Ebb Tide

by Leah Murray

  Despite himself, Will had felt a pang of sympathy.

  `What’s going on between you two?’ he’d asked and there was a long silence.

  `Nothing. It will sort itself out. Now just keep an eye on Jo and try stay out of trouble. There’s a patrol car watching your place, and two more watching the pub and the vet.’

  `Okay. Well thanks. And good luck with Julia. I’ve been on the receiving end of those tantrums and it isn’t pretty.’

  `Tell me about it,’ Shaun said drily and hung up.

  Now Will lay in bed trying to fight the memories. He turned the TV on and off a number of times, walked over to the window and stared out at the darkness, went back to bed, repeated the movements. Finally he fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

  He knew he was dreaming but he couldn’t wake up, couldn’t drag his eyes open. Instead all he could do was watch the same horrific scene played over and over in his mind.

  Cam yelling, `Oh God, we’ve been hit.’

  Jamie swearing, `Fuckers!’ sending a spray of ammo out into the vast black of the desert night.

  Feeling the shaking, losing the battle for control as the helicopter spun sideways, Will glanced over at Mike sitting beside him, knew it wasn’t good. A chill ran through him as Mike met his gaze. `Tell her I love her Will,’ he said.

  Then the memory fast-forwarded and he saw himself crying, Mike’s head in his lap.

  Trying to resuscitate him and it didn’t work and it didn’t work on Cam and the anger kept growing and finally it burst out and he was like a man possessed, yelling out into the desert, shooting at anyone who came close, enjoying it, eager to make them suffer, take the hurt from him, wipe away the faces, the memories of his friends - Cam, cold, his head bloodied. Jamie, propped up on Cam’s body, unable to move his legs but still firing, bright bursts of red-orange fire blasting out into the night, crippling the dark shapes rushing up at them. The others, the American soldiers they’d been transporting to another base, one of them could still use his gun and together they somehow managed to get through the cold of the night, the few hours it took for help to arrive.

  There was another flash of light and now he was in Jamie’s room, that last day, trying to tell him to be positive, saying all the same inane things people tell the injured, the lost, when they don’t know what to say and Jamie started crying, balling like a baby, saying he couldn’t go on and Will felt so helpless. He stepped forward, tried to comfort him and Jamie started screaming, yelling at him, his face red, eyes wide, filled with hate. `Why the fuck didn’t you let me die?’ he yelled over and over and over and Will backed out the room, walked out, kept on walking, tried to get those words out of his mind but couldn’t.

  The landscape changed suddenly and now he was at the falls with Jo and she was smiling at him and he was thinking how lucky he was to have met her, wondering what the catch was as she walked up to him, put her arms around his neck, kissed him on the lips and then she was hanging over the cliff and he could feel her slipping and he knew she was going to die and there was blood on his hands and he started yelling, knew it was all happening again …

  Jo woke with a start, felt a grip on her wrist as strong as steel and her heart leaped into her throat, panic thrusting its way through the haze of sleep as she remembered Jack. She sat bolt upright, barely able to breathe before she registered her surroundings. Slowly, she realized she was still in Will’s bedroom, that the grip on her wrist was his, and that he was in the midst of a nightmare.

  Her eyes adjusted to the gloom and she saw him twisting, panicked, his breathing uneven as he muttered in sleep, his voice anguished. Somehow managing to tug her wrist free, she leaned over, switched on the bedside light and looked at him, bit her lip.

  He was covered in sweat, shivering, his cheeks wet. Suddenly he yelled out and she jumped at the noise, felt her heart start pounding involuntarily. Leaning over, she shook him gently, harder when he didn’t come to.

  `Will …. Will!’

  The sound of her voice seemed to calm him somewhat and she was relieved when he stopped his agitated tossing and turning, opened his eyes, the grief in his gaze tugging at her heart.

  `Will, Shhh, it’s okay, it’s a nightmare,’ she said, leaning on his chest, smoothing his hair back from his forehead.

