Bullets Will Work: A Vampire Slayer Novel

by Geoffrey C Porter

  I slid my right hand up from her hip to her breast and started fondling it rubbing the nipple and squeezing it. She started giving me less and less time between thrusts to push back in. She started moaning even louder and louder. Her vagina started clenching down on my meat each time I sunk it all the way in.

  She was practically howling as I pounded away. Her juices started to flow like mad, and my juice soon followed. I planted the last few bits of my seed and rolled off to the side as she untangled her legs from me.

  I lay there breathing for a while holding her close.

  "Are you sterile?" She asked.

  I paused, thinking. "How would I know?"

  "Have you had a vasectomy?"

  "Well, not exactly."

  "You're a fucking idiot."

  "You're not on the pill?" I asked.

  "No!"

  "Emily was on the pill."

  "My name isn't Emily!"

  I smiled at her. I hadn't been with a naked woman in a while, and I felt my loins stirring a bit as I pondered reaching out to touch her nipple again.

  She said, "Get out of my hospital."

  I climbed out of bed and donned my boxers. Dawn started getting her clothes on. I said, "I'm going to see you again aren't I?"

  Dawn glared at me and ignored me.

  I put my clothes on. I assembled my armor. I put on my Colt. Dawn was trying to fix her hair in the bathroom. I eased up to her and grabbed her by the middle. I pulled her in close and said, "I'm going to see you again?"

  "I don't know. You'll have to call me or something."

  I said, "Fair enough."

  I wandered through the hospital until I found the lobby. Nathan, Pup, and Erin, on seeing me, jumped out of their chairs and ran up to me with stern looks on their faces. Nathan said, "How'd you do it?"

  "Can we talk about this when there aren't any people around?" I asked.

  We made it back to the warehouse. Nathan said, "How did you do it?"

  "You guys heard me?"

  "We heard you. We felt you," Erin said. "Twice you echoed like thunder."

  "Dawn tricked me into taking a drug, and I tapped into their neural network."

  All three sets of eyes opened wide, and Erin said, "You tapped into the vampire neural network? You spoke to the vampires?"

  "I could see with their eyes. I could almost control their actions. I could tell what they were thinking. I saw a blood farm. I don't know where it is."

  "Do the vampires know it was you in their network?" Nathan asked.

  "They know my name is Sidney. Otherwise, they don't know. They know I contacted you for help. They have a leader. His name is Jarken."

  Pup said, "Find him and kill him."

  "I wouldn't even know where to start looking. He's at a blood farm. I know that much."

  Erin said, "You saw with his eyes?"

  "Then you know what the inside of the building looks like?" Nathan asked.

  I said, "Well, yes."

  Erin said, "That's a start."

  "I only saw one room."

  "If you start craving blood," Nathan said. "You'll tell us, won't you?"

  "If I start craving blood," I said. "You'll hear the gunshot."

  Pup said, "What was the neural net like?"

  "It's hard to describe. I had a lot more control than I would have expected. They kept saying I was strong."

  "You could take that medicine again and go back into the network," Erin said.

  "I don't think that would be a good idea. This is my brain we're talking about experimenting on."

  "It was just an idea."

  Chapter 46

  Erin and Pup made tacos for lunch.

  Between bites, Nathan said, "We can go back to practicing with Pup; right boss?"

  "No," I said. "Dawn said he's not to use that hand for anything."

  Pup smiled. "It'll only be for a couple of weeks."

  I finished my fourth taco and started clearing plates. I couldn't get Dawn out of my mind the whole time I washed the dishes. I kept just scrubbing and scrubbing away at them even when they were clean.

  I went looking for trouble. I gathered the three of them together in one of the tv rooms. "I'm bored."

  Erin said, "Read a book."

  "We never rent movies," Nathan said. "We could rent movies."

  "We could play a board game," Pup said. "There are a few in the room I inherited. I think there's at least one where you can build two different kinds of tanks."

  "We could network a first person shooter of some sort."

  I said, "That would be too much like real life."

  Erin said, "Movies."

  Pup said, "Agreed."

