Traces Of Me

by Nikki Summers

“How has he not been caught yet? You must have given them his description,” he asks, wanting her to continue.

  “I did. They searched for him, finding his home empty, his office empty. Somehow he found out there was a witness. At that point I was placed in the witness protection program. They told me that once they caught him I would have to tell the judge what he did. I told them I would but they didn't catch him. They still haven't, but a man fitting his description always seems to find me. Every time they get close he vanishes after making himself known to them that he knows where I am. They always move me immediately.” She tries to explain her monsters game to him.

  “So that's why you're moving now. You think he's found you again,” he sighs.

  “I know he's found me again. I have a few agents that check in on me. Sometimes they call me other times they just appear. I've seen them out front my apartment but I've seen my monster too,” she tells him, pulling her hands from him, clutching them together on her lap. He refuses to let her withdraw from him, he wraps his arms around her, not wanting to lose contact with her. The last thing he wants is for her to feel alone.

  “My name isn't Misty Rose. I've used a number of different names but in the last few years I've been choosing stripper names to amuse my agent,” she confesses with a small laugh. He smiles as he leans back and looks at her. He places his finger under her chin and tilts her face to the side with a grin.

  “I thought so, Misty doesn't really suit you. Tell me your name,” he asks.

  “Charlotte. My name is Charlotte Olivia Bellamy,” she said out loud for the first time in almost five years.

  “That is a beautiful name, that name suits you,” he tells her, his eyes on hers as he leans towards her, kissing her cheek. She stares back into his eyes wondering why she has met him now and what she can do to keep him. Feeling torn and conflicted, she stands up, taking another drink of water before bringing her dishes to the kitchen. She can feel Josh behind her and she shivers. She turns to him, his gaze mesmerizing her again. He takes her hands in his and kisses her fingers before releasing her. He stands so close in front of her, she can’t help but rest her hands on his hips, needing to touch him. He smiles, a knowing look crossing his face. He wanted her to feel his absence and miss it.

  “So what's our plan, because I'm not letting you go Charlotte,” he tells her, kissing her softly. She feels bad for bringing him into this world with her. She’s putting his life in danger and he knows it but all he wants is to be with her. To protect him she has to leave him. She knows it will hurt, but if anything happens to him because of her, she would never forgive herself.

  She feels lighter after telling him the truth though. It actually felt okay to talk about it, it hurt but she didn’t feel like she was transported back there this time. She didn’t fall apart like she was afraid of. She thought maybe it might make him cold and distant but he seemed even more attentive to her.

  He brushes his teeth beside her, making her giggle when he gurgles. He takes her hand and leads her to his bed. She lies down and he settles behind her, wrapping her in his arms. She turns to him, kissing him, wanting him again.

  “I am so happy you are in my arms finally, Charlotte,” he whispers in her ear. She likes the sound of her name on his lips. He slides her on top of him. She runs her hands down his chest, finding him already excited as she rubs against him. She kisses him then leans over to his night stand and picks up another condom. He grins as he watches her open it. Her hand reaches down between her thighs, to find him below her already fully erect and so large. He licks his lips as she covers the tip of him and attempts to roll it down. He smirks as he helps her, needing to speed this up. He wants inside her, now. She pushes him back down as she takes control, sliding onto him, gasping at the fullness again. Resting her hands on his chest, she rolls her hips above him. His thumb finds her nub, rubbing her as she rides him almost like she used to ride her horse.

  He's watching her as she moans with pleasure. Her speed picks up as he brings her to orgasm again. She flips her head back, her hair tumbling around her shoulders when she cries out. He’s never seen a woman orgasm as beautifully as that. He carefully turns her over and lies on top of her as he kisses her neck, her chest before thrusting quickly in and out of her. Her eyes meet his and she moans, gasping for breath as he continues to thrust. He’s surprised when her cries increase and she calls out his name. She’s coming again and he can’t hold back. His muscles tense and sweat forms on his brow as he takes her, making her his. He groans out his release.