  `Jo … oh God, Jo,’ he said, his voice hoarse.

  Then his hands were on her, hot, demanding. The passion he’d leashed for so long escaped, raw and urgent as he rolled her onto her back, bruising her mouth with savage kisses of desperate need, pushing her top up, his fingers biting into her shoulders as he pushed her down when she tried to roll away.

  His mouth was rough on hers and she could taste the salt of him on her tongue, feel the stubble on his jaw against her cheek as he bent to nip at her neck, his hands moving over her, pulling her pajama bottoms down, spreading her legs.

  She arched up against him, felt the tremors rushing through him as he thrust himself into her, driving deep and she winced as he bit at her shoulder but she was caught up in his desperation, balanced precariously on an edge somewhere between pleasure and pain as he drove into her with increasing force.

  `God,’ she gasped, desperate for breath, digging her nails into his shoulders as he gripped her hips, pulled her closer to him, shuddered suddenly and collapsed on top of her, his weight heavy and crushing as she cried out, lost in an explosion of sheer pleasure.

  It was a long time before she managed to get her breath back, became aware of her surroundings.

  She felt him sobbing, his head against her stomach as he shook, and she managed to wriggle downward, reach up and wrap her arms around him, hugging him tight against her as he tried to explain, tried to tell her about the accident and Jamie.

  Most of it was incomprehensible but she knew enough from what Shelley had told her to recognize his grief and attempt to soothe him, despite the fact that her hands were still shaking, that her insides felt hollow and bruised, and her legs were trembling.

  But she’d never ever reached the heights he’d just taken her to and she was still rather shocked. Couldn’t really concentrate on what he was saying.

  Eventually he became quiet and she fell back into an exhausted sleep.

  CHAPTER 28

  JO WOKE TO FIND WILL sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.

  `Will?’

  She sat up, saw his back stiffen but he wouldn’t turn to face her and she hesitated, then crawled onto her knees, wrapped the sheet around her and shifted to sit behind him. He flinched as she laid a hand on his back and she frowned but left it there.

  `Will? What’s wrong?’

  `I’m sorry Jo,’ he said after a long pause, still refusing to face her, his voice low and choked.

  `Will? Look at me, what are you sorry for?’

  He refused to meet her gaze and she pulled at his shoulder. Eventually he turned and her heart went out to him as she saw the hollow look in his eyes.

  `Will?’

  He shook his head, dropped his gaze to her shoulder, reached out a finger and she looked down, saw him tracing the slight blue of a bruise. One of many she knew she’d have after what had happened the night before.

  `God I’m sorry,’ he said, anguished.

  She bit her lip, wondered how to deal with this. Finally deciding to simply face it, she grabbed his hand, squeezed it.

  `Look at me Will.’

  He did, his jaw clenched, and she smiled, lifted a hand and ran it down his cheek, the smile turning to a frown as he flinched.

  `Will I’m fine. Honestly.’

  `But I hurt you. I didn’t mean to Jo, I don’t know what happened.’ He looked away again, rubbed at his temple.

  She sighed. `Will, listen to me. You were only slightly rougher than usual, not brutal. I know the difference, trust me. I’m fine.’

  He didn’t reply and she circled him with her arms, laying her head on his back, hugging him tight to her, not talking.

  After a long moment, he tur
ned, pulled her into his lap and held her gently against him, stroking her hair.

  `I won’t hurt you again Jo,’ he said after a minute and she hugged him tighter.

  He’d scared her a bit but it hadn’t been terrifying, she’d known he was hurt and anguished and desperate for comfort. And besides, he’d just saved her life. How could he think she’d be worried about a couple of bruises? She was also somehow certain that if she’d wanted to, she could still have stopped him. Jack had never given her that choice.

  He was wracked by guilt. She could tell by the way he was overly attentive, almost too considerate, and after a full day of him walking on egg shells around her she’d had enough, pushed him down into a kitchen chair and stood in front of him.

  `Look at me Will.’

