by Summers, MJ
Claire pointed her finger at Cole, "That is such bullshit. I will never agree that you had to lie to me! What would I have done about it if I had known? Physically restrained you from going to the lawyer!?!"
Cole exhaled sharply, "Alright, just calm down, Claire."
"Do NOT tell me to calm down. You know what? You can try to spin it however you want to make yourself the hero, but I am sure as shit not the villain here! I'm just the sucker who fell in love with you and got screwed over!"
Claire started to walk up the stairs and then turned and came back down again to yell some more. "You know what else? These past days have been an absolute hell for me! I've been doing my best to stay calm and not to add any pressure on you but inside I'm dying here! She is my worst fucking nightmare come to life! She has your son! Your son, Cole!! Forget how drop-dead sexy she is. How the fuck can I compete with the mother of your child?!? And within days of her arriving, you've started lying to me on top of all that!"
Cole yelled back, "This isn't about you Claire! It's about a little boy who needs both his parents in his life!"
He stood up and walked over to the counter, grabbing his keys, "You know what? You're acting exactly like Gabriela right now. She can't see past the nose on her face either!"
"Fuck you!" she screamed. She watched as he stormed past her to the front door, "And just where the hell do you think you are going?" Claire yelled.
"Out. I've had enough of selfish women for one day," he growled, slamming the door behind him as he left.
Claire sat down hard on the bottom of the stairs when he left, tears welling up in her eyes. She sat there sobbing for a long time. Tears of fear, indignation and anger poured out of her as she hugged her knees. Otis walked over and licked her face, wagging his tail. Claire leaned her head on him as she cried.
When she couldn't cry any longer, Claire finally stood and walked up the stairs, her body heavy and her mind shutting down. Exhaustion overwhelmed her as she laid down in their bed without bothering to get undressed. She pulled the covers over her head and closed her eyes. Her head pounded and she needed to rest before she could face what would come next. The clock beside the bed read 9:45 pm as she fell immediately to sleep.
* * *
Claire woke at 2 am, needing to pee. She sat up and slowly swung her legs over the side of the bed, sitting for a moment to get her balance. She felt sickeningly too hot, having slept in her sweater and jeans too long. Her head was still hurting from all the crying she had done. Turning, she saw that Cole had not come to bed yet. She got up and quietly made her way to the bathroom.
After she came out, she walked downstairs, feeling the walls with her hands to help guide her through the darkness. She could see the outline of Cole's body lying on the couch. She walked over and sat on the end of the coffee table nearest his head. She could see his face faintly in the moonlight. His eyes were open and his face was expressionless.
"Does she know?"
Cole sighed, "I needed her to sign the form."
"I see," Claire said, "Does she know you've been keeping this from me?"
Cole sat up and faced her, "I told her I would need to find the right time to tell you, so I asked her not to say anything."
Claire let out a long sigh. "Wow," she whispered, more to herself than to him, "the hits just keep on coming."
She got up and started toward the stairs.
"Claire?" Cole called out quietly.
She didn't answer him but continued up to bed. Cole didn't follow her, knowing that trying to chase her with an apology right now would be a mistake. There was nothing he could say that would ease the sting of humiliation and betrayal that she must be feeling. They both lay awake, separated by far more than the physical space between them.
* * *
Claire didn't go back to sleep that night. She tossed and turned, knowing that she had to leave. If within one week, Cole and Gabriela were already keeping a secret from her, what would be next? It wouldn't take long before Gabriela would erase completely the pain of the betrayal that Cole had suffered. Maybe Cole's willingness to believe that Tomas was his son was a sign that deep down he had wished she would come back to him. He had violated Claire's trust and she wasn't going to look the other way this time and allow herself to be made a fool again, like she had with Antonio.
At five in the morning, she emailed a colleague of hers from Seattle, a chef named Peter. He was an excellent cook and loved to move around, always looking for a new adventure. She told him of the ranch and her need to leave right away, asking if he might be interested in taking over for her.
She then found a flight to London that would leave in two days. After that, she got dressed and quietly left for the restaurant to get an early start on the day's work.
Cole had fallen asleep around 3 am and didn't hear her tapping away on her keyboard upstairs or the door close behind her when she left. He woke after four hours of sleep with a sick feeling in his gut, knowing how badly he had screwed up. He had a horrible feeling that he had just dealt the final blow to his relationship with Claire.
Chapter 5
Present Day
After her second pint, Claire decided it was time to try to find her way to her sister's house in Richmond. Her brother-in-law, Ted, might be home, as he often was during the day. Usually gigs with his band ran late in the night, so he would sleep in the next day. She figured if he was home, he would be awake soon. She got another porter to help her bring her luggage outside and get it all loaded into a cab. She was quite tipsy as she handed the porter a 20 euro bill and stumbled into the backseat.
