It was a wonder that either of them could ever have envisaged that two such disparate lives could come together in the happy union of marriage. It was only now, alone in Finn’s flat, that it occurred to her just how different they were, not only in their personalities, but also in their lifestyle choices.
They must have been mad to even think they were a match made in heaven.
She’d been in denial for a long time, but what about Finn? Surely he must have wondered how he would ever manage to live with someone as messy, carefree and forgetful as she was. He got jittery if there was even a single dirty mug or cup out of place.
She wiped down the worktop hurriedly, putting away the coffee and returning the milk to the huge American-style fridge, which seemed to house mainly champagne and sparkling mineral water. She looked around the kitchen at its clean, cool magnificence, a cold shudder running down her backbone. Spotless. Just as Finn liked it, but she couldn’t help thinking that she had no right to be here any more.
She quickly showered, dressed and checked her emails on her iPad. There were a couple of enquiries from new potential clients, which was encouraging. She would reply to them later. Now Finn was home she really needed to concentrate on earning a living and making some plans for herself. While Hugo was happy to offer her as many shifts at the restaurant as she wanted, she knew she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life working as a waitress. Lovely though the restaurant was. No, she really needed to put some effort into getting the business off the ground.
Had she been complacent? she wondered with a twinge of guilt. The time and effort she’d actually put into her business over the last few months was negligible. She’d been so preoccupied with the wedding that wasn’t-to-be that everything else had been neglected. A trickle of unease niggled at her. At that moment she hated herself for being that carefree, going-with-the-flow type of person. The type of person who got swept along on the idea of getting married to a man, admittedly a gorgeous and very lovely man, that she didn’t actually love, but liked an awful lot, just because she was too weak to stand up and say, ‘Hang on a minute here.’
Still, she wasn’t that same person any more. If there was one thing that this scary little interlude had taught her it was that life was too short and you shouldn’t waste time living the wrong kind of life, worrying about things that might never happen, being with someone you didn’t really want to be with. However sad that might be. No, this was definitely a wake-up call for both of them. Only she wasn’t sure Finn was aware of that fact yet.
She glanced at her watch, her anxiety increasing with each passing second. All the thoughts bombarding her head weren’t helping, but what was worrying her most of all was Finn’s whereabouts. She’d been trying and failing to ignore the passing of time, but there was no getting away from it, he’d been out for a full hour and a half now and that was far too long. Well, for a fully grown man who’d only just come out of a coma it was. He only had on a skimpy vest, a man vest obviously, but there was nothing in that item that was going to keep him warm and she could tell by peering out of the window that there was a definite nip in the air.
She dashed across to her handbag and unearthed her phone, stabbing at Finn’s number, her heart sinking when she heard the thing reverberating from across the other side of the room where it was edging its way across the table. Typical!
She took a deep breath, gripping hold of the kitchen worktop for support. What was wrong with her? She was being unreasonably panicky. What possible harm could come to a grown man on a bright, if cold, spring morning? Very helpfully, her mind supplied dozens of suggestions.
He could come over dizzy and fall over, banging his head again.
He could suffer another memory loss and might be wandering the streets, not knowing his name or address.
In his memory-loss state, he could fall in with a bad crowd and be resigned to a life of living on the streets, drinking vodka all day and taking drugs.
He could get run over by a bus.
He could fall into the canal and drown, his body not being discovered for months.
No, she really couldn’t think about all the possible bad things that could happen to him, because they were far too scary to consider. She almost screeched in relief when she heard the intercom buzz a few minutes later.
‘Finn!’
The muffled female laughter in her ear made her heart sink with disappointment.
‘Er no. I was hoping to come up and see him though. Come on, let me in. It’s bloomin’ freezing out here.’
He could die of hypothermia.
Ruby sighed as she pressed down on the intercom to let Laura in.
‘Hiya! Hope you don’t mind me dropping in like this. Just wanted to see how the patient was doing?’
