Traces Of Me

by Nikki Summers

  He was disturbed when he opened the front door to her building and caught a man standing on the sidewalk staring up at her window. He slowly slid back in and waited until the man eventually crossed the street and sat in his car. He didn't drive away. Something told him he was there for Misty. He couldn't just walk away, he couldn't leave her now.

  “I'm not going anywhere tonight. I know we just met, I shouldn't be prying into your life like this but I know there's more to your story. I'm sorry but since I saw you a month ago-” he said, abruptly stopping. He watched her squeeze her eyes shut and shake her head. This was too much. He's too close. How did this happen so quickly, she wonders. She turns from him, not wanting him to see her when her pain surfaces. She quietly brings him a blanket and a pillow.

  “Good night Josh and thank you for coming back,” she whispers. She could tell he was being protective earlier. He either saw something or he sensed her danger which is why he's staying. She didn't understand why though. She hadn't offered him her bed.

  “Good night Misty,” he replies. She walks into her bedroom and lies down on her bed. She hears a few muffled noises from the living room.

  'He's staying,' she moans. 'My dream man is sleeping on my couch tonight and I can't touch him,' she cries into her pillow. She considers leaving while he's asleep. She knows she could be out in minutes, but she can't do it. She thinks about his warm breath on her neck, his fingers on her cheek and his hand over hers. She wants another touch before she leaves him, before she leaves New York. She drifts off to sleep with a smile on her face, for the first time in years.

  In the morning, the sun wakes her up, shining in through the window. She jumps out of bed, shocked because she never sleeps in. She can't believe she didn't wake up once during the night. Without thinking she races into the living room, surprising Josh. He's dressed in his pants from last night and a snug white tee shirt revealing his strong arms and tight abs. She looks up at his grinning face. She can feel herself blushing, caught scanning his body.

  “I thought you woke at sunrise?” he asks softly.

  “I usually do. I'm just going to go change,” she stutters, feeling confused. He watches her as she turns to leave. She can't believe he stayed all night. She showers quickly, wrapping the towel tight around her chest. She dries her hair and applies a little makeup. When she opens the bathroom door it dawns on her that she didn't set any clothes out last night and her suitcase is in the living room. She tightens the towel wrapped around her again before walking out into the living room. Josh turns to her and his expression changes, his friendly smile hardens, and his bright eyes darken a little. He quickly recovers with a slow grin as his gaze runs over her.

  “I like it, I think you should wear that everyday,” he teases, walking towards her. He can feel his desire as he stares at her. The idea of her naked body under that towel compels him toward her. He knows she's innocent, modest even as he catches her cheeks turn pink. She can feel the heat rising in her. She watches him approach. She's conflicted by two different emotions. The idea of him ripping off her towel and carrying her to bed makes her stomach muscles clench. Then she considers running to the bathroom and locking the door. 'Stuff it down. Look into his eyes, don't think of anything but him and you'll be okay,' she convinces herself.

  “I just need my suitcase, sorry,” she manages to squeak out, reaching for the handle. He stands in front of her, his hand settling on the handle before hers does.

  “Allow me, would you like it in your bedroom?” he asks her, his gaze dropping from her eyes to her lips.

  “Yes, thank you,” she whispers, feeling warm all over. He places it on the empty dresser in her bedroom that she has never used. He glances at it, his smile fading. Another reminder that she has secrets she's not willing to share with him yet. She can't help but wonder why he cares so much. No one has ever cared when she's moved on.

  “I'll leave you to it,” he said, hesitating at the door.

  “Are we still on for coffee?” she asks, knowing she has to say something to keep him with her a little longer.

  “Of course,” he tells her, closing her door behind him. She dresses in dark skinny jeans, a white tank top and a white loose thin t shirt. She puts on her mother's pearl earrings and a spray of perfume. Looking herself over in the mirror she assumes everything looks okay except for her dark lonely eyes.

  He holds her hand as they leave her apartment. To her relief and his, the black car is gone. She holds his hand a little tighter, grateful to have his protection. As long as she doesn't think about leaving on Monday she believes she'll be okay. He holds the door open for her as she steps into the one place she'll miss the most. The place she found her dream man in. They order together, Josh paying. She can't help but notice the disappointment on the girl behind the counters face as she watches them together. Josh only has eyes for Charlotte this morning, his mood a little heavier and she feels guilty for it.

  'He shouldn't be involved with a girl like me,' she thinks as she glances back at the simple girl behind the counter. He needs one like her, she sighs.

  They take a seat near the window. She's usually hiding but with Josh she's feeling a little braver. She takes a few sips as they sit in silence. Both of them lost and confused. She's leaving in two days. She'll be catching her flight at eleven Monday morning. Her plan is to call a cab as soon as she gets up, as long as she doesn't sleep in again. That still surprised her. She would feel better waiting for her flight at the airport then in her little, empty apartment alone. She made the mistake of looking into his eyes, he was watching her closely.

  “I appreciate you staying with me last night. I think it's because of you being there that I slept so soundly,” she confesses to him. He smiles as he places his hand over hers again. He likes the idea that he made her feel so safe that she could relax and fall into a deep sleep, he wished she had let him sleep beside her though.

