Crushing Desire

by April Dawn

  Reena didn’t wish to explain to her family that she was going to have a child without the benefit of marriage, but she didn’t want to have nothing left of him either. She didn’t know which was worse, the idea of having to tell her family about their child, or the idea of Joshua leaving and her having nothing left of him.

  As Joshua slipped from the bed, she trailed her fingers over the scar on his stomach.

  “Where you injured in the war?” she asked.

  He glanced down at the jagged raised flesh, which ran from his side to the center of his stomach, just above his belly button.

  “I was wounded during the war.” He pulled his breeches on. “A kind family took me in and gave me care. I owe them my life.”

  “It must have been a terrible wound.” She eyed the scar. “I heard something about your being a hero.”

  “Bah.” He waved his hand. “We were in the midst of a bloody battle. I’ll never understand why, but our Colonel decided to lead the dragoon charge himself. I was fighting a rebel when the Colonel rode by, and the man lifted his bayonet, hoping to attack him.”

  Reena gasped, biting her lip.

  “Anyhow, I tried to parry, but his weapon struck me. I was called a hero, but I was doing my duty same as every man on both sides of that battle field. No man should be called a hero for doing his duty while another man dies.”

  “Oh my. The wound must have been very painful. Why I remember—”

  “Yes, well, it’s all right now. Don’t think too much on it. I’m very well and shall be so long as I have you.” He kissed her lightly on the forehead, and then pulled his shirt over his head and left the room.

  Did he really mean to have her? Reena’s mind wandered, as it often did, to what would happen when she returned home. There was nothing keeping them together, and when Joshua had fulfilled his obligation to return her to her parents, he could very well leave and return to England. What if he wanted to keep her with him but merely as his mistress? Could she handle a title like that to be with him? Could she swallow the scorn and ridicule of others and herself?

  Reena stood from the bed and walked to the basin that sat near the table. She filled the basin from the nearby pitcher and began to bathe. She ran the cloth over the curves and hallows that she had always taken such objection to, but Reena realized she no longer saw them in the same light. Not since Joshua’s hands had been on her, worshiping the very parts that she’d always thought to be so terrible. In his eyes, she was beautiful, and that was all that mattered. It has been said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, not the beheld.

  As she dressed, she imagined herself stunning him with her beauty. She envisioned his eyes turning to fire when he saw her, his lips quirking in that special way. Reena twisted her hair up into a loose bun and left trailing tendrils around her face. She knew that he liked her that way, and she wanted to be attractive for him. To let him see what he made her believe of herself, not just physically, but emotionally. For the first time in her life, Reena believed she was beautiful.

  9

  Later that evening, Reena sat across from Joshua, eating their meal of hard biscuits and salt pork. She couldn’t help but notice the way Joshua’s gaze moved over her body. He seemed to be memorizing her, taking in every perfection and imperfection alike.

  “If you keep looking at me that way, we shall never finish our meal.” The corners of her mouth lifted, but fell in an instant when her smile wasn’t returned. “What is it?”

  He dropped the pork onto his plate and took her hand, eyes shining.

  “Marry me, Reena,” he said. “I don’t know what I was thinking, letting other men court you while I stood by and did nothing.”

  A noise from the large wooden door called Reena’s attention away for a moment. It sounded as though the heavy door had closed, yet she hadn’t heard it open. They turned and glanced at the door, but no one had entered the room. Joshua stood, and crossed the room.

  “Hello?”

  When no one answered, Joshua opened the door and peered into the hall.

  “No one there?” Reena cocked her head, waiting for Joshua’s reply. He closed the door, and turned in her direction.

  He shook his head, and returned to the chair across from hers, hovering a moment like a bee, pacing a step this way and that.

  “Marry me.” Then he sat, grasping the arms of the chair.

  “But surely you deserve better. You deserve a woman who—” His finger on her lips stopped her words.

