe I can offer you some more advice. What time are you landing in Paris?” he asked, seeming genuinely interested. She glanced over the print out, checking the name. Relieved she had used Misty to book the flight. She walked back towards him, as he stared out the window again.

  “Is everything okay? Are you waiting for someone?” she asked, assuming that would be the only reason he would be looking out so often.

  “No, I'm not waiting for anyone but you,” he said smiling, walking towards her. She handed him the papers and he scanned through them. They talked about Europe and traveling again for hours. Charlotte was relieved the heaviness between them was gone. As long as she didn't think about being unlovable then she assumed she would be okay. She eventually yawned, leaning on one of the pillows on the couch. Josh smiled as he stood up, his eyes on hers.

  “I can take a hint. I'm going to get going. Can I see you tomorrow morning? Will you meet me at the cafe?” he asked as she slowly stood in front of him. She still didn't want him to go but she knew she had no right keeping him with her.

  “I would love to. I'll probably be there early. I don't sleep in much. When I lived on a ranch I woke up at sunrise and I've still kept that habit,” she tells him, hiding the pain of her broken heart. His fingers graze her cheek, warmth running through her instantly. He kisses her forehead as she leans into him, wishing he would kiss her lips.

  “I'll see you tomorrow, have a good night Misty Rose,” he said as he stood back from her.

  “Good night Josh and thanks again, for tonight,” she said, forcing a smile. He nodded then turned from her. She sighed as she shut the door. Loneliness seeped through her body, leaving a cold chill in its wake. A familiar pain in her chest throbbed as she flopped down on her bed. She has tried through the years to distract herself when these feelings would rush through her, threatening to bury her alive. She practiced her breathing exercises, trying to control her hyperventilating. Her heart hurt with every beat. Sometimes she wished it would just stop beating when this pain overtakes her.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  ~

  Tyler

  The greyhound pulled up to the station. She no longer felt nervous when she would arrive at new placements. She knew the drill by now, it's been just over three years since that day. She'd lost count of how many homes, how many schools, until she eventually got her way and the agents on her case agreed to allow her to finish high school through correspondence.

  Going to new schools became too hard, not being able to tell people her real name, where she came from and then having to leave again with no explanation. It wasn't right, so she stopped trying to make friends. Life became painfully lonely but what choice did she have. The man that killed her parents knows she witnessed the murders, she's the only witness. Once they catch him they will need her to testify.

  She'll have to relive that nightmare again and share it with a courtroom full of strangers. When the time comes she knows she'll be ready to do what she has to do, to put the man that ruined her life behind bars forever, although she secretly fantasized that she'd be the one that turns on the electric chair. She dreams of watching him die sometimes. She had mentioned that once to one of her counselors and they had quickly reprimanded her.

  “I am going to choose to ignore that statement and I suggest you don't say it out loud again unless you think a life in an institution sounds better than a life on the run,” her counselor had told her. She knew she was being warned. She was sure having her committed would be easier for the police to protect her but she didn't want to try that, at least not yet.

  When she stepped off the bus and glanced around she sighed heavily. Another tiny town in the middle of nowhere, this time it's Nowhere, Idaho. She looked around for the lovely couple that considered themselves saints, doing God's work, taking in a sad, lost little girl for a few months.

  As she walked through the station and out the front door she didn't see anyone waiting to pick her up. She took off her sweater and put on her sunglasses as she stood in the hot sun. Her wig was making her head itch. She considered taking it off but decided she could wait a little longer. With her luck Jay would show up out the blue and freak on her if she did, although the idea of Jay showing up excited her. He had sent her a bus ticket instead of driving her himself this time. She was mad when it arrived and had tried to call him but all she kept getting was his voicemail, which made her even angrier. He couldn’t hide his shame from her, he couldn’t hide his desire either. Their week together a few months ago had brought them closer than they had ever been and she knew Jay had felt guilty no matter how much she tried to tell him it wasn’t wrong.

  A pickup truck sped up to the front of the station, leaving a cloud of dust in its wake. A young, tanned, muscular man in faded denim and a black tee shirt jumped out and raced towards her. Startled, she jumped back towards the red brick building, hitting her head. He smiled then realizing he scared her, he held his hand out, stepping back a little.

  “So sorry Ma'am, you must be Justice Jones, right? I'm Tyler, I've been told to come get you. So sorry I'm late,” he smiled again, this time she thinks she saw him redden.

  “I'm in no rush, no places to see, no people to meet,” she mumbled, rubbing the back of her head. He seemed confused yet still apologetic.

  “Better late than never, don't worry about it Tyler,” she said, shaking his hand. She went to reach for her suitcase but he quickly picked it up before she could.

  “A gentlemen, why thank you,” she said in her southern girl accent. He broke out in a big smile as he placed it in the trunk. She waited for him to open the truck door and he helped her in. She accepted his hand and attention. It'd been so long since anybody paid her any notice. The last six months she's been at different houses, both filled with kids. She was basically the maid.

  “So Justice, I've been told not to ask you too many questions, just so you know I'm not being rude. I like to ask people questions, so this is weird for me,” he said glancing over at her.

  “Weird about explains it, my life that is. So why don't I ask you the questions you were going to ask me,” she offers. He seems relieved by her suggestion.

  “Okay, shoot,” he said grinning. She likes this boy instantly and she says boy even though he tell
s her he's twenty, because he's so carefree, playful and excitable. Everything a boy should be and everything a girl like her should have been.

  He answers a dozen questions by the time they get to her new home. She knows more about this guy she’s only known for twenty minutes than she knows about Jay, who she’s known for three years. She was enjoying his company so much she almost forgot that he was just the driver.

  “I'll drop you off at the main house and introduce you to Ms. Shetland, she's super nice. I'm sure you'll get along great. I live in the apartment above the stables. I'm a hired hand around the ranch. Maybe, if you're interested, I could show you around, take you for a ride if you'd like,” he asked, looking over at her. She smiled liking the idea of having a friend, a lot.

  “That would be great, really, thank you Tyler,” she said, although something told her to be careful, don't get too attached, the heartbreak may kill her, but she wanted a friend so much that she chose to ignore the feeling.

  Ms. Shetland was surprisingly nice, there wasn’t a Mr. Shetland around anymore and there weren’t any kids running around either which was a relief to Charlotte. Ms. Shetland didn't make her do chores even though she told her she happily would. All she insisted on was her finishing her high school credits while she was there and learn a skill, which she did both.

  Within the first week of settling in Tyler took her out for a ride. She had been taught to ride western style a few years ago, at one of her first placements and she was glad it all came back to her. She picked up her pace and raced along beside Tyler. He kept glancing over at her, being protective. When they tied the horses back up in the stable he taught her how to brush her horse. He stood close to her as he carefully showed her how to calm the horse so he wouldn't kick her when she went to his backside. She tried not to laugh when he told her about the one and only time he was kicked by a horse. He swore that would never happen to him again.