This Girl Stripped

by Dawn Robertson

  Who am I kidding? I know I’m the one who got in the middle of it. Ryker found us that morning and it fits the timeline. I instantly feel bad for turning Diesel’s life upside down. He had a comfortable and constant life before I fucked everything up. Now I’m just screwing shit up even more for him with a baby. A baby that might not even be his and he has no damn idea.

  There is one thing I know for sure; I have to tell Diesel about River as soon as he comes back with the boys. It isn’t fair to lead him to believe he’s going to be a dad when he may be nothing to me or this baby in a couple months.

  My Boyfriend is Back

  A week later Chrome and his merry band of bikers returned from someplace in the south. Warm weather, open road, and farmers’ tans. They weren’t too happy to be back in the ice and snow. Hell, I wouldn’t be either. The snow was slowly becoming too much for me to deal with. Navigating the roads in Diesel’s giant truck wasn’t as easy as he promised.

  Tonight we would fall into a comfortable evening in. A fire in the fireplace would probably be the first thing, followed by some takeout and of course, a movie. We would cuddle, but he would remain the perfect gentleman. Like he always does. The room he has continued to give me is bordering on annoying. We know there’s a flame between us, but we continue to ignore it - walking on eggshells around the other because of everything that has happened.

  The only difference is that tonight, I’ll tell him about River and the possibility of him being the father of the growing life inside me. It could go really good or really bad. I won’t know until I actually grow the balls to tell him. I just can’t put it off anymore, even if I want to.

  I begin setting the kitchen table when a knock on my front door disturbs me. But, nothing prepares me for the sight on the other side of the door. His black hair catches my attention first. Instead of being spiked straight up, it falls flat. His normally bright green eyes are clouded and red instead of vibrant. His shoulders are slumped and he wears a frown. This isn’t the confident River I’ve grown to know. This is a broken man.

  I pull the door open and we stare at each other for a moment.

  “River?”

  “I’m so sorry, Paisley. I shouldn’t have disappeared like that.” He moves toward me, pulling me into his arms. My body goes stiff under his unwelcome touch. “Will you please forgive me?” He begs, but I can’t do anything but pull away from him.

  “River, its too late. You broke me. I can’t do this back and forth dance with you. We can be friends, but that’s it. I just…” I don’t even have any words to describe what he’s done to me, whether he likes it or not. He ruined whatever we could have had at one point in time.

  “I can’t do this with you, River. I have too much going on.” Its the truth. Not the complete truth, but shit, I’m giving it all a try.

  “I know, Paisley. I know about the baby. I want to be here for you both.” His words hit me like a ton of bricks. He knows about the baby? Why would Star tell him? Did she tell him?

  “River, this baby may not even be yours.” I’m so pissed off at the situation as a whole, I completely miss Diesel walking up the driveway. He catches the last thing I say and I watch him stop. His face goes from happy to see me for the first time in a week to hurt. I’m poison. I’m a disaster. I’m not for either of these men. I just will continue to hurt them.

  “Paisley?” Diesel asks from behind River.

  River turns around and faces him. They square off, staring for a few moments. I hold my breath wondering who’s going to take a swing first. I can’t let this happen.

  “Both of you, STOP!” I yell. I quickly move between the two men. It’s freezing out and now I’m standing on the snow covered pavement with no damn shoes on. “Just stop and listen to me. This is my fault. I’m the only one for either of you to be mad at. I wanted to tell you each separately at the right time, but clearly nothing in my life goes as I plan anymore. River, before we slept together, I was with Diesel. Shit happened and we went our separate ways. I care about him, just as I care about you. But it’s different with him. He doesn’t ignore me or hurt me like you have.” I pause, thinking about what the hell I can say next.

  “Diesel, after what happened that morning, I ran because I was scared. I wanted uncomplicated and that wasn’t an option with you. Or at least that’s what I saw that morning. Over Christmas, River and I got together. Then he walked out on me again. Which is what he continues to do, and it’s exactly why I can’t let him in anymore. No matter how much he begs or pleads. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. River, I’m done.”