  He did, his eyes still wary and she sighed, prayed for patience as she glared down at him.

  `You’ve apologized. It won’t happen again. I’m not broken and I said I forgive you. There isn’t anything more you can do about it. You told me once to stop sitting in the corner crying like a baby. Well I’m telling you the same thing now, stop putting this damn barrier up. I want you to think about me but not because of some warped sense of guilt.’

  She saw the flash of anger in his eyes, knew he was annoyed at her seeming ingratitude for the way he’d been looking after her all day but really, it had simply been too much. People did worse to each other in the name of experimentation.

  `Fine,’ he said, his jaw clenched.

  She stared at him for a second longer, then nodded. `Okay. Now, what do you want for dinner?’

  `I’m not a goddamn baby.’

  She sighed. `I never said you were.’

  They glared at each other for a full minute, the air between them buzzing with tension, choked with unborn words of grief, pain, anger. Then he grinned and she smiled back and suddenly they were both laughing and he pulled her closer, rested his head against her stomach, holding her tight while she smoothed his hair, ran her hands over his shoulders and down his back.

  `I love you Jo,’ he said suddenly and she paused, shocked, couldn’t move.

  He leaned his head back, looked up at her, his eyes serious. `I do.’

  She stared down at him, trapped by his gaze. `Will … ‘

  `I know you don’t want to hear it,’ he said, looking back down. `It’s just … yesterday, when I thought I’d lost you … God.’

  She bent down, pressed her lips to his forehead and swallowed hard, could feel her heart drumming madly in her chest, her palms clammy. She needed a minute to think, to try to understand what was happening here. They’d only known each other a few weeks but still …

  Finally she heard herself speak.

  `I – I love you too,’ she said against his hair. She expected him to be tense maybe, wary perhaps. She didn’t expect him to laugh. But that’s what he did and she stepped back, frowned. `And why the hell is that so funny?’ she asked, simultaneously hurt and annoyed.

  `Oh God, I’m sorry Jo. Come here,’ he said, reaching out and pulling her back to him, trying to stifle the laughter. `I’ve told you before everything you’re feeling shows on your face. I’ve been wondering how long it would take you to get the courage to say it.’

  Her frown deepened; she wasn’t sure she liked the way this was going.

  `So now you’re laughing at me?’ she said, stepping back again and folding her arms, glaring down at him.

  He shook his head, his eyes serious again. `No. I’m only laughing at the situation, not at you. God, with what we’ve been through the last few days … ‘

  He shook his head. `I’ve felt this way for a long time Jo. I … well I had to say it today after … after last night. If you can still be here and say you love me when you’ve been through so much and I … and I did that … ‘

  He rubbed at his temple. `I’m goddamn lucky to even have you standing there listening to me.’

  She smiled slightly. `Okay, a bit more of that then maybe I’ll forgive you.’

  `Come here,’ he said, reaching out for her again and she went over to him, let him pull her into his lap and start unbuttoning her top.

  He was almost finished when there was a knock on the door.

  He groaned. `Ignore it.’

  `Okay,’ she leaned in and kissed him, he slipped the top off her shoulders and she felt her heart skip a beat.

  `William Fletcher, I can see your car in the driveway now come open the door.’

  Will drew in a deep breath and Jo bit back on a giggle, didn’t quite succeed. `It’s your mother. You better go. She’s not going to give up.’

  `Why me?’ he asked, leaning his head against her chest and groaning again.

  She laughed, pushed him away and stood up, started buttoning her top.

  `William!’

  `You better go William,’ Jo said, doubling over with laughter as he shot her a dirty look.

  `Call me that again and you’re in deep, deep shit,’ he said, wagging a finger at her from the doorway before he went to answer the front door.

  Jo stood still, smiling, her heart doing mad crazy somersaults of joy, disbelief, sheer idiocy.

  He loved her.

  …

  It was time.

  Taking the risk at the cliff had been such a thrill. He hadn’t really expected her to go over, he had other plans for her, but just the idea that she could have fallen – seeing the fear on her face. It was such a rush.