She gave the driver the address to her sister's townhouse and asked him to stop at a grocery store on the way. She picked up some flowers for Janet, a bottle of whiskey for Ted and a six pack of Bulmer's Original beer for her. Getting back into the cab, she pointed her finger forward and yelled, "Tally ho!" at the driver, giggling hysterically.
When they reached Janet and Ted's, the driver helped Claire unload all of her boxes and luggage onto the steps of the townhouse. Claire buzzed a few times, but there was no answer.
"Say, my good chap, what is the time?" she asked the cabbie.
He gave her an irritated look and then checked his watch, "It's twenty past one."
"Thank you," she said, handing him her credit card to pay for the ride.
Once he drove off, she settled on to the top step, along with her things. She cracked open a beer with a grin.
"Let's keep this party going," she said, grinning to herself. It was an unusually warm day for London in November and Claire was grateful for the sun shining on her as she sat, waiting for Ted to show up. She felt pleasantly detached from the pain that brought her there.
* * *
Two hours later, Janet's assistant put a call through to her from her neighbour across the street, Mrs. Gladstone.
"Hello? Janet? I'm sorry to bother you at work. I know you are terribly busy."
"I'm sure it's important. What do you need?"
"I wondered if you knew that there is a young woman on your front step. She looks a lot like you and has a lot of boxes and luggage."
"What? That could be my sister, Claire. She lives in the US, but I'm not expecting her."
"Does she have long, dark brown hair and a love of beer?"
"Yes to the hair but not really to the beer. Is she drinking?"
"Quite heavily I'm afraid. She has lined up five beers on the step while I've been watching my shows this afternoon."
Janet looked at her watch, it was three thirty and she still had two more clients coming in before she could come home. "I'll call Ted and get him to come home right away. If that is Claire, something must be horribly wrong. Can you do me a favour and keep an eye on her until he gets there?"
"I will definitely do that."
* * *
In Colorado, it was eight thirty in the evening. Cole was back in his cabin in the shower. He stood under the spray of hot water feeling more empty than he
ever had. He let a loud sob to escape his mouth and let tears flow, mixing with the water. He had blown it with the only woman he ever would love and she was gone for good. Sitting on the bench with his head in his hands, he let the water rush over him until it started to run cold. He turned off the shower and got out, wrapping a towel around his waist and heading to the kitchen for a beer. His cell phone was sitting on the kitchen counter. He checked it for the one hundredth time to see if Claire had tried to reach him. She had made no contact. He walked over to his living room window to look out at the lake. He could see the lights on in Gabriela's cabin and could see her standing in the kitchen window at the sink washing dishes.
He sighed and went to bed to read a book. He kept reading the same paragraph over and over, not taking any of it in, finally putting it down on his night table and looking around the room. Claire's half of the closet held only empty hangers. This place that had only a matter of days ago felt so warm and full of love, was now cold and lonely.
He could picture her sitting in the armchair in the corner of the room. It was evening and they hadn't spoken since the middle of the previous night. She was wearing her cozy bathrobe and had been waiting for him to come out of the shower. She gave him a serious look and asked him to come and sit down on the ottoman near her. He pulled on a t-shirt and some pyjama pants and came over.
Her voice was quiet and she didn't meet his eye as she started to speak, "Cole, I've booked a one-way flight to London. I fly out on Thursday morning."
Cole felt like he had been punched in the gut, "Claire, don't do this. I know I fucked up but we can work it out. I know we can."
"No we can't," she said, shaking her head. Her voice was quiet and full of defeat, "I can't be with you if you are going to lie to me and I honestly can't handle having Gabriela in our lives. I'm not built that way."
Cole sighed heavily and rested his face in his hands, elbows propped up on his knees.
She waited for him to say something and when he didn't, she continued, "I've given this a lot of thought. As long as I'm here, you will have to worry about Gabriela taking Tomas away from you. She holds all the cards and she knows it. It could be a long road getting parental rights through the court system, maybe years even. The quickest way would be to marry her and then she'll gladly sign all the paperwork you need to make sure she can't just disappear with him."
"Are you kidding me? I'm getting married to you, Claire. Or did you forget that you made me a promise. Was that all bullshit?"
"Come on, Cole. That's not fair and you know it. Of course I wish we could still get married. But now everything's changed and it won't work," Claire shook her head. "Think about it. Tomas will grow up without you and when he gets older, I will be that woman that was more important to you than he was. He'll have a huge hole in his life from his dad choosing me over him. You'll have an emptiness that would otherwise be filled with the love of your son. After a while, you'll grow to resent our relationship. You'll wonder if it was really worth losing your son over. Whether I leave now or you grow to hate me later, it's going to end badly. We've only been in this for six months. It's nothing compared to the lifetime commitment that you have now. I won't get in the way of that."
"Don't do this, Claire. Please," Cole said, his voice thick with emotion, "I know I fucked up here, but I'm going to make it up to you. I won't ever lie to you again. I promise."
