This Girl Stripped

by Dawn Robertson

  Its true; although I know for sure that little girl is going to have a far better upbringing than any of us ever had.

  Parents who actually give a shit about her.

  “You know she’ll turn out nothing like any of us. Right, Seven?”

  “I still worry. Am I going to be a good mom? Or am I going to lose interest just like our parents did? I worry about that a lot. Levi doesn’t understand because he actually had good parents growing up. Parents who loved him and took care of him. Not leaving him to fend for himself and feed other siblings for days on end. We had it rough. We may not have realized it then, but Paisley… that shit was fucked up.”

  She’s right. Looking back on some of the stuff we all lived through, it’s clear as day. But at the time, we were oblivious. All kids are.

  “Yeah, I know what you mean. Hell, I worry about this every day. I don’t even know who the father of my kid is, so that just adds to the bullshit list I worry about.” I laugh, but Seven damn near snaps her neck glaring at me when the words leave my mouth.

  “What?”

  “What, what?” I ask her. I’m not understanding what exactly she’s asking.

  “River isn’t the dad? I figured that’s why you guys were fighting.”

  If only she knew. Apparently Star really didn’t tell the world about my baby daddy drama.

  “I don’t know. He’s one of two possible dads. I don’t know if you remember Diesel, but we had a little thing. I would have never got with River if some shit between Diesel and I didn’t happen. Shit got all fucked up, and I am stupid basically.” I laugh. I can only laugh at the absolute absurdity of the situation.

  “Long story short, we’re going to have a paternity test performed in a couple weeks to figure all this shit out so we can move on with our lives.”

  “I thought I had shit bad. Jesus, Paisley. As if you haven’t been through enough already.”

  We sit in the kitchen and bullshit for hours. By the time I look at the clock, I have less than an hour before I have to go open the store up for the day. Thank god for the later hours we keep or I would be late as hell.

  I don’t ask Seven if she wants to come, because I know how much she just needs a little time to herself. That and the fact that she really hates most of the townspeople here in Woodstock. I don’t blame her though.

  When I get back to the house, it’s late. Diesel’s truck is parked in the driveway alongside a hand full of motorcycles, and it’s dark. Really damn dark. One thing I hate about Star’s house is the lack of lighting, and how quiet it is out this far into the sticks.

  That’s the first time I hear it. A blood-curdling scream carries through the night air and I bust into a sprint until I’m safe on the other side of the front door and have the lock in place.

  “Hello? Diesel? Seven? Where are you guys?” My voice echoes through the first floor of the house and I hear the scream again. This time it sounds like it’s within the house. I’m even more scared than I was when I was outside in the dark. But now, every light inside the entire house is on.

  “DIESEL?” I scream louder until I hear boots on the basement stairs. I don’t know who’s going to emerge from the other side of the basement door around the corner in the kitchen, so I quietly run to the bottom of the stairs next to the front door.

  “Paisley, Princess?” I hear his voice and instantly I relax.

  “Thank god, Diesel.” I wrap my arms around him and I hear a loud pop followed by another scream come from the basement. He watches me quietly. I know he’s begging me with his eyes not to ask what’s going on in the basement. But I have to.

  “Diesel, what the fuck is going on?”

  His eyes are dark when he looks at me. He has a cold edge to his tone.

  “Paisley, why don’t you take my truck and go over to your house?”

  “The hell I am! I want to know what the fuck is going on! Where is Seven?!” I’m starting to panic. I can feel the blood pumping through my veins. My head pounds with my heartbeat. The adrenaline is rushing through my body, and I feel sick.

  “Seven is fine. She’s downstairs. She’s safe, Paisley.” The hell she’s safe with all those screams.

  “What is going on down there. Damn it Diesel! Tell me now!” I don’t wait for him to answer, I bolt for the basement door with him on my heels.

  “Paisley, please. Don’t go down there.” His tone is stern, but it doesn’t stop me at all. I need to get to her. I need to get to Seven. I need to protect her, like she’s protected me all these fucking years.

