Barrie, J M - Alice Sit-By-The-Fire

by Alice Sit-By-The-Fire

  COSMO, appalled, 'Great Scott, mother, you can't do things like that.'

  ALICE. 'Can't I? Are you very studious, Cosmo?'

  COSMO, neatly, 'My favourite authors are William Shakespeare and William Milton. They are grand, don't you think?'

  ALICE. 'I'm only a woman, you see; and I'm afraid they sometimes bore me, especially William Milton.'

  COSMO, with relief, 'Do they? Me, too.'

  ALICE, on the verge of tears again, 'But not half so much as I bore my baby.'

  COSMO, anxious to help her, 'What did you do to her?'

  ALICE, appealingly, 'I couldn't help wanting to hold her in my arms, could I, Cosmo?'

  COSMO, full of consideration, 'No, of course you couldn't.' He reflects. 'How did you take hold of her?'

  ALICE. 'I suppose in some clumsy way.'

  COSMO. 'Not like this, was it?'

  ALICE, gloomily, 'I dare say.'

  COSMO. 'You should have done it this way.'

  He very kindly shows her how to carry a baby.

  ALICE, with becoming humility, 'Thank you, Cosmo.'

  He does not observe the gleam in her eye, and is in the high good humour that comes to any man when any woman asks him to show her how to do anything.

  COSMO. 'If you like I'll show you with a cushion. You see this'--scoops it up--'is wrong; but this'--he does a little sleight of hand--'is right. Another way is this, with their head hanging over your shoulder, and you holding on firmly to their legs. You wouldn't think it was comfortable, but they like it.'

  ALICE, adoring him. 'I see, Cosmo.' She practises diligently with the cushion. 'First this way--then this.'

  COSMO. 'That's first-class. It's just a knack. You'll soon pick it up.'

  ALICE, practising on him instead of the cushion, 'You darling boy!'

  COSMO. 'I think I hear a boy calling the evening papers.'

  ALICE, clinging to him, 'Don't go. There can be nothing in the evening papers about what my boy thinks of his mother.'

  COSMO. 'Good lord, no.' He thinks quickly. 'You haven't seen Amy yet. It isn't fair of Amy. She should have been here to take some of it off me.'

  ALICE. 'Cosmo, you don't mean that I bore you too!'

  He is pained. It is now he who boldly encircles her. But his words, though well meant, are not so happy as his action. 'I love you, mother; and _I_ don't think you're so yellow.'

  ALICE, the belle of many stations, 'Yellow?' Her brain reels. 'Cosmo, do you think me plain?'

  COSMO, gallantly, 'No, I don't. I'm not one of the kind who judge people by their looks. The soul, you know, is what I judge them by.'

  ALICE. 'Plain? Me.'

  COSMO, the comforter, 'Of course it's all right for girls to bother about being pretty.' He lures her away from the subject. 'I can tell you a funny thing about that. We had theatricals at Osborne one night, and we played a thing called "The Royal Boots."'

  ALICE, clapping her hands, '_I_ played in that, too, last year.'

  COSMO. 'You?'

  ALICE. 'Yes. Why shouldn't I?'

  COSMO. 'But we did it for fun.'

  ALICE. 'So did we.'

  COSMO, his views on the universe crumbling, 'You still like fun?'

  ALICE. 'Take care, Cosmo.'

  COSMO. 'But you're our mother.'

  ALICE. 'Mustn't mothers have fun?

  COSMO, heavily, 'Must they? I see. You had played the dowager.'

  ALICE. 'No, I didn't. I played the girl in the Wellington boots .'

  COSMO, blinking, 'Mother, _I_ played the girl in the Wellington boots.'

  ALICE, happily, 'My son--this ought to bring us closer together.'

  COSMO, who has not yet learned to leave well alone, 'But the reason I did it was that we were all boys. Were there no young ladies where you did it, mother?'

  ALICE. 'Cosmo.' She is not a tamed mother yet, and in sudden wrath she flips his face with her hand. He accepts it as a smack. The Colonel foolishly chooses this moment to make his return. He is in high good-humour, and does not observe that two of his nearest relatives are glaring at each other.

  COLONEL, purring offensively, 'It's all right now, Alice; she took to me at once.'

  ALICE, tartly, 'Oh, did she!'

  COLONEL. 'Gurgled at me--pulled my moustache.'

  ALICE. 'I hope you got on with our dear son as well.'

  COLONEL. 'Isn't he a fine fellow.'

  ALICE. '_I_ have just been smacking his face.' She sits down and weeps, while her son stands haughtily at attention.

  COLONEL, with a groan, 'Hst, I think you had better go and get that evening paper.'