  I swear my life should be a fucking movie. This would make such an awesome climax scene. The raging red head, freezing her ass off while she yells at all the men in her life.

  “I need you both to respect me and this situation. I need you to let me deal with this the way I need to. It is what it is, and I understand I’m the one who fucked up. No matter what, whoever the father of my baby is, I’m not going to change my mind about who I’m choosing to let into my life. And that isn’t going to be you, River. I can’t deal with you like that. I just can’t and I deserve better. I deserve more. I deserve all of whoever I’m with and you just can’t offer me that. If this is your baby, you’ll be able to be a dad if that’s what you choose, but don’t mistake that for playing house.”

  I can feel tears stinging my eyes again. I know they’re going to fall. I don’t want either man to see me cry. But it’s inevitable.

  “Diesel, I would like for you to stay tonight so we can talk like I’d planned. River, I would like you to leave. Next time you plan on visiting, please call first.” I remove myself from between the two men who absolutely tower over me and walk back into the house, heading straight for the bathroom to run my poor frozen feet under the hot water.

  The water runs as the tears stream down my rosy cheeks. I completely miss him coming in the house and opening the bathroom door. I stay perched on the edge of the white tub while his arms wrap around me.

  “Well, that was uncomfortable.” Diesel says with a forced chuckle. Yes, uncomfortable described that pretty well.

  “Diesel, I had no idea he was coming over. Hell, I didn’t have any idea he knew. I wasn’t going to tell him at all. I was going to tell you everything tonight. I just didn’t have time before he ruined that for me.” I sigh and a tear drips off my face, and lands on his tattooed hand. I run my fingertip along the bright red rose with his mothers name elegantly written under it, all while wiping away the evidence of my emotions.

  “Shhh, Paisley. I knew.” he whispered into my ear as he pushed the hair away from my neck. “It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay, Paisley. I promise you, I’m not going anywhere.” His lips meet my neck in a simple peck. It’s an intimate action. The first intimate contact we’ve had since we spent that lust filled night together.

  “My life isn't complete without your fire, distraction, and tragedy. I need your chaos to survive. I don't know how I lived before you, Paisley.” His words don’t sink in at first, but the more I think about them as we both sit there thawing my feet, the more I understand how much they truly mean.

  “Diesel, you don’t mean that.” I try and shrug him off. I try and make some kind of excuse for him. Maybe he’s in love with the idea of having a family. Maybe he just wants the future with me. But everything is so fucking confusing. I know I’m confused as hell. Maybe he’s just as screwed up as I am?

  “Paisley, I never say anything I don’t mean, Princess. From the moment I had you in my arms, I knew I would love you till the day I die. I don’t care who or what gets in our way. You are it for me, this I know for sure. You take your time figurin’ it all out. I don’t need that time. That’s why I told you, when you’re ready I’ll be here waitin’.”

  He stands from the toilet seat behind me and starts toward the door. I turn the water off, and reach out for him.

  “Diesel, wait.”

  I hope he doesn’t leave before I catch
up with him. My feet hit the bath mat, and begin tingling. Fuck they hurt! It was stupid to stand out there in the snow for as long as I did. I round the corner and he’s sitting at the kitchen table, big black boots kicked up on the chair next to him.

  “You think I was leavin’?” He smiles at me, and I just nod. I’m frozen in my spot.

  “Princess, you should know by now, I’m not gonna let nobody come between us.” It was true. No matter who tried to cause drama, Diesel ignored them. River, Ryker, anyone. It was the two of us. I’m silently thankful that he wouldn’t let their antics come between whatever was blossoming between us.

  It certainly wasn’t a conventional relationship, but it was ours. It wasn’t your typical hearts and flowers, but it was exactly what we needed. Two broken souls mending together, entwining our hearts as they heal.