‘He’s not here actually,’ she said, trying to make it sound as though that was a perfectly normal state of affairs for someone who’d had a serious head injury and who’d just been released from hospital. She sighed, grateful for the hug her friend was offering. She smelt of red toffee apples with a hint of vanilla and of all things familiar and reassuring.
‘Oh, really, where is he, then?’
‘He went out. Needed some fresh air. He should be back soon,’ she added, more for her own benefit than for Laura’s.
‘Aw, okay. You don’t mind if I wait, do you?’
Ruby shook her head, glad of the company.
‘Of course not. Come in, I’ll make you a coffee.’
‘Are you sure you’re all right, Ruby? You look exhausted and…’ Laura peered closer just to check for herself, her gaze running up and down the length of her body, before her mouth made an unflattering contortion ‘… a bit rough actually.’
Ah great, thought Ruby, giving a rueful smile. Rough and fat. Nothing like the people closest to you in the world for building your confidence up.
‘I’m fine. Exhausted just about covers it.’ She rested her backside against the worktop waiting for the kettle to boil again. ‘It’s just weird, you know, me being here, after everything that happened. It doesn’t seem right.’
‘I can imagine.’
‘I’m worried about Finn. I mean, I’m pleased obviously that he’s out of hospital and getting better, but he’s so different. Honestly, Laura, he’s not the same man he was before. There’s this intensity about him, this brooding quality, that really isn’t like Finn at all.’
‘Blimey, is that brooding good or brooding bad?’
Ruby shrugged, electing not to mention the ‘brooding good’ part from last night as she knew Laura would want all the gory details.
‘Neither. Just different. I could always read Finn. I knew what he was going to say, what he was going to do, how he might react and now I don’t. It really is as though he’s a changed man.’
‘Hmm, well, I expect he is. If you suffer a head injury like that you’re bound to be altered in some way. I mean, he’s lucky to be alive, isn’t he? Has he said anything yet about the accident, what happened that night?’
‘No, he still can’t remember anything about it. They’re not sure if he’ll ever get his memory back.’
‘That doesn’t make life easy for you.’
‘No, it’s not great.’ Ruby handed Laura a mug of coffee and they wandered back into the living room. ‘I’m on tenterhooks the whole time, just waiting for him to suddenly remember what happened,’ said Ruby as she eased herself down onto the squishy sofa.
‘Hmm, I bet. I’m not sure you really want to think about that. It would be awful. Maybe you just need to tell him, get it out there again before he does remember.’
‘How can I? I’m worried about him. And I do really care for him. I don’t want to do anything that might hinder his recovery.’
‘I know, but if you’re not careful you’re just going to end up in the same position you were in a few weeks ago; with the prospect of marrying a man you’re not in love with. The wedding’s only a couple of months away now. For God’s sake, Ruby, I’m getting
anxious just thinking about it and it’s not even my wedding. If you’re going to cancel then you need to do it sooner rather than later or you’ll never get any of your money back.’
‘Don’t you think I know that?’ She took a sip of her coffee, closing her eyes momentarily, shutting out the thoughts assaulting her mind. ‘Besides, it’s not the money I’m worried about. It’s Finn. How it might affect him.’
The wedding was always there at the back of her mind, but she couldn’t bear to really think about it. She wished someone would come along and scrub it from her diary with a red pen.
‘We’ve not spoken about it yet, the wedding. I know we’ll have to at some point. We’re going round to Jan and Gerry’s for Sunday lunch so it will probably come up then. I’m thinking maybe we can postpone it. Just until Finn’s back to his normal self.’
She hadn’t been thinking that at all, the idea had only just occurred to her, but maybe it was the perfect solution. At least it would buy them some time until Finn was back on his feet again.
‘That’s an idea,’ agreed Laura, confirming to Ruby that maybe it was a valid option after all, but Ruby’s mind was elsewhere. She looked at her watch again, anxiety building in her chest. ‘What is the matter with you?’ Laura persisted.