  Cosmo departs with his flag flying, and the bewildered husband seeks enlightenment.

  'Smacked his face. But why, Alice?'

  ALICE. 'He infuriated me.'

  COLONEL. 'He seems such a good boy.'

  ALICE, the lowly, 'No doubt he is. It must be very trying to have me for a mother.'

  COLONEL. 'Perhaps you were too demonstrative?'

  ALICE. 'I daresay. A woman he doesn't know! No wonder I disgusted him.'

  COLONEL. 'I can't make it out.'

  ALICE, abjectly, 'It's quite simple. He saw through me at once; so did baby.'

  The Colonel flings up his hands. He hears whisperings outside the door. He peeps and returns excitedly.

  COLONEL. 'Alice, there's a girl there with Cosmo.'

  ALICE, on her feet, with a cry, 'Amy.'

  COLONEL, trembling, 'I suppose so.'

  ALICE, gripping him, 'Robert, if _she_ doesn't love me I shall die.'

  COLONEL. 'She will, she will.' But he has grown nervous. 'Don't be too demonstrative, dearest.'

  ALICE. 'I shall try to be cold. Oh, Amy, love me.'

  Amy comes, her hair up, and is at once in her father's arms. Then she wants to leap into the arms of the mother who craves for her. But Alice is afraid of being too demonstrative, and restrains herself. She presses Amy's hands only.

  ALICE. 'It is you, Amy. How are you, dear?' She ventures at last to kiss her. 'It is a great pleasure to your father and me to see you again.'

  AMY, damped, 'Thank you, mother----Of course I have been looking forward to this meeting very much also.'

  ALICE, shuddering, 'It is very sweet of you to say so.'

  'Oh how cold,' they are both thinking, while the Colonel regards them uncomfortably. Amy turns to him. She knows already that there is safe harbourage there.

  AMY. 'Would you have known me, father?'

  COLONEL. 'I wonder. She's not like you, Alice?'

  ALICE. 'No. _I_ used to be demonstrative, Amy----'

  AMY, eagerly, 'Were you?'

  ALICE, hurriedly, 'Oh, I grew out of it long ago.'

  AMY, disappointed but sympathetic, 'The wear and tear of life.'

  ALICE, wincing, 'No doubt.'

  AMY, making conversation, 'You have seen Cosmo?'

  ALICE. 'Yes.'

  AMY, with pardonable curiosity, 'What did you think of him?'

  ALICE. 'He--seemed a nice boy----'

  AMY, hurt, 'And baby?'

  ALICE. 'Yes--oh yes.'

  AMY. 'Isn't she fat?'

  ALICE. 'Is she?'

  The nurse's head intrudes.

  NURSE. 'If you please, sir--I think baby wants _you_ again.'

  The Colonel's face exudes complacency, but he has the grace to falter.

  COLONEL. 'What do you think, Alice?'

  ALICE, broken under the blow, 'By all means go.'

  COLONEL. 'Won't you come also? Perhaps if I am with you--'

  ALICE, after giving him an annihilating look, 'No, I--I had quite a long time with her.'

  The Colonel tiptoes off to his babe with a countenance of foolish rapture; and mother and daughter are alone.

  AMY, wishing her father would come back, 'You can't have been very long with baby, mother.'

  ALICE. 'Quite long enough.'

  AMY. 'Oh.' Some seconds elapse before she can speak again. 'You will have some tea, won't you?'

  ALI
CE. 'Thank you, dear.' They sit down to a chilly meal.

  AMY, merely a hostess, 'Both milk and sugar.'

  ALICE, merely a guest, 'No sugar.'

  AMY. 'I hope you will like the house, mother.'

  ALICE. 'I am sure you have chosen wisely. I see you are artistic.'

  AMY. 'The decoration isn't finished. I haven't quite decided what this room is to be like yet.'

  ALICE. 'One never can tell.'

  AMY, making conversation, 'Did you notice that there is a circular drive to the house?'

  ALICE. 'No, I didn't notice.'

  AMY. 'That would be because the cab filled it; but you can see it if you are walking.'

  ALICE. 'I shall look out for it.' Grown desperate, 'Amy, have you nothing more important to say to me?'

  AMY, faltering, 'You mean--the keys? Here they are; all with labels on them. And here are the tradesmen's books. They are all paid up to Wednesday.' She sadly lets them go. They lie disregarded in her mother's lap.

  ALICE. 'Is there nothing else?'

  AMY, with a flash of pride. 'Perhaps you have noticed that my hair is up?'

  ALICE. 'It so took me aback, Amy, when you came into the room. How long have you had it up?'

  AMY, with large eyes, 'Not very long. I--I began only to-day.'

  ALICE, imploringly, 'Dear, put it down again. You are not grown up.'