"It's not just about that, Cole," she said sadly. "It's the right thing for me to do and we both know it. I've found you a chef, Peter McPherson, that I used to work with in Seattle. He's emailing you his resume and he can be here next week. He's really great, he'll fit right in and he does excellent work. So at least no one will have to worry about the restaurant."
He covered her knees with his large hands. "Claire, just wait. Give me time to figure this out. I can fix it. Just give me a few weeks, okay? I promise things will feel better by Christmas. I can make this work."
"Oh Cowboy, you can't fix this. No one can," Claire said, a tear streaming down her cheek. "You owe it your son to give it another shot with Gabriela. Maybe things will work out this time. I hope for all your sakes that it will."
Cole pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her tightly, 'Just stay, Claire. I can't do this without you. I need you," he whispered.
"I just can't. It's already done," she whispered back.
Claire let him hold her for a long time, drinking in the scent of him and feeling his warm, strong body surrounding her. She would not allow herself to hug him back for fear of not being able to let him go. She allowed her hand to rest on his chest, feeling his taut muscles as he held her close.
Cole leaned his forehead on hers, "What about you? What are you going to do?"
"I'll stay with my sister for a while, maybe find a job there. Move on. After a while, I'll be fine. Really, I will," she responded, trying to sound sure of herself. There was nothing convincing in her words as they came out of her mouth. Cole pulled her onto his lap and held her close.
Chapter 6
The next night was to be their last together. They hadn't spoken much during the day, as they both began silently grieving their relationship. In the afternoon, Cole had helped round up some boxes to pack Claire's things. "Here, I didn't think your things would make the trip as well in garbage bags."
Later as they lay in bed beside each other, the realization that this was the end for them sunk in. There was no chance to salvage things now and they both knew it. Claire was getting on a plane the next morning and would never return. Cole reached his hand out and wrapped his arm over her, pulling her to him. They lay together, skin touching for the first time in two weeks. She could smell his aftershave and feel his amazing body, two things she would soon be missing. Cole pressed his forehead to the side of her face. A single tear ran down Claire's cheek as she turned her face to him. Cole looked into her eyes and kissed the tear away, then ran his lips along her mouth ever so gently, not sure if she would allow it.
"I'm sorry, Claire," he whispered, closing his eyes to fight back his own tears, burying his head into her neck, "I'm so sorry."
"So am I, Cole," she whispered back as she wrapped her arm around him and hugged him tight. She closed her eyes and kissed his cheek, then gently pulled his face to hers with her hand. She kissed him again parting her lips a bit to invite more. She was desperate for time to stop so she would never have to leave. As it was, her impending departure hung over them like a black cloud.
They kissed for what seemed like hours. Finally, Cole let his hand move from the small of her back down to her bottom. He caressed her with his fingertips slowly and then moved his hand up and over the curve of her hip and up to her waist. As he reached under her shirt, he stilled his hand suddenly. "Is this okay?" he asked.
"Only if you don't stop," Claire said, managing to smile at him. Cole smiled back, remembering the first time they had made love and they each had said those same words. He would give anything if they could only start over again and relive it all, except this time he would change the ending.
Cole skimmed his fingers up from her waist to her breast. She had no bra on, dressed only in panties and one of his old t-shirts that she had claimed as her own. He cupped her breast with his hand, tracing her nipple with his fingers. Claire moved her hand from his back to the waistband of his boxer briefs. She hooked one finger in and slid it around to the front of his body, tugging the fabric away from his waist and then down, freeing him with one move of her hand.
Cole propped himself up on one arm and used his other hand to carefully slide her panties off, caressing her leg as he did. He brought his body back in line with hers, then lifted her shirt up. Claire pulled her shirt over her head as Cole took in the sight of her naked body one last time.
"I love you so much," he sighed, leaning down to kiss her neck.
He took his time working his way down with his lips until he reached her breasts. He kissed and sucked on her nipples until they were hard. Claire could feel he
rself becoming wet as she caressed his powerful back and his sculpted ass with her fingertips. She put her hands in his hair and lifted his head to bring him up to her face. Lifting her head off the pillow, she kissed him hungrily, wrapping her legs around his waist and pulling him towards her. Cole pressed his body against her, feeling how wet she was with the length of his cock. He made small circles with his hips to guide himself inside her warm, tight pussy. They both let out a sigh of pleasure as he entered her. The past two weeks of not touching had felt like torture, but it was only a glimpse of the lonely hell that was about to come.
Cole used his entire body to make love to her with long, slow drags as he kissed her with such intensity it was almost too overwhelming for either of them. They were saying with their bodies what they couldn't with words. They would always love each other, always have an unending yearning for each other, they were saying good-bye. Cole was filled with both the most beautiful love and horrible regret as he moved over her. He felt desperate for her to know how sorry he would always be for the way things turned out and for how he had lied to her. She was the only woman he would ever love and would always need. And even though no part of him could accept it, he understood why she had to go. She was doing it for him and for his son and it made him love her even more than he thought possible. Claire was giving up her job, her new home and love itself in order to give him a chance to be a father to his little boy.