Former Rain-Forsaken Box Set

by Vanessa Miller

  Anger was etched on Bishop’s face. He stood up and walked to the window. He pulled the tan curtain back and stared outside for a moment. He then turned back to JT and said, “You have problems at the church also, JT. Having Deacon Benson attack you and tell everyone that his wife left him because she had a baby by you, is something I can’t ignore.”

  “I’m not stupid, Bishop! I know I messed up. But I think I can turn things around.”

  “Don’t you get it, JT? There are consequences for your actions.”

  Since meeting Bishop Turner, JT had always thought of the man as the father he never had. Bishop had groomed him for leadership, and when the time was right, he’d introduced him to his wife and given him a church to preside over. Now he was standing in his room looking like JT was the prodigal who hadn’t yet come home. The disappointment on the man’s face brought shame to JT. He turned away, not wanting to look Bishop in the face. “So, you didn’t come here to see how I’m doing. You’re here to give me my consequences, is that it?”

  “Don’t blame this on me, JT. I’m not your enemy. I’ve treated you like a son, and look how you’ve repaid my kindness. Look how you treated, Cassandra.”

  JT looked at the ceiling as he said, “No matter what I’ve done or what you think of me, I do love my wife. And I’m sorry that I hurt her.”

  Bishop Turner sat back down. He put his elbow on his thigh while rubbing his head with his hand. He then leaned back in his seat as he told JT, “I came here to tell you that Elder Unders will be taking over your responsibilities at the church while you recuperate.”

  “And when I’m done recuperating?”

  “I don’t know, JT. I think we’re going to need to take this one day at a time.”

  JT was pensive for a moment as his mind went back to that day in Vivian’s bathroom when he looked in her mirror and saw a monster. He turned to Bishop and asked him, “Have you ever felt forsaken by God?”

  Bishop blinked. He then sat up straight and adjusted his tie. “I don’t know how to answer that question, JT.”

  “God has given up on me. Matter of fact, I even think I heard God tell me that He had forsaken me.” JT looked at Bishop and added, “I don’t want to be forsaken, but I don’t know what to do about it.”

  “Seek God, JT.”

  “I’ve been trying to do that. But He’s not listening to me anymore.” JT was obviously frustrated as he hit the bed with the arm that was not in a cast.

  “JT, you’ve read your Bible from front to back more times than I can count. So I know that you are aware of the saints that have disappointed God at one time or another. Those saints might have been disciplined by God, but they were also forgiven.” Bishop Turner stood up and put his hand on JT’s arm. “Don’t give up, Son. Don’t let it end like this.”

  ***

  Cassandra did her best to put the past out of her mind and take care of her husband. JT was in constant pain the first month, so it was easy to have compassion for his situation. Although she did have her mad black woman moments when she thought about letting him starve to death or not bathing him until he passed out from the strong smell of stank. On those days, she was glad that JT had a physical therapist coming to the house several times a week to check on him. If nothing else, that fact made her get up and take care of JT even when she didn’t want to. Right now, Cassandra couldn’t say for sure if she took care of JT because she still loved him. As far as she was concerned, JT had destroyed the love she had for him when he used adultery as an extra curricular activity.

  She was sitting down in the kitchen talking to her mother, trying to make sense of her life. But nothing made sense anymore. Cassandra put her elbow on the table and her hand on her head as she told her mother, “I just don’t know what to do.”

  “It ain’t all that confusing to me. Put the bum out,” Mattie told her.

  “Mom, where is your heart? JT can’t even get out of that bed right now. He’s in so much pain he can barely see straight.”

  Mattie stood up and hit Cassandra in the back of her head. “Where’s your backbone? Why do you have to be this man’s doormat?”

  Cassandra put her hand on the back of her head. “Ouch, that hurts.”

  “Well then why don’t you get up and do something about it?” Mattie said.