  “Oh Charlotte baby, so beautiful, so sexy,” he whispers, kissing her face. She smiles in the glow of his words and touches. Wrapping her in his arms they both fade into a deep sleep.

  CHAPTER NINE

  ~

  Partings

  She sent Jay an email the next morning, telling him she was leaving New York. He replied immediately demanding to know where she was. He went to her apartment last night and panicked when she never answered her door. He woke up her landlady and ordered her to unlock the apartment. He was furious that all her possessions were gone. Jay had sent an agent to watch her when the tip came in that her monster was in New York. The agent told Jay he saw her get into a car. He followed her until she went into a parking garage a few blocks away. He had told Jay he didn't have access to it, he didn’t know which apartment she was in or who she was with. Jay waited outside the building all night, watching everyone that entered and left the building. No one matched his description.

  The agent told Jay that Charlotte had been with the same guy all weekend. He didn't feel it necessary to make his presence known as he didn’t see their suspect close to her yet. Jay hated the fact that they didn't know the name of the guy she was with or his apartment number.

  'Which apartment are you in Charlie? I'm outside the building right now, waiting for you. I have a safe place near Seattle for you.' Jay messaged back with his demand. She refused him for the first time since they began their journey together. With a shaky hand she emailed him back, telling him she had other plans. He didn't respond which surprised her.

  “Josh, I can't go to the airport in the same car I came here in, I've been followed. They are waiting for me out front. If they find me I won’t be able to go to Paris, I’ll have to go on lockdown again. I’ll have to hide out,” she tells him, unable to hide her frustration.

  “I have another car, I'll drive you,” he offers. She was grateful he wasn't asking her to stay here anymore. Every time he asked it hurt too much to keep saying no. She showered and tried to look better than she felt. Leaving had always been hard, no matter how many times she's done it but this time was the worst yet. Leaving Tyler had been painful, he was her friend and it all changed when he wanted more.

  Josh was her first lover and she really wanted to know him and to be his friend. She told herself she'll come back as soon as she thinks it is safe. In the past her monster has always disappeared when he's called in, when he's found her. She hoped this time would be no different but she had a feeling, deep in the pit of her stomach that things were changing. She knows her monster has been watching her for days. She tried to convince herself that it was because she was making her own decisions and Jay wasn't with her. Jay wasn't hiding her anymore, maybe her monster knows this.

  Charlotte sits by the window, surrounded by other travelers as she tries to read her book. She can’t concentrate. All she can think about is Josh. She keeps wishing he was with her. She wishes they were waiting to take this flight together. She looks around at all the waiting passengers near her. None of them look like her monster, thankfully. Tears brim her eyes as she searches for Josh. She wonders if they are really over. The love of her life and she only had a few days of actually conversing with him, not just staring at him from a distance.

  She called Jay’s cell phone from the airport to tell him she was going to Europe. He flipped out on her like she expected he would. She was grateful he didn’t see them leave Josh’s apartment that morning.
Josh had worn his driver’s hat and suit coat while she hid in the back seat. Thankfully Jay was still looking for the town car they arrived in the night before. She held the phone away from her ear as he yelled into the receiver.

  “It can take hours, even days before I am granted leave to follow you. I can’t just hop countries with my gun and hunt your monster down Charlotte,” he said, finally calming down.

  “I know the drill Jay and I won't be in any single location for long,” she told him. He was clearly mad and she felt awful for it but she wanted to be free to make her own choices. She was still worried he might try and stop her but she knows that as an adult she can officially make her own decisions. She believed she would be safer in another country anyway. Somewhere he might not be able to find her. She’s tired of always being scared when she opens her front door, thinking her monster might be there. When she’s surrounded by people on the sidewalks sometimes she worries he's walking along with her, following her everywhere she goes. She scans the people around her again as she holds her phone closer to her ear. A feeling of being watched makes her skin suddenly cold. She misses Josh's warm touch so bad she considers canceling her trip. She hangs up on Jay and walks back to her seat by the window.

