Foolish Me

by Tinnean

  But I did the smart thing. I took my wallet from my pocket, selected a platinum credit card, and slid it across the counter to him.

  “Sweetcheeks? Is that you? Hey, man! Long time no see.”

  The sales associate pretended to be busy making sure I’d signed the credit card and that the expiration date was valid, but I could almost see his ears prick up.

  I put my wallet back into my pocket and turned around. “Hello, Connor.”

  The young man who stood before me had once belonged to a pimp who catered to clients who liked their boys to be boys and didn’t care if they were drugged out to boot. Our stable had done a little arm-twisting and gotten Connor out of there, but he hadn’t stayed with us for long, preferring the glamour of Charlemagne’s stable. He hadn’t stayed there very long either. Having a coke habit didn’t make him a likely choice for the kind of clients Charlemagne’s boys drew, and the last I’d heard, he’d moved north.

  Connor had to be around twenty-one or two now, although he didn’t look more than sixteen. I wondered if he was off the shit. He looked healthy and downright gorgeous—blond hair tied back in a ponytail, hazel eyes, and a mouth that promised heaven on earth. He wore a pair of designer jeans that highlighted every muscle and line of his long legs, Adidas running shoes, and a denim jacket with patches from various rock concerts. I felt old in the casual trousers and blazer I had chosen to wear.

  “I’m not Connor this trip.”

  “What are you calling yourself these days?”

  “Bailey.”

  Bailey? I cleared my throat. “Nice name.”

  He gave a short laugh and hunched his shoulder. “The guy who’s paying my bills right now likes it.”

  Right. “You’re looking well. Are you off the shit?”

  “Yeah. Dan, my boyfriend, helped me. He stood by me the whole time.” Connor bit his lip. “The thing is, once I got clean, he didn’t want me anymore.”

  Because he couldn’t be the hero who was saving the rent boy? I rubbed Connor’s shoulder. “But you stayed clean?”

  “Uh-huh. I don’t know who was more surprised, me or Dan. Oh, yeah, he came back one more time to see how I was managing. When he realized I wasn’t using, he split for good. That was about six months ago.”

  The bastard.

  “How about you, Sweetcheeks? How are you?”

  “I’m good.”

  “You’re looking good. Where’ve you been keeping yourself?”

  “I’ve been around. I’m not in the business anymore.”

  “Yeah, you have a boyfriend now. That was the word on the grapevine. ‘Sweetcheeks gave it all up for the love of a good man.’” Who was the brittle mockery in his voice directed at, me or him? “And how long will it be before it occurs to the man of your dreams that you’ve been had by just about everyone in town? That he can do better?”

  “What makes you think something like that would happen?” It had been my worst nightmare, but after the New Year’s Eve Ball, I’d begun to accept that my lover wouldn’t do that to me.

  Connor suddenly looked older. “I don’t think, Sweetcheeks. I know.” He kept his voice down, but his bitterness was apparent.

  “Because it happened to you?”

  There was a little-boy-lost look in his eyes, and then it vanished. “It doesn’t matter. I’m on my own now, and I answer to no one.”

  Except the man who was keeping him. “I heard you were living in the Big Apple.”

  “I am, and I’m making damn good money.”

  “For how much longer?”

  He shrugged. “As long as I keep working. When this guy cuts me loose, there’ll be someone else. There always is.”

  “Have you saved anything?” I started to reach for one of the business cards Wills had had printed up for me: Theo Bascopolis, Accountant at Large. I’d offer to do Connor’s taxes for him, look over whatever finances he had.

  “You sound like an old worrywart.”

  “Maybe, but I’m an old worrywart who won’t have to peddle his tail when he’s sixty-five.”

  Connor flinched.

  “I’m sorry.” Not for what I’d said, but for the fact that he might very well be on the streets in forty years, if he was still alive. “So, uh…. Are you planning to come back to DC?”

  “I don’t think so. I’m… happy… in the Big Apple.”

  “You always did like the bright lights, if I recall correctly. Why are you here, then?”

  “For the Valentine’s Day Ball, darling. But what else?”