‘I’m just worried about Finn. He said he wouldn’t be long, but he’s been out for a couple of hours now. It’s his first day home. I don’t know what he can be doing. The doctors have told him to take it easy. He’s not meant to do any heavy exercise but he’s gone out in his running gear. What if he’s had another accident or something?’
‘Can’t you ring him?’
‘I tried that, but he left his phone here. I’m just wondering if I should go out and look for him.’
‘No, he’s probably bumped into someone he knows or stopped off somewhere for a coffee or something. I wouldn’t worry.’
‘Hmm, I hope you’re right.’ She sighed, trying to get her frazzled nerves in check. ‘He wouldn’t have done this before the accident though. He always told me where he was going, what he was doing and how long he’d be. Finn has always been like an expensive and exclusive Swiss watch, reliable and dependable.’
Laura raised her eyebrows, giving Ruby a doubtful look.
‘I know you’re worried, but don’t you think you’re overreacting a little bit? It’s not as though he’s run off with an exotic dancer from Latvia, he’s just taken a wander around the town. He’ll be fine. Great big strapping man like Finn, what possible harm can he come to?’
Oh, God, he could run off with an exotic foreign dancer too!
Honestly, there were so many terrible fates that could befall him and she was panicked by them all. If he was going to be led astray by a wild and wanton woman, and only a few weeks ago that would have been the answer to all her prayers, she wanted it to be of his own volition and not when he was in such a vulnerable and pitiful condition.
Sometimes the universe’s timing sucked.
‘I know, I know.’ She sighed and picked up her mug again, wondering if it was too early for something stronger. Like a double vodka. It might just make her see everything so much more clearly. Of course, Laura was right. She was being ridiculous. She needed to get her fluctuating emotions under control.
‘It’s weird but ever since the accident I’ve been in this constant state of anxiety about Finn, about us, about what’s going to happen in the future. I thought once he’d woken up those feelings would go, but they haven’t. It’s a bit like being with a ticking time bomb. I’m not sure my nerves can take it.’
‘It’ll work out in the end. One way or the other, I’m sure.’
That was what worried Ruby. She had no way of knowing which way it would go. Finn was her friend and she wanted to be there for him, but was she doing him a huge disservice by pretending that the break-up had never happened? The truth was bound to come out in the end and then what?
‘Anyway, how about you?’ She didn’t want to think about it. Not now. ‘Any more dates to report?’
‘Oh, I’ve decided to give up on that for a while. I met this lovely guy called John the other night, but it didn’t work out.’
‘No?’ Ruby’s face fell. It was something to hear Laura talking about a man she actually liked. ‘Why not?’
‘Well, he was funny and kind and good-looking, but after we’d been chatting for a while I realised he was still in love with his wife. You didn’t need to be a genius to work that one out. They’re separated but I told him if he still had feelings for her then he should let her know.’ She shrugged and gave a wry smile. ‘He texted me a couple of days later to thank me. He said he’d contacted her and they were meeting up for a drink to see if they could work something out.’
‘Oh, God, that’s lovely! Well, not for you obviously, but for them. Who knows though, maybe you had a lucky escape there? I’m sorry that it didn’t work out for you, but don’t let a few bad experiences put you off. You have to keep on trying. You never know, the next one might be the one.’
‘And then again he might be the ugly brother; the one who keeps reptiles for a hobby and has a personal hygiene problem,’ said Laura, laughing. ‘I seem to be great at sorting out other people’s love lives, but absolutely hopeless at doing anything about mine.’
Ruby couldn’t help but laugh too.
‘You deserve to meet someone special. And when you do you’ll realise that all these false starts have been for a reason.’
‘You reckon? I’m not really that bothered any more. I just want to get off the dating merry-go-round. I’m finding it a bit soul-destroying if I’m being honest. Besides, it’s like you and Finn. If it happens it does and if it doesn’t, well, then it’s obviously not meant to be.’