  Cassandra’s mother was no more than five feet tall, but she acted like a giant most of the time. Mattie had put the fear of God in Cassandra early on, so even when she grew taller than her mother, she wouldn’t dream of hitting her. “It’s not as if I’m going to hit you back,” Cassandra told her.

  Mattie flailed her arms in the air in exasperation. “I’m not talking about me. I want you to fight back against this no good man that’s living under your roof.”

  “What am I supposed to do, Mama? My youngest child is eleven months, I don’t have a job and JT pays all the bills.”

  Mattie put her hands on her hips and said, “The man just had a baby on you, Cassandra. Any judge worth his salt would tell JT that he has to keep paying these bills.”

  Cassandra stood up. She had prepared a bowl of ham and bean soup. “I’ve got to give JT his lunch and a pain pill.”

  Mattie shoved Cassandra back in her seat. “You will do no such thing. You are going to sit here and rest while them boys are taking a nap. I’ll go check on that adulterer.”

  “Mom, be nice,” Cassandra said while putting her feet up on the chair next to her.

  As Mattie took the tray out of the cabinet she asked Cassandra, “Would it be nice if I don’t put rat poison in his soup?”

  “Of course it would.”

  “Well then, I’m being nice. Because that’s what I’d like to do for him,” she said as she put the soup on the tray, took a glass out of the cabinet and poured him some 7-UP. “Where are his pain pills?”

  Cassandra picked up the pills on the table near where she was sitting and handed them to Mattie. “Remember Mama, be nice.”

  Mattie rolled her eyes as she walked out of the kitchen and headed to the guest bedroom. “How are you feeling?” Mattie asked with a forced smile on her face as she opened the door.

  “Like I got hit by a car,” JT said with a half-hearted smile.

  “Mmh,” Mattie said as she walked into the room and put the tray down on the dresser. “That’s about how Cassandra felt when the mother of your illegitimate child came to the hospital demanding to see you.”

  “That woman’s child does not belong to me,” JT proclaimed.

  “Yeah, that’s what your mouth says. But get a DNA test and we’ll see whose chickens come home to roost,” Mattie said. When JT didn’t respond, Mattie flat out asked, “When can we expect that DNA test?”

  “That’s between me and my wife. This is none of your business.”

  Mattie pulled the spoon out of the soup and held it like a weapon. She then looked at the so-called weapon in her hand and put it back in the soup. She told JT, “You better be glad I don’t have a knife on me, because I would stab you until I got tired. Then I would stand here and watch you bleed to death before I dialed 911.”

  “Cassandra! Cassandra!” JT screamed.

  “Why are you hollering for my daughter? You’re no better than a piece of dirt. You don’t deserve her.”

  “She’s my wife.”

  “I tried to warn her about you preacher types. I’m just sorry that she didn’t listen to me.”

  Cassandra opened the door. “What’s wrong, JT?”

  “Your mother just threatened to stab me to death. Can you please get her out of our house?” JT said.

  “Your house?” Mattie laughed. “Boy, after Cassandra gets finished telling the judge everything you’ve done to her, you won’t even be able to afford to live in a shoe.”

  JT leaned his head back. The pain that shot through his body was written all over his face. He yelled through the pain, “Get her out of here!”

  “Come on, Mama. I asked you to be nice,” Cassandra said as she escorted her mother
out of the guest room.

  “What are you talking about? I didn’t poison him. I only suggested what I would do if I had a knife.” Mattie raised her hands in the air and turned them from the front to the back. “Do I have a knife?”

  “Oh Mother, you are truly a character. I honestly don’t know how you avoid getting arrested. Wait for me in the kitchen, please,” Cassandra said as she left Mattie on the opposite side of the door and closed it.

  “Did she give you the soup?” Cassandra asked as she turned back to JT.

  “No, she was too busy trying to use the spoon as a knife.”

  Cassandra picked up the bowl and brought it over to JT. “I need you to eat this so you can take your pain pill.”

  “Thank you for doing this for me. I appreciate what you’re doing.”