  I fly down the basement stairs just in time to hear another pop. It’s a gunshot, I know that sound, because it isn’t the first time I’ve heard one. I duck and fall onto the cold cement basement floor. I hear an audible gasp echo though the basement.

  “Paisley. What the fuck?!” Seven runs toward me with a gun in her hand. What in the hell did I just walk in on? Why does Seven have a fucking gun? Her baby bump is barely contained by a white t-shirt that has clear blood splatter all over it. I’m starting to freak out or am I going to pass out? Whatever I am feeling this is horrific.

  “Paisley. Honey. Turn around and go upstairs now. Please.” Seven is stern, but begging at the same time. I’m almost horrified for her. She shouldn’t be mixed up in whatever is going on. I’m not sure if my voice will work or if it will crack and crumble like I’m about to.

  “Seven, I’m not going anywhere. What’s going on?” I take a couple steps and then I hear another muffled cry. The loud screaming is no longer echoing through the night air. Now someone is clearly trying to keep the sounds down. I push past Seven and round the large stone wall.

  My eyes focus on the center of the room. A man is tied to a chair, blood covers his body, and he’s whimpering. A blindfold is tied loosely around his eyes and his body is convulsing. Both of his legs are riddled with bullet holes, and blood steadily pours down into a pool on the concrete floor.

  I blink a few times, choking back the bile building in my throat. This man is being tortured at the hands of Seven and her merry band of bikers. Men stand around the outskirts of the room doing nothing to help one of their own. I take a step to the right, and I see it. The small detail is clear as day. I couldn’t forget it as long as I will live. That scar has haunted my dreams.

  “Paisley, men like him don’t deserve to live. They don’t deserve to walk among us. Think of our children. What if someone like him got ahold of my daughter? Could either of us live with that?” Seven is losing it. She is borderline hysterical as she talks about her child, hand resting on the swell of her stomach.

  “This isn’t your battle, Seven. It’s mine.” I can only hope to be as strong of a woman as Seven is some day. But I’m right, for once. This isn’t her battle to fight. This is my battle. This is my revenge. I could never live with myself if something happened to her or her baby while she was torturing the man who took so much from me. This is something I need to do. Not because I hate him or because he hurt me - because this is what I need for my healing.

  Am I listening to myself? I need to kill this man to heal? Can that be right? Could I live with myself if I did kill him? My mind’s racing. The thoughts flood through me a mile a minute. I can’t keep track of everything. I silently start screaming at all the voices in my head to shut the fuck up.

  When I turn around again, Diesel and Seven are behind me. When I meet Diesel’s dark gaze he only nods.

  “He came here for you when he heard Chrome and Star left town for the weekend. What he wasn’t expecting was Seven and I being in the house. Big mistake.” He nods in the direction of Seven, who’s continuing to pace around the room holding onto the sleek black gun. Her hand is shaking. I can see she’s been visibly impacted by her actions.

  I take a couple steps toward Zane and pull at the blindfold covering his cold eyes. I want him to see me. I want him to see what is happening. I want him to see his own body covered in blood. I want him to suffer. I want him to feel everything being taken from him,
just like I felt everything he took from me. The only difference this time is that he’ll be awake and conscious when I take his life. Because I’m not letting him walk out of this room without paying for what he did to me.

  Something snaps inside of me. I’m cold, but my body runs on pure adrenaline. I should be shivering at the lack of heat in the basement. My emotions are a million miles away. I’m uncaring and callous. I’m empty. He did this to me. He ruined me, and I will ruin him.

  When his eyes meet mine, a single tear falls and he silently pleads with me to save his life. If he was anyone else in the world, I might have. But to me, he was the monster that created all of my nightmares. No amount of empathy within my tattered soul could spare him.

  I hold out my hand to Seven, silently asking for the gun. I watch the silent exchange between her and Diesel. He nods in approval again and she hands me the gun.