  “I don’t want to hear any more of that. I used to think there were much better men out there for you too. I’ve come to realize that we’re best for each other. No one else. Let those other men court a woman that couldn’t think her way out of a dark room. I like my woman. She’s intelligent enough to play chess and whip me at it.”

  Reena stood and moved to stand before him, her mind reeled and her heart sang at being called his woman.

  “She reads the books I enjoy and understands them. And she would do anything for the people she loves.” He stood up, facing her and took her hands into his.

  “Reena, when I thought you were in love with Michael that was the loneliest time of my life. When we’re together, as we are now, I feel warm and loved. I want that warmth to last me the rest of my time.” He seated her on the edge of the bed next to him and kissed her hand. “Marry me, sweet.”

  Reena’s mind spun. Surely this was a dream from which she would wake to find him lying in the chair, sleeping without her.

  He smiled, eyes gleaming as he taunted. “I know you want to say yes.”

  She gaped at him with mock disbelief. Reena picked up her pillow and hit him.

  “Emily was right about you. You are cheeky, sir.” She laughed as he tumbled over the side of the bed, coming up with a pillow of his own.

  “You know you want to admit it.” He ducked her pillow, letting loose with his own. She laughed and jumped up on the bed, avoiding the blow.

  “I don’t know how you ever defeated the first mate. You’re slower than my grandmother!” Reena hit him again.

  His mouth dropped open, the smile on his face showing at its edges.

  “Am I truly?” He pounced onto the mattress on his knees, grabbed her ankles, and pulled her off her feet. “Am I truly?” Landing atop her, he tickled her sides as she writhed beneath him, giggling and squealing. Minutes later, when they both lay exhausted in each other’s arms, he turned to her again.

  “Will you?”

  She slowly lost their laughter, and met his gaze. “You know I shall. Yes, Joshua Sinclair. I will marry you.”

  He leaned in to kiss her, but she jumped to her feet.

  “What about the captain? He’ll never witness our marriage now. He’ll be cross that we lied, and he’s already angry with us. Especially me. If we tell him that we’re not married, he might put you in the hold, or worse.” Reena surveyed the room as she spoke. Her heart pounded with fear as if the captain might stand in some corner, unnoticed.

  “Don’t worry. We will wait and wed when we reach the shore. The Captain will never know.”

  Then, as if called forth by her fear, he was there. The now gaping door held a very surprised captain. He glared from one to the other, taking in the disheveled bed and their flushed appearances.

  “Harlot!” he shouted.

  Reena stood frozen, not knowing what to do. Joshua scrambled to his feet beside her and took a step toward the captain. “Captain, I—”

  “I’ll tell you one thing about my ship, boy, I have total control aboard it, and I don’t like being lied to.” He stepped back and called to a sailor somewhere nearby. “You two have caused more trouble than I can abide. You shall not remain in this room with your harlot. You”—he pointed at Joshua—”shall have your own room. I don’t allow this type of activity on my ship. It promotes laziness and envy within the crew.”

  A young boy came to the room, watching silently from behind the captain and waiting for instruction.

&nbs
p; Reena’s chest was full, and hot tears stung her eyes. It was true, what the captain was saying. She was a loose woman, and she was living in sin with this man under the guise of marriage. But only for the moment. This had nothing to do with the captain’s feelings about loose women, though. This was revenge for his first mate. He blamed them for what had happened, and he meant to punish them.

  “You will continue to stay in your room at all times, Miss. I’ll bring you your meals, and if I am unable, Thomas here will do it.” He indicated the boy next to him, and the boy nodded.

  “Captain, I—”

  “You, Sir,” the captain continued, “will move to the crew quarters and take up residence with the men.” Joshua opened his mouth again, face turning red, but the captain held up a hand. “Of course, if you would be more comfortable in the hold.” The captain gazed down, knuckle on his chin. “The hold is full, though, so I should have to let Gregory out in order to keep you there.”

