Ebb Tide

by Leah Murray

  `He knows where I live and I can’t stay here. What about my cat?’

  `She can go to Julia’s.’

  He stood up. `I’m not going to waste time arguing and I’m not backing down on this. So you may as well get used to the idea. Now, are you ready? Let’s go to your place and get your things.’

  She frowned, watched him leave. Wondered if he saw the irony in telling her not to let people control her life then proceeding to do just that himself. But she sighed, stood up and followed him, knew she felt better not being alone.

  `I don’t know if this is such a good idea,’ Jo said, shifting nervously in the car seat as she looked over at the house. It was a large, modern double-storey home with an acre or so of landscaped gardens.

  Will sighed. `Why? Shaun will simply ask you some questions and they can keep an eye out for this guy. What’s his name anyway?’

  `Jack,’ she felt herself tense as she spoke the name, tried not to give in to the fear. `Okay, let me get this over with,’ she said, climbing out the car without waiting for him to help.

  He closed his door and waited in front of the car for her, holding out his hand as she came closer. She tried not to look nervous as they knocked at the front door.

  `It’ll be fine,’ Will said, squeezing her hand and she smiled faintly. He obviously hadn’t the slightest idea how hard it was for her to talk to anyone about this.

  `Oh hi. What are you guys doing here?’ Julia asked as she opened the door.

  `Hi Jules. We’ve actually come round to see Shaun. Is he in?’

  Julia frowned. `Yes, he’s in the lounge. Come in.’ She stepped back and Jo looked around the entrance hall, admiring a large abstract oil painting on the wall.

  `That’s one of Julia’s,’ Will said and she turned to her in surprise.

  `Are you a painter? Wow, I really like it,’ she said in admiration.

  Julia smiled. `Thanks.’

  She led them into a tastefully furnished sitting room and a lanky sandy-haired man stood up as they entered.

  `Hey Will, how’s it going?’

  `Good. Jo this Shaun, Shaun, Jo,’ he said and Jo leaned over to shake Shaun’s proffered hand.

  He smiled warmly and she relaxed slightly.

  There was a moment of silence then Will turned to Shaun.

  `Actually Jo needs to see you in a sort of professional capacity,’ he said and Shaun looked surprised.

  `Oh okay. What’s up?’

  Will turned to face her and she reddened. Did they expect her to spill it all here? Now?

  She let her breath out in relief when Shaun seemed to sense her discomfort.

  `Maybe we should go into the dining room. Jo?’

  She nodded, followed him in and sat down at the table, glad to see him close the sliding doors.

  Will went over to the window and looked out at the garden, tried to calm the rage he’d felt burning ever since she’d told him what had happened. He sensed rather than saw or heard Julia come up to stand beside him. They were silent for a long time.

  Finally she turned to him.

  `Are you going to tell me what’s going on?’

  He clenched his jaw. `I don’t know if Jo’d be happy about it.’

  `Oh. Okay. That bad, huh?’

  He turned to look at her. `We’ll deal with it.’

  She nodded, turned back to the window.

  `Jo’s going to come stay at my place for a few weeks. Would you mind looking after her cat for a bit?’

  He saw her hesitate, frown. `Yes, okay. Will are you sure about this?’

  `About what?’

  `Getting involved with her? Don’t get me wrong, she seems nice. But you’ve just got yourself sorted. I’m worried you’re going to get dragged down again.’

  He tried to stop the sudden flare of temper. `I’m fine. Don’t worry.’

  `Will ...’ she broke off and he turned, saw Jo standing at the door.

  She looked upset and he wondered if she’d overheard the conversation.

  `All done?’ he asked and she nodded.

  Shaun came back from the study a few moments later, his jacket draped over one arm. He went to kiss Julia on the cheek.

  `Just going in to the station for a few minutes. Be back soon,’ he said.

  Julia nodded, looked a little put out and Will knew she was dying to know what was going on. He just figured it wasn’t up to him to say anything.