Ruby thought it was probably good advice to bear in mind.
Chapter Ten
‘I’m going to phone the police.’
Ruby had taken to pacing the length of Finn’s living room, obsessively checking her watch.
‘Look, I don’t think we need to get them involved. Not at this stage. I know you’re worried, but a grown man going missing for a morning isn’t really going to be at the top of the police force’s priorities. Why don’t I go and look for him? You ought to stay here just in case he does come back.’
‘Would you mind?’
‘No, of course not. Where do you think he’s most likely to have gone?’
‘I have no idea. Maybe to the park or…’ She was struggling now, her mind drawing a blank. There weren’t that many places he could have gone.
Just as Ruby was reliving the one thousand and one scenarios, in horrific graphic detail, that could have happened to Finn, a noise in the hallway startled them both.
‘Look, what did I tell you? There’s no need to send out the search parties after all,’ said Laura, making light of the situation.
Finn sauntered in looking like a man who hadn’t come across any of the terrors Ruby had so vividly imagined. Her heart soared at the sight of him.
‘Oh, Finn, where have you been?’ She leapt up out of her seat to greet him, feeling ridiculously pleased at the sight of him. ‘Are you all right? I’ve been worried sick about you.’
‘I went for a walk,’ he said, looking completely nonplussed as he took in first Ruby’s and then Laura’s worried faces. ‘I thought I told you.’
‘Yes, but…’ she faltered, feeling annoyed and silly and relieved all at the same time. She wasn’t sure whether to punch him or kiss him. ‘But you were ages. I thought something had happened to you. Where did you go?’
‘Down by the canal. To see the narrow boats. I met this guy and his girlfriend who are doing up their boat and we got chatting. They invited me onto their boat to show me what they were doing.’ His gaze drifted out of the window. ‘I’ve always fancied having a boat.’
‘Have you?’ Ruby noticed the almost imperceptible widening of eyes from Laura. ‘I never knew.’ It was impossible to stay cross at Finn when he was clearly so enthused and i
nvigorated by his morning jaunt. ‘Anyway,’ she said, shaking her head, still wondering about the boat thing, ‘Laura’s popped in to see you.’
He turned to look at her, his face registering confusion.
‘Why?’
‘Why? Because… Oh, Finn!’ Ruby thought she might need to give him a crash course in manners.
Laura shook her head at Ruby as if to tell her it didn’t matter.
‘Hi, Finn. How are you doing? You’re looking well. Well, much better than when I last saw you in hospital. When you were flat on your back and not saying very much. It’s great that you’re up and about.’ Laura swung her arms at her side as though she didn’t quite know what to do with them or was thinking about embracing him, but deciding better of it.
‘Yep, it’s great.’ He smiled tightly, his arms kept firmly at his side. ‘Right, well, I’m going to have a shower. I’ll see you, Laura.’
‘Yes, see you again, Finn,’ enthused Laura, giving him a little raise of her hand.
Ruby cringed inwardly at Finn’s rudeness. Laura had gone out of her way to come and visit Finn and he could barely give her the time of day. Mind you, Laura hadn’t helped much either, gawping at Finn as though he’d just landed from another planet. Had it always been this way between them, she wondered, or was it because Laura was struggling to adapt to this clearly altered version of Finn too?
‘OH. MY. GOD!’ she exclaimed, once he was out of earshot. ‘Was that really Finn? That is weird, seriously weird. It’s like meeting one of his long-lost relatives. The similarities are there, but you know it’s not the same person. That accent is something else. It really doesn’t sound like him!’ She giggled as though she couldn’t quite believe what she’d seen or heard.
‘I know. It takes some getting used to, doesn’t it? I’m just getting my head around it now.’
‘Sexy though. He sounds like he’s just wandered in from the outback after wrestling with a few snakes.’ She giggled. ‘You have to admit that’s pretty freaky. Do they think his real accent will come back again?’
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