  “You never came to any of the other balls.”

  “No. Dan didn’t want me to. Since we’re not together anymore, I thought I’d come down this year, touch base, see what’s going on. Are you going to be there?”

  “Not likely. Since I’m out of the business, the new Le Roi doesn’t think I belong.”

  “Who got voted in this year?”

  “Grand Prix.”

  “Grand Prix? Grand asshole, you mean!”

  “You’ve got that right. I was hoping Kory would take the crown, but—”

  “Who?”

  “Kory? He’s in the same stable as Geep.”

  He shook his head.

  “There was talk of the election being rigged.”

  “No shit! Damn, maybe I should move back. I miss all this good stuff.”

  “Hey, that’s life in the capital.”

  “Yeah. Well, maybe I’ll just check him out for myself.” He looked at me through his lashes. “You sure you don’t want to come? I would have thought the boys would all be dying to meet your man.”

  “They did meet him. At the Halloween Ball.”

  “Huh?”

  “I was Zorro, and he went as the Lone Ranger.”

  Connor’s eyes widened. “That was him?”

  “Yes.” I was pleased that he was so impressed.

  “Oh, wow! There was some stir the next day. We even heard about it in New York. That costume….”

  “Yeah.” I laughed. I didn’t think Wills realized he’d worn a stripper’s version of the Lone Ranger’s outfit.

  “You left before it was time to unmask.” Connor’s eyes narrowed. “Why?”

  I shrugged. “He had work the next day.”

  “Is that what you told everyone at the ball? Did they believe you?”

  “I don’t see why they shouldn’t have. It was the truth.”

  “Was it the whole truth? Or were you afraid one of the boys would make a play for him and take him away from you?”

  “Of course not.” If only out of professional courtesy. “Besides—” I started to tell him about the New Year’s Eve Ball.

  “You know it will happen one day.”

  “What will?”

  “He’ll leave you.”

  “He won’t. He loves me.”

  “Y’know, we always thought that was just a fairy tale, one of us being rescued from ‘the life’ by Prince Charming. What’s his name, anyway—the boyfriend who took you away from all this?”

  I hesitated.

  “Fine. Don’t tell me, but face it, Sweetcheeks: you’re used goods. We all are. And one day he’ll realize that and—”

  “Excuse me. If you’ll sign the slip, sir?” The sales associate handed me the merchant’s copy and a pen and placed the maroon velvet jeweler’s case with the Pegasus logo on the glass counter.

  I scribbled my name on the slip, pocketed my copy, and took the case that held the chain and the charm.

  “Can I see?”

  I had to check it anyway, so I opened the case. The chain and the charm had both been buffed.

  “He’s a Virgo?”

  “Yes.”

  Connor turned over the charm. “Love always, Theo?”

  Even after all this time, I still couldn’t say those three words to my lover. In spite of the fact that I’d managed to say it twice—on his birthday and on mine—my original admission had been, “Because I don’t love him!” referring to Mark Vincent.

&n
bsp; I’d wanted to have something special engraved on the charm, and I’d thought about it a long while, trying to come up with something clever and eloquent that would let Wills know how much I cared, how much joy and pleasure he’d given me in the nine months we’d been living together, how much it meant having him in my life. Finally I’d given up and settled for the banal, Love always, Theo, even though it was heartfelt.

  “Who’s Theo?” I gave him an exasperated look, and he bit his lip. “Sorry. That’s your name, Sweetcheeks?”

  “Yes.” I slid the charm onto the chain and put it into the case, then handed it to Mason. “Wrap it, please.” I turned back to Connor. “Well, it was nice seeing you again, Connor. Sorry. Bailey.”

  “Fuck it, Connor is fine. It’s hard for us to change our spots. Look, Valentine’s Day is this Friday. I’m staying in suite 1276 at the Harrison Hotel for the next couple of weeks. Why don’t you come by for a drink before the ball? Or after the ball. Bring your guy.”

  “Bailey?” A stout man who looked to be in his fifties approached us. “Have you selected your bauble? Well, hello.” His eyes crawled over me. “Why don’t you introduce Daddy to your… friend?”