  Jo seemed to sense it too as she sighed, sat down on the couch once Shaun had left.

  `You can tell Julia. Only please leave it till I’m not here to listen to it. I don’t want to go over it again.’

  `You don’t need to tell me anything,’ Julia said and he watched her go sit down next to Jo, felt a fist squeezing at his heart as Jo started crying again.

  Julia put an arm around her shoulders and shook her head at him as he started towards them, pointed at the door.

  Angry, knowing it was probably better to leave Julia to comfort Jo, he went outside, kicked at the gravel in the driveway and started planning what he’d do to the guy when he finally found him.

  Frustrated, he wondered over to the edge of the lawn, stood looking out at the town spread out below him. A town he’d known most of his life. It was a strange feeling standing there looking down at the harbor, the crazy maze of brown stone buildings that had stood there for centuries and most likely would still be standing centuries from now.

  Amazing how far he’d run to try find himself only to come back and finally find peace in his own backyard. Only now it seemed it was all starting again. He tried to shrug off the pervasive sense of unease.

  It was more than the situation with Jo. He’d felt it even before her met her, sensed it in the air. A restlessness, a need to get away, escape from the narrow confines of his world. Thank God he no longer felt like the star of some freak show. People had stopped coming up and asking him about the accident, giving their condolences.

  He no longer felt the need to play the hero, pretend everything was fine when inside he felt like screaming at them to bloody wake up. Realize what reality was, that he wasn’t any hero, that it had been a damn mistake that he was one of the few to walk out of there alive. That he had to live with the memories of the people who had died - friends, enemies, it didn’t matter. He was responsible. For all of them.

  God, he had to stop thinking this way.

  He shook his head to clear his thoughts, wandered back over to the house.

  Jo turned as Will came in the front door, surprised at how dejected he looked. He looked up and smiled, seemed to consciously force himself to brighten up as he came to sit down next to her.

  `Feeling better?’

  She nodded.

  `Yes, Julia’s gone to make some tea. She’s been great. You’re lucky to have her as a sister.’

  He nodded, laid his arm along the back of the couch and ran his hand through her hair.

  `You okay?’ she asked.

  `Yes, I’m fine. I’m more worried about you. What did Shaun say he was going to do?’

  She leaned back against the couch. `He’s circulating a description of … of Jack. Said he’d get in contact with the airlines and so on, try find out how he got into the country, what name he might be using. He’s contacting the police in New Zealand and getting copies of all the case notes and that sort of thing. I may need to see a lawyer.’

  She sighed. It had all gotten so complicated.

  `He say how long it would take?’

  She shrugged. `Depends on what they can come up with. I’m just going to try enjoy the weekend and not think about it.’

  `Good plan.’

  They both looked up as Julia came into the room, carrying a tray of tea and some cake and muffins.

  `Here you go,’ she said, setting it down on the table.

  Jo leaned over and helped herself to a muffin, put a piece of cake on a plate and handed it to Will.

  They sat talking about mundane issues until Shaun returned.

>   As they were saying goodbye, Jo felt a pang of gratitude to Will and his family for being so helpful and understanding. She knew what it must look like, this stranger bursting into their lives and causing trouble. She hadn’t missed Julia’s comment to Will but she could understand why Julia would feel that way.

  It still didn’t stop Jo wondering what she had meant by him finally getting himself sorted but obviously Will wasn’t about to tell her and she wasn’t one to pry. So she said her goodbyes and got in the car, thinking how lucky she was to have these people looking after her. She dreaded to think what would have happened if she hadn’t met Will. What would have been the outcome last night if Will hadn’t seen the car?

  …

  He watched as she came out the back door, called the cat and put her in a cage. Was she going somewhere? He drew in a deep breath, turned the binoculars to the road and saw the Land Rover. It was about time he found out what was going on there. That guy was around much too often. Time to pay a little visit.

  CHAPTER 11

  JO DUMPED THE BAG ON the top of the staircase and stood pursing her lips.