  We went to the video store. They refused to rent to us, so we had to shop the used section and buy everything we wanted. We got enough to last for days. They had microwave popcorn, pop, and theater candy at the video store, and we stocked up.

  As the sun set, I considered calling Dawn, but I thought maybe it would be too soon. I had no clue, so I waited. The next day passed uneventfully. It was just before sunset, and I sat in my hammock swaying back and forth thinking of calling her.

  The phone rang. I almost laughed because it showed Dawn on the caller ID. I answered it, "Hey, baby."

  "Something's wrong, Sidney."

  "What?"

  "I just got dropped off at the hospital, and it's empty. No people at all. The elevators are all shut down. The stairways are all locked up with chains. There's nobody here."

  "Get out of there, Dawn. Go back home."

  "I just said I got dropped off, you idiot!"

  I sighed.

  "Wait. I'm getting another call," she said.

  A click came across the phone, and I waited.

  Another click. Then she said, "I'm fucking dead."

  I said, "What?"

  "One of the security guards taped us, Sidney. He posted it on the internet. It shows your face. Hospital admin got word that the vampires were going to hit the hospital tonight, so they locked down everything but the first floor. They're afraid if they let me upstairs the vampires will try and take the upper levels. Dear god, Sidney."

  I said the very first thing that came to mind. "What is the name of the security guard who did this?"

  "He was mad about Bill's leg. He didn't realize the vampires would recognize you, Sidney. Slayers are supposed to hide their faces from masters not torture them to death!"

  I looked outside. Time was getting short, past short, and they'd be waking up right around now. I start asking myself questions. I started thinking in quick bursts.

  "I know what I'll do…" Dawn said. "I'll start an IV drip and just overdose on morphine. At least that way, they won't get me alive…"

  "They won't expect us at night. We'll come and get you. Stay by the emergency room entrance. Keep the door locked. When we get there I'll honk twice then I'll stand on the horn. Come running."

  "No…"

  "You can give me the name of the security guard when I get there. I promise not to kill him; I'd just like to hurt him a little."

  "You're going to lose your whole team, Sidney," she said.

  "No! I have a plan."

  "Sidney!"

  "Look, just be by the door!"

  I hung up the phone and darted to the intercom. I punched the button and shouted, "Gear up!"

  "It's past dark, and the perimeter alarm hasn't gone off," Erin said.

  I punched the button. "I'll explain as we go. Get your gear on."

  I donned my gear and broadcast across the intercom, "Meet me at the loading dock."

  I ran downstairs. Pup, Erin, and Nathan soon followed. I said, "Nathan, Pup, the armory code is 55455. Grab all our Glocks, 2 M-240s, and two boxes of ammo."

  They just stared at me.

  "We're going out," I said. "We have to go pick Dawn up."

  Erin said, "Fucking trap."

  "It might be. Nathan, Pup! 55455! Go!"

  They ran. I turned to Erin. "Go upstair
s to Lambert's old room and grab his old t-shirts."

  "Huh?"

  "Just do it!"

  I ran downstairs. I grabbed a case of moonshine and our big sledgehammer. I set the moonshine on the counter and grabbed the sledgehammer in both hands.

  I went to the back of the van and aimed the hammer at the glass in one the doors. It worked admirably punching a pop can sized hole in the glass. I moved to the left-hand side of the van and punched another hole in the glass. I went to the front of the vehicle and punched a hole in the middle of the front windshield.

  Nathan and Pup returned, and Nathan said, "You fucked up the van. Are you high or something?"

  I tossed the sledgehammer off to the side. "Put the M-240's and ammo boxes in the van. One facing back and one facing left."

  Nathan said, "Oh."

  Erin returned with a foul look on her face. "I found mice living in his room."

  "You're the one with the cat. Train him or something."

  I ran and grabbed our grill lighter from the kitchen. I took a mason jar and undid the lid. I opened the garage door. I stuffed one end of a shirt in the moonshine then I reversed it and stuffed the other end in. Erin howled out, "Dibs!"