  “Paisley, remember whatever you do is something you have to live with for the rest of your life. You’re safe in this room, but this is something you can never forget.” Diesel reminds me as Seven begins to cry. Her blood soaked hands pushes her hair behind her ears, leaving streaks of blood along her pale cheeks.

  I’ve never held a gun. Never touched one. It’s heavier than I imagined. It’s awkward in my hand. I walk back toward Zane who’s now mumbling pleas under the red bandana being used as a makeshift gag. He’s begging me to spare him. Why should I spare him when I pleaded with him before he knocked me out cold?

  I run the metal of the barrel along his body. He pulls at the ropes in an attempt to free himself. It doesn’t work. The binds only get tighter. I should have known Seven would put her rope play to good use. The men could have never tied these knots.

  Each inch the gun passes over, another tear falls from his eyes. As disconnected as I am within my soul, I can’t bring myself to hurt him. I can’t bring myself down to his level. I can’t become that kind of person. I try. If I had my way, I would shoot him right in the side of his head without an ounce of mercy or remorse.

  “Zane. I’m going to spare you. Why? I can’t answer that because I don’t know. You’re a monster. And you have to live with everything you’ve done in your lifetime. But I can’t be like you. I can’t hurt another. I am a good person. I have enough blood on my hands because of you. I cannot have more.”

  I drop the gun to the floor and walk toward the stairs.

  “She’s a good person. But, I’m not. See you in hell mother fucker!” I hear Seven say from behind my back. A loud gunshot sounds through the basement, followed by complete silence. I don’t turn around, because I don’t want to see the bloody mess anymore. My nerves get the best of me and I empty the contents of my stomach on the stairs as I take them two at a time. Tears roll down my face as I hit the kitchen floor, and curl up into a ball.

  The Aftermath

  I wake the next morning tucked into my bed at Star’s house with Diesel holding me tight. When I try and move, his grip on me tightens. I don’t remember getting into bed or how I got here. I can only remember laying on the kitchen floor and crying. My eyes hurt. They’re almost swollen shut from all the crying.

  “You okay?” His voice is quiet behind me as he kisses my cheek. My mind floods with only one thing; my concern for Seven. Is she okay? Is she in jail? What’s going to happen to her and the baby? Did she get hurt? Why would she do this for me? Has she lost her fucking mind?

  “I’m fine. How’s Seven?” I don’t care about myself. I’ll live with what happened. I couldn’t live with it on my own conscious, but Zane got exactly what he deserved. I wish it would’ve been at the hands of someone I didn’t know, but sometimes in life, things happen a certain way for whatever reason. I always try and tell myself that. Fate had Seven here for that reason. This was something she was meant to do. I have to tell myself that. I have to deal.

  “I hate to bring this up Paisley, but we have that appointment with the midwives in two hours.” How do I go and do something like that with this on my shoulders? How do I think about this perfect new life growing inside me when there very much may be a man dead within the walls of this house? How has my life become this fucked up? Is this how bikers are? Is this what I’ll be forced to be around as long as I’m with Diesel?

  With those thoughts, I want to run back into the complicated arms of River. The man who I know I’ll never be any more than a friend to. Maybe I would just be better off all by myself; baby or not.

  “I’m gonna take a shower.” I pull out of his arms and make my way to the bathroom with only my thoughts. The entire time I’m in the shower, I ponder what would happen if I told Diesel I didn’t want whatever this was that we had now. Could I do that? Or was I just in too deep?

  He doesn’t seem like a bad guy. He’s sweet, gentle, and caring with me. But the man I saw last night,; is that a person I could deal with?

  Shit.

  Just when life starts to become uncomplicated again, something happens to send shit right back into a tailspin.

  We walk into the bright blue painted house in the center of town that housed the midwives’ practice. River is on one side of me and Diesel on the other. I didn’t think River would show up. With everything going on, I completely forgot I’d even invited him.