  `What’s wrong?’ Will asked, coming up the stairs behind her.

  She turned to face him, wondering how best to address the question of where exactly she was going to sleep.

  `Ah, I see,’ he said, grinning.

  He put the bags down and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her towards him.

  `Well, we have two ways of dealing with this. Either you stay in one of the spare rooms, in which case you’ll drive me mad, or you can stay in my room, in which case you’re likely to drive both of us mad. I guess the gentlemanly thing to do is offer you the spare room.’

  She smiled.

  He bent to kiss her neck.

  `On the other hand I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to leave you alone in the spare room, anyway. So you may as well join me in mine.’

  `Will …’

  He sighed, stepped back, suddenly serious.

  `Honestly Jo. It’s up to you. I’m not going to do anything you’re not comfortable with.’

  `I’ll go to one of the spare rooms.’

  He shrugged. `Fine by me.’

  He went into the room across from the bathroom and set her bags on the bed. She followed him in, wandered over to the window and peered out.

  `Oh cool. I can see the sea from here.’

  He smiled, reached out to ruffle her hair.

  `Right, well I guess next question is what the hell are we going to have for dinner?’

  `I can cook something if you like. My arm’s a lot better; I’ve decided to get rid of the sling. It’ll probably help to give it a bit of exercise.’

  `Are you sure?’

  `Yes. I can do most things with my right hand anyway.’

  `Okay, great. What do you need? I can go down and get some groceries while you settle in. Grant and Shelley are in the cottage up the road so you won’t be alone.’

  `Who are they?’

  `Grant manages the farm, Shelley’s his partner. I’ll introduce you tomorrow. Groceries?’

  `Oh. Yes. Um, well what do you want?’

  `Can you do something chickeny?’

  She laughed. `Chickeny.’

  Shaking her head, she left the room, started downstairs, `Well, let’s see what you’ve got.’

  She opened the fridge, rolled her eyes at the contents - a single loaf of bread and a six-pack of beer.

  `I’m surprised you survive.’

  He had the grace to look sheepish. `I can cook if I need to. Sort of. I just don’t need to so I don’t bother.’

  She sighed. `Go get a pen.’

  He jotted down the list of ingredients she dictated, treated her to a searing kiss goodbye and left for the shops.

  She stood in the kitchen, looked out at the yard where Jess and Nemo were curled up at the edge of a maize field and smiled to herself, suddenly happy. She’d succeeded in pushing thoughts of Jack into the background. For now, at least.

  Will had been gone about fifteen minutes when she heard the dogs start barking. It wasn’t the sort of bark she’d heard from them before, when they were playing with each other or chasing rabbits.

  No, this was a series of short, rapid snarls, interspersed with low growls.

  Her heart in her mouth, she edged towards the bedroom window, peered out cautiously but the yard seemed empty.

  Then she heard the muffled curse and the sound of running footsteps.

  A sudden clamminess of her palms combined with the rapid pounding of her heart forced her to hunch down next to the window, out of sight of anyone down below. She started rocking again, the only way she knew how to avoid the oncoming panic attack.

  She was still sitting there when Will returned.

  `Jesus. Jo?’

  She stared up at him, her eyes wide with fright, her skin pale. It was starting again. She knew it. There was nowhere she could run to now. Even here, even with Will.

  `Jo, get up.’

  He reached under her arms, pulled her to her feet and she flinched at the sudden pain in her shoulder.

  `What happened?’

  `Someone was here.’

  He frowned.

  `Where?’

  `Outside. I heard him. The dogs started growling. Will, I can’t escape. There’s nowhere to go. He’s going to find me and he’s going to finish this. I know it.’

  `I can’t believe you’re letting him do this to you.’

  The words were like a slap against her cheek and she stepped back, shocked at his cutting tone, hurt.

  `You’re crawling on the floor like a damn baby while he may or may not be outside. You know you’re stronger than this. Why are you letting him do this to you?’