  Surprised by JT’s thankful attitude, Cassandra stood in front of him for a moment unsure of what to do or say next.

  “I can feed myself if you want. My arm is feeling a lot stronger today,” JT told her.

  Cassandra looked down and saw that she was still holding the bowl of soup in her hands. “You only have one hand free. You won’t be able to hold the bowl and feed yourself until the cast comes off of your other arm.” She sat down next to the bed and began feeding him. But as she sat there feeding her husband, her eyes didn’t travel past his mouth. She didn’t want to look in his eyes; didn’t want to feel anything for this man. Cassandra just wanted to help him get through the healing process so they could get on with the business of getting a divorce.

  “Why don’t we talk to each other anymore, Sanni?” JT asked between mouthfuls of soup.

  She put the soup down and put her hands in her lap. “I don’t know what to say to you.”

  “I’m sorry, Sanni. I know I messed up. I destroyed my credibility at the church and my relationship with you and God.” A sharp pain shot through him and he shifted position in the bed.

  Cassandra saw the strained look on his face and realized that she had let too much time lapse from his last pain pill. She had left his pain pills and 7-UP on the dresser drawer. “Let me get your pain pills,” she told JT as she stood, picked up his pills and 7-UP and returned to the side of his bed. She handed him two pills and the glass. “Take these, then you should be able to take a nap without so much pain.”

  “That’s the problem. Every time I take these pills I fall asleep.”

  Cassandra took the glass out of JT’s hand after he swallowed the pain pills. “I’m going to check on the kids. You get some sleep and I’ll bring them in to see you later this evening,” she told him as she walked out of his room as fast as she could without appearing to run.

  ***

  When JT opened his eyes again, the evening news was on the television. The news was depressing as usual. The newscaster talked with people who were in the process of losing their homes. They covered stories about theft and murder, and for the first time in a long time, JT actually cared. His heart went out to these people who were being thrown out of their homes and to the murder victims. His eyes shifted heavenward as he asked God, “Where is the church while all of this is going on, Lord?”

  JT rolled his eyes as he realized that he was asking a question he already knew the answer to. The church was out buying bigger homes, fabulous cars and just being blessed. The church was too busy worrying about how America’s current economic downturn would affect them, to feel compassion or try to help others less fortunate. JT was just like them. He’d lost his compassion for a hurting world. But lying in his bed, watching tragedy unfold via the evening news, JT wanted to not only feel compassion for these people, he wanted to do something about it. For the first time in a long time his eyes filled with tears for someone other than himself.

  JT’s bedroom door opened and Jerome ran in. “Daddy, Daddy, look what I have.” Jerome lifted his hands to display his new football. “Mommy bought it for me.”

  JT wiped away the tears from his face. “That’s nice, Son. I can’t wait to throw that ball to you,” JT told him as he looked up to see Cassandra walking into his room with his youngest son, Aaron, in her arms.

  The three people in JT’s life that should have mattered most were in the room with him. But one of them wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He looked at Cassandra and saw the woman he had fallen in love with almost ten years ago.

  They met at a church revival in Memphis. JT had been attending and ministering at a small church in Alabama that Bishop Turner presided over. Bishop had asked JT to attend the revival, told him that he wanted to discuss his future in the ministry.

  JT arrived at church late so he sat in the back and listened to the pastor deliver his message of hope to the congregation. When the service was over, JT got up and went to find Bishop Turner. When he reached the front of the church he saw Turner, but he also noticed a young woman standing next to him. Her hair was cut in a bob with bronze streaks that complimented her honey toned complexion.

  JT walked up to Bishop Turner and shook his hand. He said, “Hello, sir,” while staring at Cassandra.

  Bishop laughed as he brought the woman next to him forward. “Hello, JT. Let me introduce you to my goddaughter. This is Cassandra Daniels.”

  Cassandra shook JT’s hand as she said, “Nice to meet you. The bishop has told me all about his new preacher from Alabama. It sounds like you walk on water.”