  It was all I could do to prevent a shiver. There had been a time when I’d have had to do anything this man paid me to do.

  “This is Sweetcheeks. He used to run one of the stables I belonged to.”

  I was relieved he hadn’t given him my real name. Sometimes that was all we boys had that we could call our own.

  “Do I know you?” “Daddy” dragged his gaze over my body and licked his lips. “You look very familiar.”

  “I’d remember you, I’m sure.” The habit of being polite to a john was hard to break.

  Mason returned with Wills’s gift, and I peeked into the little shopping bag that held it. It was wrapped in paper covered in hearts and cupids.

  “Thank you.” I took the shopping bag with its Mount Olympus logo from him.

  “Thank you, sir. I hope you’ll come again.” He observed the little tableau avidly, then moved farther down the counter, but not so far that he couldn’t overhear our conversation.

  “Join us for a… drink,” “Daddy” suggested. “You don’t look much older than Bailey. I’d like to see the two of you together.”

  “As Bailey mentioned, I’m no longer in the business.”

  “Pity. Perhaps you’ll change your mind?” He forced a business card into my hand, letting his fingers drag across my palm, and for a second I thought I might throw up. His fingers were damp, and his breath was worse than bad. A year ago, I’d have sucked it up, but Wills had spoiled me. “I’m often here on business, and I pay well. Bailey can tell you.”

  “Yes. He’s very… generous.” Connor’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Daddy, I like this Cartier watch.” He handed it to him. “Will you pay the nice man?”

  “Certainly, baby boy.” He leered and patted Connor’s ass. “You there!” He swaggered to where Mason stood. “Ring this up and don’t take all day about it!”

  Connor drew me a few feet away. “Meet me for a drink somewhere, Theo. It doesn’t have to be at the Harrison. I’d really like to see you. It will be like a… like a high school reunion.” He could see I was about to tell him no. “He will let you go, won’t he?” He flicked the bag with a fingernail. “Or are you his pet? Does he have you on a leash?”

  “He doesn’t need to keep me on a leash.” I tore up the business card and left the pieces on the counter. “He knows I won’t screw around on him.”

  “He knows? How can he know? We’re guys. We can’t help but cheat.”

  “He won’t. He loves me.”

  “Do you know how lucky you are?”

  I knew. Every night I thanked whatever God looked out for ex-rent boys for having Wills in my life.

  “If you’d rather not meet at the Harrison, then choose somewhere else,” he said again, his words becoming urgent. “It would mean a lot if I could see you. Just to talk,” he assured me.

  “Will he be there?” I gestured toward his sugar daddy.

  “I can make sure he’s busy somewhere else. Look, I…. It really is important I talk to you. I have something….” There was a hint of desperation in his voice.

  “Connor, if this john bothers you that much, dump him.”

  “You think that’s what it is?” His laugh was bitter, and “Daddy” glanced over and frowned. “I know how to handle men like him.”

  “Then what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, Sweetcheeks. Not a fucking thing. I’m living the high life.”

  If he wouldn’t talk to me, there wasn’t much I could do. “I’ve got to run, Connor. If I decide to come, I’ll give you a call at the Harrison.”

  “Yeah. Sure.”

  “Con….”

  The older man was suddenly at his elbow. “Bailey, my boy. Your little pressie. I know you’ll make it worth Daddy’s while.”

  “Of course. Thank you, Daddy.” He turned to me, and his eyes looked old and tired. “It was nice seeing you again, Sweetcheeks.”

  “Are you sure I don’t know you from somewhere?” “Daddy,” his eyes hot, made a production of licking his lower lip. Jesus, did he think it was sexy? I contained my shudder.

  “Yeah. Take care of yourself, Connor.”

  “You too.” He looped his arm in the older man’s. “Let’s go, Daddy. Bye, Sweetcheeks.”

  I WENT home and tried to put the meeting with Connor out of my mind, but I kept worrying about it. We’d never been close, not even by rent-boy standards. What could he want to talk to me about?

  While Wills was in the utility room cleaning out the litter pan, I brought it up.

  “Babe, I ran into a boy I used to know today.”