  Closing her eyes, her thoughts return to the last moment she felt warm, waking in Josh's arms this morning. He held her close to him all night and she slept so soundly. After they both dressed and ate he drove her to the airport as silent tears ran down her cheeks. He looked conflicted, frustrated and sad every time he glanced at her. She felt horrible for making him this way. She shouldn't have agreed to go out to dinner with him. She should have told him not to bother with her at the cafe. She had no right getting close to him, using him for a few days of companionship. He knew what she was thinking but he didn’t regret any of it. The only thing he regrets is not having his pieces in place yet to get on that plane with her.

  “This isn't the end baby. I'm working on a plan to join you again very soon. I just have a few things to finish up here,” he told her. Charlotte reached into her pocket and pulled out the cell phone he had given her, which he hadn’t called because he never left her side since he gave it to her.

  “Should I return this, just in case you finally come to your senses and let me go for good,” she asked with a sigh, upset that he was disrupting his life for her.

  “How would that be coming to my senses? I am thinking clearly Charlotte. I would come with you right now if I wasn’t in the middle of a deal. It’s important for the company, otherwise I’d be getting on that plane with you right now,” he mumbled, looking out the window. She sensed his anxiety over it so she didn't ask for details on what exactly he does. It wasn’t any of her business to pry. He didn’t belong to her and she had a horrible feeling that if she left she would never belong to him.

  “Josh, this life of mine is dark, ugly and unsettling. No one thinking clearly would willingly walk into it,” she explained, hoping to give him a way out again. He sighed reaching for her hand. She wanted to pull away but she loved his touch too much.

  “You deserve a simple girl, one you can settle down with, marry and have a family with. A pretty, perky little blond with blue eyes,” she said, stifling a sob. She was trying to tease him but the idea of seeing him with someone else released a stabbing pain in her heart that she couldn’t hide.

  “I'm going to pretend I didn't hear any of that garbage. Charlotte, I don't sleep around and I'm not looking for simple. I love your hair and I love your dark green eyes and I-,” he paused, clearing his throat as he parked near the entrance of the airport. She can feel her hands shaking when he turns off the car. She’s thankful he won't be coming inside with her. It is best to say goodbye quickly, no point in dragging it out, she decides. She tries to move her hands from his but he holds them tighter. She looks into his bright eyes that have darkened since this morning. His strong grip frightens her, she can feel his intensity and she isn’t sure she can fight it.

  “I love everything about you Charlotte,” he continued as he ran his fingers through her hair. She groaned as his hand slides to her cheek.

  “I love touching your body, I love kissing your lips and I love watching you eat. Nothing and no one can or will change that. I am all yours if you just let me in, let me love you Charlotte,” he pleaded, tilting her chin up with his hand, making her look back at him while tears built up again. No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t stuff this down, she couldn’t stop her pain. His words were so sweet, she wanted to believe him. She wanted to let him in. He kisses her so hard she whimpers. She loves it though and she pushes into him, needing more. She can feel her body responding to him again. She wants him.

  “I can't. I don't want to let you go, but I have to,” she cries, the pain in her chest growing. She struggles to breath as he sits back, releasing his hands from her and in that moment, what ever was left of her heart shattered a little bit more. Her veins filled with splintered glass as she managed to open the car door and step out. He stood in front of her, not saying anything, just searching her eyes for something to hold onto.

  “I can't let you in any deeper Josh, it's too dark, too dangerous and I won't watch another person I love die,” she whispered in his ear as she wrapped her arms around him.

  “I think I love you Charlotte,” he whispered back, kissing her behind her ear as his hands ran through her hair again and down her back. Her body feels like it's on fire, tingles running throughout her. ‘This is too much. It's gone too far, too fast. I can't risk his life. I have to go alone, until the monster is dead I have to go alone,’ she orders herself.

