by Summers, MJ
Each time she saw Cole holding the baby, it was as though someone was squeezing her heart; he was so tender and careful with him. At night, she would go to sleep with a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. Come morning she would wake up lying next to Cole and for the briefest moment she would think everything was perfect again only to have the crushing feeling settle over her chest again.
Cole barely slept at all. He would lay awake for hours, thinking or watching Claire sleep with an aching in his heart. He missed their feeling of closeness that was now absent. He wanted to make love to her so much that it hurt but he knew he couldn't. It was obvious that Claire couldn't be intimate with him right now, with the huge problem they were facing, nor with all the tension between them. She fell asleep each night with her back to him, as far away from him on their large bed as possible. He would doze off for a while and then wake again suddenly, and go downstairs to have a glass of scotch to numb his nerves before attempting to sleep again. He was still in shock and was completely furious at Gabriela for what she had done. Every time he saw her, he grew more resentful of her. He didn't want her back in his life, this woman who had robbed him of the first several months of his son's life.
When he was around Gabriela, he tried to act as though nothing was wrong, knowing that he needed to tread lightly. A few days after their arrival, he discovered that he was not on Tomas's birth certificate. She could easily take Tomas back to Brazil, leaving Cole with little chance at obtaining custody rights.
During the time that he and Claire did have together, they would argue about how to proceed with the legalities of Cole gaining custody. He still didn't see the point in having the paternity testing done and Claire still couldn't understand the upside of not doing it.
The evening after Mary and Jake arrived, Mary brought out Cole's baby album. She, Jake, Cole and Claire all poured over it, agreeing that Tomas looked a lot like Cole had at that age. A moment that Claire should have enjoyed - seeing Cole's baby pictures for the first time - was ruined. It should have been a 'what could be' event but instead felt like the beginning of the end. Mary watched the pair with her lips set tight, her heart breaking for both her son and Claire, whom she had grown to respect.
* * *
The day before Claire made her choice, Gabriela managed to find Claire on her own in the restaurant while she was finishing cleaning up from lunch. Mary had taken little Tomas for a long walk by the lake in his stroller, so she could have some time alone with him. Gabriela knocked gently on the door to the kitchen and then came in. She gave Claire a weary look and then asked if they could talk. Claire agreed and told her that she would be finished up in a minute.
"Why don't I wait for you in the dining area?" Gabriela said.
Claire nodded, "Okay." She exhaled sharply as she heard the door to the kitchen close.
"Fuck," she said under her breath. She had no idea what to say to Gabriela, or "Gabby" as Cole called her.
Claire finished up the dishes and then took a compact out of her purse, putting on some lip gloss, although she knew there was no point. Her eyes were full of defeat and she knew that Gabriela could sense it. She was moving in for the kill. Claire's feet felt like lead as she walked out to the dining area, carrying an open bottle of wine and two glasses. She sat across from Gabriela, who looked fresh and composed as usual.
"Wine?" Claire asked her, as she poured.
"Please," Gabriela answered.
They sat quietly for a moment, sipping their drinks. Claire looked out at the lake, knowing she would not see this lovely place at Christmas time, something she had been looking forward too. They were planning to put up a large tree in the restaurant and lights all around the lodge and restaurant before Thanksgiving. She knew that she would be gone by then.
"Claire, I want you to know I'm sorry about what this has done to you. I can tell you are really attached to Cole and if it was me I would want you and the baby to disappear."
Claire kept her gaze over the lake, taking a long sip of her wine before answering. It would take everything in her not to respond to the insult of how 'attached' she was to Cole and not the other way around. This woman knew how to dig subtly enough that she could pretend the comment was innocent after the fact.
She chose her words carefully, "I'm sure you were wishing very much to find Cole alone when you got here."
Gabriela was having trouble reading Claire. She needed to push her just hard enough to get her to leave but not so hard that Claire would dig her heels in and decide to stay. It was to be a delicate operation to get what she wanted. "You're right. I was fool enough to think he might not have moved on yet."
"If you wanted him back, why did you wait so long?"
"At first I wasn't sure if it was his baby at all. I got pregnant very close to the time I left here. I am ashamed to say that I slept with my fiancé almost as soon as I returned home, so I was hoping it was his baby. I told him there was no chance it was Cole's baby and he was humiliated to find out this wasn't the case, so he left me. By then, I was as big as a house and my whole world had just fallen apart. My parents were furious with me, I was humiliated, having to cancel my wedding and I was devastated."
Gabriela's eyes shone with tears as she looked up at Claire, "I don't say this to make you feel sorry for me. I am only trying to explain, okay?"
"I know. I'm the one who asked."
"Of course," Gabriela said, blinking back tears, "Anyway, it took me this long to get myself back in shape for Cole and to pull myself together. I could hardly return to him so huge and with big bags under my eyes from no sleep."