  "You can't call dibs on Molotov cocktails," Nathan said.

  "I just did."

  I lit the shirt on fire and threw the jar out into the parking lot. It made a satisfactory sound on landing and lit up a small area with fire.

  I turned on the three of them. "I was going to give the moonshine to Erin already, so don't even start an argument. You have to take a grenade launcher too."

  "I can do a grenade launcher," she said. "You don't want that lighter. You want a Zippo."

  "I don't have a Zippo."

  "I do."

  "Go and get it!"

  She ran off.

  Nathan said, "Why does she get the Molotov cocktails?"

  "You're going to be too busy with an M-240 to be bothered with them."

  "Fine."

  Pup said, "You said you'd explain as we went…"

  "The hospital is all locked down, and they've left Dawn out there as some kind of sacrificial lamb to be taken by the vampires tonight. Hospital admin got word that the vampires were going to hit the hospital tonight."

  "Why would the vampires hit the hospital tonight versus some other night?" Nathan asked.

  Erin returned.

  "That's a long story," I said. "They have a reason too. They found out I was the one in their neural network."

  Erin said, "Do tell."

  "Fine. Dawn and I had sex. A security guard videotaped it and broadcast it on the internet…"

  Erin laughed.

  Nathan said, "You're an idiot, boss."

  Erin started stuffing shirts in jars.

  I looked at Nathan and Pup. "Go upstairs and get a grenade launcher with three magazines, and extra magazines for our Glocks."

  They ran off.

  "You know we're going to die," Erin said.

  "Erin, I got the impression you wanted to die in a blaze of glory."

  "Maybe after I turn 40. Like if I was your age, I could see wanting to go out in a blaze of glory."

  "I'm not 40!"

  Erin just smiled and nodded.

  Chapter 47

  Pup returned carrying the grenade launcher and magazines for it. Nathan had extra magazines for the Glocks in his hands and magazines stuffed in his belt.

  Pup said, "I should get the grenade launcher."

  "Then you have to take the mason jars too," Erin said. "And I'm the one with the lighter."

  "Erin, take one of those jars and throw it out into the parking lot to get a feel for it," I said.

  She grabbed a mason jar in her right. She reached into her pocket. She flipped the lighter open and spun the wheel. The flame lit, and she transferred it to the wet rag. She aimed for the parking lot and threw. The projectile left a trail of fire in the sky and landed with a shattering sound on the pavement. A pool of fire flashed out from the point of impact.

  Erin nodded.

  Nathan said, "It's not fair."

  "Girls shouldn't be allowed to play with fire," Pup said.

  Erin put the lighter back in her pocket. She picked up the case of Molotov cocktails and put them in the van. She looked at us. "Are we leaving?"

  I hopped in the driver's side of the van. Nathan and Pup climbed in. Nathan grabbed up the M-240 facing to the left, and Pup took up the M-240 facing to our rear. I punched the gas down as I realized the sun had completely set.

  I hit the remote to open the gate and the one to close the garage door. As I pulled through the gate, I hit the remote to close it, so our warehouse would be secure. I took the shortest path to the hospital. Every car I saw was always off in the distance and sped away from us. The streets were quiet. From the satellite photos, there should be vampires on the streets in packs, and we had nothing.

  "This is going to be easier than I thought," Pup said.

  "I think this is bad," Erin said. "Where is everybody?"

  "Relax," I said. "We're almost there."

  I turned into the emergency room entrance and pulled to a stop outside the door. I honked twice then I held down the horn. The door to the hospital opened, and Dawn came running with a tote bag in her hands. She climbed into the vehicle and leaned over to kiss me. I kissed her back, of course, seeing as that was my preferred profession in life. Erin said, "Eww…"

  Tires screeched, and doors opened. I looked. A white SUV was blocking the exit to the emergency parking lot, and vampires were piling out of the vehicle with machine guns blazing. I punched the gas and spun the wheel. I lined Nathan up with the vampires and shouted, "Nathan!"

  The M-240 screamed, and bullets pelted the white SUV and the vampires shooting at us. I shouted, "Try and aim, Nathan!"

