Pandora Jones: Admission

by Barry Jonsberg

  She waited while the pulsing in her blood calmed. What had she just experienced? An illusion? A dream? That was the only possible explanation. She must have fallen asleep.

  Whatever the explanation, she couldn’t ignore what had happened. She got to her feet again. This time, her legs were able to support her weight. A girl was moving towards her across the grounds, and for a moment Pan lamented the poverty of her eyesight. Then she walked towards Wei-Lin.

  Chapter 15

  ‘If you want me to be frank,’ said Miss Kingston, ‘I think this whole thing is nonsense and I am only going because Dr Morgan specifically asked me to. As for the rest of you, apart from Miss Jones who has to join me, I would advise you to stay here. Trust me, that mountain is dangerous if you don’t know what you’re doing.’

  The group stood inside the large hangar where Miss Kingston conducted her theory classes. The instructor was packing mountaineering ropes and tackle into a large backpack. Nate was doing likewise. The rest of Pan’s group stood, waiting. They were dressed in survival gear – thick mountain boots and fleece-lined jackets – and looked strange out of their normal school outfits.

  ‘We’ve talked it over, Miss Kingston,’ said Nate. ‘And we’re all going.’

  Miss Kingston glanced up and sniffed before continuing with her packing.

  ‘How noble,’ she said. ‘Group bonding, is that it? Look, we don’t need more than two for this particular wild goose chase.’ She glanced at Sanjit and her mouth turned down. ‘I do not relish having to take responsibility for people who are ill-suited to physical exercise, let alone the demands of mountain climbing.’

  ‘We’re going,’ Nate repeated. ‘And we take responsibility for ourselves.’

  ‘So you say.’

  The clothing was warm. After a few moments Pan felt sweat trickle down her stomach, though she knew she’d be grateful for the insulation once they started climbing. Nate came over and adjusted her jacket for her.

  ‘Take no notice of Miss Kingston,’ he whispered. ‘She’s always grumpy. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her smile.’

  ‘She’s right, though,’ replied Pan. ‘I’m not equipped for this. None of us are, apart from you and probably Jen. I’ve never climbed a mountain in my life. I just hope we aren’t a burden to you.’ She didn’t add that the whole reason for them going was because of her intuition and that she felt the responsibility keenly.

  ‘Nah. She’s not right. Only the lead climber needs to be highly skilled, and she is. She’ll free climb up the face and then put in a bolt or a piton. The rest of us following will be on belay devices attached to the bolt, so there’s no chance of falling. Trust me, Pan. It’s hard work, but it’s not dangerous.’

  ‘Even if you’re scared of heights?’

  Nate laughed. ‘It’s not an advantage, I must confess. But I’ll look after you and you’ll be fine.’

  Pan shrugged as she pulled her bootlaces tight and knotted them. Nate looked her up and down and nodded, a small smile on his face. They joined the rest of the group in a line, facing Miss Kingston who paced up and down.

  ‘Right,’ she said. ‘We do this quickly and we do this safely. I will lead. Mr Mitchell, you will bring up the rear. Take a backpack each and check the equipment in it. You should all have extra rope as well as karabiners, crampons and an ice-pick. Then we’ll get our muscles loose by running to the ascent point. I’ll set the pace and I expect you to keep up.’