  “Come here, Darlin’.” He whispers into my ear as his arms wrap tighter around my body. The movie ended almost an hour ago and we’ve laid here in silence ever since. The night has been so full of emotions. We walk on eggshells around each other, skirting everything said only a couple hours ago. I don’t want to skirt anymore.

  I told myself I wasn’t going to jump into anything with anyone, but Diesel makes everything so fucking hard. He makes me know everything is within reach. He makes me know we could be pretty damn great together. Yet, something continues to hold me back and I have no idea what it is.

  I mull over the thought as he holds me tight. Enveloped in safety and warmth I find it hard to imagine my life without him. But will he run if my baby isn’t his? I want to ask him, but I don’t want to break this moment. I want this connection, I want him deeper. I want him completely.

  “Diesel?” I question. My voice breaks the silence and he only replies with a grunt. His nose burrows in my hair, his favorite part of me.

  “I want this.” Those three words are the hardest thing I’ve had to bring myself to speak in the longest time. I thought the confession of my sins and past would break me, but these may be the words that completely do me in.

  “I do too, Princess.” his lips brush my cheek.

  “You aren’t gonna leave me?” I ask. I want to go into detail. I want to ask the hard question hanging between us, but I know he already knows exactly what I’m talking about. He’s smarter than anyone gives him credit for.

  “Paisley, I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Diesel?”

  “Mmhmm…” he replies.

  “Make love to me?” his grip around my hip tightens as he pulls me closer. His mouth nips up and down my neck, only stopping once his tongue meets my collarbone.

  “You sure, Princess?” He questions as he gently bites and sucks on my tender flesh.

  “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.” I move under his touch and search for his lips in the dark. We meet in a connection full of promise. My lips part, welcoming his tongue as our hands explore each other’s bodies. I miss the feel of his hands on my skin. He pulls my shirt over my head, and I tug at the hem of his. Our clothes fly all over my bedroom as we fumble in the dark like we’re teens having sex for the first time.

  We laugh and for the first time in probably my entire life, I’m genuinely happy. The moment of us re-uniting couldn’t be anymore perfect. It isn’t sexy or hot. It isn’t off the charts like the night we spent together. It’s both of us; raw, and real - loving, and starting our future together.

  His hard dick presses against my wet and waiting pussy, and I let out a gasp of anticipation. I want to feel him inside me again. I want him to mark me as his. I want to mark him as mine. I want the status of our relationship clear for the world to see.

  “I need you, Diesel. Please.” I beg him, as he takes my hard nipple in his mouth and pulls back from me.

  “What do you need, Princess?”

  “I need to feel you inside me, again.” I can’t help but let out a moan as the words travel from my lips. He feels so good all over my body. He lets out a groan, and I feel him pressed against my entrance once again. This time he doesn’t stop. With ease he pushes his cock inside me, only coming to a stop once he is seated deeply.

  “Fuck, this is my favorite place.” He mumbles as his hips start to move. “It’s like you were made for me, Princess.” He pulls out and grabs his cock with his hand, rubbing it over my clit before pushing back inside of my pussy.

  “Oh god,” I cry out when his dick hits my sweet spot. My body is on fire from his touch. It feels so good, but everything about this is different. It isn’t about sex or getting off. It’s about expressing the feelings we have for each other without words. Because at this point, there are no words to describe what we feel for each other. For the direction our relationship is going in, I love him, I could never tell him that right now, but I’m going to do my damnedest tonight to show him.

  And I do, all night long as we make love repeatedly. Shortly before I drift off to sleep, I lay my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. I think about the future, and everything the next couple months will hold.

  “Diesel?” I ask, wondering if he has finally passed out or if he is still with me.

  “Yes, Princess?” he answers me in barely a whisper.

  “Never leave me.”

  Walking into Star’s house, the last person I expected to see was Chrome. For the past couple weeks, all the guys have been so busy that he’s been missing in action. And did I mention my sister has been downright fucking miserable?