  To make his point clear he frowned at Reena. She stepped back from the fierce anger that blazed in his eyes, the only emotion she’d seen in them since the day Gregory had come to her room. The captain shook his head, as though clearing it of a thought or memory and moved back.

  “Shall the boy help you to the crew quarters, or shall he get the men to come drag you off to the hold?”

  Joshua looked at Reena for a moment, as though considering his options. He gave her a reassuring smile before turning to gather his things.

  “Joshua?” Reena began, uncertain of what to do. Her thumbnail entered her mouth, and she chewed. Joshua came to her, gently drawing her thumb from her mouth and kissing it.

  “It will be all right,” he said softly. “I’ll make sure of it.”

  Somehow, his words were all the comfort she needed, and Reena relaxed as he gathered the rest of his things, leaving her the books to pass the time.

  9

  Joshua passed the captain, who stepped out behind him and closed the door.

  “Will you at least witness our solemnities?” Joshua asked. “We were to wed, but with her father’s illness there was no time to do so properly. Wed us, and let me stay with her.”

  “Touching.” Captain Cromwell’s lips tilted upward, but the gesture didn’t reach his eyes. “No. I’ll not marry you to your trouble making harlot. In fact, when Fish told me that you were proposing, and that I should give you a private moment, I was fit to toss you both overboard. If it weren’t for Fish promising me the dagger that I’ve had my eye on, you would probably be in the ocean this very moment. “

  Last hopes dashed, Joshua took a step toward the man.

  “Let me make one thing clear,” Joshua began, “if she is harmed in any way while she is in your care, or if you should see a need to call her a harlot again, you will wake up with certain important parts of your anatomy lodged in your throat.”

  The captain appeared anything but intimidated.

  “First of all, my boy, the woman is unclean, and those women hold no interest for me. Second, I feel nothing but rage for the trouble the young lady has caused on my ship and would just as soon I never saw her again. Your woman will be safe from me. As for you…” He seemed to grow in stature and though not inspiring fear in Joshua, he definitely earned his title of captain. “That is another matter entirely. If you don’t follow orders, or if you cause any trouble, I’ll starve you for a week and give you to Gregory. And when he’s done, I’ll give her to him.”

  His nod to indicate the room they had left was unnecessary. Joshua understood exactly what he meant. So long as Joshua obeyed and caused no trouble, Reena would be safe.

  “Or perhaps, he’ll have her first.” He waved a hand as if it was an unimportant decision. “Anyhow, on to something more important. I sent Fish to find you to tell you that a storm is coming, and we will need your strength.” He turned to the boy. “Bring Gregory up from the hold. We’ll need his help too.”

  With that, the captain turned and strolled on deck, leaving a livid Joshua behind.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  As the day rushed on, the storm approached. The sky turned grey and dark. The waves became choppy, and the ship started to roll.

  Joshua tugged at the heavy barrel he was righting when Gregory rushed onto the deck. He looked no worse for his time in the hold, but Joshua hadn’t expected him to be too ill-treated. Joshua ignored the captain’s first mate and threw his back into the work. Some of the crew went down into the hold to secure the crates of supplies and repair equipment, and others were ordered to and fro about the deck. If Joshua could have stepped back, it might have seemed comical, grown men running about like children with fear and determination written on their faces. But surely, he was one of those men as well.

  “So,” A bile-filled voice said behind him. “I heard that you and the little whore aren’t even married.”

  Joshua stood from the barrel and clamped his fists on the rim. If he fought with the man now, the captain might decide to do something rash. He moved to the next barrel and continued working.

  “Well, since that’s the case, I’d be willing to bet that next time I ask, she’ll take my offer. A few coins should loosen her skirts sufficiently.” Gregory laughed and walked away. Joshua focused on the ground, balling his fists tight to stop himself from chasing the man down and pummeling him.

  He tried to forget about Gregory, but he kept watching him on deck. Whenever he was out of sight, panic filled Joshua, and he would search until he spotted him again.

  It was during one of these searches that the captain was killed.