  AMY, almost sternly, 'I feel I am a woman now.'

  ALICE, abject, 'A woman--you? Am I never to know my daughter as a girl!'

  AMY. 'You were married before you were eighteen.'

  ALICE. 'Ah, but I had no mother. And even at that age I knew the world.'

  AMY, smiling sadly, 'Oh, mother, not so well as I know it.'

  ALICE, sharply, 'What can you know of the world?'

  AMY, shuddering, 'More I hope, mother, than you will ever know.'

  ALICE, alarmed, 'My child!' Seizing her: 'Amy, tell me what you know.'

  AMY. 'Don't ask me, please. I have sworn not to talk of it.'

  ALICE. 'Sworn? To whom?'

  AMY. 'To another.'

  Alice, with a sinking, pounces on her daughter's engagement finger; but it is unadorned.

  ALICE. 'Tell me, Amy, who is that other?'

  AMY, bravely, 'It is our secret.'

  ALICE. 'Amy, I beg you--'

  AMY, a heroic figure, 'Dear mother, I am so sorry I must decline.'

  ALICE. 'You defy me.' She takes hold of her daughter's shoulders. 'Amy, you drive me frantic. If you don't tell me at once I shall insist on your father--. Oh, you--'

  It is not to be denied that she is shaking Amy when the Colonel once more intrudes.

  COLONEL, aghast, 'Good heavens, Alice, again! Amy, what does this mean?'

  AMY, as she runs, insulted and in tears, from the room, 'It means, father, that I love _you_ very much.'

  COLONEL, badgered, 'Won't you explain, Alice?'

  ALICE. 'Robert, I am in terror about Amy.'

  COLONEL. 'Why?'

  ALICE. 'Don't ask me, dear--not now--not till I have spoken to her again.' She clings to her husband. 'Robert, there can't be anything in it?'

  COLONEL. 'If you mean anything wrong with our girl, there isn't, memsahib. What great innocent eyes she has.'

  ALICE, eagerly, 'Yes, yes, hasn't she, Robert.'

  COLONEL. 'All's well with Amy, dear.'

  ALICE. 'Of course it is. It was silly of me--My Amy.'

  COLONEL. 'And mine.'

  ALICE. 'But she seems to me hard to understand.' With her head on his breast, 'I begin to feel Robert that I should have come back to my children long ago--or I shouldn't have come back at all.'

  The Colonel is endeavouring to soothe her when Stephen Rollo is shown in. He is very young--too young to be a villain, too round-faced; but he is all the villain we can provide for Amy. His entrance is less ostentatious than it might be if he knew of the role that has been assigned to him. He thinks indeed (sometimes with a sigh) that he is a very good young man; and the Colonel and Alice (without the sigh) think so too. After warm greetings:

  STEVE. 'Alice, I daresay you wish me at Jericho; but it's six months since I saw you, and I couldn't wait till to-morrow.'

  ALICE, giving him her cheek, 'I believe there's someone in this house glad to see me at last; and you may kiss me for that, Steve.'

  STEVE, who has found the cheek wet, 'You are not telling me they don't adore her?'

  COLONEL. 'I can't understand it.'

  STEVE. 'But by all the little gods of India, you know, everyone has always adored Alice.'

  ALICE, plaintively, 'That's why I take it so ill, Steve.'

  STEVE. 'Can I do anything? See here, if the house is upside down and you would like to get rid of the Colonel for an hour or two, suppose he dines with me to-night? I'm dying to hear all the news of the Punjab since I left.'

  COLONEL, with an eye on the nursery door, 'No, Steve, I--the fact is--I have an engagement.'

  ALICE, vindictively, 'He means he can't leave the baby.'

  STEVE. 'It has taken to _him_?'

  COLONEL, swaggering, 'Enormously.'

  ALICE, whimpering, 'They all have. He has stolen them from me. He has taken up his permanent residence in the nursery.'

  COLONEL. 'Pooh, fiddlededee. I shall probably come round to-night to see you after dinner, Steve, and bring memsahib with me. In the meantime--'

  ALICE, whose mind is still misgiving her about Amy, 'In the meantime I want to have a word with Steve alone, Robert.'

  COLONEL. 'Very good.' Stealing towards the nursery, 'Then I shall pop in here again. How is the tea business prospering in London, Steve? Glad you left India?'

  STEVE. 'I don't have half the salary I had in India, but my health is better. How are rupees?'

  COLONEL. 'Stop it.' He is making a doll of his handkerchief for the further subjugation of Molly. He sees his happy face in a looking-glass and is ashamed of it. 'Alice, I wish it was you they loved.'

  ALICE, with withering scorn, 'Oh, go back to your baby.'