  “Fancy meeting you here.” I sass him, but he doesn’t look amused by any means. “What climbed up your ass and died?” I’m playing, all in good fun. I want to try and crack a smile on his damn face, but I only seem to piss him off more. Lovely.

  “You, Paisley. What the fuck did you do to River?”

  What did I do? You’ve got to be kidding me, right?

  “Look, Chrome; River made his own bed. He strung me along. He broke my heart. He has no right to sulk around or be pissed off. He did this all to himself.” I make my way over to the fridge and look for something that doesn’t contain alcohol. Although, I could really go for a beer.

  “He has issues, Paisley. I was hoping you could help him.” Me, help him? I tried, and all he did was tap-dance all over my broken heart. I connected with him. I told him shit I’ve never shared with anyone else, and this is what I end up dealing with?

  “Chrome, I got problems too. They all stem from your family. First it was Zane, then it was River. I don’t want problems with you too, okay?” I didn’t realize I let the part about Zane slip until Chrome looks at me with worry on his face.

  “Zane? What the fuck did Zane do to you?” He doesn’t know. Star may have a big fucking mouth, but for once, she actually kept one of my secrets and now I’m broadcasting it for the world. Shit. This is not something I wanted to get into today.

  I take a deep breath and compose myself. The more I talk about it, the more people I share my story with, the easier it becomes to talk about. I never thought it would ever feel this way, but I am slowly empowered by spilling what a shitbag he is.

  “Star didn’t tell you that your brother beat me to a bloody pulp and raped me in Florida?” I flinch when his first smashes into the granite countertop.

  “HE WHAT?” His deep voice booms through the entire first floor of the spacious home. I’m scared at his reaction. I’m worried about what will play out now or how Chrome will treat me knowing this.

  “Yes, before I came here. That’s what I ran from in Florida when I ended up at Seven’s. When he showed up at Thanksgiving, he tried to intimidate me. That’s when I told River what happened. I confided in him and he pulled all this shit with me. So when I say I’m fucked up and damaged from your family, Chrome… fuckin’ believe me. Okay?”

  “Paisley, I had no fuckin’ idea. No one said shit to me,” he takes a couple steps backwards, and leans against the kitchen counter. His hands scrub over his face.

  “I didn’t mean to hurt River, but he fucked me up. If he has
anyone to blame, it’s himself. I didn’t set out to hurt him or anyone else. Shit just happened. I’m done with living in the past. I have to finally move forward and get on with my life. You feel me?”

  He just nods, as I swig down a bottle of water.

  “Zane is a bad person.”

  Well no fucking shit Sherlock. I want to say that too, but I bite my tongue because after all, he is his brother. A complete monster, but they are blood. I just nod in agreement.

  “I’ll take care of it,” he says, while pulling his phone from his pocket and heading to the bedroom he shares with Star.

  “Chrome, its okay. You don’t have to do anything. I’m okay. Really.” It’s a lie, I honestly wish that Chrome would put him to ground, but it’s his brother. I could never ask him for something like that.

  “Paisley, we may live by a different set of rules, but what he did isn’t acceptable. I don’t give a damn if he’s my brother or not. The club doesn’t stand for shit like that. Simple.” The door slams and I guess that’s the end of that conversation. I only hope whatever happens doesn’t come back to me, because my only fear is Zane coming after me for retaliation for whatever Chrome will do.

  Star rounds the corner trying to look like she didn’t hear any of that conversation, but I’m sure her nosy ass ears heard it all.

  “How much of that did you hear?” I question.

  “Too much.” She shrugs.

  “So, Chrome and I decided we aren’t gonna have a big wedding. We are just gonna head up to Niagara Falls in a couple weeks. You think you can stay here for a week and watch the house and girls while we’re gone?” I never pegged her for the big wedding type and I am kind of relieved. I didn’t want to wear some pink poofy dress anyway.