  He paused and looked up at me. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. He wanted to meet me at the ball Friday night.”

  “I thought we weren’t going? Or did you want to go without me? It’s… it’s okay if you want to.”

  “Is it?”

  His shoulders slumped. “No. I’d hate it like hell, but….”

  “Thanks, babe. For a second there I thought you were getting ready to brush me off.”

  “As if.” He got to his feet.

  “Besides, the new Le Roi has made it clear he doesn’t want former rent boys at any of his festivities.” I took the plastic bag from him, knotted it, and went into the kitchen, where I dropped it in the garbage. Then I took the bag out of its pail. “I’m gonna throw this out. Care to join me?”

  “Always. And you’re okay with missing out on all the balls?”

  I shrugged. “Yeah. I was getting tired of dodging all those daggers their eyes were throwing my way because I had you and they didn’t.”

  “You sweet-talker, you. What did he want to see you about?”

  “I don’t know. He wouldn’t say.” I handed him the bag of trash, and we left the apartment to take it to the can at the side of the driveway. “He isn’t happy, that’s for sure. The man who’s keeping him right now gave me the creeps. He’s older, and Connor calls him ‘Daddy.’”

  “Ugh. I don’t blame you for getting the creeps.” He opened the front door, and we walked down the steps to the sidewalk. He paused to growl at the Mazda parked in the spot in front of his Dodge, and I coughed to cover my laugh. “Do you think… Connor?” He raised an eyebrow, and I nodded. “Do you think Connor wants out of the business?”

  “I don’t know.” I shrugged. “It would be smart if he got out, but not many of the boys think that way. The money is too big a lure. The jeans he wore run about a couple of hundred bucks, and so do his running shoes. You can’t buy clothes like that if you’re working for Sears, not even with the employee discount.”

  “Does he do drugs?”

  “He used to do coke.” I removed the lid of the garbage can, Wills dropped the bag into it, and I put the lid back on. The air was cold, and we hurried back along the sidewalk. “That’s why I wouldn’t keep him in our stable.”


  “You said Tim was against drugs, and you followed his beliefs on that.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Did you ever…. Never mind. It’s none of my business.”

  “What? Do coke? No.”

  “No, not that.”

  “Then what? Come on, babe, don’t clam up on me. Did I ever ‘what’?”

  “I was just wondering…. And if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine.”

  “Wills.”

  “I was wondering if you ever… well… slept with him.”

  “Who, Tim? No. Not that he wasn’t hot.” And not that I wouldn’t have jumped at the opportunity if Tim had ever asked me. I might have even been willing to go for a threesome with Cris if that was what it would have taken to get Tim. And if Cris hadn’t been in the picture, I wouldn’t have waited for Tim to ask. But I had no intention of telling that to my lover.

  Wills ran his fingers through his hair and blew out a breath, a little plume of white in the chill evening air. “Paul said you were in love with Tim.”

  If Paul were here, I would have kicked his ass. “Tim took me in when I was at the lowest point in my life, Wills. I had forty dollars to my name, I thought I’d killed a man, and I was all alone in the big city. So, yes, I loved Tim. But I was never in love with him.”

  “And… and you’re in love with me?”

  “You bet your ass.”

  He squeezed my hand, opened the front door, and followed me into the house. I waited until he shut the door, then backed him into it, braced my forearms on either side of his head, and leaned into him for a kiss. His lips were cold, and I grazed mine back and forth over them, warming them, pressing lightly before parting so I could lick and nibble at his mouth.

  Behind me, someone cleared his throat, and I found myself thrust behind Wills, who stood in a slight crouch with his fists raised.

  “Mind telling your friend to stand down, Sweetcheeks?”

  “Theo,” Wills growled.

  “Wills, it’s okay, babe. This is Thomas. He’s a… he used to be a….”

  “I was just visiting Layla. You’re looking well, Theo. Very well. I don’t suppose you’d….” He glanced at Wills, who was wearing that flat, cold look. “No, I suppose not. Ah, well. I have to be going. It was nice seeing you again… Theo. Good evening, gentlemen.”