  As soon as the Colonel has gone she turns anxiously to Steve.

  'Steve, tell me candidly what you think of my girl.'

  STEVE. 'But I have never set eyes on her.'

  ALICE. 'Oh, I was hoping you knew her well. She goes sometimes to the Deans and the Rawlings--all our old Indian friends--'

  STEVE. 'So do I, but we never happened to be there at the same time. They often speak of her though.'

  ALICE. 'What do they say?'

  STEVE. 'They are enthusiastic--an ideal, sweet girl.'

  ALICE, relieved, 'I'm so glad. Now you can go, Steve.'

  STEVE. 'It's odd to think of the belle of the Punjab as a mother of a big girl.'

  ALICE. 'Don't; or I shall begin to think it's absurd myself.'

  STEVE. 'Surely the boy felt the spell.' She shakes her head. 'But the boys always did.'

  ALICE, wryly, 'They were older boys.'

  STEVE. 'I believe I was the only one you never flirted with.'

  ALICE, smiling, 'No one could flirt with you, Steve.'

  STEVE, pondering, 'I wonder why.' The problem has troubled him occasionally for years.

  ALICE. 'I wonder.'

  STEVE. 'I suppose there's some sort of want in me.'

  ALICE. 'Perhaps that's it. No, it's because you were always such a good boy.'

  STEVE, wincing, 'I don't know. Sometimes when I saw you all flirting I wanted to do it too, but I could never think of how to begin.' With a sigh, 'I feel sure there's something pleasant about it.'

  ALICE, 'You're a dear, old donkey, Steve, but I'm glad you came, it has made the place seem more like home. All these years I was looking forward to home; and now I feel that perhaps it is the place I have left behind me.' The joyous gurgling of Molly draws them to the nursery door; and there they are observed by Amy and Ginevra who enter from the hall. The screen is close to the two girls, and they have so often in the last week seen stage figures pop behind screens that, mechanically as it were, they pop b
ehind this one.

  STEVE, who little knows that he is now entering on the gay career, 'Listen to the infant.'

  ALICE. 'Isn't it horrid of Robert to get on with her so well. Steve, say Robert's a brute.'

  STEVE, as he bids her good afternoon, 'Of course he is; a selfish beast.'

  ALICE. 'There's another kiss to you for saying so.' The doomed woman presents her cheek again.

  STEVE. 'And you'll come to me after dinner to-night, Alice? Here, I'll leave my card, I'm not half a mile from this street.'

  ALICE. 'I mayn't be able to get away. It will depend on whether my silly husband wants to stay with his wretch of a baby. I'll see you to the door. Steve, you're _much_ nicer than Robert.'

  With these dreadful words she and the libertine go. Amy and Ginevra emerge white to the lips; or, at least, they feel as white as that.

  AMY, clinging to the screen for support, 'He kissed her.'

  GINEVRA, sternly, 'He called her Alice.'

  AMY. 'She is going to his house to-night. An assignation.'

  GINEVRA. 'They will be chambers, Amy--they are always chambers. And after dinner, he said--so he's stingy, too. Here is his card: "Mr. Stephen Rollo.'"

  AMY. 'I have heard of him. They said he was a nice man.'

  GINEVRA. 'The address is Kensington West. That's the new name for West Kensington.'

  AMY. 'My poor father. It would kill him.'

  GINEVRA, the master mind, 'He must never know.'

  AMY. 'Ginevra, what's to be done?'

  GINEVRA. 'Thank heaven, we know exactly what to do. It rests with you to save her.'

  AMY, trembling, 'You mean I must go--to his chambers?'

  GINEVRA, firmly, 'At any cost.'

  AMY. 'Evening dress?'

  GINEVRA. 'It is always evening dress. And don't be afraid of his Man, dear; they always have a Man.'

  AMY. 'Oh, Ginevra.'

  GINEVRA. 'First try fascination. You remember how they fling back their cloak--like this, dear. If that fails, threaten him. You must get back the letters. There are always letters.'

  AMY. 'If father should suspect and follow? They usually do.'

  GINEVRA. 'Then you must sacrifice yourself for her. Does my dearest falter?'

  AMY, pressing Ginevra's hand, 'I will do my duty. Oh, Ginevra, what things there will be to put in my diary to-night.'

  II

  Night has fallen, and Amy is probably now in her bedroom, fully arrayed for her dreadful mission. She says good-bye to her diary--perhaps for aye. She steals from the house--to a very different scene, which (if one were sufficiently daring) would represent a Man's Chambers at Midnight. There is no really valid excuse for shirking this scene, which is so popular that every theatre has it stowed away in readiness; it is capable of 'setting' itself should the stage-hands forget to do so.