  “No,” JT said while shaking Cassandra’s hand. “I’m just dumb enough to step out on the water and sink with the best of them.”

  Cassandra laughed.

  JT liked the sound of her laugh. But he noticed that even though there was a smile on her face, her brown eyes still looked sad. From that moment, JT made it his business to put a sparkle in her eyes.

  Cassandra sat down next to JT’s bed with Aaron in her arms. Jerome ran around the room tossing his football in the air.

  JT turned to Cassandra and asked, “Remember what I told you the night we got engaged?”

  Cassandra looked confused. “What?”

  Adjusting himself in the bed so that he faced his wife, JT said, “I was driving you home and you laughed at something I said. There was a sparkle in your eyes that hadn’t been there before, remember?”

  Cassandra bit her lip as she nodded.

  “I told you that for the rest of my life, I would move the world to keep that sparkle in your eyes.”

  Cassandra’s eyes were overshadowed with sadness as she said, “Yeah, I remember that.”

  Even though JT’s right arm was no longer in the sling, it still hurt him to move it. But he stretched out his arm and squeezed her hand as a tear fell from his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t keep my promise.”

  CHAPTER 16

  JT was now sitting up, able to get out of bed and move around a little bit. Nothing major, but he was definitely on the mend.

  Betty came to see him and JT was able to sit in the living room and talk with her.

  “Praise the Lord!” Betty exclaimed. “I prayed that you would recover from that horrible accident.”

  “Thank you for calling to check on me. Cassandra told me how many times you called. And thanks for the tuna casserole you brought over the other night.”

  “Not a problem. I just wish I could have done more.”

  JT waved his hand. “You’ve done more than enough for my family.”

  She opened her briefcase and pulled out the files she’d brought with her. “Elder Unders is doing a good job in your absence. He wanted to come out to see you, but I told him that Cassandra has limited your visitors so you can recuperate.”

  “It was probably for the best. I would have been running my big mouth and not resting, causing Cassandra to have to do everything around the house for a much longer time.”

  Betty laughed. “Yeah, you need to get back on your feet so you can do dishes and Cassandra can take a break.

  “I’m allergic to dish water. I’m more of a vacuum the floor and make the beds kind of guy,” JT said and then he pointed at
the files in Betty’s hand. “What did you bring me?”

  “I thought you’d like to see the offering totals for this month. I also brought you the ministry activity list for this month.”

  JT took the files from Betty and began to look through them. He had become pastor of Faith Outreach almost eight years ago. At the time, the church only had three hundred members. But the last five years had seen explosive growth. They now had thirty five hundred members, which equated to about fifteen million in giving per year. “The giving is down this month,” JT said while studying the report.

  “Yes, Pastor. We normally bring in about 1.5 million, except for slow months like June and January. But we only brought in nine hundred thousand this month.”

  “Do you know why that might be?”

  Betty looked away from JT and lowered her eyes as she responded, “We’ve lost a lot of members since you’ve been away.”

  JT looked shocked. “No one told me that. Why are they leaving?”

  Again, Betty didn’t look at JT as she said, “Vivian has been telling people that you and she had a relationship, and that you started stalking her when she broke it off.”

  “That’s not true,” JT said, knowing full well that part of her story was indeed true.

  “Elder Unders wants to fire her, but he needs your approval.”

  JT was angry. Vivian was trying to destroy him. “Tell him to fire her immediately.”

  “There’s one other thing, Pastor.” Betty pulled a fax out of her briefcase and handed it to him. “Senator Grassley has contacted us again. He wants to review our books.”

  JT put his hand on his forehead and rubbed his temple. “I may have done a lot of things, Betty. But I never stole from the church.”

  “Why don’t we just give them the information they want? Then maybe they’ll leave us alone.”

  JT had a headache. He really needed this nightmare to be over. “Let me think about it, Betty. I’ll let you know.”