Claire scoffed, "You are mistaking him for someone shallow, which just shows that you don't know him at all."
"That's not true. I'm only speaking of my own insecurity," Gabriela said quietly.
Claire forced herself not to raise an eyebrow in disbelief. This was the most self-assured woman she had ever met. She never seemed to have a hair out of place and Claire had yet to see her lose her composure, even when Mary had arrived with hate in her eyes.
"Claire," Gabriela continued, "I plan to leave. You and Cole want to be together. I will take Tomas back to Brazil and get out of your way for good. There is no life for me here on this ranch in a tiny cabin alone. I could hardly be happy like this."
"Oh yeah, Gabriela, cause you're the victim here. What about Cole? Doesn't he deserve to have a relationship with his son?"
"He can know him still. There is Skype and when Tomas gets older, he can spend summers here maybe. Cole could come and visit him in Brazil from time to time."
"Doesn't Tomas deserve to be raised by his dad?"
"Of course, but not if both his parents are miserable. That is no life for a child either. He will be happy with my family. He has lots of uncles and someday, I will find a man to look after us both."
"You act as though it is all up to you, Gabriela. But what about Cole? He doesn't get to have some say in all of this?"
"Yes. I have given him time to make his decision. It seems that he is choosing you."
Claire rolled her eyes, "You make it all sound so simple - it's me or his son. But until ten days ago, he didn't even know he was a father. It's hardly fair to expect him to figure out his whole life in less than two weeks!" Claire's voice rose, "What did you think would happen? He would magically be overtaken by your beauty and whisk you away to marry him after what you've done to him?"
Gabriela sobbed into her hand, nodding, "I've been such a fool." She got up and rushed out of the restaurant, letting the door slam behind her. Claire sat at the table, her heart hard as stone. She wasn't buying any of it.
* * *
That evening, Cole got back to the ranch after a long day at the vet with one of the horses. He was exhausted and had gone over to Gabriela's cabin to see Tomas before his bedtime. It was obvious that Gabby had been crying when he got there. As he put Tomas's sleeper on him, he wondered if Gabby was going to take off with his little boy. After he gave him his bottle, he
sat in the armchair, holding him for a long time, tracing his index finger along Tomas's face until he fell asleep. Cole carried him over to his playpen that they were using as a temporary crib and snuggled him under his blanket. He stood for a long time watching him sleep, his heart melting as it did each time he looked at his sweet little baby.
When he left the room, he walked over to the couch, where Gabby sat curled up under a blanket, her eyes were red from crying. He sat in the chair opposite her. Neither of them said anything for a moment.
Finally Cole spoke up, "It looks like something happened today. Anything I should know about?"
Gabriela looked up at him, "I had a talk with Claire. It didn't go well."
"I see," he answered quietly, "How did you think it would go?"
"I don't know," she said, shaking her head and looking down to inspect her fingernails. "I guess I hoped we would start to sort out this mess that I got us all into. I think Tomas and I should go home for good. We are in the way here."
Cole gave a big sigh, "So if something is hard, you just run away?"
"I can't stay here like this. Waiting all day for you to show up so you can spend an hour with our son before he goes to sleep. Constantly being around people who despise me. What kind of a life is this for me?"
"What did you expect?" Cole responded, sounding a little angrier than he intended, "Did you think you could show up with our son that you've kept hidden from me and I'd say, 'Oh that's okay, Gabby. No big deal. Let's get married right now!?!'"
Gabriela tucked her knees up to her chin and folded her arms around her legs. She rested her head on her knees and sobbed.
Cole softened his voice, "Look, we're all trying to adjust here. I'm trying to put Tomas first and you need to do the same. It's not about what you want or what I want. It's got to be all about him now."
"He needs happy parents. If me being here is making you miserable and I'm miserable too, it's no good for him."
"Just give it some time. You can't just cut and run whenever things don't go your way."
Gabriela shook her head, "I don't know. I can't see things getting any better, Cole. I want to go home. You can see Tomas as much as you like on the computer and whenever you want to visit. When he is older, he can stay here during his school breaks maybe. I think it would be best. Then you and Claire can go back to how things were, which is what I know you both want."
"Go back to how things were? You think I can just forget that I have a son and go on with my life? What kind of man do you think I am?" Cole raised his hands up in the air and then let them drop to his sides in exasperation. He exhaled sharply and then said in a very slow, even tone, "I will not be a stranger to my own child."
"Cole, I am giving you an out. Take it," she said, getting up and walking into her bedroom. She shut the door, ending the conversation.
Cole sat for a while, unsure of what to do. In the end, he got up and walked back to his cabin.