  The pace Miss Kingston set was fierce and the group had difficulty matching it. Pan felt her boots as leaden weights and her skin crawled with sweat. She glanced over at Nate. He looked infuriatingly cool and dry. Then she fixed her gaze on the mountains a kilometre away. They loomed ominously, cold and forbidding. Her mind was brushed with a tingle of menace.

  ~~~

  The first part of the climb was easy enough. Where the mountain range met the plain, the land was covered with large rocks that meant footholds and handholds were easy to find. For the first fifteen minutes it was more like an energetic hike.

  But then the ascent became steeper. Pan had to hook her fingers into crevices and pull herself up. Sweat ran into her eyes but she didn’t dare take her aching fingers off the rocks to wipe them. So she blinked through the stinging and hauled herself up. Nate climbed behind her, helped her find the easiest route.

  ‘You’re doing fine, kiddo,’ he said. ‘Just a few more metres and we hit a plateau.’

  Pan scrambled onto a flat rock plain and lay on her back, gasping. Overhead was a pale blue sky dusted with wispy clouds. She waited until her breathing slowed, then rolled onto her side. The remainder of her group was resting also, though none appeared as tired as her, not even Sanjit. Pan noticed that Karl had lost weight and his skin was much clearer. The School is transforming us, Pan thought. Miss Kingston stood, her face turned upwards. She had flipped her snow goggles onto her forehead and was using her hand as a makeshift visor against the snow’s glare. Pan unscrewed her water bottle and took a few sips. Then she got to her feet. Her muscles were starting to cramp and she knew she needed to keep moving. Miss Kingston walked towards her.

  ‘Where to now?’ she asked.

  Pan pointed.

  ‘Pretty much directly up. Maybe a hundred metres. Then a little to the left. Ten or twenty metres, maybe.’

  Miss Kingston quickly scanned the ascent and then turned her eyes to Pan’s.

  ‘What makes you so sure?’

  Jen didn’t give her the chance to answer. ‘’Cos she’s the hot-shit psychic, Miss Kingston.’

  Pan tried to ignore her, but any answer to Kingston’s question would only validate Jen’s sarcasm, so she kept quiet.

  Miss Kingston sighed. ‘This is crazy,’ she said. She scratched her head. ‘You do know, don’t you, that there is no way Cara could have made this climb by herself? She was not . . . physically capable. There are probably only four or five students in the entire School who could have done this without equipment and Cara was definitely not one of them.’

  Pan shrugged, but a part of her noted that this was the first time she had heard the instructor call a student by her first name. She has feelings. The thought flashed through her mind. Even if she tries hard to conceal them.

  ‘She can’t be up there,’ Miss Kingston continued. She shook her head. ‘Wherever she is, I can guarantee it’s nowhere near here. But . . . let’s get this done. I want us off this mountain before anyone gets injured.’ She mumbled something and Pan caught the word ‘insane’. Then the instructor pushed her snow goggles down and clapped her hands. ‘All right. Listen up. I will free climb the next hundred metres while you wait here. I will put in pitons wherever possible. When I tug the rope, you will follow. Do it safe. Do it right.’

  Most members of the group nodded but no one said anything. Miss Kingston checked her equipment belt, tugged at it and moved to the rock face. She scanned the surface, found a small crevice at head height and inserted her fingers. Then she was away. Pan watched as she moved upwards, surely, swiftly and confidently. Once or twice Miss Kingston stopped and hammered metal pegs into the rock face. Then she was climbing upwards again, a dark figure against the white backdrop. Pan turned away and looked out over the plateau. The School was spread before her. She had never seen it from such a height, at least not in her own body. Even the Garden on Top of the World was far below. It all seemed so tiny set against the forbidding mountains and the wide expanse of sea. She shuddered and backed up against the rock face. Nate put an arm around her shoulders.

  ‘Vertigo, huh?’ he asked.

  Pan nodded.

  ‘You’re doing great, Pan,’ he said. He paused for a moment and scanned the peaks above them. ‘You really reckon she’s up there?’ he added.

  ‘I think so.’

  ‘That’ll raise more questions than answers,’ he said.

  ‘I know.’

  ‘Well, one thing at a time. Let’s see if she’s there first.’ He laughed. ‘I tell you, I don’t k
now whether to hope you’re right or pray you’re wrong. If you’re right, at least you won’t appear delusional. Then again, if you’re wrong . . .’

  ‘I hope I’m wrong, Nate. I really do.’

  ‘Time to find out,’ said Nate. ‘Miss Kingston’s up there already. Jeez, she must be half mountain goat. Anyway. Showtime, kiddo.’