  Nathan shouted, "This isn't easy!"

  He started using bursts, and he finished off the last of them.

  Dawn said, "Give me a gun!"

  I said, ".45 or 9mm?"

  "Is this a trick question?"

  "No."

  Dawn said, "9mm. Who would want a .45?"

  I handed her my Glock and three extra magazines. I punched the gas and aimed straight for the rear end of the white SUV seeing as the rear end should be lighter and should move out of the van's way easily enough. I shouted, "Hold on!"

  We were moving a good click when we crashed into the truck. It slid out of the way, and I punched the gas headed for home. Erin said, "You guys had sex?"

  Dawn looked back in the back. "He practically raped me!"

  I said, "I did not!"

  "He didn't even go down on me. He just shoved it in."

  Erin said, "Oh my God!"

  Nathan and Pup both broke out in laughter.

  "At the time, you didn't seem to mind my technique!" I said.

  "He calls it a technique!" Dawn said as she laughed violently. "Where did you learn it, Caveman Lovemaking 101?"

  Just then a single rifle shot echoed, and the van tilted downward to the front left. The steering wheel started pulling hard to the left, and out of instinct, I stepped on the brakes. A dozen muzzle flashes lit up the street from houses all up and down the street. A hailstorm of bullets pelted the van.

  I saw an alley to the left and turned the wheel punching the gas. The van tilted again as they shot out the right rear tire. Finally, we made it into the alley. A vampire stepped into our path holding a magnum revolver and started blasting away at us. Dawn started squeezing off rounds at him. The vampire hit our radiator, and we started to lose steam.

  We hit a main road, and I hit the gas. A car pulled up on our right while Nathan and Pup started squeezing off short bursts. Erin hit the windshield of the car with a fire bomb, and it steered into us. I dodged the van into the incoming traffic which was fine considering there weren't any humans out.

  A vampire ran at us from behind a truck carrying something burning in his hand. It looked like a bottle. Dawn started squeezing off rounds, and
the bottle exploded lighting the vampire up like a giant human candle.

  I said, "Nice shot!"

  "I was aiming for the heart!"

  I smiled. Another vampire stepped into view, and I plugged her through the hole in the windshield with my .45. Erin tossed three quick cocktails at vampires running along side us with bats. I had the gas pressed all the way down, but the rubber on the tires seemed to be practically gone. The metal scraped the concrete. The temperature gauge on the dashboard looked unhappy.

  Steam still spewed out of the radiator.

  Pup howled, "Boss! We're on fire!"

  I looked in my rearview mirror, and the back of the van burned. I shouted, "We're almost there! Try not to get burned!"

  Pup howled, "That was my whole plan!"

  Another rifle shot rang out, and the van slumped again. I knew we just lost our other front tire. I kept the gas pushed down and made a hard right onto our street. I could see the warehouse, and it was surrounded. They had all sorts of tools, mostly crowbars and sledgehammers. Some were just waiting around while others were working our fences with wire cutters and thick gloves.

  I shouted, "Erin, grenade launcher to the front!"

  Erin spun the weapon around and pointed it through the hole in the front window. I growled, "The gate! Shoot for the gate!"

  Erin paused for a split second and then let loose with three quick grenades. The shells ejected and hit Dawn in the head, and she snarled.

  The gate exploded, and body parts went flying. The problem though is the van stopped at that point, and there were hundreds between us the warehouse.

  Chapter 48

  "Everybody, out of the van!" I shouted.

  We piled out of the van, and Erin started lobbing grenades. Nathan, Pup, and Dawn were squeezing off rounds like they were candy.

  I took a look around and picked a direction. "Save your ammo! Run!" I ran, assuming they'd follow. Likely not the best assumption I'd ever made.

  A vampire poked his head out from behind a garbage bin, and Nathan squeezed off two rounds into it.

  Erin shouted, "Where are we going?"

  I turned down an alleyway and stopped. Pup just about bowled me over trying to brake in time, and I had to jump out of his way. I did a quick headcount, and we still had a full team and no blood.