  Another part of him spoke up now, asked what was he doing? He’d loved her once. How could he even be thinking this? Maybe he should stop it now. Just go away.

  But no. She had to pay. She couldn’t be allowed to get away with it. To accuse him of something like that was such an insult.

  She’d wanted it. Of course she’d wanted it.

  She’d done it to hurt him, make him feel small. And he simply couldn’t tolerate that. She had to appreciate him, had to see him for what he was. A goddamn genius.

  He laughed now, ran a finger along the blade of the knife he’d been using to chop the tomatoes for his salad.

  Only a few more days now. Perhaps it was time for the practice run. He’d already picked her out. Originally he had planned for Hempsey to carry out the trial run while he watched, stood aside to get the objective view, see where the plan could go wrong.

  He shrugged. So there was no Hempsey. Who cared? The guy had been a loser anyway. He was better off dead.

  His mind filled with images of the woman he’d seen the day before.

  Did she realize now that this would be her last day alive? Did the thought cross her mind as she finished up at work, started the long lonely walk up the road to her little house on the hill?

  Would she beg for mercy? Try to be brave and fight? Would he be gentle? Make it easier for her?

  He didn’t know. He’d never done this before.

  But he looked forward to finding out.

  …

  `William what is going on? Your sister is refusing to answer the phone and she wasn’t there when I called round and now you are trying to hide away too. Tell me what-‘

  Audrey broke off as she walked into the kitchen, saw Jo. Or, more specifically, Jo with a now very obvious purple-blue bruise around her eye.

  `What happened to you, dear?’ Audrey asked in a very careful tone.

  Jo grimaced. `You mean Will hasn’t told you?’

  Audrey raised an eyebrow and turned to Will, eyes narrowed. `No. He hasn’t. Nor has he bothered to explain why there is a patrol car at the bottom of the driveway or why half his maize field is now nothing more than black soot.’

  Will groaned. `I forgot, we’ve been busy if you remember,’ he said, glaring at Jo.

  `Well we have all the time in the world now,’ Audrey said in a firm don’t-even-think-of-arguing-with-me tone, crossing her arms and staring at Will.

  `I’ll make some tea,’ Jo said, eager to escape, and Will shook his head at her, sighed, pulled out a chair for Audrey and sat down at the t
able.

  `Okay, sit down and I’ll start at the beginning,’ he said.

  Audrey sat listening, quiet, not interrupting. She did send Jo a couple of assessing looks, though. A fact that made Jo very happy to be occupied making tea. She even went so far as to make it the old-fashioned way, with a teapot, just to make the task last longer.

  `So there you have it. Now we sit and wait,’ Will said when he had finished, leaned back in his chair.

  Jo took the cups of tea over, studiously avoided meeting either Will’s or Audrey’s gaze and sat down, wished she didn’t have to be the center of all this drama. She could only imagine what Audrey was thinking about the trouble she was causing for Will.

  `Look at me, dear,’ Audrey said after a moment and Jo sighed, looked up. To her surprise Audrey smiled, reached out and patted her hand. `You’re being very brave about all this. Staying here when you could have kept on running. It shows you’ve got some backbone.’

  `Um, thanks,’ Jo mumbled, glanced across at Will, nervously twisted the ring he’d given her the day before. `I don’t think I’d have quite as much courage alone though,’ she added ruefully.

  `Well, you’re not alone,’ Audrey replied, smiling, and Jo looked back at her, saw her looking at the ring and hurriedly hid her hands under the table.

  `I thought you knew all this though. Didn’t Will explain why we left the dance early?’ Jo asked.

  Audrey sighed. `Will doesn’t volunteer any information you don’t drag out of him, dear. I’m sure you’ll find that out sooner or later,’ she said.

  There was an edge to her tone that made Jo slightly uneasy, particularly when she saw the look that passed between Will and Audrey and the way Will shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

  `You have to wait for the right time,’ he said, almost defensively.