  Anger forced the shock away and she pushed past him, grabbed a suitcase and started throwing clothes into it.

  `You asshole. I can’t believe you.’

  He grabbed her elbow and she wrenched it away.

  `How can you say that to me? Knowing what I’ve told you.’

  `Jo stand still and listen to me for a minute,’ he said, grabbing her by the shoulders in a tight grip, effectively leaving her no choice but to stand there, glaring up at him.

  `What happened was awful. You shouldn’t have had to go through it. But you did. You can’t change that. Crying in the corner isn’t going to make it go away, nor is it going to stop him trying again. Stop being a damn victim and start fighting back.’

  She laughed at that, the sound high, almost hysterical.

  `Start fighting back! What a joke.’

  Shaking her head, she jerked away and went back over to the suitcase, stopped, couldn’t even see what she was looking at through the thick cloud of tears.

  She turned back, stepped towards him, stabbed a finger at his chest.

  `Until you, Mr God Almighty, have lived through someone taking every damn sense of dignity you have away don’t you dare speak to me about fighting back. You think I sat there and took it? You think I didn’t fight?’

  She took a deep breath as she heard her voice break, couldn’t help but step back as he leaned forward, his eyes blazing, his voice dripping with ice-cold anger.

  `Just hang on a minute. You have no damn idea what I have or haven’t lived through. You’re not the only one who got a raw fucking deal princess.’

  She didn’t register his words, only saw the anger, and that just made things worse. He had the audacity to make out she was the one in the wrong?

  She closed her eyes. `I can’t believe this.’

  When she spoke again she could hear the sound of her voice echoing in her head, cold, far away.

  `Try imagining what it feels like when someone’s inside you. Inside you and you’re not strong enough to push him away. Do you have any idea what that does to you? You can never get clean. You can never get away from being violated. And you can’t stop him. You can’t do a fucking thing because he weighs a damn sight more than you, you just have to lie there, feel his damn swe
aty body heaving away on top of you while you shut your mind off, try not to notice the pain, hoping to God he isn’t going to kill you when he’s finished.’

  She grimaced, shook her head, couldn’t even look at him.

  `To this day I still feel exposed. I can’t heal that. Ever. He ripped a damn hole in me that I can’t fix. Do you know what the hell that feels like?’

  She stared at him then, her breathing ragged, barely registered the shocked expression on his face.

  Not able to take anymore, choked by the ghostly tendrils of memories, she turned and ran out the room, taking the stairs two at a time, skidding and almost falling down in her haste to escape.

  She heard him coming after her and grabbed desperately at the door handle, her hands slippery from nerves, the door sticking shut.

  He stopped at the bottom step.

  `Jo.’

  She tugged harder at the door, willing it to open. When it didn’t, she fell in a crumpled heap, her body doubled over, her head resting on the floor.

  For the first time in a long while she wished to God she could simply die, fade away and find some peace.

  When he spoke, his voice was low, calmer. Almost anguished.

  `I’m sorry.’

  He crouched down in front of her, obviously uncertain what to do next.

  A part of her even found it funny.

  But she couldn’t summon up the energy to move.

  Finally, he sat down beside her, cross-legged, started smoothing her hair down her back, not saying anything.

  After a long while she shifted slightly and he leaned across, pulled her into his lap. She curled against him, not willing to meet his gaze or talk but thankful for the comfort of his body.

  `I shouldn’t have said those things. I was angry about something else and I took it out on you. I’m sorry, truly sorry,’ he said.

  She nodded against his chest, not sure what to say in reply.

  `Why don’t you come sit in the kitchen and I’ll get you some tea. I’ll even make dinner.’

  The idea made her smile faintly.

  `Okay,’ she said eventually and he lifted her gently off his lap, stood up and held out a hand to help her to her feet

  After dinner he asked her if she wanted to come to his room to watch TV but she shook her head.

  `No. I’ve got a bit of a headache. I think I’m going to go to bed.’