  “I really wish you would stay here, even if it is just for another week. Is there nothing I can do to make you reconsider,” he practically begs, not removing his gaze from her. She almost caves, then remembers why she's leaving. Her life requires that she move on, self preservation. Plus she can't be loved, eventually he'll want more and she believes she'll just scream and run from him too. He'll be horrified and will never want to see her again. She imagines the disturbing scene as she looks back out the window. A cold shiver runs through her. That is why she must leave, she resolves.

  “I can't stay. I love your company Josh, I do. You have been so sweet. I feel like I've known you for so long. I wish I could stay, I wish I could get to know you better but I really have no choice but to go,” she whispers, turning from him, feeling tears sting her eyes.

  “I’m not giving up but I’ll let it go for now, as long as you spend the day with me,” he grins. She smiles, amazed by his words.

  “I would love to spend the day with you,” she tells him.

  She laughs watching him brush his teeth in a fountain in Central park. His tie flung back over his shoulder as he rinses.

  “I didn’t pack an overnight bag last night, so I must make due. I’m slightly attached to my teeth,” he muses as he drops the new toothbrush into the trash bin. They walk through the park, holding hands. She knows this is only going to make it harder to say good bye. He knows it too but he has it in his head that somehow they are going to work through this. He doesn't want to lose her. After lunch and a stop at the MET, Josh takes her to his favorite cannoli vendor.

  “I can’t believe you’ve never had a cannoli. How long have you been in New York and you haven’t had a cannoli?” he explains, pretending to be astonished. He buys two, then carefully unwraps one.

  “Have a taste Misty,” he instructs as he holds it in front of her. Much to his delight she leans forward, allowing him to feed her. She takes a bite, then closing her eyes, she moans as she swallows it. Josh can’t believe how arousing it was to watch her.

  “How was it?” he asks with a wicked grin. She
laughs as she takes the rest of it from him and eats it. He continues to watch her as he eats his own.

  “Can you walk me back Josh. I think it's time I prepare to go,” she tells him, feeling her broken heart shatter a little more. She didn't know how it could be possible but it's happening again. He looks at her with his bright, beautiful blue eyes and she groans quietly as she looks away, trying to hide her torment from him. The pain of knowing what could have been hers if she was a normal girl shreds her raw beating heart.

  He continues to hold her hand tightly as they reach her apartment. She takes a deep breath, avoiding the confusion and sadness on his face. Her guilt engulfs her, knowing it's her fault his perfect life is being pulled into her darkness. When she searches the cars parked along the side of the road, a familiar black car makes her heart stop and her hands shake.

  “I have to go. I have to get inside. Do you want to come in?” she asks, hoping he'll say no and she can end this self inflicted torture but he nods his acceptance, not saying a word as they ride the elevator up to the fifth floor.

  “Misty Rose, can you please tell me what's going on? I care about you and it's breaking my heart seeing you so frightened. I really wish you would stay. Running off alone to a different country isn't going to make your life any better,” he tells her. He walks over to her. Taking her hand he leads her to the couch. He wraps his arm around her shoulder and she can't help but melt into his warmth. He smells good as she turns to him, resting her cheek against his firm chest. She can't help but place her hand on him, slowly sliding her hand across him, savoring the touch. All her thoughts of letting him go vanish from her as she rests beside him.

  “I can't stay here. I've stayed too long and he's probably found me already,” she sighs, knowing she shouldn't bring him into this but she feels so safe with him.

  “Who has found you?” he asks, tilting her chin up to look at him.

  “It might be my protection out there or it might be my parent's murderer,” she tells him, regretting it instantly. He jumps up and looks out the window again before turning back to her. He sits back down beside her and places his hands on her shoulders, turning her to him. She sighs heavily.

  “The black car, I saw it last night before I came back up here and then when I went to leave I saw a man across the street looking up into your window. It frightened me, I knew you were in danger so I came back up, hoping you wouldn't tell me to leave,” he explained, taking a deep breath. He knew something was wrong but didn't think it would involve a murderer.

  “You're too observant for your own good,” she tells him, feeling guilty for laying this on him.

  “Can't the police arrest him?” he asks sounding frustrated.

  “It's a little complicated,” she tells him, not wanting to go over the details right now.

  “Misty, if we pack up everything right now will you spend the rest of your time in New York with me. My place is safe. I can have my driver pull up out front. We'll throw your suitcase in. He'll drive into the secure underground parking at my building and we can take the elevator up. It’s locked, no one can get in that doesn’t live there. It will be safe, I promise you,” he almost begs. She stands up, wrapping her arms around her waist, unsure as to what she should do now. He looks up at her before standing, giving her a minute to consider his offer.

  It sounds too good. The idea of spending two more nights alone in her apartment frightens her now that she believes her monster is out there and Jay hasn't called her since she left Raleigh. She had thought about calling him tonight. He would be there as quickly as he could but if she called him he wouldn't let her catch her flight to Paris on Monday.