  “I think I love you too Joshua, but I could never live with myself if something happened to you because of me,” she said through a fresh stream of tears. She drew away from him, the coldness consuming her immediately. Josh placed her suitcase down. It hurt that he wouldn't look at her. She thought he had finally given up, but he didn’t want her to see just how much her words had hit him. All he heard was that she loved him. He knew nothing would stop him now from having her. He just had a few things to settle first.

  She gripped the straps of her backpack and picked up the lever on her suitcase. He silently escorted her inside to the check in line.

  “I guess this is it then,” he said, his voice sounding colder than he wanted it to. She wanted to run her hands through his hair and kiss him again but she knew he wasn't hers anymore to touch. She held in her pain, something she was used to.

  “Can you do me a favor Charlotte?” he asked, avoiding her eyes.

  “Of course Josh,” she said quietly, unsure of what he could ask of her now.

  “Keep your phone on when you’ve landed, I'll be calling you,” he told her, his hands at his sides, not touching her. She wanted his hands and his eyes on her. She knew she was breaking apart in front of him. She had to go. He had to walk away.

  “I will,” she promised, turning from him quickly, heading for the desk. She glanced back as she walked towards customs, but he was gone.

  “I hate you,” she whispered to her monster. ‘I'm going to kill you one day,’ she rolled the idea around in her head. She tried to shake the image of stabbing him in the chest repeatedly as she stood in front of the customs officer. She handed him her fake passport and identification. He asked a few questions which she somehow answered to his satisfaction.

  Once she was boarded she rested back into her seat, adjusting her wig and putting on her headphones. She closed her eyes shut as the plane took off. She didn't look out the window as her dream sunk away from her. She felt as though a phase of her life had ended again. Maybe she can start new in Europe. Maybe she can find a nice little apartment to settle into. She can fake an accent. No one will know an American is living there.

  She sighs as the memory of Josh holding her last night rips through her thoughts. She’s lost in a fresh bout of pain when the flight attendant taps her on the shoulder.

  “Excuse me, Ms. Blue?” she asks. I nod, remembering tha
t was the name on my passport. Misty Rose Blue.

  “There's been a change in seating. Can you bring your things and come with me,” she insists. Charlotte is confused by her request. The plane has already taken off. Why would they move people around now? She doesn't bother to question her for fear her voice will sound as shaky as she feels. She doesn't really care where she sits as long as it isn't beside someone that wants to chat. She leads her to the front of the plane, passing through a few sets of curtains and up a few steps.

  “Here we are,” the attendant says, pointing to a first class seat by the window. The one beside it is empty.

  “There must be a mistake. I didn't pay for first class, I didn't upgrade my ticket. I'm fine back there,” she tells her, feeling nervous now. She doesn't like unexpected changes in things she had planned out. She feels a little frightened as she takes a look at the empty seat. Taking a deep breath, not wanting to make a scene or look like she’s crazy, but she doesn’t want to sit there. She catches the flight attendant glance down the aisle, as though she's waiting for someone to help her out. Charlotte’s heart beats out of her chest. She considers running to the back of the plane, but then she catches herself. There is nowhere to hide on a plane, nowhere to run. If this is to be the end, then why not now, while her heart is broken. She’s alone and thousands of feet above the earth. It even sounds a little romantic.

  “It's okay, I'll sit here, it doesn't matter now,” she gulps as she sits down. The attendant looks confused as she watches Charlotte take the seat by the window. She sets her backpack down and settles into the comfortable seat. She stretches out her legs and closes her eyes again. She can feel someone sit down beside her. She doesn't open her eyes though. She doesn't want to see her monsters face ever again, unless of course she’s just shot him and he’s lying on the ground, in a pool of his own blood. She holds back a grin, not wanting him to know what she’s thinking.