  Pan and Nate watched as the others followed the route Miss Kingston had marked out. They weren’t as quick as her, but appeared to climb without undue difficulty. Sanjit, she noticed, didn’t find it easy but he kept going.

  ‘Have you talked to Sanjit at all, Nate?’ Pan said.

  ‘Yeah, from time to time. Mainly at night, just after lights out. He’s not a great talker. But he’s a cool kid when you get to know him.’

  Pan was pleased that Nate had spoken to the quiet Indian boy. She and Nate had formed a bond, Sam and Karl were clearly wrapped up in each other and Wei-Lin was friendly to everyone. Jen had no need of anyone and made that very plain. Only Cara and Sanjit were outsiders. There was a danger in being outside. It could be painfully lonely, and in this terror-stricken world, painfully lonely was dangerous.

  Pan glanced up the rock face. The last of the group had made it and finally it was their turn.

  ‘You go first,’ said Nate. ‘I’ll be right on your heels.’

  The cliff face was almost sheer, but Pan found there were plenty of handholds. She hooked her rope into each piton, limiting any fall to a survivable distance. Her fingers were cramped and her thigh muscles complained, but she took it one step at a time. Find a crevice for your hands, find a foothold. Lift, raise. One hand at a time. Don’t look down. Whatever you do, don’t look down.

  It was over in a surprisingly short time. Maybe the concentration helped. A hand grasped her wrist and she scrambled the last couple of metres onto another small plateau. This one was narrower than the first and with most of the group already assembled it was very crowded. Nate hauled himself up a few seconds after Pan. She wanted to rest and stretch, to get the lactic acid out of her muscles, but Miss Kingston was determined to press on.

  ‘Move, guys,’ she said. ‘Single file. Do not lose concentration. Miss Jones is of the opinion we are nearly there. Let’s see if she’s right.’

  A ledge, maybe two metres wide, snaked around the curve of the mountain. The sun reflected slivers of light from the path, glisters of ice that betrayed the treacherousness of the path. Miss Kingston took the lead. She kept close to the mountainside and chose her steps carefully. Then she was around the bend and out of sight. The others followed. Once again, Pan and Nate brought up the rear, and once again he insisted she go before him. If she slipped, at least he would have a chance to grab her. Pan held onto a small crag jutting from the cliff and slid one foot forward, then another. She felt self-conscious at the slowness of her progress – the others hadn’t exactly skipped around the ledge, but they also hadn’t inched along, petrified by fear. Despite the cold, she felt beads of sweat stand out on her forehead.

  ‘I wouldn’t call you half mountain goat,’ said Nate behind her.

  ‘The way I’m sweating, I probably smell like one.’

  Nate chuckled. ‘Take it easy. The important thing is to stay safe.’

  ‘I am taking it easy.’

  ‘Good.’

  Pan inched around the bend. She kept her eyes fixed firmly on the path and did not look up, even when the path broadened. One step at a time, she told herself. One step at a time. Keep safe.

  ‘You can stop clinging to the mountain now,’ said Nate. ‘Look up, kiddo. The hard part’s over.’

  Pan did. The path had widened dramatically once it had skirted the mountain side. The edge was at least five metres to her left. The rest of the group had formed a tight circle in a clearing six or seven metres ahead. Their heads were lowered. No one spoke. Pan wiped at her forehead with one gloved hand and walked cautiously over to them. She pushed between the knot of backs to see. But she knew what was there.

  Cara sat upright, her back against the mountainside. It was as though she were taking a rest, admiring the view. Her arms rested at her side, hands against the snow-slick ground, knees slightly bent. She was wearing her School clothes, the camouflage jacket pitifully inadequate for the conditions. There was a slight smile on her lips as if what she saw was pleasing. Her eyes were bright and clear but there was nothing behind them. Pan’s eyes welled with tears. She choked a sob at the back of her throat.

  Miss Kingston knelt beside the body. She removed her gloves and put two fingers against Cara’s neck. Pan knew it was useless. No one could have survived up here. Not for a day and a night. Miss Kingston kept her fingers there for longer than was necessary. When she removed them, she brushed Cara’s cheek. It was a strangely tender gesture. Miss Kingston stood.

  ‘She’s dead,’ she said. She pulled her gloves back on. ‘I’m sorry. There’s nothing we can do for her. I suggest we get moving again.’ She pointed to Sanjit and Jen. ‘You guys, attach a rope to Cara. Make it secure. We’ll take her back around this path and then lower her down the way we came up. I’ll climb down first to take her body on each stage. Move it, people. I want to see purpose and I want to see discipline.’