  “Paisley Bloom?” A sweet woman says from a doorway. She is motherly and warm. Her smile makes any bit of fear I had about this appointment completely melt away. She wears the wrinkles of her age with perfection and her long grey and white hair is braided - stopping right above her butt.

  I stand up and both men by my side in no time. The woman doesn’t give a nasty look, she invites both of them back with us.

  “Sarah King, nice to meet everyone,” she extends her hand in greeting to both men. They take it and introduce themselves. Her eyes travel between the two men. They are truly the polar opposites in every way. River is tall and lean. The piercing in his lip and his spiked black hair. He has the traditional punk rock look. Diesel is much taller, his brown hair is floppy, but slicked back. His eyes are warm and even with the stubble on his face, he isn’t scary at all. Today he looks like your normal nine to five business man. Dress slacks, a button down shirt. Far from the biker in jeans and his cut I saw last night.

  These are the moments that make me think I could spend the rest of my life with him. Because there really are two different sides of Diesel. This side, and then biker Diesel. I shake my confusion away as we go over the details of my medical history with Sarah.

  The irregular periods, the abortion, lack of sexual partners before these two men, virginity, lack of proper GYN care in my youth thanks to my parents. All of it. Then we get to the whole issue of paternity. She seems completely unfazed by any of it. I guess that’s part of her job. I mean, being here in Woodstock, I’m sure she has seen and heard much worse over the years.

  “Well, I have to say we don’t get this situation every day. But, we also don’t get such responsible adults willing to step up in paternity cases either. I’ll put the paperwork together today, and draw the blood if that’s okay with everyone?” One look at the men, and we were all in agreement. In a couple days we would know exactly who the father of the baby was and finally, I could get on with my damn life.

  “Now who wants to see the baby?” Sarah asks us all. I’m excited, but heartbroken because I know soon enough, one of these two men will be sad over losing the future with this baby.

  “We’re gonna do a little ultrasound so we can get some more accurate dates for you guys. It will help narrowing down the conception date as well, but nothing is certain until we get those tests back.” We all sit back and watch in awe as the midwife runs the wand over my lower belly. The jelly stuff is cold and it sends a small shiver through my body. Both men take notice, and move to sit at my sides.

  River sits on my left side, and Diesel on my right. As the screen comes to life, they both hold my hand and we share this moment together. She types a couple things in, presses a couple buttons and it zooms in on the li
ttle mini person. There isn’t much there, but the one thing that stands out is the little flash on the screen. It’s the heartbeat. I don’t need her to tell me that because it’s clear as day.

  On the little black and white screen, I can clearly make out the head, body, and the little beginning nubs of arms and legs, all while the heart continues flashing across the screen. Both men hold on tight to my hands, Diesel squeezes tight and River just continues to stare at the screen in a state of shock.

  “Its like a little person,” he says quietly while staring.

  “It’s a little person, River. Looks like we are almost at the ten week mark here, so about a week further along than you thought.” Sarah mentions. “September 12th is the date I would estimate, but those are just dates. The baby will come when he or she is ready. They always have their own agenda.” I want to laugh, until I realize I’m going to be fat and miserable all damn summer long.

  We all sit back and get to listen to the heartbeat, Sarah gives me some nutrition information and some home remedies for morning sickness. She directs me to keep up with the over the counter pre-natal vitamins I picked up and if anything happens, to call the office or come in.

  River, Diesel, and I all have our blood drawn for the fancy new paternity test and she lets us know it may take up to a week to get the results back because we’re pretty rural and the test has to be completed in the city. A week is nothing compared to waiting until the end of my pregnancy, that’s for sure. I wouldn’t care if it was a damn month. I just want to know before both men are strung along for the entire pregnancy.

  “Well, it was nice to meet you boys. I know I won’t be seeing both of you again, but I wish you both well.” Could she be anymore polite? I really love this woman, and I know I want her by my side, taking care of me for this entire pregnancy.

  River pulls me to the side, and I feel awkward as Diesel watches us from a few feet away.