Chapter 4
He found Claire sitting at the table with a far away look in her eyes. She was drinking a beer and had another empty bottle sitting beside her. She didn't look at him when he came in. She knew he had just been at Gabriela's and that he would have gotten her version of things by now.
He walked over to the fridge and pulled out a beer for himself, dropping into the chair opposite her. He took a long swig and then put it down, staring at her. Her face was expressionless. She seemed dead inside with no trace of the fun, vibrant woman she was.
"So, I hear you and Gabriela had a talk today."
Claire nodded slowly, "She came to find me at the restaurant. I'm not too sure what she wanted to accomplish, but I don't think she got it."
"Well, maybe don't worry about what she wants and start thinking about what I want. I want to be part of my son's life. Whatever you said to her made her want to up and leave, which is exactly what I asked you not to do," Cole gave her a hard stare as he spoke.
"So you're just going to trust her word without even having the consideration to ask me what happened? She is a manipulative liar, Cole. I cannot believe you don't see that!"
"I know she can be that way, but she's also scared. You have to try to put yourself in her shoes. She fucked up and she knows it. But look at her, she lost her fiancé, her parents won't have anything to do with her, she's raising a baby on her own, and now she's come thousands of miles from home only to find that I'm with someone else."
"So you're just completely on her side then. I'm so glad you can be sympathetic to her," Claire retorted, sarcasm oozing out of her pores. "Have you stopped to think what this whole situation is like for me? You seem to be forgetting that I had nothing to do with creating this shit show! I didn't fuck her and I didn't hide that I was having your baby from you either! I'm doing my best to keep it together here but of the three of us, I'm really the only one who doesn't get any say in what's going to happen next! Now you're accusing me of making things hard for her?!?"
"Look, I'm not trying to make you the villain, Claire, but I thought we agreed that we have to tread lightly with her right now. If she leaves with him, I'll never gain custody of him. I can't have you going off on her."
Claire's eyes met his now with an indignant rage, "So she tells you I've been mean to poor little old her and you believe it? That is rich, you know that? Rich. How dare you take her side over me without even having the courtesy of finding out what really happened!"
Claire stood up from the table and walked out of the kitchen, not really sure where she was going. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she turned back to him, "I just realized she got exactly what she wanted today. She wanted to get in between us and we both fell right into her trap. She's got you questioning me and me pissed right off at you."
"You know what, Claire? This is the last thing I need from you right now. Don't you think I have enough shit piled on my plate already? You need to scoop some more on?"
Claire snapped her head back, feeling like she had just been slapped in the face, "I'm not the one with the scoop, Cole. I've been the one trying to clear your plate for you. You're just too pigheaded to see it."
"I'm pigheaded? You're the one that won't believe that Tomas is my son! You're completely set on chasing them off before I can gain custody of him! That's why I knew I was making the right decision a few days ago."
Claire's heart felt like it stopped. Her voice became icy as she looked at him, "Exactly what decision are you talking about?"
"I went to see the lawyer to sign the admission of paternity forms. I knew it was only a matter of time before you two got fighting and she'd threaten to take off," Cole spoke in a low voice as he looked Claire in the eye.
Claire felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She stood silently for a few moments, reaching for the wall to steady herself. "You did what?" her voice was almost a whisper.
"It was the day after we were looking at the baby photos with my parents. I've been waiting for the right time to tell you. I was hoping you'd start to accept the reality that he is my son, but it hasn't happened so far. I knew that she would rub you the wrong way and that you'd say something to chase her off. I couldn't live with myself unless I knew I had done everything in my power to keep him here."
Claire scoffed, "So I'm the bad guy here? She gets pregnant, doesn't bother to tell you, shows up out of nowhere, you make this decision without telling me, you've been lying to me for days and now you're pinning it all on me!? This is fucking unbelievable!" Claire was screaming now, tears pouring down her cheeks. She was completely full of rage and a deep sense of betrayal.
Cole raised his voice so he could be heard over her, "I'm sorry Claire, but I have to do what's right for my son. I just couldn't risk waiting for you to come around."
"What happened to 'we're in this together, Claire? We'll get through this if we stick together? Trust me, Claire. I'll never lie to you'!"
"Believe me, I am sorry," he said, in a quiet, even tone, "But Tomas has to be my first priorit
y now. If you can't understand that, we've got an even bigger problem than I thought."
"No Cole, the bigger problem started when you started lying to me," Claire said, suddenly growing numb with the shock of what she had just learned.
"I didn't mean to keep it from you. I was just waiting for the right time to talk to you about it."
"You didn't mean to keep it from me?" she shook her head with disgust, "That's exactly what you meant to do. You either choose to tell me what you're doing or you chose to hide it from me. That's not a fucking accident. It's a choice!" Claire raised her voice again, looking at him with complete distain for the first time in their relationship.
"I had no choice, Claire. I'll do whatever it takes to protect my son."