  The group shuddered as if waking from some kind of nightmare. Wei-Lin and Sam bent down and tried to move Cara’s body away from the cliff face. Pan noticed that both were crying, though neither made a sound. Jen uncurled a length of mountaineering rope, and although she tried to hide it, there were tears on her face as well. Cara’s body resisted, stuck to the mountain. Eventually, her jacket gave way and ripped. Even then they couldn’t move her. Her body was frozen in place. Hands, legs, each part of her body that was in contact with the mountain stayed fused. The two looked up at Miss Kingston.

  ‘She’s dead,’ said Miss Kingston again. ‘You can’t hurt her, whatever you do. Use your ice axes, if you must, but get her free and get her roped up. Do you understand?’ She was back to icy efficiency. Pan wondered if she had imagined that tender gesture. She was aware that Nate’s hand was resting on her shoulder. She couldn’t remember when he had put it there, but she wanted it to stay there forever. She had the feeling that if he removed it, her will would crumble and she would surrender to grief. But he did remove it and Pan shuddered but kept control.

  The climb down wasn’t as bad as the ascent. Even negotiating the narrow path was something Pan accomplished without too much fear. The worst was watching Cara’s body as it was lowered from one stage of the descent to the next. Pan winced whenever the rope swayed and Cara’s body bounced against the mountainside. She knew it was absurd, that Cara was beyond feeling pain, but it was an undignified process. It was almost a relief when it was Pan’s turn to descend. She was in no danger – the ropes and the system of karabiners meant it was impossible for her to fall far. And staring at the rock wall rather than Cara’s body was a welcome diversion.

  Their progress had clearly been monitored from The School, and when they finally reached the ground, most of the students and staff were waiting. A couple of students rushed forward and put Cara’s body on a stretcher, covered it with a blanket and carried it off towards the Infirmary. The crowd parted silently to allow them past. Miss Kingston pushed her goggles up on her forehead and removed her gloves. She looked tired, drained. Pan realised that she was, too.

  ‘Right,’ Miss Kingston said. ‘Back to base. All the equipment needs to be checked in and stored.’ She strode off without waiting for a response. After a few moments, Pan and the rest of the group followed. The tiredness that they’d been forced to keep at bay swamped them. They all walked, heads down, saying nothing. Even Nate was quiet, as if exploring the inside of his head. At the hangar, they stripped off their gear and stowed it away. Miss Kingston oversaw the return of equipment and ticked off each item as it was returned. Eventually, they were done. The group stood in a ragged line, hands behind backs.

  ‘Right,’ said Miss Kingston. ‘You are dismissed. The rest of today’s p
rogram is cancelled and you have free time. The canteen, I have been informed, is open. Get a hot meal and then get some rest.’

  ‘What will happen to Cara?’

  Pan was surprised that it was Sanjit who asked. She couldn’t remember the last time she had heard him speak. Miss Kingston sagged almost imperceptibly, then straightened.

  ‘There’s no precedent for this situation,’ she said, her voice brisk, ‘but I suspect her body will be taken out for burial at sea. I will let you know about any arrangements so that you can say . . . goodbye. For what it’s worth, I am very sorry. That will be all.’

  The line broke and the students shuffled towards the exit. Miss Kingston’s voice followed them. ‘You did well, guys. I’m proud of you.’

  No one said anything.

  Chapter 16

  ‘Want to talk?’ asked Nate.

  Pan and Nate sat outside as dusk fell. The group had gone to the canteen, but no one had eaten much, despite their hunger. Sam and Karl sat very close together, their hands entwined. Most of the group avoided meeting Pan’s eyes. Are they scared of me? she thought. Or do they suspect me of somehow being involved in Cara’s death?

  ‘About what?’ Pan replied. ‘How Cara managed to climb a mountain with no equipment in the middle of the night? Why she sat down and waited for death? Or how I knew where to find her body?’

  Nate shrugged. ‘I don’t know. All of the above? Or maybe just about Cara. She’s dead and I don’t know why or how, but she was one of us. Perhaps we simply need to mourn her and worry about the rest later.’

  Tears sprang into Pan’s eyes, but she blinked them back. I read her journal, she thought. Her private thoughts and feelings. I probably knew her better than anyone here. But it’s too late to do anything with that knowledge. She felt the full impact of her use of the past tense and it made her shudder.