  “Are you sure Josh? I mean this is a lot for you to take on. Especially for a girl you just met, you really should just let me go,” she tells him turning away, putting distance between them. She walks to the door, preparing herself for him to come to his senses and realize she's right. He should just go, leave her now while he still can. He walks over to her, refusing to let her push him away. He knows what she's trying to do and he won't let her. He doesn't back down when someone he cares about is in trouble and he cares about her.

  He places his hands on both sides of her face. She trembles with his intense touch. He leans towards her, his eyes clouded as his lips brush hers gently. She slowly closes her eyes, feeling the sensation run down her body, exciting her. His simple, sweet touch is heating her insides. She doesn't fight him and he kisses her harder. She moans as her lips part, allowing his kiss to go deeper. She can feel his heat against her body, her hands on his chest but she can't push him away. She wants him closer. She knows she can't have all of him but for some reason she feels like she wants to try. He pulls away but she grips his arms, not wanting to let him go.

  “Let's go,” he says huskily, the sound of his voice sending another shiver through her. She nods, releasing him as she gathers up all her things. She puts on her backpack after checking that her laptop and journal were in it. Her suitcase was already packed and she just gathered up her things from the bathroom. Everything she had was ready to go within two minutes. She had already told her landlady she would be out by the end of the week so she had no more ties here. After locking the door she placed her key in the landlady's mailbox then looked back at Josh.

  He looked nervous she thought. Maybe he was having second thoughts but before she could ask his driver pulled up out front and he held the door open for her. She slid in as the driver put her suitcase in the trunk. Josh looked over at the parked black car. The windows were tinted but he made out the face of a man watching them. He glared at him then got into the backseat.

  “I’ll be fine here if you've changed your mind. I can just have my landlady let me back in,” she blurted, giving him a chance to take his offer back. He seemed confused at first then he grinned at her. There was no way he was letting her go now.

  “No, you are not fine here. This is not a safe home for a beautiful girl like you. It breaks my heart, you deserve so much more than this,” he said glancing back up at her apartment building.

  “This is what works for me,” she said, unsure how to explain it. He signaled for the driver to go.

  “Don't change your mind Misty. You are staying with me tonight. I want you safe and I want you with me,” he insisted. His calmness and the way he took control impressed her. It was as though he knew what Jay would have done in this situation. He knew in such a short time that she was scared, alone and in serious trouble. He held her hand in his as they rode in silence to his apartment.

  The driver drove into the underground parking. She watched as the security gate closed behind them. She hasn't felt this safe in five years. The driver opened the door for them at the elevators. Josh held her hand tighter as he led her in. He thanked the driver as he placed my suitcase in front of him. She watched Josh press the top floor button, afraid to look at which floor, there were over sixty in this building.

  “Do you work around here?” she asked, remembering him say he walked to the cafe from work.

  “Yes, actually,” he said as though not wanting to be reminded of work. He seemed distracted again as he stood close beside her. His hand still held hers. She liked the image of their hands together. She felt his pull as he wanted her closer to him. She drew her eyes up to his, catching him watching her. Ever since that kiss he began sorting out his life to somehow bring her into it.

  The doors to the elevator opened and she followed Josh to his front door, which he opened quickly, holding the door open for her. She walked in, her eyes widening as the view of New York City stretched out before her. The twinkling lights looked like glitter in the darkening night sky.

  “It's so beautiful Josh. Wow! I have never seen such an amazing view,” she said as she walked quickly to the floor to ceiling windows. He stood just behind her.

  “I do love this view, out of all the places in the world I've travelled to, this city is my home,” he said smiling, knowing he would miss it, but he planned on followi
ng her around the world if he had too.

  “Can I get you a drink?” he asked, walking towards his bar.

  “Yes, please,” she glanced at him before turning her attention back to his apartment. Everything looked expensive. He had art on the walls, leather furniture, a big screen television and chandeliers. She had never stayed in a place this nice. The ranch with Ms. Shetland had been the nicest but it was more rustic than urban.

  “This is an amazing place Josh. I don't know why you would ever leave it. I think I would just stay in here and never go anywhere again if this was mine,” she said, taking her boots off.

  “Are you volunteering to be my prisoner?” he asked, grinning. She smiled, looking back out the windows again. She would love to stay here, hidden from her monster but she couldn't do that to Josh.

  “You can stay as long as you'd like Misty,” he said, handing her a drink. She took a sip as she watched him remove his jacket and take off his tie. He undid a few buttons of his dress shirt and rolled up his sleeves, giving her a glimpse of his strong arms. She had to look away. Just his simple gestures excited her. She thought about how lucky she was to be here in her dream city with her dream man. She hoped if all this really was a dream that she would never wake up.

  “So beautiful,” she whispered, looking out the window again.

  “So beautiful,” he repeated, brushing her hair back behind her ear. She blushed as he took her free hand in his.

  “Let me show you around so you don't get lost in the night,” he offered. She followed him into the kitchen.

  “I have lots of food and juice, ice too,” he said grinning. She pictured him cooking and she smiled. She hadn’t realized how much she missed the simple things, like a being in a kitchen cooking with someone. She put her glass down, excited to see the rest of the place. He smiled when she took his hand in both of hers as he led her down the hallway to the guest bedroom.