  Joshua had just located the first mate, standing at the rear of the ship securing yet another barrel when something behind Joshua snapped. He turned to see the captain not far from where he stood and a barrel flying toward Cromwell. The end of the rope that had secured it trailed behind in a frayed mess. Joshua turned and ran at top speed, but the barrel cracked into the captain, knocking his body sideways into the railing of the ship. When he landed on the deck, the unnatural angle at which his head lay left no doubt in Joshua’s mind that the captain was dead. In his military days, he had seen death, and this was it.

  The men rushed to the captain, gawking at his body in an expression that read disbelief. The storm had not even struck yet, but it had already claimed a casualty.

  “John!” Gregory screamed and raced toward the captain’s crumpled body.

  Gregory fell to his knees beside the dead man and held his head, whispering to the corpse. A pang of sympathy ran through Joshua for this man who had been so hurt by his captain’s death. That is until he heard the command that left his mouth followed by the crews’ response.

  “Bring a canvas, let’s wrap his body and get him below,” Gregory ordered.

  “Aye, Captain,” responded several of the crewmen.

  For a moment, Joshua’s heart ceased to beat. This voyage was getting worse by the minute. He was being punished for giving in to his baser needs. He should have married Reena and taken her to her father’s house in an honest fashion. What a fool he’d been. Gregory was captain now, and their fates were in his hands.

  By the time the men had cleared the body and gone back to the business of readying the ship for the storm, the new captain had stepped right into his fresh role. He shouted orders at the men and sauntered about the ship with even more authority than before. Joshua had set himself to being invisible and not drawing the wrath of the newest captain, but that was impossible.

  “You.” Joshua heard behind him. “Come here.”

  He turned and walked slowly to where the captain stood. A smirk showed the man’s amusement at their new situation.

  “The captain…,” Gregory began, his eyes distant for a moment at the words. “The captain,” he began again after clearing his throat, “was too easy on you. I have a strict rule about men that bring whores on my ship.”

  Joshua held his fists behind his back to keep from swinging them. Attacking the captain of a ship was a serious offense, and h
e had to be able to protect Reena.

  “When this storm is over and if you survive”—his eyes gleamed with malice—”you’ll spend the remainder of the voyage in the hold. I’ll be taking back the captain’s quarters, of course.”

  Joshua had paid a large sum to get the captain to give up his quarters, and that was where Reena was still staying, without him. Joshua understood his meaning well, but he knew he could do nothing to stop him now. All he could do was survive the storm and help keep the ship afloat. He would have to worry about the rest when the time came. Perhaps he could steal the key to her room. It had been on the captain when he died, Joshua was confident that he still had it.

  “Don’t take your anger out on her.” Joshua tried to be humble. “Do what you want to me, but she is a gentle lady so have a care with her.”

  Gregory smirked.

  Damn him! If that bastard ever touches her, he’ll wish he was dead.

  The ship tossed, and Joshua put his head down, attending to the barrel which had killed the captain. He couldn’t focus on the man right now. The ship tossed violently, and Joshua knew it was time.

  The storm had arrived.

  “All hands on deck!” the new captain yelled.

  The sky flashed and thundered as the sea rolled in violent waves, complaining about the small ship that had disturbed its peace. Joshua grabbed the bowline and helped the others adjust the main sail.

  “All hands on deck!” Gregory yelled again.

  Lightening crashed from the sky, hitting the topsail. It snapped, fire crackling at its base and came smashing through the rigging, landing atop a sailor. He crashed to the floor, the hefty wooden post landing on his leg. His scream pierced through the storm. Joshua ran to him, and grappled with the bulky beam that lay atop him. Gregory and Fish ran over to help. Together, they pulled the wreckage off of the broken man as several others worked to put out the dangerous fire. One of the sailors, a burly man named Smalls, carried the fallen sailor off toward the hold of the vessel. Fish turned and rushed off down the ship toward a loose barrel, and ignoring Gregory’s stare, Joshua followed.